How to Ask a Guy to Be Your Boyfriend

Asking a guy to be your boyfriend is probably scary, but it doesn’t have to be. With thoughtful thought, you can have a meaningful conversation about the future of your relationship without feeling stressed.

Table of Contents

Decide if you’re ready

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Determine if you are willing to make a promise. Deciding to commit can be a difficult one. Whether you’re ready to commit or not, a stable relationship can be determined by a number of factors. Each case will be different, and you may have certain expectations for a relationship. ^{[1] X Research Sources} Ask yourself:

How do I feel about him? Do I feel excited when I’m with him? Did I miss him when he left?
Is there anything I can do to commit time to a serious relationship right now? What kind of relationship do I want? ^{[2] X Research Source}
We’ve argued before, haven’t we? If so, how well did we handle it? ^{[3] X Research Sources}
Does he respect me? Are there any worrisome signals that I need to look out for? Am I not sure about his character? Do I trust him? ^{[4] X Research Sources}
How do I feel about monogamy? Do I want a unique relationship with one person? If yes, am I ready for monogamy with this man? If not, are both parties open to a polygamous relationship?
Am I doing this because he makes me happy? Or, are other people pressuring me to have a boyfriend?

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Consider the length of the relationship. Asking a guy to be your boyfriend too soon can scare him off if he doesn’t feel the same way, but waiting too long can create confusion and emotional hurt. Since all relationships are different, there is no specific time you should wait before confessing. Trust your intuition. If the time feels right, take action.

If you’ve just met him, ask him out a few times before asking him to be your boyfriend. Maybe you don’t want to make a promise to someone you just met.
Many people ask their partner to promise or set aside for them after about 6 days or 1 month. ^{[5] X Research Sources}
Some people wait until they’ve been dating for 3 months to confess.
If you have a long distance relationship, you may want to confess earlier. This will help both of you understand what is expected even when apart. ^{[6] X Research Source}

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Determine if he’s interested in you. You should be aware of some signs of his feelings for you. The only way to be completely sure about his feelings is to ask questions, but you can look for certain signs that may indicate his feelings.

If he mentions future plans, it could be a sign that he’s planning on sticking with you. ^{[7] X Research Sources}
If he’s excited to show you off to everyone, especially to his friends, it shows he’s proud to be around you. ^{[8] X Research Sources}
If he texts you asking how you are throughout the day, it means he thinks about you often. ^{[9] X Research Source}
If you see each other a few times a week and hang out every weekend, it could be a sign that he’s paying more attention to you. ^{[10] X Research Source}

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Be prepared to accept rejection. Even if you hope he agrees to be your boyfriend, remember that he may say no. Maybe he’s not ready for a serious relationship with you, or perhaps he just doesn’t like using titles or labels to describe your relationship. Think about how you would react to a rejection.

If you want to be in a serious relationship with someone who will commit to you, you may have to cut contact with this guy if he refuses. This will allow you to find someone who is looking for a serious relationship.
If you’re happy with your relationship, you might decide to stay in the status quo until he’s ready to be your boyfriend.
If you have deep feelings for him, you’ll need to decide if you want to hang out with him afterwards. You may decide to just be friends or cut off contact until you can get over missing him.

Choose the right time

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Plan ahead. It’s easier if you know the right time to ask a question. You can practice the conversation beforehand, or you can pinpoint the right time to raise the issue. There’s no such thing as an absolutely perfect time to ask a guy to be your boyfriend. Evaluate your personal circumstances carefully.

Some people plan a special day and arrange this conversation at the end of the day. Others find that conversation flows most naturally when they’re out alone together. Either way, pick a suitable date in advance.
Don’t ask when he’s feeling stressed, sad, or busy. He may be surprised by this revelation and this may affect his response. ^{[11] X Research Source}
If you’re feeling nervous, anxious, or jittery, you can practice what you’re going to say in advance. Stand in front of a mirror, try to start a conversation, and ask questions. ^{[12] X Research Source}

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Directly meeting. You’ll probably be inclined to text or text a guy to ask him questions, but these questions are best answered in person. Talking face-to-face allows you to explore many different possibilities for your relationship. If you have any questions or concerns about him, you can work them out together. ^{[13] X Research Source}

If you’re in a long-distance relationship, it probably won’t be easy to meet in person. If it’s possible to talk during a visit, it’s a good idea to wait until the end of the trip before confessing, in case you get a rejection. If you can’t ask him directly, calling him is the next best option.

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Decide on a suitable place to chat. There’s no perfect place to chat about your relationship, but it should be a place where you can both express your feelings and discuss your future. Consider what’s right for you and the guy.

Maybe you should have this conversation when the two of you are alone. You can ask questions while walking on the beach, in the park, or at the house of either of you.
If there’s a special place for both of you, such as a first date spot or a favorite monument–, you can choose to talk there for a memorable experience.
Make sure he’s not distracted. Don’t ask him while watching a movie, when hanging out with friends, or when he’s at work.
If you ask him while in the car or eating at a restaurant, he may feel awkward. Have the conversation in a place where both of you are comfortable. ^{[14] X Research Source}

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Open the question at the right time. When going out on your date, you should focus on relaxing. Wait for the right moment to speak. Wait until you feel “right time” or “special moment”. If you have trouble with this, you can follow some basic instructions.

If he compliments you, you can compliment him back, starting a conversation about what you like about each other. This is a natural transition into relationship talk.
If there is a period of silence, you can bring up the issue. Say how happy you are in this moment, and see how the conversation goes.
At the end of a date or outing, you can say, “Hey, before you go, I wanted to tell you something.”

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Consider waiting for him to speak first. If making him your “boyfriend” isn’t too high a priority, consider waiting to see if he mentions it first. It also helps you get a feel for whether he’s comfortable using titles or labels to define his relationship with you. This can be a good option if you’re unsure about your feelings or think he’s uncertain about the relationship.

Don’t wait forever for a guy to confess. Pick a date for yourself before you ask him. For example, you can give him a month before confessing in person.

Make a question

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Start with a compliment. Tell him what you like about him. This flattery will help him relax, and it will make the relationship question that much easier. A compliment about his humor, intelligence, or kindness is a good way to express your thoughts about him. ^{[15] X Research Source}

You might say, “You know, you’re funny. I’ve never met a funny person like you before.”
Another good compliment is, “You are very thoughtful. I am very touched by your gesture.”
If he smiles, thanks you, or compliments you back, it could be a positive sign that he feels the same way as you do.

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Confess your feelings for him. Once you have started with a positive signal, it will be easy to confess your feelings for him. If you get a positive response from your compliment, you can express your feelings more deeply. Let him know how you feel about him. You can explain that you’ve enjoyed your time together so far or that you’re starting to develop feelings for each other.

You could say, “I’ve had a great time with you so far. You’re a really interesting person and I’ve been thinking a lot about our relationship.”
Maybe you should avoid saying you love him at this point. He may be scared or worried that the relationship is moving too fast. Instead, you could say that you’re “developing” him, or that you “really like” him.

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Ask if he wants to be your boyfriend. It’s best to ask him directly if he’s ready to be your boyfriend. Depending on the situation, you can ask this question a number of different ways.

You can ask him directly, “Do you want to get to know me officially? Do you want to be my boyfriend?”
If you are unsure about the status of the relationship, you can ask, “Where do you think this relationship is going?”
If either of you are dating more than one person, you can ask, “Do you want us to start just dating each other?”
If you want to understand how he feels about you, you can say, “I want to know what I should tell other people when they ask about our relationship. Do you agree to be my boyfriend?”

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Set your expectations. Both of you may have different ideas about what a stable relationship means. Maybe he’s ready to date you but not ready to meet your family. Maybe he wants sex, but you want to wait. When talking, both of you should be clear about what you expect from the relationship. ^{[16] X Research Source}

You can start this conversation by asking, “What does being a boyfriend mean to you?”
Answer honestly if he asks you about what you expect in a relationship. For example, you could say, “I expect a guy to be loyal and honest with me. I’m not ready for marriage, but I’d like to explore opportunities for a more serious relationship.”

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Give him time to respond. Guys may feel pressured or uncomfortable being questioned. If he seems nervous, uncomfortable, or hesitant, you should give him a day or two to think about your answer. While it may seem like he tries not to make promises, he may just need time to consider if he’s ready. ^{[17] X Research Source}

You might say, “If you need time to think, that’s fine. Take some time before you make your decision.”
If he asks for his own space, leave him alone. You might ask, “How long do you think it will take to decide?” Try not to ask the question again until that time has passed.
If he doesn’t give you a specific time, you can ask again in a few days. Say, “Hey, I just wanted to know what you think about our relationship. Have you decided yet?”
Don’t obsess him by texting, calling, or texting about the problem. If he doesn’t reply to you right away, you can text him once after asking the question and again after a day or two. Give him space to decide.

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Handle rejection politely. If he makes it clear that he doesn’t want to be your boyfriend, try to stay positive. Smile, and let him know you understand. He may be satisfied with continuing a casual relationship, or want to end things there. Consider your own feelings before proceeding.

If he wants to end things, respect his choice. Thank him for his time together, but say you understand. You might say, “I’m sorry to hear that, but I enjoyed being with you. Wish you all the luck”.
If he wants to continue a casual relationship but you want to end things, you can say, “I think it’s best if we stop seeing each other later.” If he asks why, just say, “Looks like we have different desires.”
Maybe he says he wants to be friends with you. Don’t agree unless you’re willing to just be friends. If you feel this is going to be difficult, be honest. You might say, “I’m not sure I can do it. You’re a great guy, but I think I’ll need some space.”
Some guys may “ignore” you or stop contacting you. It’s natural to feel upset, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you. Maybe he just felt awkward about the situation. ^{[18] X Research Sources}

Expert advice

‘ If you want to ask a guy to be your boyfriend, follow these tips to find out how he feels:

Be frank. You may be scared to do so, but the best way to ask a guy to be your boyfriend is to confess your feelings. You can also try asking questions like “What are your plans for us?” or “Where do you think this is going?”
Ask about his previous relationships. To ask him to be your boyfriend, try asking how long it took for him and his ex to start their first relationship. That can help you gauge how long it takes for him to start a relationship with someone.
Pay attention to his response. When you ask someone, remember that not answering the problem directly is also an answer. If they say, “Oh, I’m just trying to understand myself,” they probably don’t have feelings for you, but they don’t have the confidence to say it directly.

Advice

Different relationships operate on different conditions and schedules. Don’t be pressured or embarrassed if your relationship isn’t progressing as fast as your friends’ relationships.
If you just met someone you like, don’t rush. Get to know him and then try something new with him.
Be clear about your expectations in a relationship so no one gets hurt.
Make time for each other after you become a couple before progressing the relationship. While each relationship progresses at its own pace, he may not be ready for the commitment steps, such as meeting his parents or moving in with you.

Warning

It’s natural to feel sad, upset or, depressed after being rejected. Try to distract yourself with activities you enjoy and spend time with friends.
Don’t harass or annoy a guy to be your boyfriend. If he’s not interested, the best thing you can do is move on.
Don’t get angry if a person doesn’t want to be your boyfriend. There are many reasons he refused. Maybe he’s not ready for a relationship, or maybe the two of you aren’t right for each other.

Steps