How to Be a Better Person

Life is a process of constant self-striving. Some people focus directly on becoming more educated or advancing at work, sometimes forgetting to improve the way we treat ourselves and others. around. Then, to get there quickly, the desire to be “better” can be deflected into ambitions and selfishness. Your journey to perfecting your soul and practicing compassion for yourself and for others will begin here.

Table of Contents

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Accept that this is a process. “Becoming a better person” is a process that you will spend a lifetime working on. There is no set point in time when you will have everything you need without leaving room for change. Opening yourself up to the process of change and growth will help you practice flexibility, and flexibility is key to being the type of person you want to be in every given situation. ^{[1] X Research Source Lloyd, A. (2015). Beyond Willpower: The Secret Principle to Achieving Success in Life, Love, and Happiness. New York: Harmony.}

Accept that your goals and values may change over time. They can also change depending on the situation. This is completely normal. ^{[2] X Trusted Source International DOI Foundation (IDF) Go to Source}

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Identify your own values. No matter how good your ideas are, you won’t get anywhere if you don’t have a clear understanding of your self-worth. ^{[3] X Research Source} “Values” are the most important things you hold in your life. These are core beliefs that shape who you are, and how you live your life. ^{[4] X Research Sources} Reflecting on your values will help you determine what is truly important to you.

For example, “be a good parent” or “spend time with friends” could be values. Things like these help you define your own completeness.
“Value commensurate” means whether your behavior is commensurate with your values. For example, if your value is “spending time with friends”, but you always prioritize work over social activities, then that is not worth commensurate with. Behavior that doesn’t match your values can leave you feeling unfulfilled, unhappy, or guilty. ^{[5] X Research Sources Ciarrochi, J, & Bailey, A. (2008). A CBT-practitioner’s guide to ACT: How to bridge the gap between cognitive behavioral therapy and acceptance and commitment therapy. Oakland: New Harbinger. P. 12}

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Consider what you believe in yourself. Each person’s identity is also shaped by those around them. ^{[6] X Research Sources Burke, PJ, & Stets, JE (2009). Identity Theory (1 edition). Oxford ; New York: Oxford University Press.} For example, psychological studies have repeatedly demonstrated that people begin to have biases at a very early age. ^{[7] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to the source} The behaviors and beliefs we learn influence the way we perceive ourselves and those around us. Recognizing where those thoughts about yourself are coming from can help you change unhelpful beliefs, and reinforce those that make sense to you.

We also learn from others about how to see ourselves in a larger group of people, such as race or gender. Those can be the core ingredients that make up each person’s identity. ^{[8] X Research Source Putra, IE (2014). The rpe of ingroup and outgroup metaprejudice in predicting prejudice and identity undermining. Peace and Conflict: Journal of Peace Psychpogy, 20(4), 574–579. ]}

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Consider your behavior carefully and honestly. Consider how you react to stress, how you cope with loss, how you manage your anger, how you treat the people you hold dear. You have to understand what kind of person you are in order to know how to grow.

Once you’ve shown your behavior, you’ll have a better idea of the specific changes you want to make.

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Identify the changes you want to see in yourself. Try to be as specific as possible. Instead of saying “I want to be a better friend” break it down. When you say that what do you mean? Want to keep in touch with your friends more often? Or do you want to spend more time with your friends?

Steve Jobs, the famous inventor and businessman once said that he always asked himself a question every morning: “If today were to be the last day of my life, would I want to do the work that I have planned to do? ” If he cannot answer “Yes”, he will decide to make a change.This question may also be helpful for you to ask yourself. ^{[9] X Source of Research}
Keep your intentions for change reasonable. If you’re inherently an introvert, to give that example, it’s not effective or worth it to define “be a better person” as “go out and party.” . Instead, you can shape your change into something achievable within the limits of what you know about yourself, e.g. “Practice socializing with new friends”.

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Set goals for yourself. Maybe this will help you, write your ideas down on paper, or better yet, keep a diary. This will help open up your inner world, and allow you to better understand yourself from a more objective perspective. ^{[10] X Research Source}

Journaling needs to be proactive, reflective of who you are. Just writing down random thoughts doesn’t do much. Instead, write about situations you went through, and how they made you feel, how you reacted, how you felt afterwards, and whether you thought you could have done it differently at the time. ^{[11] X Research Source}
Here are some questions to get you started: Is there a special relationship with a loved one that you would like to improve? Would you like to be more virtuous? Do you want to do more for the environment? Do you want to learn how to be a better partner/lover?

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See your goals as positive. Research has shown that you’re more likely to achieve a goal if it’s seen as “positive” (something you’ll do) rather than “negative” (something you’ll stop doing). ^{[12] X Research Source} Treating your goals as negative can lead to self-blame or guilt along the way. Think of your goal as something you’re aiming for instead of thinking it’s something you’re giving up.

For example, if you want to be more grateful, think positively: “I want to show my gratitude to people when they treat me well.” Instead of taking it as a reproach for your actions in the past, for example, “I want to stop being so ungrateful from now on.”

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Find a role model. Role models are a great source of inspiration, and their stories can make us feel strong when times get tough. You can choose a religious figure, politician, or artist, you can also choose someone you know that you admire.

Often, it is more effective to choose a role model that is someone we know. If you just imitate someone’s behavior without you having any interaction, it is very easy to develop a false perception of them. This can lead to unhealthy thoughts about yourself. Either way, even Beyonce isn’t “really” perfect. ^{[13] X Research Source Read, B. (2011). Britney, Beyonce, and Me–Primary Schop Girls’ Rpe Models and Constructions of the “Popular” Girl. Gender and Education, 23(1), 1–13.}
Role models don’t have to be world-changers. His Holiness the Dalai Lama Mahatma Gandhi and Sister Teresa are great inspirations, but they’re not the only ones you can learn from. It’s often the small everyday behaviors, gestures, or new ways of thinking that teach you the most. So, for example, if you find a colleague of yours looking happy all the time, ask her why. Ask her what she thinks about life. And how does she live? You may be surprised at what you learn just by asking questions like these.
That’s not to say you can’t find inspiration in other people’s stories. Finding someone’s story that might be similar to yours can help, especially if you don’t have many role models in your life.
Prominent astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson has argued against the ingrained idea of treating role models as the person you want to “be”. Instead, he recommends determining how the person has reached the goal you want. What books did they read? Which path did they choose? How did those people get where you want to go? Asking questions like these and finding the answers will help you discover your own path, instead of trying to follow someone else’s footsteps. ^{[14] X Research Source}

Practicing Kindness

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Learn to love yourself. Before you learn to love others, you must learn to love yourself. This is not a vain conceit; it’s love that will help you accept who you are, dig into your inner skills and values that make you who you are, and strengthen them. Remind yourself that you are a compassionate person, and most importantly, you are worthy. Along with acts of morality and kindness, this will make you more accepting and understanding of yourself.

Try writing about your experiences from the perspective of someone you completely love and accept, rather than your own. Studies show that looking at it from such a distance helps you deal with negative emotions instead of ignoring or repressing them. Being aware of your emotions is a key component of self-compassion. We are often kinder to others than we are to ourselves; Show yourself that you are worthy of love too. ^{[15] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source}
Set aside small moments of self-care each day, especially when you notice that you’re going through something unpleasant. For example, if you’re running late on a project at work, you can blame yourself or work until anxiety strikes. Instead, first use a mental awareness of your stress: “I’m feeling stressed.” Then realize that everyone goes through this from time to time: “It’s not just me.” Finally, give yourself an act of compassion, such as placing your hand over your heart. Recall something positive: “I can learn to be strong. I can learn to be patient. I can learn to accept myself.” ^{[16] X Research Source}

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Stop criticizing yourself. Spend that time developing your talents and good qualities, whether physical or mental. The more you hate yourself, the easier it is to be hostile towards others. ^{[17] X Research Source}

Start by recording what you experience when you have negative thoughts about yourself. Notice what situation it was, what you thought, and the consequences of those thoughts.
For example, you could write a note like this: “I went to the gym today. I was surrounded by skinny people and I started to feel too fat. I felt angry at myself and I’m ashamed to come here. I don’t even want to finish my homework.”
Next, find a rational way to respond to those thoughts. This can be difficult, but by constantly challenging negative statements about yourself with strong arguments and logic, you can change the way you think.
For example, a reasonable response to the situation above might be: “I go to the gym to take care of my body and health. This is a good and self-care act. Why? Why should I feel ashamed for taking care of myself? Everyone’s body is different, and my body may not be the same. People who go to the gym who look healthy must have been working out for a long time. yes, maybe there are better genes, if other people judge me by my looks, should i appreciate their opinions take care of yourself?” ^{[18] X Research Sources}
Self-criticism often comes from thoughts like “need,” such as “I need a nice car” or “I need to wear each of these sizes.” When we compare ourselves to the standards set by others, we may feel unhappy or ashamed. Determine what you want for yourself, and resist what others say you “need” to do. ^{[19] X Research Source}

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Recheck your habits. Sometimes, we can become complacent with ourselves and our lives. Monotonous routines can keep us stuck in instinctive or avoidant behaviors. You may also develop unhelpful habits and behaviors that you may not even realize when they appear. ^{[20] X Research Sources Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself (1 edition). New York: William Morrow.}

For example, if you have been hurt by someone in the past, you may become more inclined to build barriers to distance yourself from others. These barriers can help you avoid further hurt, but more importantly, they will prevent you from experiencing joy and connection with others.
Trying new habits, such as getting involved in social activities or finding new friends, can be good ways to discover abilities you didn’t realize you had. It can also help you create relationships with others and discover new things about your emotions. ^{[21] X Research Sources Krause, N., & Hayward, RD (2015). Social perspectives: Support, social relations, and well-being. In PA Lichtenberg, BT Mast, BD Carpenter, J. Loebach Wetherell, PA (Ed) Lichtenberg, BT (Ed) Mast, … J. (Ed) Loebach Wetherell (Eds.), APA handbook of clinical geropsychpogy, Vp. 1: History and status of the field and perspectives on aging. (pp. 259–299). Washington, DC, US: American Psychical Association.}
Finding ways to break out of your habits can also give you connections to different people who can help you change your perspective on life. Research has shown that bad attitudes, such as prejudice or fear, are often improved by experiencing other people’s cultures or perspectives. ^{[22] X Research Sources} You will find that you can learn from others, and they can learn from you, too.

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Find ways to control anger and jealousy. These feelings are a natural part of life, but if you constantly feel anger or jealousy towards others, you will have a hard time finding happiness. Along with cultivating compassion, accepting the behavior and ambitions of others is an important step in becoming the kind of person you want to be.

Anger often occurs when we believe that things “shouldn’t” happen to us. We can become angry if we see things turn out differently than we imagined. Learning to be flexible enough to realize that things don’t always go the way we expect will help reduce your anger. ^{[23] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source}
Focus on what in life you can control, and worry less about what you can’t control. Remember: you can control your actions, but not the outcome. Focusing on your actions instead of trying to control unpredictable outcomes can help you relax and feel less angry when things don’t go your way (which it will, this time around). next time). ^{[24] X Research Source Hanh, T. (2001). Anger. Riverhead Books.}

READ More: How to Deal with Jealousy

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Forgive others. Forgiveness has physical health benefits. Focusing on past grudges and mistakes can raise your blood pressure and heart rate. So practicing forgiveness can reduce the stress on your body. ^{[25] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to the Source} Despite its many benefits, forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do. ^{[26] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source}^{[27] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source}

Think about the mistakes you want to forgive. Notice the thoughts you experienced about the mistake. What do you think of that person? How does your body feel?
Reflect those experiences through the lens of learning. What else could you possibly do? What would someone else in that situation do? What do you learn from these experiences for the future? Transforming traumatic experiences into experiences can help you get rid of the hurt feelings.
Talk to others. Don’t make accusations; that will only make others wary. Instead, express your feelings with a gentle “I” sentence, and ask them to share their feelings with you. ^{[28] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source}
Appreciate peace more than reason. One reason it’s so hard for us to forgive is our sense of “fairness”. The person who wronged you may never “pay the price,” but holding onto anger and hurt feelings will only harm you in the end. Don’t let forgiveness be a backup for an action or outcome. ^{[29] X Research Sources}
Remember that forgiveness is not a remission of sins. Mistakes still happen, and you don’t have to find a reason to forgive them. What you do is release the burden of carrying your anger around.

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Practice gratitude. Gratitude is more than a feeling; It is an active exercise. Cultivating an “attitude of gratitude” can help you become a more optimistic, happier, healthier person. ^{[30] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to the Source} Gratitude has been shown to help people escape suffering, strengthen their relationships, and help them show compassion for others . ^{[31] X Trusted Source Science Direct Go to Source}^{[32] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source}^{[33] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source}

Write a gratitude journal. Make a note of what you experience when you feel grateful. It could be little things, like a sunny morning or a perfectly brewed cup of coffee. Maybe it’s immeasurable, like the love between two lovers or between friends. Paying attention to such things and writing them down will help you save them so you can recall them later. ^{[34] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source}
Enjoy the surprises. Unexpected things or surprises have a stronger effect on you than the ordinary. Though it may be the little things; For example, notice when your lover makes delicious food when you get a text from a friend you haven’t heard from in months.
Share gratitude with others. You will be more likely to remember positive things if you share them with others. Sharing also has the added benefit of brightening someone else’s day, and possibly inspiring their own gratitude as well. ^{[35] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source}

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Cultivate empathy. Humans, like many other animals, are “designed” to build social relationships with those around them. ^{[36] X Source of Waal Research , F. de. (2010). The Age of Empathy: Nature’s Lessons for a Kinder Society (1 edition). New York: Broadway Books.} From an early age, we learn to “read” others and imitate their gestures. We do this to fit in with society, to get what we want and need, and to feel connected to others. ^{[37] X Research Sources Gallagher, S., & Meltzoff, AN (1996). The Earliest Sense of Self and Others: Merleau-Ponty and Recent Developmental Studies. Philosophical Psychpogy, 9(2), 211–33.} However, empathy is more than just explaining their behavior and feeling their emotions. It’s about imagining what it would be like to experience life the way they do, to think what they think, to feel what they feel. ^{[38] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source} Cultivating empathy will help you be more sensitive to people’s feelings, learn to connect with others, and feel less isolated than. And practicing empathy also helps you treat others the way you want to be treated.

Studies have shown that loving-kindness meditation, or compassion meditation, can develop the area of the brain that responds to emotional activities. It also helps you feel less stressed and more stable. ^{[39] X Research Sources} Mindfulness training is similarly effective but less effective at training empathy. ^{[40] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source}
Research has shown that actively relating to what others are going through helps you promote empathy. ^{[41] X Research Sources} Even reading fiction can encourage you to learn about other people’s perspectives. ^{[42] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source}
Stop judging as soon as you can. Research has shown that we are less empathetic towards those who we believe are responsible for their suffering — those who “get the consequences they deserve,” for example. You need to realize that you don’t understand their situation or what they went through in the past. ^{[43] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source}
Meet many different people. Studies have shown that exposure to other people’s cultures or beliefs can help you empathize with them. ^{[44] X Sources of Research} The more you are exposed to people who think or behave differently from you, the less likely you are to form judgments of unknown causes or hold preconceived notions.

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Focus on people, not material things. We tend to feel gratitude for immaterial things, such as the experience of feeling loved or an act of kindness. In fact, striving for material things is often a sign that you are trying to fulfill some deeper need. ^{[45] X Research Source Reed, R. (2013). A Lacanian Ethics of Non-Personal Responsibility. Pastoral Psychpogy, 62(4), 515–531.}^{[46] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source}^{[47] X Research Source}

Research has shown that materialistic people are often “less” happy than their peers. ^{[48]X Source of Research} They feel that their whole life is rarely happy, and they are more likely to experience negative feelings such as fear or suffering. ^{[49] X Research Sources}

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Learn to give. Not everyone can afford to donate tens of millions of dong to a charity they believe in, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make small donations to those in need. Helping others not only benefits them, but you as well. Research has shown that selfless people are happier and may even experience a “good high” caused by endorphins (the body’s natural pain-relieving hormone), which occurs when working. good for others. ^{[50] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source}

Be a volunteer. Instead of spending the weekend watching TV, volunteer at a human or animal shelter near you. Helping others can help you connect with them more, and you can help you feel more part of a community than a loner. ^{[51] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source}
Practice random acts of kindness every day. It could be small actions like helping elderly people carry goods from the store to their car, or giving someone directions while driving. The more you do these things, the more you realize how satisfying it is to help others, which will ultimately help you overcome selfishness.
Research has shown that the principle of “spreading kindness” does exist. Altruistic actions can spread from person to person. One small act of your kindness and generosity inspires another to do the same, which in turn inspires another, and so on. ^{[52] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to source}

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Notice how your behavior affects others. We can spend a lot of time focusing on our own behavior without spending time considering how we affect others. Part of this is due to psychological defense mechanisms to help us process when interacting with others. ^{[53] X Research Sources Burgo, J. (2012). Why Do I Do That?: Psychpogical Defense Mechanisms and the Hidden Ways They Shape Our Lives. Chapel Hill, NC: New Rise Press.} If everyone responds to you in the same way, you may have some unhealthy habits. You may have let your psychological defenses interrupt your growth.

For example, consider how other people react to you. Do they seem vulnerable by what you say? Maybe some of the people you know are a little too sensitive – it’s just possible – that you have formed a psychological defense mechanism by putting others down to make yourself better. Try different ways of communicating with different people without triggering the same hurtful reactions.
Look at how you interact with others. Try different types of treatment and determine which ones work and which don’t. The more you learn to use flexibility and adaptability to your behavior, the easier it will be to get along with those around you. ^{[54] X Research Sources Fina, AD, Schiffrin, D., & Bamberg, M. (Eds.). (2006). Discourse and Identity (1 edition). Cambridge, UK ; New York: Cambridge University Press.}

Choosing the Right Path

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Discover your talent. Everyone has an ability or hobby that they excel at and are truly passionate about. If you think you don’t have a talent, you just haven’t found it yet. Often you need to be patient and try many things before you find what works for you.

Similar types of people can also enjoy the same activity. For example, adrenaline junkies can’t stand the quiet, slow pace of a knitting club, but those who like to operate in silence are different. Figuring out “who” you like to hang out with can help you find the “thing” that you love.
Be persistent. Change does not come all at once. It requires practice and time. It can be hard to break habits and meet new friends or try new activities, especially if you’re busy (who isn’t?). Persistence is the key.
Sign up for a class you enjoy, or practice playing a sport or musical instrument. Not only will you learn something new, you’ll meet someone who shares your interests. Trying to learn something new can also be a safe and effective way to pull yourself out of your warm nest.

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Do what you like. It doesn’t matter how much money you make, you won’t be happy if you spend your life doing something you don’t like. While most of us aren’t lucky enough to get a job that’s related to our hobby, it’s essential that you take some time out to make yourself happy.

Doing things that are meaningful to you will help you feel happier and more fulfilled. Creative things like painting or music can help you express your feelings and thoughts in an effective and healthy way. ^{[55] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source}
People often believe in the myth that the people who achieve the greatest success in life are very dedicated people. They don’t let anything get in the way of achieving their goals, including taking time to take care of themselves. Unfortunately, that lifestyle is very unhealthy. Try not to allow yourself to focus so much on one aspect of your life that you forget to take care of the other aspects. ^{[56] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source}
If you’ve been feeling unsatisfied with your job for a long time, consider why. Maybe some changes can help you change the way you think about it. If the reason for your dissatisfaction is because you feel this job is not meaningful, or it does not match your values as a person, then consider looking for another job. ^{[57] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source}

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Experience life. Life requires a balance between work and leisure. Focusing too much on one thing or the other leads to stagnation and monotonous routines every day. Humans adapt very quickly to positive events. As a result, we can become less sensitive to positive experiences, especially if it’s our only experience. ^{[58] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source}

Research has shown that when we’re in our comfort zone, there’s nothing we can do as effectively as when we step out of it. ^{[59] X Sources of Research} It’s important to seek out experiences and interactions with others, even though it’s a little intimidating. Doing so can help you achieve more.
Our desire to refuse uncomfortable and painful things can lead us to be inflexible. However, research shows that accepting vulnerability — including the possibility of doing something wrong — is important for experiencing “everything” in life. ^{[60] X Research Source}
Learning mindfulness meditation can be a good start. One of the goals of conceptual meditation is to become more aware of any repetitive thought patterns that can be achieved on the path to self-awareness and self-acceptance. Find a class or find the techniques that work best for you. ^{[61] X Research Source Gunaratana, BH (2011). Mindfulness in Plain English: 20th Anniversary Edition (20th Anniversary Edition edition). Boston Mass.: Wisdom Publications.}

Advice

Always respect others.
Be yourself. Then people will recognize you for who you are.
Every morning, before leaving the house, look in the mirror and give yourself a comment; It could be anything – even “good looking jeans” will do. It will give you confidence and you will feel great when you walk down the street!
If you make a mistake with someone, remember to admit it right away.
It can take years for you to learn to be self-aware and recognize the parts of your life that you need to improve. Just take it easy.
Try for a second chance. To others as well as to yourself.
Treat others the way you would like to be treated.
Volunteering can give you a humbling experience and broaden your horizons. Give the most important gift to any community: Time and care.

Steps

Begin

Practicing Kindness

Choosing the Right Path

Advice

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