How To Accept An Apology

Sometimes it’s hard to accept an apology from someone who really hurt you. Maybe their apology isn’t sincere enough, maybe you need more time to think, or maybe you just can’t think of any words to express how you feel. However, once you’ve decided to accept an apology, you can put it into words and find a way to forgive. If the apology seems sincere and sincere, try to accept it – for your own good – and show the forgiveness in action.

Table of Contents

Apology rating

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Pay attention to the wording in the apology. Notice if they use “I” as the subject, such as “Now that I know I was wrong, I’m so sorry I did.” This shows that the person is taking responsibility for his or her actions, an important part of a true apology. ^{[1] X Trusted Source Harvard Business Review Go to the source} Also, listen to their tone of voice and observe their body language. When apologizing, people often make eye contact and use a sincere voice. Avoiding eye contact, monotonous speech, or sarcasm can be signs that the person is not sincere. ^{[2] X Research Source}

A real apology has to be frank and honest. Example: “Now you know what you did was wrong. He is very sorry. I’m sorry for what I did and I hope you can forgive me.”
Note that each person’s body language can be different, depending on the person’s circumstances and health condition. For example, people with social anxiety may avoid eye contact even though they are sincere. However, indifference is not easily concealed, so a person who just apologizes for it will be very noticeable. ^{[3] X Research Sources}
Beware of fake apologies or not really admitting fault. Insincere apologies may include statements such as “I’m sorry you felt offended by that”; “I’m sorry for making you feel that way”; “I do not mean that”; “Even though mistakes have been made, we can get over them”, etc. ^{[4] X Sources of Research} These types of “apologies” are a form of separation of the apologetic from the hurtful action and show that they want to deny responsibility.

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Watch for passive-aggressive language in the apology. This could be a sign of an insincere apology. When a person doesn’t really want to apologize, they may immediately point out how wrong you were, or blame you for most or all of what happened. That kind of apology could be a sign that the speaker is not willing to admit fault and that they are holding you accountable for not having to suffer the consequences of their actions. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

For example, a passive-aggressive statement might look like this: “Well, because I asked you to go to the party with me, but you didn’t, so I had to lie to you to go alone. If you agreed to go in the first place, I wouldn’t be lying. Sorry to you.”
In the example above, perhaps this person is not really apologizing but has a bad habit of using a fake apology just to get over the matter.

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Listen to your intuition. Of all the ways you can analyze someone’s psyche, intuition can often be a good yardstick to help you decide whether to believe and accept their apology. Take some time to review the apology and listen to your intuition about the person and their apology. You can ask yourself the following questions: ^{[6] X Trusted Source Harvard Business Review Go to source}

Does your hunch tell you that the person is well-meaning and sincere?
Do they ask your forgiveness and promise not to repeat the behavior? Those are the two key and necessary elements of a sincere apology. (The other important factor mentioned above is taking responsibility and not blaming.)
Do you feel doubt or bewilderment around that person? If an apology causes you “fear, duty, and guilt” (emotional manipulation) then it is not an apology but a trick they use to control you and stop you. question their actions. ^{[7] X Research Sources}
Can you sense the sincerity of their apology?

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Think about whether you are willing to accept their apology. Before accepting an apology, perhaps you should consider the circumstances and how familiar you are with the person. Example: ^{[8] X Research Source}

If the person apologizing is a close friend or family member and it’s not the first time they’ve made a mistake, ask yourself if they’re just apologizing to get rid of the guilt. Their previous bad behavior with sloppy promises may indicate that they have a bad habit of using apologies as a shield to shirk responsibility.
If your lover or family member is apologizing to you for something that doesn’t fit their personality and is rare, it may be easier for you to accept their apology.
Does the person apologize out of habit? In this case, it may be difficult for you to know when they are sincere, because their habit of apologizing can make you no longer feel their sincere apology. ^{[9] X Research Source} Ignoring the person’s verbal apology, you need to see if they are responsible, can show remorse, ask for forgiveness and promise not to do it again.

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Give yourself time or talk to the person more closely. There are many reasons why people make mistakes or hurt others. It’s important to let go of the person’s old mistakes, especially if they’ve honestly admitted their mistakes. If you’re still wondering whether to trust their contrite voices, you may need a longer conversation with them to express your doubts. ^{[10] X Research Source}

This approach is probably better than accepting an apology you don’t believe and holding onto resentment or resentment even if it doesn’t show. It also allows you to articulate what has hurt you and point out the consequences you want them to deal with.

Accept the appologize

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Thank you to the person who apologized to you. Start by letting the person know that you appreciate their apology and willingness to correct. You can say something as simple as “Thank you for your apology” or “I accept your apology. Thank you.” ^{[11] X Research Source}

Listen sincerely. You have a right to expect a sincere apology, because it is normal and reasonable, but you also have a responsibility to listen to the apology honestly, which means not interrupting, criticizing, and not causing an argument. about the apology or while they are apologizing.
Don’t dismiss their apology with statements like “It’s okay”, “Nothing”. Your attitude can hurt their feelings because it makes the apology seem worthless, and the problem is still there. It can also leave them feeling that you hate them, and this will build up into a boil that leaves the problem unresolved. If you need more time to cool off, make it clear, such as: “Thank you, I understand your apology, but I’m still very upset right now and need more time to believe it’s going to happen. This won’t happen again.” ^{[12] X Research Source}
Be willing to show appreciation to the person for having the courage to apologize and admit their mistake.

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Express how hurt you were/still are. After thanking the person apologizing, you should be clear and specific that you were/still hurt about what the person did to you. This shows that you are honest about your feelings, and shows them that you are not taking the situation lightly or taking the situation as a joke. You can say, “Thank you for apologizing to me. I’m so sad you lied to me” or “I understand that you’re really sorry. Thank you. I was very upset when you yelled at me in front of my parents.” ^{[13] X Research Source}

Be clear and candid about how you feel when the person treats you badly, but don’t use a passive-aggressive tone and don’t be critical. Be as sincere and direct as they apologize to you.

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Say “I understand” instead of “It’s okay”. Say that you understand why the person did this, that you accept their apology and let it go. You can say, “I understand why you feel the need to lie. I accept your apology.” ^{[14] X Research Source}

Sayings like “It’s okay” or “Forget it” confuse them as to whether or not you’ll accept the apology. It can also become a joke, belittling, and disrespectful, especially when the person is really serious about apologizing. Remember that it takes a lot of courage for people to admit they’re wrong, and treat their efforts as sincere until proof to the contrary.

Respond to an apology via text in clear, concise language. Text-based apologies aren’t as good as face-to-face apologies, but they’re still better than other ways. When you receive an apology from someone via text message, you can take the usual steps of accepting an apology, but be sure to make it clear so the person knows how you feel. Don’t easily forgive them just because they don’t confront you, and make sure they know how much they’ve hurt you. ^{[15] X Research Source}

For example, you could text back: “Thank you, I need to hear your apology. I was very upset when you ignored me in class the other day, but I understand that you were in a bad mood at the time.”
You can also offer to talk to the person face-to-face or via video chat instead of texting.

Show forgiveness in action

Try to return to normal. You accepted one person’s apology – and now what? Things can be a little awkward at first, and both of you can feel a little uncomfortable. However, if you can get over that and change the subject of the conversation or let go of the past, you can start to welcome the person back to you and get your relationship back on track. . ^{[16] X Research Source}

Things may not return to normal right away, and you still need more time to calm down after the other person has apologized. Understand that there will still be some friction between the two sides after the apology.
You can even dispel the awkwardness (if any) by saying something like, “Okay, it’s over. Shall we go back to work as usual?” or “Okay, let’s stop being serious now.”

Try to forgive by self-soothing. Even if you’ve accepted someone’s apology, you may still find it harder to get over it than you think. Whenever you think about something bad that happened to you, you may feel all your anxiety, sadness, or stress flooding back, and this is completely normal. If you’re looking for forgiveness, try methods like deep breathing, meditation, or self-care therapies to help you relax. This way, you can heal old wounds and think better of the person you’re trying to forgive. ^{[17] X Research Source}

Forgiveness may not come immediately, it may even never come. Be forgiving, but don’t expect it to happen overnight.

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Suggest that you both spend some good time together. Another way to show forgiveness is to “hit the reset button” to show the person that you’re willing to accept the apology. Ask them to spend some good time with you to show that you still enjoy playing with them and that you continue to be friends. If necessary, you can remind the person that you’re still trying to forgive, but while the wound isn’t healing, don’t try to act as if everything is back to normal; anyway now both are looking to the new normal to heal after what happened. ^{[18] X Research Sources}

Plan an activity where the two of you must work together, such as playing a sport, going on a picnic, taking a community class, etc. This shows your willingness to rebuild trust and renew friendships.
Ask them to do things they both loved in the past to show that you’re willing to let go of the negatives and focus on the good times.

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Prepare yourself if there is a problem between you and that person again. While you should tell yourself to try to fully trust the person again, especially when they’ve sincerely admitted their mistake and you’ve accepted it, you should also keep an eye out for the warning signs. These could be clues that the person may be repeating old mistakes or reverting to bad habits that could lead to trouble and having to apologize again. Try to help that person avoid making the same mistake or hurting you as before. ^{[19] X Research Source}

For example, if the person starts to be late to dates, talk to them, as they may not even be aware of it. Remind them that you feel hurt when they do. This may encourage them to try harder.

Handling difficult situations

End the relationship if you can’t get over it. Forgiving someone is one thing, but forgetting the hurt they’ve caused is another. Even if you have forgiven someone, you may not be able to forget what they did. If so, you should break up for the good of both of you. A healthy relationship cannot thrive if there is still animosity between the two parties. ^{[20] X Research Source}

You can say, “I accepted your apology that day, but I’m not sure I can ever forget what you did. I’m sorry, but I think we’re going to have to part.”
Or “I take our friendship very seriously, but what happened last month still haunts me. I don’t think I can get through this, and I need to take time for myself.”

Beware of those who continue to “get used to the old way”. Give someone a second chance. But what about the third time? And a fourth time? There are people who easily say sorry because they know that you will accept it anyway, and they can “pierce” you. If your partner or friend makes mistakes and apologizes time and time again, they probably didn’t mean well by apologizing. In the end, you may end up having to sever the relationship if they don’t correct their bad habits. ^{[21] X Research Source}

The best way to apologize is through actions, not just words. If someone continues to do things that they already know will hurt you, it means they don’t really know the fault.

Agree with someone who keeps apologizing. If someone close to you doesn’t stop apologizing, they probably really feel guilty. But it’s annoying to hear them say it over and over again, and it can make you even more uncomfortable when they make a mistake. To get the person to stop, try agreeing to their apology. Instead of saying, “Okay, okay,” try saying, “You know what? You’re right. You made me so sad, but I’m glad you apologized.” ^{[22] X Research Source}

Often this is enough to give them peace of mind and can help both of you feel more comfortable.

Steps

Apology rating

Accept the appologize

Show forgiveness in action

Handling difficult situations

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