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This article was co-written by Julia Lyubchenko, MS, MA. Julia Lyubchenko is a consultant psychologist and hypnotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Operating a practice called Therapy Under Hypnosis, Julia has over eight years of experience in counseling and psychotherapy, specializing in emotional and behavioral issues. She holds a certificate in clinical hypnosis from Bosurgi Method Schop and is certified in Hypnotherapy and Psychodynamic Oriented Psychotherapy. Tri holds a master’s degree in counseling psychology and marriage and family therapy from Alliant International University and a master of science in child and developmental psychology from Moscow State University.
This entry has been viewed 54,071 times.
Sometimes you become “cold” towards people when you feel as though you’ve been left out. However, if you want to be an “accidental” person, you are probably trying to separate yourself from a bad relationship with a lover or a family member. To do this, you need to make it clear that you don’t care about them psychologically or physically. You also need to remind yourself why you’re “going cold,” this temporary solution can help you regain control of your life.
Steps
Showing signs of coldness
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Make a decision and follow through. Once you’ve chosen to be cold to someone, you should stick to your decision. Remind yourself why it’s important to your own health and happiness to end the relationship and not fall in love with the person. [1] X Research Source
- Be frank when you say goodbye: “I realize that this relationship hurts me and I’ve decided we can’t be together anymore. This is uncompromising.”
- Ending a relationship is a difficult and challenging solution, so it should only be used for relationships that are really bad and can’t be repaired.
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Out of communication. If possible, don’t take calls, emails, Facebook messages, etc. Every time you give them a chance to explain or apologize, your lack of interest will gradually wear off. [2] X Research Source
- Explain the one-off change like this: “I don’t want us to have any contact unless absolutely necessary.”
- You need to carefully consider any attempts at reconciliation in the person’s wishes that are intended to hurt you again.
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Keep every conversation as brief as possible. When you have to communicate with the person, say “no” as an answer if they say they’ll call you, explain, and do the same. Be concise and straightforward, such as “I don’t want to,” “That’s impossible,” or “I don’t have time for that.” Then leave and hang up the phone, etc. [3] X Research Source
- You can pretend you don’t care or don’t hear what they have to say.
- Apply these solutions when you are facing a colleague or classmate.
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Don’t reveal your thoughts or feelings. Don’t do anything that could be interpreted as hesitation or regret, like saying “sorry” regardless of whether you think it or not. Don’t show any lingering affection. Don’t even glance at them. You don’t care about them at all. [4] X Research Sources
- Don’t talk at length about how you’re moving forward, what you’re planning to do next, and the like. Be a real mystery to them.
- You have expressed your decision. No matter what they say, you don’t owe them anything.
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Don’t reminisce about the past or show sentimental sentiments. You shouldn’t recall the “fun times” you and that person had together. You won’t be involuntarily if you remember good memories. Delete all messages, emails, etc. Get rid of pictures, gifts, and anything else that reminds you of them. [5] X Research Sources
- Even if you’ve had good times, let go of these memories so you can stay away from the person completely.
- Maybe in the future, after you have another good relationship, you will be able to recall those “good times”.
Maintain your coolness
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Remind yourself that you are strong and in control. Thanks to brain structure and social reinforcement, people in power often become less empathetic towards others. The truth is that the “act of strength” can temporarily reduce your ability to “feel the pain” of others. To tap into this instinct, visualize times in your life when you feel most powerful or in control. [6] X Research Source
- For example, before you run into that person again, remind yourself that you have had a successful career from scratch, you have secured your financial future, or been respected by everyone around you. important.
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Remember what caused the relationship to end. When you lack the will to be unselfish, you’ll need to let yourself be angry. When the situation gets tough and you feel inclined to collapse, get angry. Remind yourself of times when you were betrayed, deceived, or abandoned when you needed help. [7] X Research Sources
- Write down a detailed list of all the ways the person hurt or offended you, and revisit that list as needed. Or stick their picture on a bulletin board on the wall or a boxing bag and attack.
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Keep your life busy with other activities. You need to keep your mind and yourself occupied during this transition period. Take up a new hobby you’ve always wanted to try, or get back into an activity you used to enjoy. [8] X Research Sources
- If an activity or hobby reminds you a lot of someone you’d like to forget, temporarily stop those activities. Or you can change circumstances — go to a new gym, take an art class instead of a cooking class, etc.
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Rebuild relationships with the people who love you. If lousy relationships hurt your connection with others, make an effort to be a good friend, sibling, or parent, etc. Show loving supportive people you throughout that time that you cherish them. [9] X Research Source
- Don’t let your negligence affect them too. Show them the love they deserve!
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Make it a habit to take care of yourself . Use the time, care, and affection you’ve gotten back from that person by taking care of yourself. Prioritizing your own needs will give you the emotional and physical strength to stay away from a relationship that hurts you. Please focus on the following:
- Physical health — exercise regularly, get enough sleep, and eat a healthy diet.
- Mental health care — meditation, prayer, yoga, tai chi, relaxation exercises, etc
- Spend time with friends and family who support you.
- Do what you love — go to the movies, get outdoors, travel, etc.
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Seek additional support if needed. It’s never easy to end a relationship even with a “toxic person” who only knows how to take but doesn’t know how to give. If you can’t be indifferent and really cold to the person, don’t hesitate to seek help. [10] X Research Source
- Ask your doctor, friends, and family to refer you to good therapists where you live.
- Working with a therapist can help you realize that trying to be temporary “accidental” isn’t the best solution. It is important that you find the way that works best for you.
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Do not be indifferent to the whole world. Remind yourself that you choose to be cold for a specific purpose. You are strong and can control the situation. Once you’ve achieved your goal of getting out of a bad relationship completely, get back to being yourself. [11] X Research Source
- People who are innately apathetic often have an “attachment avoidance habit” that is formed throughout their childhood. Therefore, being temporary for a purpose will not permanently turn you into a cold person. [12] X Research Source
- However, if you have become an unselfish person, you will probably tend to be cold more often or to be indifferent to more people. If so, remember that separating yourself from the world will make you more miserable.
Advice
- If you start to feel helpless, remind yourself that you’re tired of all the other solutions.
Warning
- Mentally prepare if you are criticized. When others don’t understand your intentions, they will view your cold behavior as callous, and some will wonder if you want to continue being their friend.
- Don’t be cold too often because it will become second nature to you, and you will start acting impulsively over little things.
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This article was co-written by Julia Lyubchenko, MS, MA. Julia Lyubchenko is a consultant psychologist and hypnotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Operating a practice called Therapy Under Hypnosis, Julia has over eight years of experience in counseling and psychotherapy, specializing in emotional and behavioral issues. She holds a certificate in clinical hypnosis from Bosurgi Method Schop and is certified in Hypnotherapy and Psychodynamic Oriented Psychotherapy. Tri holds a master’s degree in counseling psychology and marriage and family therapy from Alliant International University and a master of science degree in child and developmental psychology from Moscow State University.
This entry has been viewed 54,071 times.
Sometimes you become “cold” towards people when you feel as though you’ve been left out. However, if you want to be an “accidental” person, you are probably trying to separate yourself from a bad relationship with a lover or a family member. To do this, you need to make it clear that you don’t care about them psychologically or physically. You also need to remind yourself why you’re “going cold,” this temporary solution can help you regain control of your life.
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