How Not to Love Your Best Friend

Most people easily balance friendship and love; However, many people unknowingly develop higher feelings for their close friends. If this happens, or if you are worried that it will happen, then you need to skillfully avoid the triggers of love development from the friendship.

Table of Contents

When you’re with your best friend

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Determine your friendship. Worrying about falling in love with the wrong best friend will make your thoughts and feelings about your friendship no longer clear. If you feel a crush on your friend, remember why you both became friends and why you cherish the relationship. Then think about the value that will be lost if you follow your heart’s call to love your friend. ^{[1] X Research Source}

Attaching to the feelings of a man and a woman will complicate things and destroy lasting friendships.
As a friend, you must be able to listen to your best friend dating someone else without feeling jealous or longing. If you can’t do that, you need more time away from the person. ^{[2] X Research Source}

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Overcome attractiveness. You fear that one day you will fall in love with your best friend perhaps because what you experience is just a fleeting attraction or lust. This is also good because those feelings will soon fade if no concrete action is taken. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

Check your dating history again. This step will help you take a closer look at your dating stereotypes and learn how to break them. ^{[4] X Research Sources}
Change requires action on your part. You will need to actively change the way you think about your best friend, to stop seeing them as potential love interest.
Try to be aware of times when you have romantic or sexual thoughts about your friend. Put on a rubber band to snap yourself when you have guilty thoughts as soon as they start. ^{[5] X Research Sources}
If you think of your best friend as a brother or family member, then your attractiveness will decrease. Think of them in the most down-to-earth way possible.

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Set appropriate boundaries . The lack of personal boundaries makes having a crush on your best friend intense and uncomfortable. Remember that the friendship between the two of you is very important to you and developing into love or sex will ruin everything. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

Be friends, but avoid acting like lovers. For example, holding hands, hugging intimately, or kissing.
Consider limiting interactions or going out alone. Try to only hang out once a week.

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Go out in groups. If you don’t feel like it’s okay for you to go out with your partner alone, spend time together with a group of mutual friends. Being around a lot of people builds social bonds and reduces temptations and strong urges that can happen if you’re alone with your partner. ^{[7] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source}

Use excuses to decline when your friend asks you to hang out with the two of you, or go for a walk together in crowded places. For example, the two of you could go to coffee or the park instead of going to each other’s houses.
You can confide in other friends, but this also depends. If this person has the ability to spread your story around or make fun of you, don’t tell them.

Overcome your emotions

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Always busy. Find a way to distract yourself from your feelings for your friend. It could be doing things you enjoy, or going out to experience new things, meeting new people. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

See friends or family at least a few times a week. Keep interacting with people to distract your mind from your love for your friend.
You can keep yourself busy if family/friends can’t be around. Take a walk or bike ride, explore the city, find a new hobby, or take a class.

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Prioritize taking care of yourself . Overcoming feelings for a close friend is like breaking up with a lover. You will feel sad, angry, go through all sorts of emotions, and those emotions can take a toll on your motivation. However, maintaining a daily life and taking care of yourself are the most important things to do in times like this. ^{[9] X Research Source}

Do exercise. You can burn off frustration and release endorphins with more physical activity.
Try to be physically active for about 30 minutes a day. Most experts recommend 150 minutes of moderate exercise each week or 75 minutes of more intense exercise. ^{[10] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source}
Do things you love, like shopping or meeting friends. These distractions can help keep you happy and take your mind off your other friend.
Make sure to eat nutritious food, shower and trim daily. Many people leave themselves alone when they’re broken up, but that only makes it harder to get over the heartbreak and not feel better.

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Talk about your feelings . If you have to become distant from the person you are secretly in love with, then you will have to go through many difficult emotions. If you keep these feelings inside, you will drown. Instead, confide in someone you can trust or a good psychotherapist. ^{[11] X Research Source}

If you talk to a friend about your feelings, make sure it’s someone you can trust. You don’t want to be teased or your crush knows about this sentiment.
If you are looking for a psychotherapist, ask your doctor for a good recommendation.
A qualified therapist to help you through this immediate problem. You can uncover behavioral patterns and find ways to overcome other life obstacles.

Confess to that friend

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Gather up the courage to talk to that friend. You may be afraid to let your friend know how you feel – you are vulnerable right now, afraid of rejection, and a reckless step that could change or end your friendship. If you choose to confess your feelings, you need to mentally prepare for the conversation. Courage is knowing how to face your fear to do things you don’t like. Remember that change and growth require you to push yourself and face challenges. Practice what to say in advance so that when you meet, you can express yourself freely.

Practice building confidence. You can say encouraging words out loud, do activities you’re good at, or remind yourself of your accomplishments.
Remind yourself that even if your friend turns you down, it’s not your fault. Pressing oil presses fat, who can force fate, it’s just that he can’t feel love. Usually in cases of being denied love, the reason is more on the other person’s side than on your own.

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Choose the right time. Ask your friend to choose a time when you are both free for a serious conversation. Choose a place where you can talk privately and feel comfortable. Things like this, if revealed in the presence of others or deployed in public, will make the friend feel pressured or scared.

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Be honest and decisive. If you’ve tried not to love your friend but it still happens, then you need to let her know your feelings. If you’ve calculated the risks ahead of time and feel it’s worth the risk, let them know too. Suppressing emotions is unhealthy, and if it’s torturing and damaging your friendship, the best option is to talk to your friend. You don’t have to make a big deal out of it – just be honest, clear, and don’t go overboard (lest you shock your friend, it’s best to be as gentle as possible). ^{[12] X Research Source}

Try saying something like, “My feelings for you have changed, and I like you more than just friendship. I want to try dating you. What do you think?”

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Listen to your friend. After you’ve confessed your feelings, let your friend reciprocate. Try to put aside any fear of rejection or plan what to say in response to your friend. Make eye contact, ask questions if necessary, and confirm what the other person says to show you understand. ^{[13] X Research Source}

Respect your friend’s feelings. They may feel surprised, confused, angry, or a mixture of many other emotions. If your friend says they don’t want to be romantically involved with you, don’t try to force or argue with them. If they are confused and need time to think, give them space and say that you are available to talk more if needed.

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Give each other their own space. If you fall in love with your best friend, then you need time to sort through your feelings and rethink what this friendship means to you. Your friend also needs time and space to sort things out, or to ease tension between the two of you. ^{[14] X Research Source}

When giving your friend space, it’s also best to reduce the amount of time you spend interacting with them, including texting, calling, or chatting online.
Try to erase that friend from your mind. You can push the image of your crush out of your mind by using your hobbies and work as a distraction, or spending time with another friend.

Joshua Pompey

Love consultant

Joshua Pompey is a relationship consultant with over 10 years of experience advising clients in the online dating world. Joshua has been running his relationship consulting firm since 2009 with a 99% success rate. His work has been featured on CNBC, Good Morning America, Wired and Refinery29 and he is considered the best online relationship consultant in the world.

Joshua Pompey
Love consultant

Experts agree: If you fall in love with your best friend and they don’t love you, then you need to do the hard work of putting the friendship on hold until your feelings for them fade away. Give yourself time to accept that your partner doesn’t love you.

Avoid that friend

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Avoid tempting situations. You may not need to avoid your friend completely, but you should avoid romantic situations. Putting yourself in a situation where strong emotions arise or being tempted to act on them will only lead to disappointment and damage your friendship. ^{[15] X Research Source}

Avoid dating situations like going to a two-person movie or having dinner at a romantic restaurant.
If you’re old enough to consume alcohol, avoid drinking with your friend. When drunk people are not good at self-control and can make bad decisions. ^{[16] X Research Source}

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Decide when it’s safe to return to casual friendships. If the two of you need to keep your distance from each other, you should decide in advance how much time apart. There will come a time when you want to go back to being friends, even though for many people this period of separation can be different. Establishing a fixed time frame will help you track your emotional progress (or what’s lacking) and determine when it’s safe to go back to spending time with the friendship. .

This time period is subjective depending on the individual. Some people need a few weeks, others take months or years.

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Consider moving. This is an extreme response, but for some people it is the best solution. If you think your feelings for your friend won’t fade and are concerned about its effects on the relationship, you may want to distance yourself geographically to correct the situation. ^{[17] X Research Source}

You don’t have to move too far. Just moving to the other side of the city or to another city is enough to reduce the likelihood of interacting with that friend.
Remember that moving to another place is a drastic change. Such decisions should be carefully considered and not necessary if the feelings are not too deep.

Advice

Remind yourself that you will find someone who makes you happy. Invest in a single partner that will make you feel better than someone you secretly have a crush on and never achieve.
Don’t be angry with yourself. There is nothing wrong with falling in love with your best friend, on the contrary, it is quite common. The only thing you need to worry about is how to handle those emotions.

Warning

Don’t hate your friend. Remember it’s not their fault if you fall in love. This person is still your friend and they deserve to be treated with respect and kindness no matter what.
Hurt people don’t hurt others. Don’t take advantage of other people to forget the person you secretly love. When dating someone, make sure you like them. Otherwise you will hurt another person.

Steps