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This article was co-written by Ira Israel. Ira Israel is a private licensed counselor and psychotherapist with over 14 years of experience. He specializes in sharing with students about happiness and honesty. Ira organizes workshops on Happiness and Truth at the Esalen Institute and the Kripalu Center. In addition, he has written more than 400 articles on psychology, philosophy, Buddhism, yoga, film, art, music and literature for The Huffington Post, Good Men Project, Mind Body Green, Thrive Global and Medium. Ira is also the author of How to Survive Your Childhood Now That You’re an Adult: A Path to Authenticity and Awakening. get up). He holds a master’s degree in Psychology, Philosophy, and Religious Studies from the University of Pennsylvania.
This article has been viewed 4,640 times.
The main concept of personal “flaw” is imperfection. The “disadvantage” is an imperfection. No one is perfect, so everyone has flaws. However, there are many aspects of your personality, abilities, or habits that make you stressed out in certain situations. Find a way to understand and love yourself, and start calling those “flaws” by another name.
Steps
Build realistic self-assessment
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Rename the cons. Avoid calling shortcomings “flaws”. Instead, see them as attributes, rather than judge them harshly. Call them “disability”, “habit” or “my character”.
- Don’t label your personality as a weakness. You might consider yourself “shy” or “cool”–something that’s probably bad. Or you might just think of yourself as someone who needs time to get excited about new people – this is completely normal.
- Use loving and detailed language instead of ambiguity and criticism. Look in the mirror every day and say, “I really love myself.” Literally out loud. Get on top of a tall building and shout, “I’m proud of myself.” For example, let’s say your downside has become extremely bad. If so, climb to the roof and shout: “I’m ugly and I’m proud.” People will respect you for the courage you just had.
- Is that a “disability”? A relatively innocuous blemish may not really need “fixing”. You just have to learn how to match the differences.
- Is that something that’s sometimes useful? Some characteristics are sometimes good, and sometimes bad. That’s not a downside; it’s just something that you have to make an effort to know when to use it, and when you have to approach things differently. For example:
- Stubbornness can be resoluteness. A stubborn person can be adamant when things go wrong, and that causes problems. But being consistent with what’s right can be a real gift.
- Perfectionism is sometimes perfectionism. Perfectionists get in trouble when they try to fit the imperfect world into demanding standards and get frustrated when the world doesn’t come together. But for surgeons, Olympic athletes, and engineers, growth in jobs where perfection is the goal.
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Make a list of all your strengths and abilities. Include everything that happens to you. Don’t dismiss any quality because you think it might be unnecessary or unremarkable. List a few things like patience, kindness, courage, determination, taste, intelligence, or loyalty. Sometimes there is so much focus on one’s weaknesses that one’s strengths are lost. Having an understandable self-assessment will help you have a more balanced view of yourself. [1] X Research Source
- If you’re feeling too depressed on your own to make a list, start freelance writing for a while.
- Also get advice from friends and family. Sometimes others see the good in us that we don’t always admit to ourselves. And often these qualities are not mentioned enough.
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List some things that you are proud of. List accomplishments such as goals achieved, moments you surprised yourself, and tough times you overcame. You can take pride in recovering from a difficult situation, being by someone’s side when they are in a pinch, completing projects at work or school, or some of the things you’ve learned. . Write down your strengths, the things that you have learned to do well. [2] X Research Source
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List and pay attention to your own trends or needs. Freelance writing, list some things that feel uncomfortable. Make a list of things about yourself that you would like to change. The more specific the better. For example, instead of writing: “How I look,” write: “I don’t like it when my skin is acne-prone.” If you’re writing about an incident, put it in as much context as possible.
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Think about past experiences. Ask yourself how you got into certain habits and lifestyles. Are they cultural? Are they familiar? Is it biological? When do they happen? Have you been criticized by others? Do you notice messages from companies that try to make you insecure in order to sell you something? If you say something you later regret, ask yourself if this was a lack of tact you learned from your family, or your reaction to a dilemma. [3] X Research Sources
- If you’re spending too much money, ask yourself what caused these incidents, how you first started spending money, and what you want to do while spending.
- The more you understand past behaviors, the more likely you are to forgive yourself for them. [4] X Research Sources
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Reshape thinking. [5] X Research Sources What makes you see them as “flaws”? Do these traits have a positive side? Take a look at the list of strengths and ask yourself if any of the strengths listed are also linked to the qualities you’ve considered “disadvantages”. [6] X Research Source Start thinking about your characteristics in a positive light. [7] X Research Sources
- Perhaps you find that you are too sensitive. Reframe this mindset to remind yourself that sentimentality is why you have powerful empathy skills to comfort others in difficult times, and why people look to you for care. and support.
- Or perhaps you feel that you are excitable, but that could be associated with incredible creativity.
- Positive shaping won’t change these qualities, but it can give you a healthy change in perspective that will help you accept yourself. [8] X Research Sources
Practice total self-acceptance
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Avoid self-criticism. Treat yourself with kindness and respect. Instead of blaming yourself, speak to yourself calmly. When negative thoughts and feelings arise, identify them. You can say, “This is thinking I’m too fat”, or, “Well, I think ‘everyone knows more than me'”. [9] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
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Accept affirmations from others. When you are praised, say, “Thank you.” If the compliment is genuine and sincere, it would be impolite to refuse it. Rejecting compliments means missing out on opportunities to create positive connections with others, and positive affirmations for yourself. Let friends and family affirm you.
- If you are feeling really depressed about yourself, you can ask someone you love to tell you something they like about you. Proceed to receive and give advice.
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Pay attention if someone is trying to pull you down. Some evil people hide themselves with a kind exterior. Do you have a friend who always points out your shortcomings? Is there someone in your life who makes you happy or criticizes you in public or in private? When you’re proud of something, does anyone try to bring you down to the extreme by acting embarrassed or condescending?
- Try to remove these people from your life or spend as little time with them as possible. [10] X Research Source
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Love yourself before you improve. Accept your situation before attempting radical changes. If you try to fix yourself without acknowledging your inherent worth and likability first, you could be harming yourself. Self-improvement is beneficial, but you have to love yourself first. See yourself as a flourishing garden that needs watering, pruning, planting, and general maintenance: to prevent waterlogging and fire. [11] X Research Source
- If you want to perform better in school, first say to yourself, “I’m smart, I work hard, and I have dreams and ambitions. I’m capable of doing what I want to do.”
- Say these things instead of saying things like, “I’m so stupid and lazy and I failed my final exam and I’ll fail the next one.”
- Once you have a positive framework, you can continue to follow the action plan.
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Reshape the way you see self-improvement. When there is something you want to continue, you are not eliminating or hiding your weakness, but rather you are learning new skills.
- Instead of saying, “I’m going to stop talking so much,” say to yourself, “I’m going to learn how to listen more effectively.”
- Instead of saying, “I’m going to stop being critical,” try saying, “I’ll work harder to understand and accept different perspectives and ways of life.”
- Instead of saying, “I’m going to lose weight,” try saying, “I’ll continue to take better care of my body by exercising more, eating better, and reducing stress.”
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Realize unrealistic standards. There are many images, beliefs and ideas that we encounter in the world. They may not be practical to make themselves or others respect. These can come from the media, from organizations like schools, or organized by family and friends. If you find yourself unhappy with some aspect of yourself, you may have to confront these ideas. For example:
- Looks like a supermodel. Only a very small percentage of people can come from anywhere like an actor, model or someone. Most people are not born beautiful, thin, and whatever is “in” beauty is in the present. However, they usually have a team of makeup artists, personal trainers, designers and graphic artists to create this look. Lowering this standard is not a weakness—you’re just a normal person, which is fine. If you still let yourself stick to a realistic standard, of course you won’t be happy.
- Be a perfect student. Most education focuses on math, science, and literacy. While these are important, not everyone views them as strengths. Even excellent people will fail exams or sometimes forget deadlines. Unfortunately, schools often don’t categorize what a good friend you are, your artistic abilities, or how good you are at sports, your ability to work hard, or your courageous, adventurous mindset. Friend. Not being a good student isn’t necessarily a drawback—it’s just that your strengths may lie in another area. You can be a successful person without necessarily being an A student.
- There’s no need to be “high achievers” like other family members. You may feel inadequate when you do not possess a family trait that is appreciated by other members. You may not be perfect, but you are different. Although a proper and loving family can accept this, it can be difficult to be yourself if you are not like everyone else. This may include:
- Sports ability/interest
- Knowledge
- Political bias.
- Trust
- Interested in family business
- Artistry
Move forward
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Understand the difference between self-improvement and self-acceptance. Accepting both the good and the bad doesn’t mean you can’t commit to yourself for personal growth. It’s simply accepting yourself–not just the good or the bad–but who you are. You are who you are and that’s normal, flawed and all that. [12] X Research Source Self-acceptance means that you accept yourself in the present moment unconditionally, as imperfect and unique.
- If you keep thinking, “I can accept myself if I stop overeating and lose weight,” then you’re setting conditions for self-acceptance that can always be broken. [13] X Source of Research Feel free to pursue self-improvement, make yourself more efficient, or become stronger, but never take it as a condition for self-acceptance. close.
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Learn how to ask for help. Sometimes it’s natural to be conflicted or feel depressed about yourself. One of the ways to make things better is to talk about your feelings or ask the people around you to support you. You don’t have to be alone, and you deserve help.
- If you’re having a hard time at school or work, talk to someone. They can listen sincerely and help you figure out how to make things better.
- If you often feel negative about yourself, consider asking your doctor to check you out for issues like anxiety, depression, and body dysmorphic disorder. Getting help is the first step you need to take to fix the problem.
See yourself as a work in progress. Time and experience create many opportunities to correct the weaknesses. To grow and develop, we will often need time and make many mistakes, and even years. Be patient with yourself. Demanding to fix weaknesses easily and quickly will lead to disappointment, because people need to grow, develop and learn all their lives. For example:
- Teenagers who are in a hurry will become responsible adults.
- The 3rd grader who was once a bad student will improve his grades as he learns a few new study skills.
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Find a support group. Support groups are available for a variety of reasons: from building self-esteem to recovering from an eating disorder. Consider looking into local support groups or find an active online space if you’re struggling with something. Groups can help you understand, accept your characteristics, and feel less alone.
- There are many different groups that aim to help minorities. You can find many communities that will support your self-esteem and help you cope, such as Health At Every Size, Autistic Culture, and asexuality.org. Call 1900599930 to contact the Psychological Crisis Center (PCP).
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Hang out with positive people. Spend time with someone who makes you feel good about yourself. Limit your contact with people who make you feel bad. It’s important to spend time with someone who lifts you up and makes you happier.
- Be proactive and ask people to hang out with you. Invite them to walk with you, visit to talk, or make plans with them.
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Continue to forgive . We may wish a lot, but we cannot change the past. Reflect on past mistakes whether they were the result of a certain decision or the way you behaved. [14] X Research What you can do is admit your mistakes and work to learn and grow from them.
- If you can’t stop focusing on the mistake, say to yourself, “I made the best decision with the information (or ability) I had at the time.” [15] X Source of Research With the mistake over, you now have new information when making future decisions.
Advice
- Some “deficiencies” are actually symptoms of a disability, like autism, dyslexia, or attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). If you have a lot of defects that make you look different, you may need to do some research and talk to your doctor. A disability diagnosis will help you get help, understand yourself better, and connect with the disability support community.
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This article was co-written by Ira Israel. Ira Israel is a private licensed counselor and psychotherapist with over 14 years of experience. He specializes in sharing with students about happiness and honesty. Ira organizes workshops on Happiness and Truth at the Esalen Institute and the Kripalu Center. In addition, he has written more than 400 articles on psychology, philosophy, Buddhism, yoga, film, art, music and literature for The Huffington Post, Good Men Project, Mind Body Green, Thrive Global and Medium. Ira is also the author of How to Survive Your Childhood Now That You’re an Adult: A Path to Authenticity and Awakening. get up). He holds a master’s degree in Psychology, Philosophy, and Religious Studies from the University of Pennsylvania.
This article has been viewed 4,640 times.
The main concept of personal “flaw” is imperfection. The “disadvantage” is an imperfection. No one is perfect, so everyone has flaws. However, there are many aspects of your personality, abilities, or habits that make you stressed out in certain situations. Find a way to understand and love yourself, and start calling those “flaws” by another name.
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