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This article was co-written by Imad Jbara. Imad Jbara is a marriage and love expert with NYC Wingwoman LLC, a New York-based dating consultant. ‘NYC Wingwoman’ offers matchmaking and dating advice, one-on-one coaching, and an intensive weekend coaching program. Imad has helped over 100 clients, both men and women, improve their love lives through practical communication skills. He holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth.
There are 7 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 25,674 times.
Shyness is normal but it can make it harder to approach the girl you already have a crush on. Instead of letting your fear of rejection stop you from reaching out, you can work to overcome your insecurities and make yourself a confident communicator. Face the anxiety of not knowing what to say to your partner as you face other difficulties in life and you will find it easier to overcome your fears.
Steps
Chat with strangers
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Practice by chatting with salespeople. An important step in overcoming shyness is to practice with others to increase comfort in conversation. In fact, there are many situations where you can communicate with strangers comfortably and without pressure to improve your confidence when communicating. [1] X Research Source
- Approach the customer service staff in stores and ask them to find the item you want to buy or ask for advice on certain products.
- Smile at the cashier when paying the bill in the supermarket and ask how they were doing that day.
- Polite but brief. Your goal is not to create long conversations but mainly to improve your communication skills with strangers.
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Move on to small interactions. Once you’ve developed the skill to communicate through short conversations with strangers, you can continue to have small interactions with people but not necessarily the girl you’re interested in. By chatting with other people, you won’t feel too pressured to worry about being rejected. [2] X Research Source
- Talk to a co-worker or someone you meet at an event but not her, giving you a chance to practice talking with others.
- Comment on something to start a conversation with others. Try approaching someone at a party and say, “Do you know who sings this? I love this song”.
- Start a conversation with someone at work or school to discuss a recent project and turn the conversation into more personal matters. Try saying something like, “I was going to do that last night but got caught up in a very interesting dolphin show.”
- Practicing talking in a low-pressure environment can help you overcome your fear of rejection and feel more comfortable talking to people.
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Smile and make eye contact. No matter who you are talking to, smiling will make you more friendly and charming. Looking the other person in the eye when communicating will show your confidence but avoid staring as this can be insensitive to some people. [3] X Research Sources
- Practice smiling and making eye contact when you introduce yourself. It can be difficult at first, but it will make you friendly and confident, which are two factors that girls often find attractive.
- Smiling also makes you feel more comfortable in the situation you find yourself in. Research shows that smiling changes brain chemistry that makes you feel happier and more confident. [4] X Research Sources
Chat with the girl you like
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Don’t come up to her when she’s busy or focused on something. Depending on the environment, she may or may not want to talk to you. If you interrupt when a girl is working on something important or when it’s clear she doesn’t want to be disturbed, she probably won’t react positively to your introduction. [5] X Research Sources
- If she’s chatting with someone else, looking very focused on what she’s doing, or wearing headphones, she probably doesn’t want to be disturbed. You should consider starting a conversation with her another time.
- Places like bars, coffee shops, bookstores, or gyms are good places to start a conversation. Many people go to these places for fun and she probably also looks forward to chatting with someone when she comes here.
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Start a conversation with her after you’ve just seen each other. If you and her see each other while standing on either side of the room, you should still start a conversation with her soon after. If you look at her for too long before starting a conversation, you may make her uncomfortable. [6] X Research Source
- Looking at someone from a distance for a long time without coming up to talk to you will make you appear more intimidating than friendly.
- Your conversation should sound natural rather than premeditated, so you need to let seeing each other from both sides of the room be the catalyst that makes you want to strike up a conversation.
- Approach her and say hello, then introduce yourself the way you’ve practiced before.
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State the purpose of your conversation. Don’t just introduce yourself and chat right away. Start with a friendly comment that makes her want to continue the conversation with you if she’s really interested.
- You can start a conversation in a direct way. Try saying something like, “I saw you from the other side and I thought if I didn’t come say hello, I’d be tormenting myself all day.”
- You can say to her, “Hi, I’m new here and I don’t know anyone. I hope you don’t mind talking to me for a few minutes.”
- If you’ve met before, you can mention a class you both attended or a party you attended.
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Acknowledge your shyness when talking to her. No matter how much you practice, you’ll still be thrilled to strike up a conversation with someone you like. Don’t expect that she won’t notice your nervousness, because the truth is, she will. Instead, you should overcome the nervousness by mentioning it during the conversation. [7] X Research Sources
- You could say, “I’m always thrilled to meet new people!”.
- If you want to compliment her, you can say, “I can’t help but get nervous talking to a pretty girl like you.”
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Ask a question or make a comment so the conversation doesn’t come to a dead end. After starting a conversation with her, you will feel the conversation quickly fade away. This doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s not interested in you, so you need to ask her questions and comment on what’s going on to fill the awkward gap. [8] X Research Sources
- Allow her to talk more about the story just mentioned. If she says she just moved here, you can ask about where she used to live by saying, “Was the place where you lived at night before?”. Her answers will tell you what activities she enjoys when she hangs out.
- Point out something interesting going on around you. If at school, you can mention the teacher standing nearby and ask if she attends that teacher’s class and give your opinion. You might say, “Did you take his class? He teaches very well but gives a lot of exercises”.
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Always be yourself. You may lie or act like someone to look better or more confident in front of your crush, but remember, if you want to date her seriously, you should be honest.
- It’s hard to accept that she’s not interested in you, but at least you’re not trying to be someone you’re not.
- If she responds enthusiastically, you can feel free to express yourself, and that’s a good start to a relationship.
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Ask how to contact her. If she seems interested in you, the conversation will go well. Use that to ask if you can call or friend her on social media. [9] X Research Source
- Asking for her phone number sounds like you’re flirting, so it’s easier or more comfortable to ask if you can friend her on social media – if you’re not sure how much she likes you. it’s for you.
- Try asking, “Can I call you sometime?”.
- If you want to communicate via social media then feel free to ask her if she uses any social media. Try asking: “Do you use Facebook?”. If she says yes, then you can continue to say, “So can I befriend you on Facebook?”.
Beat shyness
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Deal with shyness like any other problem. Shyness is an emotional barrier that you can overcome with effort and practice. For example, if you want to lose weight, you will plan to adopt a healthy diet and exercise. To overcome shyness, you can also create a plan of your own. [10] X Research Source
- Make a plan to help yourself overcome your fear of talking to the girl you like.
- Use that plan to create a short-term goal that will help you become comfortable talking to her.
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Exercise at home. The first step in your plan to overcome shyness is to practice talking to your loved ones at home. Make yourself feel comfortable saying something like introducing yourself or saying hello confidently. [11] X Research Source
- Practice will make greetings and self-introductions part of your ‘muscle memory’ so you don’t have to think about what to do when you meet someone.
- Practice speaking in front of a mirror so you can see what you look like when interacting with others and adjust to present yourself with confidence.
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Change your mind about being rejected. Shyness is often caused by a fear of rejection. It’s natural to feel defeated because of rejection, but that doesn’t mean you should feel that way. Instead of thinking of rejection as a failure, take it for granted: it was a learning experience. [12] X Research Source
- Often what it feels like to be rejected is nothing compared to the difficulties others face. Everyone has bad days, is in a bad mood, or struggles with their own insecurities in the face of others.
- Rejection won’t knock you down. In fact, even if you get it right, you won’t feel any pain. Instead of thinking of rejection as a failure, see it as an opportunity to learn from experience and better understand how to communicate with others.
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Stop predicting the future. The fear of rejection stems from the common practice of trying to predict how things will turn out before you face them. Humans develop the ability to visualize bad situations as a survival skill, but this point is difficult to eliminate in a situation where there is no danger. [13] X Research Source
- Don’t let yourself think that every approach to the girl you like won’t work.
- If you can’t change your mind and keep imagining how the communication will happen, focus on imagining that everything is fine. This will increase your confidence and help you become the master of the action.
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This article was co-written by Imad Jbara. Imad Jbara is a marriage and love expert with NYC Wingwoman LLC, a New York-based dating consultant. ‘NYC Wingwoman’ offers matchmaking and dating advice, one-on-one coaching, and an intensive weekend coaching program. Imad has helped over 100 clients, both men and women, improve their love lives through practical communication skills. He holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth.
There are 7 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 25,674 times.
Shyness is normal but it can make it harder to approach the girl you already have a crush on. Instead of letting your fear of rejection stop you from reaching out, you can work to overcome your insecurities and make yourself a confident communicator. Face the anxiety of not knowing what to say to your partner as you face other difficulties in life and you will find it easier to overcome your fears.
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