How Not to Feel Lonely

When the world is truly connected, it’s easy to feel left out. Do you feel that way? You’re not the only one, that’s for sure. You wonder how to deal with the feeling of loneliness. First of all, you have to understand yourself better. Then make changes to overcome the feeling of loneliness.

Table of Contents

Act

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Get busy. Work to waste time. When your schedule is full of activities that keep you busy, you don’t have time to think about being lonely. Do volunteering. Find a part-time job. Join a book club, a new gym with an interesting group of friends. Do a few DIY projects. Just stop thinking. ^{[1] X Research Source}

What’s your hobby? What are you good at? What have you always wanted to do without realizing it? Take this opportunity and make it happen.

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Change the surroundings. Sitting at home and spending the day watching your favorite movie is easy. But when you stay in such an environment forever, the pain of loneliness will only get worse. You should go to the coffee shop to work. Or go to the park and sit on a stone bench watching people go by. This is a way to stimulate the brain to distract attention from negative feelings.

Spending time with nature has a positive mental effect. ^{[2] X Research Source} Getting outside reduces stress and improves fitness. So you can read a book on the lawn outside the park. This will help you get inspired.

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Do what makes you happy. Doing things you are passionate about can reduce feelings of loneliness. Think about what makes you feel good. Practice meditation? Reading European literature? Singing? Don’t hesitate. Take your precious time to nurture your passion. You can invite your friends to join you. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

Do not use pain relievers to get rid of the feeling of loneliness. Find healthy activities to help you feel better instead of a temporary fix to cover up the wound.

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Watch for warning signs. Sometimes, you’re so desperate to get over your feeling of loneliness that you’re ready to take any opportunity to escape it. You should be careful not to be adversely affected or encounter people who want to take advantage of you. Sometimes, hurt and lonely people are the target of abuse. Here are the signs of someone who doesn’t care about a healthy and equal relationship: ^{[4] X Research Source}

They seem “too good to be true”. They keep calling you, planning activities and everything just seems too perfect. Often, this is an early warning sign of an abuser wanting control over your actions.
They don’t repay you. You help them at work, help them on weekends, etc, but they never reciprocate. These people just take advantage of your vulnerability for profit.
They are not happy when you spend your time elsewhere. You may enjoy interacting with people whose behavior control does not affect you. However, if these people check you out, try to keep track of where you go, who you’re with, or show interest when you’re close to someone other than them, this is a warning sign.

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Focus on the person you love. Although this is quite difficult for those who aspire to be independent, sometimes we also have to depend on others. If you feel lonely, reach out to a relative or friend you trust even if they are thousands of kilometers away. A phone call also lifts your spirits.

If you’re going through a tough time, even your loved one doesn’t know. You don’t have to tell them how you feel if you’re uncomfortable. You just share what you want. Your loved one will feel proud that you share your feelings with them.

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Find someone like you. The easiest starting point is the internet. There are many sources to connect with people, such as Meetups. ^{[5] X Research Resources} Try connecting with people with similar interests on the internet. Think about your favorite books and movies, your hometown, and where you live. There are groups to suit every situation.

Look for opportunities to socialize. Find the right groups online. You can find a group of comic fans. Sign up for a tournament or something. Create opportunities. Initiate a conversation. That’s the only way to change loneliness. ^{[6] X Research Source}
This can involve getting out of your comfort zone, but it should be seen as a good thing, a challenge. If you don’t like it, you can opt out. You won’t get hurt from the situation, but you can learn something.

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Pet. People desperately needed connection, so they bred animals with fur. ^{[7] X Source of Research} If Tom Hanks can live with Wilson for many years, there are many benefits to having a dog or a cat. Pets can make great companions. You need to make sure their presence is irreplaceable. Try to stay connected with some people to talk to and rely on at all times.

Don’t spend too much money on a dog. You can go to a dog shelter and get a dog to adopt.
Research shows that, in addition to companionship, pets improve your mood and help you live longer. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

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Think for others. Social research has shown a link between self-centeredness and loneliness. ^{[9] X Research Source} This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t think about your feelings, but it shouldn’t be the sole focus. If you expand your focus to other things, the loneliness will fade. Research suggests that volunteering, helping others to connect socially, and responding emotionally are all ways to combat feelings of loneliness. ^{[10] X Trusted Source Harvard Medical Schop Go to Source}^{[11] X Research Source}

The easiest way to broaden your focus is to find a group of friends you can help. Volunteer at a hospital, kitchen, or homeless shelter. Join a support or charity organization. Become a big brother and sister. Each of us has our own battles, you should help them.
You can even find ways to help people who feel lonely. Disabled people, the elderly often have little communication with society. Volunteering to visit elderly people’s homes or volunteering at a hospital can help others cope with loneliness.

Change mind

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Express your feelings to yourself. Journaling can help you understand the roots of loneliness. For example, if you have many friends but feel confused and lonely. You can trace when you started to have that feeling in your journal. When do they appear? How are they? What happens when you feel that way? ^{[12] X Research Source}

For example, you move away from your family to a new city. You make new friends but still feel lonely at night when you’re home alone. You should find someone with strong and stable emotions to confide in.
Understanding the source of loneliness can help you fight it and make you feel better. For example, if you’re having fun with your new friends but still miss being with your family, this is a completely natural feeling.

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Rearrange negative thoughts. Pay attention to the thought that repeats in your head. Focus on thinking about yourself or others. If it’s a negative thought, try adjusting and replacing it with a positive one: replace “No one at work understands me” with a thought “I haven’t connected with people at work.” ^{[13] X Research Source}

Re-arranging the conversation with oneself is a difficult challenge. Usually, people are not aware of all the negative thoughts on a daily basis. You should spend 10 minutes a day paying attention to negative thoughts. Then try to replace the negative thought with a positive one. Work your way up until you’ve spent the day monitoring your own narrative and gaining control. Your whole perspective may change after completing this exercise.

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Stop thinking in black and white. ^{[14] X Source of Research} Such thoughts are cognitive distortions and need to be addressed. Thinking “I’m lonely now, so I’ll always be alone” or “No one cares about me” only hinders your progress by making you feel more miserable.

Challenging thinking. For example, you might think about a time when you didn’t feel lonely. You connect with someone, you feel understood even for just a minute. Acknowledge and accept that statements rooted in black and white thinking are not complex enough to reflect the truth of our emotional lives.

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Positive thinking. Negative thinking can lead to negative reality. Your thoughts often create your own predictions. ^{[15] X Research Source} If your thinking is negative, your view of the world will become negative. If you come to the party thinking that no one likes you and that you won’t be happy, you will just sit in a corner, not socialize with people and feel happy. On the contrary, with positive thinking, positive things can happen.

The opposite is also true. If you expect things to go well, it tends to go your way. Test this rule by thinking positively about situations in your life. Although the results are not exactly great, you will feel better if you accept this with an optimistic spirit.
The best way to practice positive thinking is to surround yourself with optimists. You will notice how these people see life and the people around them, and then their optimism will affect you. ^{[16] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source}
Another positive thinking tactic is to avoid telling yourself things you don’t want to say to a friend. For example, you never say your friend is a loser. So don’t say “I’m a loser” replace this negative thought with something more positive “Sometimes I make mistakes, but I’m smart, funny, thoughtful and self-assured.” course.”

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Meet an expert. Sometimes, loneliness is a symptom of a more serious problem. If you feel like the whole world has abandoned you and can’t think clearly, you should see a therapist or counselor.

Persistent feelings of loneliness are sometimes a sign of depression. ^{[17] X Research Resources} You should see a psychologist for an accurate assessment and help you recognize the signs of depression and treat the disorder.
Just talking to someone about the condition can help you feel better. It can help you recognize what’s normal and abnormal, what you can do to fit in, and how you feel better when you change your habits.

Know Yourself

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Identify your type of loneliness. Loneliness has many different forms and manifests differently in each person. For many people, loneliness is a vague notion that comes and goes, for others it is a constant part of reality. You may feel socially alone or emotionally alone. ^{[18] X Research Sources}

Social loneliness . This type of loneliness includes feelings of purposelessness, boredom, and social exclusion. This happens when you don’t have a solid social relationship (or you get separated from someone, like moving to a new place).
Emotional loneliness . This type of loneliness includes feelings of anxiety, depression, insecurity, and desperation. This happens when you don’t have a strong emotional bond with the person you need.

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Realize that loneliness is just a feeling . The intermediate and mandatory step in the fight against loneliness is to acknowledge it, although it may be painful, this is just a feeling . It’s not real, it doesn’t last forever. Put it in words: “you should get over this”. It doesn’t affect you as a social fabric, and unfortunately all the workings of the neurons in your head haven’t changed. You easily attack thoughts of loneliness and feel better. ^{[19] X Research Source}

Finally, you determine what creates this situation. Take this as an opportunity to get to know yourself better and make progress. Advances in understanding loneliness suggest that pain can compel you to take action and become someone you could never be. ^{[20] X Research Sources}

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Consider your own personality. The loneliness of extroverts and introverts is very different. ^{[21] X Research Source} Loneliness and being alone are not the same. ^{[22] X Research Source} Think about what the opposite of loneliness is, remembering that everyone has a different opinion. ^{[23] X Research Sources}

Introverts desire a close relationship with one or two people. They don’t need to see friends every day. Instead, they can enjoy the time for other activities and just need encouragement from others when needed. However, if socialization is not emotionally satisfying, introverts may still feel lonely. ^{[24] X Research Sources}
Extroverts need to be around a group of people to meet social needs. They may feel frustrated when they don’t interact with people who encourage them. If their connection is not social and emotionally responsive, extroverts still feel lonely despite being around many people. ^{[25] X Research Sources}
What situation are you in? Understanding how your personality affects feelings of loneliness can lead you to the right decision to overcome these feelings.

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Realize you are not alone in feeling lonely. A recent survey found that 1 in 4 people admit to having no one to talk to about personal problems. When family members are not included in the shareable category, the figure goes up to 50% of survey respondents. ^{[26] X Research Source} This means that when you feel lonely, you have no one to share it with, 25-50% of the US population feels the same way.

Scientists refer to loneliness as a public health concern. ^{[27] X Research Sources} Recent research indicates that people who feel isolated, whether by physical distance or subjectively, may have a shorter life expectancy than others.

Advice

The world is wide and no matter what your interests are, there will be someone right for you, it is important that you find that person.
Accept that loneliness can be modified. If you organize your negative thoughts into positive ones, you can learn to have fun and take risks when connecting with people.
Be more active on social media. According to the report, people who post a lot on social media are less lonely. ^{[28] X Research Sources} .
If you just sit alone and do nothing, nothing will change. At least you have to try. Take action! Get out of the house and meet new people.

Warning

Avoid negative situations. You should not drink a lot, take medicine or spend a lot of time watching TV. This is a bad choice if you are in a bad mood or feel lonely. See a psychologist if you can’t get rid of your loneliness after taking the steps above.

Steps

Act

Change mind

Know Yourself

Advice

Warning

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