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How to Avoid Divorce

February 15, 2024 by admin Category: How To

You are viewing the article How to Avoid Divorce  at Tnhelearning.edu.vn you can quickly access the necessary information in the table of contents of the article below.

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This article was co-written by Jin S. Kim, MA. Jin Kim is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles, California. Jin specializes in working with LGBTQ people, people of color, and people who have difficulty reconciling intersecting gender identities. Jin received his master’s degree in clinical psychology from Antioch University Los Angeles in 2015, with a major in LGBT Confirmation Psychology.

There are 25 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.

This article has been viewed 4,300 times.

If your marriage is in decline, you or your spouse may be considering divorce. But it’s never too late to improve your marriage. Changing yourself and the nature of the relationship will help you restore a healthy, fulfilling marriage.

Table of Contents

  • Steps
    • Improve yourself
    • Accept your life partner
    • Working together
    • Test separation
  • Warning

Steps

Improve yourself

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Listen to your mate. Open and honest communication is very important for a good marriage. Listen patiently as your partner talks about their problems or concerns about your relationship. Paying attention in conversation will help you understand why the other person is unhappy and give you an opportunity to take action. [1] X Research Source

  • If you want to raise a question about actions you can take to make your partner happier and more fulfilled, don’t hesitate.
  • Expect the person to listen to you with the same respect.
  • If your partner verbally abuses you, belittles, or refuses to engage in conversation, let them know that their behavior makes you feel frustrated, alone, and depressed.
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Maintain positivity. [2] X Research Source Your spouse has fallen in love with your happy and emotionally balanced person. If you allow conflict in your relationship to drain you or stop feeling as if the marriage is salvageable, you should back off. It’s normal to be upset over conflict in a relationship, but you should try to focus on the big picture. When you’re feeling upset about the state of your relationship, it’s a good idea to rethink the good times you both had together.

  • Your happiness should not depend on the other person. You need to focus on being the best you can be, even if your partner isn’t.
  • If you expect the worst from your partner, it will be easier for you to notice and focus on your conflicts and problems. [3] X Research Source Try to notice the subtle, positive change in the way you interact with your partner. Share them with that person.
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Image titled Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 3

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Become flexible. Don’t expect everything to go your way. Marriage is a partnership between two people. The two of you won’t be able to force things to happen on a regular basis. If you and your partner have different goals and ideas – whether it’s moving or eating out, you should both listen to each other.

  • Talk together, not monologue. Listen to your partner and expect that they will also listen to you. [4] X Research Sources
  • Skip a few things. For example, you want to eat chicken but she makes soup, or you want to go to the movies but he insists on watching the football game. In either case, no matter what the two of you decide, life goes on. You should know how to choose your battles and ignore trifles.
  • Being flexible doesn’t mean your spouse can trample you. Sometimes, the decision not to give in is the right thing to do.
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Image titled Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 4

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Maintain appearance. While physical attraction is only one part of love, in our intuitive culture it plays an important role in how we think about our partner and relate to them. When you go out with your spouse, you should dress well to show that you consider this a special time. You should also take care of your health. Eat a healthy, balanced diet with lots of vegetables and fruits. Try to spend 30 minutes exercising every day. Dressing well and taking care of your appearance will keep your partner attracted to you. [5] X Research Sources
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Practice healthy communication. Only talk to that person when you are in the right mood and state. Don’t yell at your spouse. If you feel your or your spouse’s anger is running high, suggest that you both take a moment to calm down and move on. [6] X Research Sources

  • Stay away from the trigger topic, discuss the issue that will cause both of you to quarrel.
  • Only communicate when awake and comfortable.
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Balance your time. Couples with healthy relationships should spend time together as well as for themselves. [7] X Research Source Go to the movies, play mini-gpf, bowling – anything you both enjoy, and do together. Try out new activities and go on adventures where you can both build a bond. But when you need alone time to recharge, you should let your partner know. You and your partner are not copies of each other, and won’t be excited about all the same activities. The two of you need to give each other space to pursue your hobbies and interests. [8] X Research Sources

  • Try to schedule a few specific dates or times to get together.
  • In addition to enjoying alone time, you should also meet friends.
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Image titled Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 7

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Be faithful to your spouse. You will want to jump into a quick or long-term relationship with someone who provides you with care and affection that you cannot find in your spouse. [9] X Source of Research But remember, your spouse, not your lover, is your family. Violation of the marriage commitment will push you towards divorce and make you feel guilty.

  • Identify situations or people that you know will cause you to betray and stay away from them whenever possible.

Accept your life partner

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See them as they are. There are two versions of a person: who they really are, and who they are as you see them. [10] X Research Sources Sometimes these two identities almost merge, while, at many other times, they will not. You need to be aware of the other person’s mistakes and shortcomings, and at the same time recognize their good qualities. When you start to become too obsessed with your loved one’s shortcomings, you should remind yourself of the sweet, sympathetic, and affectionate person they can be. Allow the person a fair chance to be heard when they are certain that they can and will change, and are open to the possibility that they will do what they say.

  • Asking your partner to change won’t make them or you happy. The person will feel stuck in your demands, and you will be disappointed that they don’t change.
  • Do not compare your spouse to others.
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Focus on the person’s positive qualities. [11] X Research Source You should think back to a time when you first met and fell in love with your spouse. Recalling this beautiful time will help you see their good side more clearly in the present. If you regularly look for your partner’s flaws, instead of focusing on the positive, you’ll find that they have a lot of flaws.
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Image titled Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 10

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Empathize with your spouse. You should put yourself in the shoes of the person you love. Do you treat them with the same level of respect you would expect to receive? How do you feel when others want you to make drastic (or even small) changes in your personality? Most of us don’t want to hear that we’ve done something wrong or upset others. [12] X Research Sources We become reserved, hurt, and angry.

  • Understanding why and how your spouse responds to criticism will help you mitigate your approach. Explaining that you feel attacked or hurt by the other person’s demands will make them soften their approach.
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Image titled Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 11

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Think about the big picture. [13] X Research Sources No one is perfect. You and your spouse need to be honest with each other and with yourself about the real quality, habit, or style that is at the root of the divorce, and which is merely annoying or inconvenient. Maybe you think your spouse snores too loudly; walk like a duck; make many grammatical errors; or modestly dressed. But these factors don’t necessarily put an end to your marriage. Understanding your partner’s limitations and weaknesses, as well as your own, is an important step in restoring a happy marriage.
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Image titled Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 12

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Accept yourself. Often, our judgmental attitude towards others comes from feelings of disappointment with ourselves. [14] X Source of Research You should research why you have high expectations of your spouse, or why you are demanding too much of them. Is it because you are not completely satisfied with yourself personally or professionally? If that’s the case, it’ll be hard for you to accept others as well.

  • Lower your expectations of yourself to a realistic level and realize that you and your spouse are both flawed in your own way.
  • Don’t expect your spouse to be the only one providing satisfaction.

Working together

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Image titled Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 13

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Add vitality to your sex life. Sex is an important part of a healthy relationship. With the possibility of divorce approaching, it will be difficult for you to build a good sex life. [15] X Research Source But physical and emotional closeness go hand in hand, and both are important if you want to prevent divorce.

  • Make time for romance. [16] X Research Source Everyone is busy, but scheduling a date night will give you time to set the mood. You can have a romantic candlelit dinner together (whether at a restaurant or at home), go to the movies, or simply go bowling. However, before you go to bed, you need to give your spouse the love and attention they are lacking. Tell him you love him and would love to spend time with him.
  • Place scented candles and flowers around the bedroom. Massage your partner’s hands, feet, and shoulders before sex. Stimulating the senses is an important first step in rekindling your partner’s desires.
  • If you have a feeling that your sex life is pretty bland, you can try a new position or undergarment. You can also read erotic stories to each other, or watch “adult” movies. Take turns being the facilitator of this process to ensure maximum diversity. [17] X Research Source
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Image titled Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 14

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Talk about your dreams and desires. [18] X Research Resources In addition to talking about needs and everyday situations (“We need to do the laundry”), it is important that you share your fears, hopes, and desires. secretly dream with your partner to build emotional intimacy. You should use phrases like “I/I believe…” or “I hope…” when expressing ideas about the future for you and your spouse. Reflecting on and sharing your feelings and thoughts will help both of you realize that beyond divorce, your marriage still has other possibilities.

  • Ask yourself and your spouse questions such as:
    • What wonderful things do I think my spouse is capable of? What can I do to motivate them to achieve the best?
    • Where do I want to travel with my spouse?
    • What do I expect to do with my spouse when I retire?
  • Invite your spouse to share your dreams and desires. Thinking and talking about your future together will help you navigate it.
  • These conversations should not be used for complaints or negative thoughts.
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Image titled Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 15

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Identify what needs to be changed. If you’re considering divorce, it’s probably both at fault for contributing to the real problem. Don’t blame your spouse for all the problems in your marriage. You should talk to your spouse so that you can understand each other about what is going wrong, and how to fix it.

  • Talk about how you’re feeling with a statement that begins with “I” (yourself), like “I hope we spent more time together,” as opposed to “I /I never want to spend time with you. [19] X Source of Research These statements are generally less likely to be viewed as criticism and will have more positive results.
  • When you’re unfairly blamed, you need to defend yourself, but don’t fight back when criticized. You should try to see the conflict from your spouse’s toxic perspective. [20] X Research Source
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Strengthen your bond with your spouse. Be generous with your compliments and affection. This method will help rekindle the love you both had for each other. You should address your partner’s emotional as well as material needs first. Love that person the way you want to be loved.

  • Tell your spouse that you love them every day.
  • Surprise your spouse with small gifts they like. You can cook them dinner, buy them flowers, or take them shopping.
  • It may take some time for you to rebuild trust and affection for that person. You need to be patient and keep trying.
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Image titled Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 17

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Ignore the past. Talk to that person about a time when they hurt or hurt you. If you want, you can write the list down on paper. You don’t need to write an exhaustive list, but it should include the most painful memory or experience you and your loved one have had, and possibly spark mutual resentment. The two of you will set up different lists. Take turns talking about the incident. Everyone needs to be aware of how they contributed to the misunderstanding and apologize. [21] X Research Source

  • Forgive even if the other person won’t do it.
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Be open to change. Accept making a change in routine or interaction if you think it might help you. You should make it clear that you will do your best, but it will take some time for you to get used to them. Then, really do your best in making the change as you promised and expressing your sincerity. Ask the other party to do the same for you.
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Attend a consultation. Attending couples counseling with a therapist will help you work through issues with a neutral mediator. A therapist will give you an unbiased perspective and can offer advice on communication strategies, conflict resolution, and general guidance on improving a troubled marriage. [22] X Research Source

  • Couples counseling will usually last for an hour, once per week. Seeing a therapist more often leads to more results.
  • Group therapy is another helpful type of counseling, and it will introduce many couples going through similar stressors to discuss how they are dealing with problems. Group therapy will provide an opportunity for you to form new understandings and ideas about your relationship.

Test separation

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Recommend trial separation. Trial separation is an informal separation period during which both people will temporarily separate. This measure will give both of you the opportunity to consider how you feel and live your life away from the other person’s constant influence and presence. [23] X Research Resources Trial separation can help you and your spouse remember how much you both miss and need each other. There is an old saying “The further away, the more you remember”.

  • Your spouse may not agree with the idea of a trial separation. Explain to your partner the benefits of this “rest” and take the time to think carefully about what you both really want from your marriage.
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Decide on a trial separation period. Between two and six months is the ideal test separation period. [24] X Research Source If this phase lasts longer, it will be difficult for both of you to reconcile as you and your spouse will begin to settle into a single life.
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Set up terms. When you try to separate, there are quite a few financial and lifestyle issues that you both need to come to terms with. You should set the terms of your separation in words to avoid any ambiguity between you and your spouse. [25] X Research Sources Important questions you need to ask include:

  • Will the two move out separately? Or just one person?
  • Where will each go?
  • Is it necessary to split or share a bank account? Credit?
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Image titled Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 23

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Think about your children. If you have children, make sure you talk about this process with them. You should help your child understand the situation and let them know that even if you and your spouse are at odds, you both love them very much. [26] X Research Sources

  • Children may react poorly to the experimental breakup process. They will become clingy or unwilling to go to school. Older children and adolescents will be socially withdrawn or angry. You should talk to your child’s teacher about the situation in your family so they can watch for signs that your child is behaving erratically.
  • Children may believe that the actions they took were the cause of your separation. Let them know the situation between you and your spouse is not their fault and they did nothing wrong to cause it.
  • Schedule appropriate care and visitation for your child. You should not move children back and forth between the two places more than once per week, and ensure that their learning process will not be interrupted.
Image titled Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 24

Image titled Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 24

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Use your time wisely. No matter what initially caused your internal problem, just because you and your partner separated won’t make it fixable on its own. [27] X Sources of Research Whether you are a proponent or opponent of experimental separation, you should seek advice from a therapist about why and how your marriage must end in a state of disrepair. Present.

  • Ideally, you should continue to attend couples therapy even if you live apart. Trial separation should not be the time when both of you completely stop communicating with each other. [28] X Research Source You should try to identify the difference with the help of a consultant.
  • Don’t use the trial separation phase to pretend you’re single. Do not date other people or engage in romantic relationships. The goal of this stage is to find new perspectives on your relationship that only the process of separation can give you.
  • Image titled Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 25

    Image titled Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 25

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    Give decision. At the end of the trial separation period, you should evaluate your experience. Are the problems in your relationship really irreparable? Or did the trial separation let you know that you miss and love your spouse so much that divorce would be a disaster? [29] X Research Source You should talk to your spouse about how you feel and find out how they feel.

    • It is possible that you and your spouse will not make the same decisions about the status of this marriage. You should be prepared to move forward with divorce at the end of the trial separation period if either of you thinks this is necessary.
  • Warning

    • Don’t try to mend a broken relationship. If your spouse harms you physically, harms your children, your family, or acts aggressively in some way, divorce is the best option.
    • Seek immediate protection from physical harm. You should contact the help center, police, family, or friends and let them know you need help.
    • Avoid thinking that you need to keep your marriage for the sake of your children.
    • The divorce option should not be eliminated entirely. Some people simply don’t get along.
    X

    This article was co-written by Jin S. Kim, MA. Jin Kim is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles, California. Jin specializes in working with LGBTQ people, people of color, and people who have difficulty reconciling intersecting gender identities. Jin received his master’s degree in clinical psychology from Antioch University Los Angeles in 2015, with a major in LGBT Confirmation Psychology.

    There are 25 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.

    This article has been viewed 4,300 times.

    If your marriage is in decline, you or your spouse may be considering divorce. But it’s never too late to improve your marriage. Changing yourself and the nature of the relationship will help you restore a healthy, fulfilling marriage.

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