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This article was co-written by Julia Yacoob, PhD. Julia Yacoob is a practicing clinical psychologist in New York City. She specializes in providing cognitive behavioral therapy to adults experiencing stress in their lives. Yacoob holds a master’s and a doctorate in clinical psychology from Rutgers University, has studied intensively at Weill Cornell Medical College, and trained at New York Church Hospital, Memorial Sloan Cancer Center- Kettering, Institute of Behavioral Therapy and Bellevue Hospital Cancer Center. Yacoob is a member of the American Psychological Association, the Women’s Mental Health League, the NYC Cognitive Behavior Therapy Association, and the Cognitive and Behavioral Therapy Association.
There are 12 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 6,027 times.
Being put down is a very negative emotion that some people experience. To recover from being mistreated or a series of hardships, you need strength and love for yourself. Fortunately, learning to love yourself will help maintain your happiness and make you stronger when life and others let you down. Take the following steps to treat yourself with self-compassion, no matter the circumstances.
Steps
Coping with unwanted emotions when being put down by others
- Assertiveness is far from aggressive. Try speaking clearly and maintaining eye contact as a receptive listener. [1] X Research Source
- Assertive communication can help increase self-confidence, earn respect from others, improve decision-making skills, and resolve conflicts [2] X Research Source .
- They feel threatened by your ability, attractiveness, etc. So they are trying to level the playing field with you.
- They have concerns about your motivation, skill level, performance, or contribution to the job.
- They feel that you are not doing your part of the job properly or that you are not participating in the team work.
- Their intense needs are unmet and unmet.
- They have a tendency to control and assign responsibility when working.
- They think they have the privilege of special treatment but do not feel they are receiving it.
- They want to bring you down to raise their position or to flatter their boss, etc.
- They feel unsafe and are trying to make amends but have gone too far.
- They think you are humiliating them in front of others.
- For example, if a friend at school is always putting you down before others, remember that you always have the choice to ignore the aggressor. If you feel that this is not the best way to handle the problem, find someone who can intervene to help you to some extent.
- In a public forum, such as a meeting, you may want to debate the merits of a decision or work, and correct any misconceptions. [5] X Research Sources .
- With family or friends, you may want them to know that you really want to understand their concerns, but that’s not something you always have to agree to. Depending on the situation, you can be assertive by saying, “Let’s just accept the disagreement.” [6] X Research Sources
- With kids or teens who are aggressive, you may have to admit that their feelings are theirs and that there’s nothing wrong with them, but they need to learn to be more respectful of others [7] X Source research .
- After all, life is full of situations where we don’t necessarily have to choose, and we can choose to react differently between gnawing on sadness or happily accepting hurt so we can learn to give up.
- Understand what happened to yourself. Ask yourself according to your own values that you hold dear: What went well? What have I not done well? What can I do better next time? [9] X Research Source
- Try practicing mindfulness meditation in the present moment. This can be helpful to get rid of painful emotions, and take a moment to ask yourself how demeaning a person speaks to who the other person is.
- Predicting the future is when we assume that things will go badly without knowing the actual basis for this prediction.
- Black and white thinking when we only see things with harsh judgments. In black-and-white thinking, everything is either good or bad (even when reality tells us that things are too complicated and this kind of judgment should not be used).
- Mind reading is when we think we know what other people think (and often the worst things about us!) In reality, we can’t tell what other people are thinking.
- Labeling is when we choose simple words like “stupid” or “ugly” to label a behavior, situation, or person that is so complex that it cannot be summed up in a single word. a word. Labeling is often negative behavior and makes us forget other aspects that exist.
- The most resilient people analyze every angle of the hurt they’ve suffered and the message they’ve received in life from the hurt. This means that the situation has its own meaning even though it feels very uncomfortable. [11] X Trusted Source Harvard Business Review Go to Source
- Think about the absurdity of judging yourself based on a single case. It makes no sense to think that one person’s mistake or one opinion can tell who you are, right?
- Try smiling at the fact that you’re a much more complicated person than once shown down.
- Maintain strong supportive relationships, even when they can’t be near you. When you feel yourself jostled in the middle of your life, think of your friends. What good aspects of your personality did they show you? How do you feel around them? And then you can be yourself with them and even in their absence.
- You are demeaned including acting like making threats, spreading rumors, acting physically or verbally, and acting with intent to exclude.
- The person who bullies you is stronger than you in terms of fitness, popularity, or access to information that could be used to harm or cause trouble for you.
- Behaviors that occur more than once and are likely to continue.
Learn how to love yourself more
- In each painful moment or event, there is a need for a fresher look at the experience through the lens of compassion. Think about what you have learned from what happened and be generous with yourself in the way you act. Understand that you have many opportunities to respond to events in different ways.
- Try journaling every day for a few weeks to become comfortable with your own views and thoughts. You might be surprised to read your diary again – look how interesting and sensitive the person who wrote it is!
- This acceptance directly contributes to self-love by reducing the shame that always assumes that we are not good enough or that we would be far more perfect humans if we could feel and act. distinctive. [16] X Trusted Source Science Direct Go to Source
- One thing that everyone must accept is that the past cannot be changed or denied. So focus on the future – what you really control is how you learn and respond to the current situation.
- For example, your values prioritize celebrating achievements and you go to a restaurant with friends for a promotion party. You’re met with staring eyes from the next table because of your glittering party hat. Who cares? You are acting on your values and not on the standards of others for proper celebratory behavior.
- Do you eat well? Ask yourself if you can always give yourself the nutrient-rich foods your body needs.
- Did you get enough sleep? Do you often feel tired in the morning due to lack of regular sleep habits?
- What about exercise? Getting 30 minutes of active cardiovascular exercise a day improves mood, overall function, and reduces the risk of chronic diseases [17] X Trusted Source Centers for Disease Contrp and Prevention Go to source .
- Mindfulness meditation
- Yoga
- Deep breath
- Continuous muscle relaxation
This article was co-written by Julia Yacoob, PhD. Julia Yacoob is a practicing clinical psychologist in New York City. She specializes in providing cognitive behavioral therapy to adults experiencing stress in their lives. Yacoob holds a master’s and a doctorate in clinical psychology from Rutgers University, has studied intensively at Weill Cornell Medical College, and trained at New York Church Hospital, Memorial Sloan Cancer Center- Kettering, Institute of Behavioral Therapy and Bellevue Hospital Cancer Center. Yacoob is a member of the American Psychological Association, the Women’s Mental Health League, the NYC Cognitive Behavior Therapy Association, and the Cognitive and Behavioral Therapy Association.
There are 12 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 6,027 times.
Being put down is a very negative emotion that some people experience. To recover from being mistreated or a series of hardships, you need strength and love for yourself. Fortunately, learning to love yourself will help maintain your happiness and make you stronger when life and others let you down. Take the following steps to treat yourself with self-compassion, no matter the circumstances.
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