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This article was co-written by Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS. Dr. Asa Don Brown is a clinical psychologist with over 25 years of experience. He specializes in supporting families, children and couples, treating issues of all types of psychological disorders, trauma and abuse. Besides, he also has expertise in negotiation and information gathering. Dr. Brown is a speaker and author of three books, and writes for many journals, scientific journals and popular publications. He holds a bachelor’s degree in Theology and Religion with a minor in Marketing, and a bachelor’s degree in Marriage and Family Counseling from Great Falls University. Dr. Brown also holds a PhD in Psychology with a specialization in Clinical Psychology from Capella University. He is a fellow of the American Academy of Experts on Traumatic Stress and a diplomat for the National Crisis Management Center. Dr. Brown continues to serve on many psychology and scientific boards.
There are 18 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 1,148 times.
If you want to know if the level of arguments between you and your partner is normal and healthy, you’re not alone. It can be painful to feel trapped in a battle with the person you care about most in your life, and the emotions left behind after an argument can make you wonder if your relationship is any good. We have good news for you – arguing is healthy, beneficial and completely normal. If you want to know why this is so and learn some tips for handling conflicts more effectively, read our answers below.
Steps
Is it healthy for a couple who never argues?
- Don’t worry because the two sides do not have an argument if the two of you have not known each other for a long time. Collisions will happen naturally over time. It is very common for relationships to go smoothly in the early stages. [3] X Research Sources
- It doesn’t take a lot of fighting to be considered a healthy relationship. Arguing just a few times a year is perfectly fine. The frequency of arguments is different for each couple. [4] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source
- Avoidance can create an atmosphere in which it becomes increasingly difficult for a couple to talk frankly.
- Little annoyances that accumulate gradually become big things.
- The constant avoidance also makes it difficult for the couple to set boundaries because neither of them know where the other’s boundaries are.
- If you often avoid a difficult conversation, the stress of always trying not to touch the issue will build up and make you fearful or upset when you’re around your partner.
Is it normal to argue every day?
- Dealing with and understanding complex issues takes time. Problems like infidelity cannot be solved in a day or two.
- These controversies should not last for months. However, arguing for a week or disagreeing for a few days is not a big deal.
- For example, if one person feels that the other person doesn’t respect them, they may get angry because the dishes are not washed, because the other person teases something or doesn’t pick up the phone when they call. If the root cause of the problem has not been resolved, the two sides are still fighting.
- This becomes a problem if the argument is stressful for you, your partner, or both. You shouldn’t put up with something that makes you unhappy every day.
- Everyone has a threshold in this regard, so you should focus on how it makes you feel rather than how often the arguments are.
How can I make arguments more effective?
- Tell yourself in your head, “This is the person I love, the person I care about, don’t say something you’ll regret later.”
- Don’t try to win. Nobody wins here. This is not a match – your goal is to solve the problem. This goal can only be achieved if you do not approach the argument as a competition.
- Schedule a time to argue! When you know in advance when you will argue, you will avoid many unpredictable things.
- Start arguments by meeting each other on a topic. That way, both of you will be looking for a solution instead of hanging around with nothing to do. This is especially important if the two of you keep arguing over the same issue, when there is no map to guide the argument!
- For example, suppose you normally say, “I never clean the house. You’re just messing around all day! You messed up the whole kitchen so I had to clean it all up.” Try using the rule above by saying, “I feel like I have to do everything when the kitchen is messy like this. I know I’m a bit difficult, but I take this seriously.”
- Harsh words popping out now won’t solve anything. Do your best to avoid doing so.
When is it normal for arguments to start?
- Surprisingly the honeymoon period usually lasts from 6-12 months! So don’t worry that your relationship is on the verge of a cliff if the two of you have been together for a year without any conflict and now suddenly quarrel. [15] X Research Source
- Some couples have very small, slow arguments. Other couples sound like they’re working. Some couples argue to the point of tears, others reconcile by making love to later argue more peacefully. Each pair has its own style.
- Arguing is also an art. If you’re in the early stages of your relationship and your arguments aren’t working, keep trying! [17] X Research Source
How do I know when an argument turns toxic?
- It’s common for people to act out this way when they’re too angry, so it’s essential to stop the conversation if you or your partner start to get angry.
- For example, if the other person curses at you, you could say, “Hey, that’s not fair. I’m not insulting you, so don’t say those harsh words to me. That won’t do any good.” If that doesn’t work, leave the argument.
- Think of the difference between “I feel you are behaving irresponsibly,” and “You are so irresponsible.” Focus on your feelings instead of their behavior, and don’t put the other person down.”
- Don’t hesitate to call police rapid response 113 (911 in the US) if you feel in danger. You can also call the domestic violence hotline at 1900 1768 (in the US, 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) for help.
What causes couples to quarrel?
- This is one of the reasons why two people need to be honest and open. If you have a habit of not sharing your feelings or not telling the truth about what you are thinking, conflicts can arise.
- Because of this, couples often argue about things like washing dishes. One waits for the other to fulfill their home care responsibilities, and when they fail to do so, they feel the other has broken their commitment. [24] X Research Source
- These conversations often turn into arguments because the issues are deeply personal and difficult to reconcile. However, you can absolutely find a solution to these problems if you stay calm and patient. .
- The good news is, if you can find a compromise early on, these problems are often easy to fix. If you’re in debt and your partner is rich, rules like “Don’t take lavish vacations without paying off your debt and only accept gifts, not borrow money” can help you avoid arguments.
This article was co-written by Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS. Dr. Asa Don Brown is a clinical psychologist with over 25 years of experience. He specializes in supporting families, children and couples, treating issues of all types of psychological disorders, trauma and abuse. Besides, he also has expertise in negotiation and information gathering. Dr. Brown is a speaker and author of three books, and writes for many journals, scientific journals and popular publications. He holds a bachelor’s degree in Theology and Religion with a minor in Marketing, and a bachelor’s degree in Marriage and Family Counseling from Great Falls University. Dr. Brown also holds a PhD in Psychology with a specialization in Clinical Psychology from Capella University. He is a fellow of the American Academy of Experts on Traumatic Stress and a diplomat for the National Crisis Management Center. Dr. Brown continues to serve on many psychology and scientific boards.
There are 18 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 1,148 times.
If you want to know if the level of arguments between you and your partner is normal and healthy, you’re not alone. It can be painful to feel trapped in a battle with the person you care about most in your life, and the emotions left behind after an argument can make you wonder if your relationship is any good. We have good news for you – arguing is healthy, beneficial and completely normal. If you want to know why this is so and learn some tips for handling conflicts more effectively, read our answers below.
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