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Shy people are very cautious and shy in all social interactions. They tend to avoid social interactions and are reluctant to share personal information. This can frustrate friends and family from forming a deeper bond with them, as well as make it difficult for some new friends to extend friendships with them.
Steps
Breaking Barriers
- Approach him at random. A formal opening can make him feel nervous and more reserved.
- If you’re somewhere unfamiliar, try to approach him and tell him you’re happy to see someone you know here.
- If you haven’t had a lot of time together before, explain to him where you’ve seen him.
- Ask open-ended questions to avoid the situation that he will only answer yes or no. Plus, give him a chance to answer the follow-up question. This will make the conversation go more smoothly.
- For example, you could ask him, “Have you discovered any projects for your class presentation?” After he responds, you can ask him to elaborate further and ask a few more follow-up questions.
- The mirroring process also includes the act of imitation. Therefore, you should focus more on mimicking his mood and gentle movements. However, overt copying can backfire. [5] X Research Sources
- For example, if he’s leaning on his back, you should lean back too, but don’t directly copy his every move.
- If his arms are crossed over his chest, or his hands are in his pockets, then he is probably feeling uncomfortable. In the event that his arms are loose and hanging out at his sides, he’s probably feeling pretty comfortable.
- If his body leans away from you, it could be a sign that he’s trying to run away from this conversation. If his body is tilted towards you (including his feet), that means he’s interested in staying in that position.
- If his behavior is somewhat timid or tense, he probably doesn’t feel comfortable. If his movements are friendly and gentle, he’s probably feeling fine.
- If he makes eye contact with you often, he’s probably interested in continuing the conversation. If his gaze drifts away or seems unfocused, he may feel uncomfortable.
- To subtly redirect the conversation to a personal topic, ask a few questions like, “What excites you about that project?” or “Why did you choose this project?”
Directing His Attention to Everything Outside
- Feeling ashamed will increase his shyness. [9] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source Discussing an event or issue related to the environment will reduce the chances of unknowingly embarrassing him.
- Bringing up personal topics too quickly can make him feel rushed and isolated. [10] X Research Source
- Playing games together is also a great way to focus his attention on things outside.
- For example, you could ask, “Do you want to play games to pass the time?” Of course he will ask what game it is, and you should prepare an answer in advance. If he suggests a different kind of game, don’t worry too much about not knowing how to play. Teaching you how to play that kind of game is a great opportunity for him to become bolder in conversation.
- A good question to ask him to talk about himself is, “How do you like to spend your free time?” You can then follow up with this question with more questions about what he usually enjoys during that leisure time.
- If he seems a little stressed, return to the off-topic and try to redirect the conversation once he’s comfortable again.
- If you still can’t redirect the conversation after a few attempts, tell him you really enjoyed the activity and plan to meet him again another time. This will give him time to feel more comfortable with your interactions.
Self-Disclosure to Make an Emotional Connection
- You could start by sharing how you spent your free time.
- After you’ve shared some information with him, you should move on to revealing emotional information to establish an emotional bond. [11] X Research Source
- Shouldn’t be too hasty. If he still looks worried or confused, don’t be too hasty to tell him about your feelings too quickly. It’s best to start with small things in a positive direction, like: “I saw this movie last week, it was really good and left an impression a few days later.” [12] X Trusted Source Harvard Business Review Go to Source
- For example, you could say to him, “I was really nervous and nervous talking to you.” He will follow up with your expression by asking why. If you have a feeling that compliments might embarrass him, explain that you sometimes feel a little nervous about approaching other people.
- Avoid jumping right into confessing your feelings, as it may seem premature. He may become more shy and may withdraw.
- Try asking him to reveal how he feels about this conversation. This is seen as a less serious question, rather than a question like how he sees you or being friends.
- A good way for him to connect with his feelings, without putting pressure on him, is to ask, “Do you feel comfortable in situations like this?”
- Then you can also ask a few more open-ended questions, such as “What circumstances would make you feel…?” If he’s on the verge of backing out, go back to a more general question.
Let’s Chat Online
- Many social networking sites allow shy members to explore new relationships, without the emphasis on immediate feedback like face-to-face communication.
- When the natural state of the conversation turns to a more personal matter, you should send him a private message. He may feel a little uncomfortable when personal or sensitive information is present on his circle.
- Avoid opening the conversation with questions or delving too deeply into personal information, even when the two of you are online. Even when he is online, he can withdraw if it feels too inconvenient.
- There’s no shame in asking him to return your enthusiasm. However, that doesn’t have to be measured against a balanced standard. Be more mindful of his boundaries and limitations. Just a little revelation from you can make him stretch out of his comfort zone.
- Don’t forget to consider your disadvantage. If you find that he has no intention of reciprocating, you don’t have to be completely open about yourself.
Understanding What is Inner
- Shame is a state when you feel nervous or afraid in socializing with others. This fear/anxiety can lead to you avoiding social interaction even when deep down you really want to communicate with them. This condition can be improved by changing thoughts and behaviors.
- Introspection is often biased towards personality. And this personality is hardly easily changed over time. Introverts often do not actively socialize because their need for social interaction is lower than extroverts and they feel content with it. They don’t intend to avoid socializing out of fear or anxiety, but simply because they don’t need to socialize much.
- Research shows that shame and introspection do not have a strong correlation. You may feel shy but desperately want to socialize with people. Introverts, on the other hand, feel comfortable hanging out with their closest friends. [17] X Research Sources Cheek, JM, & Melchior, LA (1990). Shyness, self-esteem, and self-consciousness. In H. Leitenberg (Ed.), Handbook of Social and Evaluation Anxiety (pp. 47-82). New York: Plenum Publishing.
- You can learn more about the question and scale associated with shame through research at the Wellesley Cplege School website. [18] X Research Sources
- He likes to be alone. In many cases, introverts enjoy being alone. They themselves don’t feel lonely, and they need that alone time to recharge. Of course, they are not antisocial, simply their need to socialize is very low. [21] X Research Source
- It is easy for him to fall into overstimulation. This includes not only being stimulated by social circumstances, but also physical activity. For introverts, biological responses to noise, light, and crowds are somewhat stronger than for extroverts. [22] X Research Source It is for this reason that they tend to avoid overly aggressive environments, such as nightclubs or parties.
- He hates participating in group projects. Introverts often prefer to work alone, or only with one or two people. They like to solve problems on their own and come up with a solution without any help. [23] X Research Sources
- He wanted to socialize quietly. Of course, introverts also like to be active in the company. However, bustling social activities often tend to make them feel tired and need to “recharge” themselves. That’s why they just want to attend some private party with a few close friends or family party with neighbors around. [24] X Research Source
- He likes to do something according to his daily routine. While extroverts are excited about new things, introverts are quite the opposite. They like something stable and predictable. They can plan everything perfectly in advance, do what they normally do every day, and spend a lot of time thinking before deciding to act. [25] X Research Sources
- For example, extroverts often respond more strongly to dopamine – a brain neurotransmitter – than introverts. [26] X Research Sources
- Extroverts’ amygdala, the area in the center of the brain that processes emotions in humans, often responds to stimuli completely differently than introverts.
- 16Personalities is a fairly popular MBTI test. It will tell you a few strengths and weaknesses related to your “type” of personality.
Advice
- Prepare a deck of cards or travel games to invite him to play with.
Warning
- Although playful teasing often stimulates interaction between close friends, this behavior can cause the particularly shy person to become more embarrassed. You should avoid this type of interaction until the interaction between you and the guy becomes more intimate.
wikiHow is a “wiki” site, which means that many of the articles here are written by multiple authors. To create this article, 12 people, some of whom are anonymous, have edited and improved the article over time.
There are 25 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 14,890 times.
Shy people are very cautious and shy in all social interactions. They tend to avoid social interactions and are reluctant to share personal information. This can frustrate friends and family from forming a deeper bond with them, as well as make it difficult for some new friends to extend friendships with them.
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