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This article was co-written by John Keegan. John Keegan is a New York-based marriage and love expert and motivational speaker. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his knowledge of marriage and love, attraction and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and gives seminars on marriage and love internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York and Men’s Health.
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
When your heart flutters for someone, do they feel the same way as you? When it comes to non-verbal connection, vibration seems obvious. Mutual attraction is like gravity – the two of you feel drawn to each other by something mysterious, even confusing. If you’re looking for tips to guess if the signals you’re getting are real, then you’ve come to the right place!
Steps
Know the signs
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People “accidentally” touch you or look you in the eye. If your partner “accidentally” touches you, puts an arm around your shoulder, or holds you for longer than a friend’s hug, then they probably like you. If you find yourself doing the same to your partner, it means that there is a mutual attraction between the two of you. [1] X Research Source
- Eyes also tell you many things. If your crush peeks at you from the other side of the room thinking you can’t see, or blushes when you make eye contact, then they probably like you!
- If they lean towards you when talking or towards you when you’re sitting together, it’s also a sign that they have feelings for you.
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Your partner responds when you flirt or compliment them. Try complimenting your partner’s cute outfit or their clean hair one day and see how they respond. If they just say “Thank you” then they probably don’t mean anything to you. If they take this opportunity to compliment you on something, then they probably like you just as much as you like them. [2] X Research Source
- If the person gives you a nickname or calls you by a cute name, they probably have feelings for you.
- You can try calling them a “work lover” or a “history wife” if the two of you usually spend a lot of time together. If they also respond, it’s clearly a sign of attraction from both sides.
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He or she mirrors your behavior and tone of voice to match yours. If they show concern and sympathize when you’re sad, or they laugh when you make a joke (no matter how light your jokes), they’re mimicking your behavior. Mirroring behavior is a way that people often use to get other people’s sympathy. In general, if your crush tries to act, feel, or speak the way you do, it’s a clear sign that they’re trying to get you. [3] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source
- You can try teasing them in a competitive, flirty way and see if they juggle you. For example, if the two of you are working together, you could say, “I’m going to beat your sales this quarter. Don’t worry, I’ll split the bounty with you!” If you’re at school, you might say, “Guess who gets a higher score on the next exam? Van is pretty, but Dung is smart!”
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They try to get close to you when you’re both in the group. Does he purposely come to stand next to you when other people are around? Do they bring you drinks when there’s a party and come over to talk to you or ask if you’d like to go somewhere private? If your partner does that and you’re happy, that’s a big sign that you’re both attracted to each other. [4] X Research Sources
- This can also happen naturally without either of them knowing it. If after a dinner party you happen to be the last two to leave the party after chatting all night, that’s great!
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The two trust each other and support each other. If the two of you stand by each other through difficult times, it’s an important sign that you’re both attracted to each other. One person asks questions and supports the other when seeing the other person having a hard day or having a difficult time. Mutual attraction is like gravity, and this attraction is always present even when the two of you are not flirting, laughing, or having fun together. [5] X Research Sources
- Do you two often share secrets with each other? People only open up about their secrets to those they trust.
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Conversations between the two of you are often more profound than small talk. The amount of time the two of you talk to each other is not as important as the quality of the conversation. If two people are full of gossip, then they probably only like each other on a friend level. But as weather etiquette moves into conversation about the day’s plans, and then into conversation about each other’s hobbies, interests, and passions, chances are there’s a lot of energy between them. attract each other! [6] X Research Source
- Probe the person by asking a deeper question like, “What kind of father do you think you will be in the future?” or “Have you ever felt misunderstood?” If the answer sounds boring or simple, that’s a bad sign, but if they enthusiastically respond to your question, of course it’s good!
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They give gifts and help you without any special occasion. If the two of you often find excuses to help each other or give each other small gifts and knick-knacks, it’s a signal that you both have a natural feeling of wanting to take care of each other. Whether it’s something as small as a cup of coffee brought to you during your 8 a.m. shift or a notebook you lent you after class, these gestures mean a lot. [7] X Research Sources
- If you’ve never noticed something like this, try giving that person a small gift! If they’re a fan of a sports club, buy them club memorabilia. You can say “This reminds me of you!” If they blush, thank you profusely, and give you a present next week, then it’s obvious they like you.
Understand your feelings
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Ask an outsider what they think of the two of you. If you have a friend or coworker who sees the two of you interacting, ask them if they see an attraction between you and that person. Outsiders often have an objective view and see things that insiders don’t see. [8] X Research Sources
- Even if you haven’t known the person for a long time, you can still ask your friend if they can imagine the two of you as a couple. Here’s a simple way to guess if you’re fooling yourself.
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Slow down a bit to avoid romanticizing things. When you’re heartbroken for someone, it’s very difficult to know if everything in front of you is blurred. If you’re someone who is prone to obsessing or misreading signals during past heatstrokes, you’re probably overthinking things to the point of imagining things. Slow down a bit to let the emotions settle down. Don’t get caught up in the momentary feeling, and the more you take it easy, the more evidence you’ll gather that the feeling is coming from both sides! [9] X Research Source
- If you believe in yourself and are someone who doesn’t fall in love easily, there’s nothing to worry about when you trust your judgment.
- Think about how long you’ve known the person. If the two of you have known each other for a few months and the relationship is progressing slowly but surely, there must be something between the two of you. If you just met that person last week, wait a while!
- Are you a “hopeless romantic” person? If so, you are probably looking at things through an unrealistic lens.
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Finally, trust your intuition. You know what you’re feeling inside, and you’re more than capable of picking up on emotional cues. Don’t miss the chance! If you feel a mutual attraction and your intuition tells you that there is a connection between the two of you, then you are probably right. It’s easy to think too much, but you’ll know when you know. [10] X Research Source
- Consider the risks and benefits here. If you pursue this love but things don’t go as planned, so what? Take the chance and move forward, because it’s always worth it!
- If you have a hunch that something is “strange,” it is probably right. Your mind and body will somehow magically tell you that something unbelievable is real or wrong.
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Let things progress naturally and don’t rush. No one is telling you to do anything right now. If you feel a mutual attraction between the two of you, spending more time together and conversations becoming more intimate, then just let things flow. When the time comes, you will know! [11] X Research Source
- This is a great way for you to explore how you would feel if you’ve just met.
Take action when you feel each other’s attraction
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Invite them out if you want to reach out in person. If the person likes you too, they will agree. You can invite them out for coffee on your date if you want to keep things casual, or invite them out for dinner if you prefer more formal and traditional. If you two share a common interest, like dancing, for example, you can invite them to a salsa or tango dance floor in the area. [12] X Research Source
- You could say, “Are you free this weekend? I don’t know if you want to come try this newly opened Japanese restaurant. Let’s treat this as a date!”
- You can also try being more direct, such as “Do you want to go on a date someday? I want to hang out and be with Thanh.”
- You’ll know your partner would definitely agree if they ever tell you how lonely they are. This is a common sign that people are opening their hearts.
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Confess their feelings and see how they react. Instead of asking your crush out, you can confess your feelings and wait for their reaction. If they don’t feel the same way as you do, tell them it’s okay, and you hope they’re still friends. If they like you too, the two of you can talk about upcoming events and choose a place for your first date! [13] X Research Source
- You can say, “I’m sorry if I’m being too abrupt, and it’s okay if you don’t feel the same way, but I feel very fond of you, or I’m happy to be with you. I feel a connection between you and me. If you feel the same way, then I want to explore this feeling with you.”
- A basic confession is similar to a date request, but it allows you to take a slower approach to see how they react. If you’re afraid to ask for a date, this is a good choice!
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Invite them out for a casual outing if you want to be safe. You don’t have to say it outright if you don’t feel comfortable doing so. Instead of saying you want to date them, ask them out and do something you both enjoy. This is a great way to explore what it feels like to be alone. [14] X Research Source
- For example, you could say, “I have an extra ticket to the theater this weekend. I know you like to watch plays, so I thought you would come along,” or “Dung is a fan of X team, right? Shall we go to the bar to watch tonight’s match live?”
- This is a good option if you’re not sure if your partner likes you or not. If they have absolutely no intention of dating, you can just invite them like a friend. If they like you too, make the night out a date for the two of you!
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This article was co-written by John Keegan. John Keegan is a New York-based marriage and love expert and motivational speaker. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his knowledge of marriage and love, attraction and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and gives seminars on marriage and love internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York and Men’s Health.
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
When your heart flutters for someone, do they feel the same way as you? When it comes to non-verbal connection, vibration seems obvious. Mutual attraction is like gravity – the two of you feel drawn to each other by something mysterious, even confusing. If you’re looking for tips to guess if the signals you’re getting are real, then you’ve come to the right place!
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