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This article was co-written by Klare Heston, LCSW. Klare Heston is a licensed independent clinical social worker in Ohio. She received her Master of Social Work degree from Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983.
This article has been viewed 31,967 times.
People ask “How are you?” when chatting as a way to greet and interact with you. Answering this question can be tricky, and you’re probably unsure of the best way to respond. In an office environment or chatting with acquaintances, you can answer briefly and politely. In other cases when talking to a close friend or family member, you can give longer answers and chat more. With consideration, you might be able to answer this common question correctly depending on your social circumstances.
Steps
Short and standard feedback
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Respond with “I’m fine, thanks” or “I’m fine, thanks.” You can use this response if you’re having a polite conversation with someone you’re not close to, such as an acquaintance. at a party or someone you just met [1] X Research Source
- You can also do the same if you’re talking to someone at work, such as a colleague, client, or boss.
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Respond with “Not bad” or “It’s fine” if you want to appear positive and friendly. You can also say “It’s not too bad” or “Everything is fine”. These responses are an appropriate way to show a positive attitude to a co-worker, client, boss, or acquaintance.
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Say “I’m fine, thanks” if you’re feeling unwell but want to be polite. If you are sick or feel a little unwell, you can respond politely to let the other person know your condition. They may continue to chat or ask you more questions. [2] X Research Source
- This is the right answer if you don’t want to lie about your condition, but you don’t want to be too honest or share personal information with them.
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Make eye contact when responding. Interact with them through eye contact as you answer questions, whether you’re trying to respond politely or briefly. Keep your arms relaxed at your sides and turn your body toward them to show positive body language. This will make them more comfortable to talk to. [3] X Research Sources
- You can also smile or nod when you want to be friendly.
Give answers to encourage conversation
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Give detailed answers when responding to close friends, family members, or lovers. They are the people you are close to and trust. Tell them how you feel more fully and meaningfully.
- You can also be honest and tell your coworkers or close friends how you really feel.
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State how you feel. Answer like this, “Actually I’m feeling…” or “You know, I have a feeling…” If you’re feeling pressured or going through a tough time, you can also mention that. so that your loved ones can help you. [4] X Research Sources
- For example, you could say, “Actually, I’ve been feeling a little sad lately. I think I’m under stress and anxiety” if you’re feeling unwell or uncomfortable.
- You might say, “You know, I feel great. I finally found a job that I love and I feel more confident” if you’re feeling cheerful and happy.
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Give detailed answers when your doctor asks “How are you?” Let them know if you are unwell or have a health problem that bothers you, as this will help them treat you appropriately. [5] X Research Sources
- You should also give honest answers to any health professionals, such as nurses or physician assistants. If you’re unwell, they need to know that so they can help you feel better.
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Say “It’s not okay” or “I think something is wrong” if you feel tired. This response will help you be honest and your partner will know that you are not feeling well. Perhaps they will ask more questions and show sympathy for your condition. [6] X Research Sources
- Only use this answer if you want to tell them about your condition. This is often a cue for them to inquire further and try to make you feel better.
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End your response with “Thanks for your interest.” Let the other person know that you value the question and their willingness to listen to your detailed answers. This is an effective way to end a response on a positive note, even if you reply that you feel uncomfortable or unwell.
- You can also say, “I appreciate you asking, thank you” or “Thank you for listening.”
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Ask them if they are well. Let them know that you want to talk more by asking, “How are you?” when you have answered their question. [7] X Research Sources
- For example, you could say, “I’m fine, thanks for your concern. How are you?” or “I’m fine, thanks. How about you?”
- For some people, if you ask them the same question, they will nod and say “I’m fine” or “I’m fine” and then walk away. Do not be discouraged; Asking how someone is these days is sometimes not considered a real way to start a conversation to exchange a lot.
Understand the situation correctly
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Consider your relationship with the other person. If you are close to them and have shared previous personal experiences or feelings, it makes sense for you to give a detailed answer. If you are not familiar with them, such as someone you work with or know through a friend or family member, you can respond briefly and politely. [8] X Research Sources
- You can give detailed answers if you want to develop a relationship with the person on a deeper level and become closer to them.
- Be respectful about opening up just because you feel awkward and don’t really feel close to the person.
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Notice when and where they ask “How are you?” If they ask you at work while using the coffee machine, they’ll expect a short, polite answer that’s appropriate in an office setting. If they ask you while having a drink or dinner after school or work, you can give a more detailed and personal answer.
- If you’re around other people in a group setting, it’s OK to respond briefly, politely, as it would be inappropriate to reply at length or give personal information in front of others.
- In most cases, if you’re with friends or family, it’s okay to give a detailed answer. If you’re around co-workers, peers, or authority figures, a shorter, polite response will be appropriate.
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Pay attention to the other person’s body language. Notice if they make eye contact with you, stand still, and turn toward you. These are usually signals that they want to connect with you on a more intimate level and want to chat with you. [9] X Research Source
- If they don’t make eye contact or just glance and pass you by, they’re probably not interested in a long conversation. In this case, you can respond briefly so that the situation doesn’t become awkward.
X
This article was co-written by Klare Heston, LCSW. Klare Heston is a licensed independent clinical social worker in Ohio. She received her Master of Social Work degree from Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983.
This article has been viewed 31,967 times.
People ask “How are you?” when chatting as a way to greet and interact with you. Answering this question can be tricky, and you’re probably unsure of the best way to respond. In an office environment or chatting with acquaintances, you can answer briefly and politely. In other cases when talking to a close friend or family member, you can give longer answers and chat more. With consideration, you might be able to answer this common question correctly depending on your social circumstances.
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