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Maybe you’re just a teenage girl having a boyfriend for the first time, or even if you’re a little older, you always have a hard time telling your parents that you have a boyfriend, especially when they you fastidious. Or maybe you’re a boy but don’t know how to tell your parents that you’re gay. Either way, confessing to your parents that you have a boyfriend is worrisome, but if you approach the subject appropriately, they’ll probably be more than willing to accept the news. If all goes well, they might even be happy for you. The following are suggestions to help you get through this task as lightly as possible.
Steps
Revealing news
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Practice speaking or writing. If you are afraid to speak because you are too embarrassed, you can write down what you intend to say, then practice speaking in front of a mirror. That way when a stressful moment comes, you can talk about the problem without pausing. [1] X Research Source
- When you write down what you want to say, you can try to guess your parents’ reaction. That way, you can answer their concerns when talking about your boyfriend.
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Practice. It’s normal to feel nervous when you tell your parents about your new relationship. Practicing what to say in advance will make things easier. Ask a friend or relative who understands the story to help you practice.
- You can also try doing it in front of a mirror. [2] X Research Source
- Get help from someone trustworthy, someone who won’t leak information before you’re ready. For example, choose a cousin you are close to over a sibling, as they may feel the need to tell their parents right away.
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Think about who to tell first. Maybe you feel closer to your mom or dad, or maybe one of you tends to be more empathetic. Usually sharing the news with the easier person opens the way for you to talk to the other person. [3] X Research Sources
- For example, if you’re your dad’s “wine daughter,” meaning you can convince him easily, you should start talking to him first. Conversely, if your father tends to be overly protective of you, then talk to your mother first.
- This approach is especially helpful if you are a young woman having a boyfriend for the first time.
- On the other hand, if you think both parents are receptive to the same information, try to muster up the courage to tell both of them at the same time.
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Choose the right time. You should not talk to your parents when they are busy with something, or when they are not in a good mood. If you want, you can ask them when is a good time to talk. Try to choose a time when the whole family is relaxed, parents are not stressed or distracted by any problems. [4] X Research Sources
- However, you should not take advantage of the excuse of having to choose an appropriate time to continuously delay the disclosure of information. You have to say it eventually, so it’s better not to delay.
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Identify your feelings. You are afraid to tell your parents for a reason. Do you think your parents will get mad because you’re dating? Maybe you think they don’t approve of the person you’re dating, or you simply want to keep your privacy private. Your feelings are important, because you can use them in a conversation. [5] X Research Sources
- For example, if you think your parents don’t think you’re ready to date yet, you could say, “Mom and Dad, I have something to talk about. I’m a little shy to say that I have a boyfriend, because I think you’ve got a boyfriend. I still see you as a child.”
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End the problem quickly. After sitting down, you just need to say the problem quickly, don’t talk around. However, you should find the opening words of the story to ease the problem. For example, you should say, “I love you very much and I don’t want to make you angry. And I also want to be honest about my life. I want to announce the boyfriend I’ve started dating. “.
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Talk about why you feel ready for a date. If you want to convince your parents about this, you have to give reasons why you think you’re old enough to date. For example, you think you’re old enough to have a boyfriend because you’re in high school, and most of your peers are already allowed to date. Be reasonable and don’t get angry if your parents disagree. [6] X Research Sources
- Maybe your parents don’t accept the “All the others are!” excuse. However, you can get statistics from the internet about the average age people start dating, and give examples that show you’ve grown in the past year.
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Willing to negotiate. If your parents disagree and you want to convince them to let you, you need to be willing to negotiate. You can suggest that you only see your boyfriend at school or that you only see him in the presence of other friends in the group. Your parents just want to protect you, so you have to be willing to sacrifice some of your freedom. [7] X Research Sources
- Listen to what your parents have to say and think about whether their concerns are justified. Although they can be confusing at times, you should remember that they are older than you and have more experience. They may be able to see warning signs or problems that you haven’t experienced before. If they appear nervous, look out for signs that they may be right.
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Talk about boyfriend. Tell your parents about your boyfriend. Tell them about his family and what you like about that person. Highlight your boyfriend’s good traits so they can imagine what he’s like. It’s also good to show them a picture of him. [8] X Research Sources
- Your parents will probably ask many questions. You should answer all questions honestly and completely to reassure them about the relationship. If you try to hide or lie about something, they will become suspicious and anxious.
- If your boyfriend has a good relationship with his family, you should tell your parents. This trait is a big plus for parents because it shows that your boyfriend respects others and will also value family ties.
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Don’t try to hide. One of the most important things to do if you want your parents to accept your boyfriend is to tell them in person. If they learn about this relationship from someone else, they will assume that you are hiding it because you feel you are doing something wrong. [9] X Research Source
- You should let them know even if you don’t plan to bring your boyfriend home to introduce to your family in the near future. As a general rule, you should admit you have a boyfriend as soon as possible. Avoiding talking will only make matters worse later on, and increase the risk of your parents finding out about someone else’s story.
- Once you’ve grown up and moved out on your own, you don’t have to say every single boyfriend you know. Wait until there is a real friend who feels sure and serious, then officially inform everyone.
Dealing with special situations
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Drill mentioned the cons. If you know something about your boyfriend that would upset your parents, don’t start the conversation about it. Instead, you should wait until the middle or end of the talk to speak. For example, if he is much older than you, you should delay revealing this information until near the end of the conversation. [10] X Research Source
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Understand that parents may be disappointed. If you’re going against your parents’ wishes, they’ll definitely be upset. What you have to do is deal with their anger and even tears, making them understand your reasoning. [11] X Research Source
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Please wait. It may take some time for your parents to get used to this information. If they get angry while you’re talking and say “no,” they may change their mind later when their anger has subsided. Either way, you have to respect the fact that you need to maintain a relationship with your parents, which means you can’t list them as bad people just because they disagree. [12] X Research Source
Tell your parents that you’re gay
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Wait for the right time. This is going to be a tough conversation, especially if you’re not sure how your parents will react. It’s better to wait until you feel comfortable about the conversation. It won’t be easy if you’re having doubts about your gender, as your parents often try to convince you that you’re not gay. [13] X Research Source
- If you are hesitant about your gender, they will ask questions like “Are you sure?”. It’s normal to discuss your concerns with your parents, but you should know they’ll often ask if you’re sure about your feelings. If you’re not sure, it’s generally fine. Maybe you have feelings for a certain guy now, and later decide to like women. Sexual orientation can change over time. [14] X Research Source
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Test first. It’s hard to admit to being gay with everyone, so it’s a good idea to tell someone who understands you first. For example, if you have a gay friend or know someone who supports gay people, talk to them about your sexual orientation before meeting your parents. The first time confessing is difficult, so try to tell others first so that when you talk to your parents, it will be easier for you to open up. Furthermore, the person can give you advice if they are also gay. It is important that you completely trust them. [15] X Research Source
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Presenting objective information. If you need to convince your parents, try to present them with objective information about homosexuality. [16] X Research Sources There are many reliable sources of information on homosexuality, such as the Planned Parenthood website about the gay and transgender community. [17] X Research Source
- You should also prepare documents for them to see or give a website address for them to refer to themselves. [18] X Research Sources
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Give them time. Many parents need time to adjust to this new statement, as most of them expect their child to be fully male or female, now they have to change the way they think about who you are. Let your parents know they don’t have to accept the truth right away. [19] X Research Source
- For example, you could say, “I know this is very important information, and I understand it will take you some time to adjust to this fact.”.
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Knowing when it’s not a good idea. If you know your parents will react very negatively because of their beliefs, you should think twice about making this disclosure. That means, if you think your parents will kick you out of the house or act violently, it’s best to wait until you’re independent enough. [20] X Research Source
- You also shouldn’t let them know if you’re emotionally unbalanced, and know they’ll be very rough. [21] X Research Source
- Prepare to deal with a bad parent’s reaction in advance. Plan where you will go if things get stressful and who you can turn to for emotional support.
- You can get help from an LGBTQ nonprofit, such as The Trevor Project: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/trvr_support_center/coming-out/#sm.00019zneyztt2eehw0y1c8qhs18yj.
How to react when parents disagree
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Listen to your parents’ concerns. Love can blind us. Your parents may overreact to you having a boyfriend, but they also have legitimate concerns that you should consider. [22] X Research Source
- Ask your parents calmly and politely why they disagree. Perhaps it was one of his traits that made them nervous, and that worry was justified. Even if their reasons don’t seem to matter, listening to your parents’ doubts and concerns will help you understand what you need to do to convince them to accept the relationship.
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Understand the role of parents. Good parents take their children’s protection seriously, so it’s obvious that they have a hard time accepting the fact that their child is an adult. You should have some sympathy for them. [23] X Research Sources
- In addition to sympathy, you must also respect your parents. No matter how the conversation goes, you should treat them with respect. If you can politely voice your disagreement, they’ll be less upset and even eventually agree with you.
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Determine whether to stay in a relationship with your boyfriend. You should consider how deep your relationship with that boyfriend is and how your feelings for your parents will be affected if you continue to date. Weigh the gains and losses of all parties to come to a conclusion on what to do. Yes, it’s true that you love him but all your life you’ve only had them as your parents. [24] X Research Source
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Continue to convince. If you are not willing to leave your boyfriend, continue to bring this topic up to your parents. The harder you try to convince, the more you will understand each other. Sometimes they will give in to you. [25] X Research Sources
- You should also create more opportunities for your parents to get to know your boyfriend better. The more opportunities they have to meet, the more your parents’ perception of him will gradually change. If he’s a good guy, they’ll eventually notice.
- It’s also a good idea to schedule a casual meeting before telling your parents about the relationship. For example, your boyfriend might attend a group meeting at your house with other members of the group. That way, your parents will probably get to know him better.
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Discuss this with your boyfriend. If he is a good person, he will understand that gaining the support of his lover’s parents is an important step in your relationship. Both of you must work together to convince your parents to accept. [26] X Research Sources
- If your parents have never met this boyfriend, he should introduce himself to them and see this as a way to reassure them.
- If your parents make it clear why they don’t approve of the relationship, you should let him know and then maybe he will try to fix the flaws that have worried your parents.
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Thanks to his parents for help. Talk to your boyfriend’s parents about your relationship and find their support. If they agree, they will be willing to talk to your parents to convince them. [27] X Research Source
- This step is especially helpful if you’re a teenager having a boyfriend for the first time. Adults often find it difficult to have a common voice with young people, but they understand each other more easily. So if they agree to reach out to your parents and protect their relationship, and assure them of their son, your parents can accept this new reassurance.
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Maybe you’re just a teenage girl having a boyfriend for the first time, or even if you’re a little older, you always have a hard time telling your parents that you have a boyfriend, especially when they you fastidious. Or maybe you’re a boy but don’t know how to tell your parents that you’re gay. Either way, confessing to your parents that you have a boyfriend is worrisome, but if you approach the subject appropriately, they’ll probably be more than willing to accept the news. If all goes well, they might even be happy for you. The following are suggestions to help you get through this task as lightly as possible.
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