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This article was co-written by Klare Heston, LCSW. Klare Heston is a licensed independent clinical social worker in Ohio. She received her Master of Social Work degree from Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983.
This article has been viewed 4,266 times.
It is very easy for us to unintentionally judge others without knowing it. Maybe you think you know how people should look, think, and act. Usually it’s okay to think you know everything, but a judgmental attitude can prevent you from making friends and trying new things. Fortunately, you can learn to be less judgmental by changing your perspective, opening your eyes, and keeping an open mind.
Steps
Change the way you look
- You can still be realistic while thinking positively. While there’s no need to ignore the negative aspects, don’t just focus solely on them.
- Don’t be discouraged when you have bad days. Forgive yourself if there are times when you feel sad and have bad thoughts.
- A positive attitude can help improve your life in many ways!
- Consider that their immediate actions may be driven by some circumstance that you do not understand. For example, the person might steal someone else’s lunch money because it’s been two days since they had nothing in their stomach.
- For example, maybe you find yourself thinking, “That girl needs to lose weight.” Resist that thought, asking yourself what this has to do with you. Next, talk about an advantage you notice, such as, “You have a beautiful smile!”
- For example, someone you consider annoyingly clingy may have spent a childhood without parents. Or you think someone doesn’t have the will to study, but maybe they are prioritizing making money to support their family.
- Bring up a few topics until you find something you can both talk about and care about. You will find that the other person is not that much different from you.
- If you feel the urge to blurt out something negative about someone, take a deep breath and wish them all the luck you have in life.
- Compassion is also the key to finding happiness. If you want to become a more compassionate person, you will have to have a positive perception of the people and the world around you.
Expand horizons
- For example, maybe you see a person interrupting in front of the lunch counter. Instead of criticizing them for being rude, think that maybe they are in a hurry to an important appointment or have some health problem.
- Go to work by other means of transport.
- Try a new dish you’ve never tasted.
- Watch a movie with subtitles.
- Attend a religious service that is different from your faith.
- Do something that causes fear, such as standing on top of a building, climbing a mountain, or eating raw fish.
- You don’t necessarily have to make friends with people from many different backgrounds and backgrounds, but you should try to get to know people who aren’t quite like you. You will only truly grow through experience.
- When you’re friends with someone you thought you had nothing in common with, you’ll have the opportunity to be more understanding and open-minded.
- Tell your friends that you would like to attend events together if they invite you. You might say, “It’s great that your family came here from Japan. I really like Japanese culture. Can you let me know when there’s an event?”
- For example, you could attend a poetry reading, salsa class, or political meeting.
- Talk to people in those places and try to get to know them. If there comes a time when you suddenly feel like judging someone, imagine how you would feel if they judged you, especially when you wouldn’t normally be in their shoes.
- You can save money while traveling by staying at hostels.
- Set a goal to travel at least once a year. You will have the opportunity to get out of your comfort zone and interact with many different people.
- You can also try “virtual travel”. Pick up a travel book about faraway destinations and immerse yourself in the pages. Take it even further by watching a movie set in that place.
- Ask friends to take you to special events, such as a cultural activity or religious ceremony. However, don’t force them to let you in if they’re not comfortable with it.
- For example, someone from another culture might share with you their knowledge of their customs. Similarly, someone with an artistic talent can show you a new skill.
- You also need to be kind and share with people. Be proactive and open-minded.
- If you want to get to know someone for real, you’ll have to learn more about their situation. You can ask questions like: Do you have siblings? Where are you from? What are you studying? What occupation do you live by? What do you like to do on weekends?
- Don’t force the other person to answer your questions. However, your interest can help them open up to you.
Keep an open mind
- The next time you engage in an argument, remember that the other person may have a valuable opinion.
- Focus on sharing your point of view instead of trying to change other people’s minds.
- Remember that most situations are complex and it’s impossible to judge “right” or “wrong” – there are many shades of gray between black and white.
- Remember that everyone has their own motives when they spread rumors or detractors. For example, people may speak ill of someone out of jealousy, or they may share concerns about an unfamiliar concept out of fear.
- Think about times when you were the victim of rumors. Do you want people to judge you based on that rumor?
- For example, don’t assume that someone with a lot of tattoos and piercings can’t get a professional job.
- Next time you go out, look at yourself in the mirror. What will people think of you based on how you look that day? So are they right or wrong?
- For example, don’t call others eccentric, bookworm, martial artist, etc.
- Accept people in their own way.
- Is it fair that people judge you based on just five minutes of talking to you? How much does that person really understand you in that short amount of time?
- For example, maybe the person is having an unlucky day when you meet them. Similarly, those who are timid may initially be seen as aloof or arrogant.
- The next time you’re about to say something negative about someone, turn it around and say something positive. Instead of saying “Did you know that An went out with Chien all night yesterday?” say: “Did you know that An has a talent for painting? You should see his paintings someday!” Think about how much more comfortable you feel spreading good things.
Advice
- Remember that everyone is different, and that makes the world more interesting!
Warning
- Focus on your own life instead of forcing others.
- A judgmental attitude can really hurt others as much as it hurts yourself.
This article was co-written by Klare Heston, LCSW. Klare Heston is a licensed independent clinical social worker in Ohio. She received her Master of Social Work degree from Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983.
This article has been viewed 4,266 times.
It is very easy for us to unintentionally judge others without knowing it. Maybe you think you know how people should look, think, and act. Usually it’s okay to think you know everything, but a judgmental attitude can prevent you from making friends and trying new things. Fortunately, you can learn to be less judgmental by changing your perspective, opening your eyes, and keeping an open mind.
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