Coping with rejection from family (being strong and resilient at the same time)

Being rejected by a family member can be one of the most painful experiences in a person’s life. Perhaps everyone understands the waves of grief and hurt that people go through, and these feelings don’t go away overnight. If you are suffering from family abandonment, understand that when you find ways to cope, you have taken an important first step towards healing! There is much you can do to work through your feelings, accept that you can’t change reality, and ultimately come out of your pain mentally stronger and more resilient than before.

Table of Contents

Give yourself time to process your emotions.

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Acknowledge your feelings and don’t be afraid to cry. It is difficult to look directly at painful emotions, but even if you avoid them, you cannot make them go away. Listen to sad music, cry, and be honest with yourself about how you’re feeling right now. Who doesn’t feel the pain of being rejected, and when you are estranged from a loved one, those feelings are multiplied. It’s okay if you admit that you are sad, and believe that the road to happiness will be much easier. ^{[1] X Research Source}

Try not to wallow in your emotions for too long. After listening to some sad music, turn off the music and go outside for a walk! You don’t have to feel everything at once to get through this. ^{[2] X Research Source}
No matter how hard it is, tell yourself that you can’t control your family member’s actions, but you can control your own reactions. Focus on developing your emotions to work through the pain and feel stronger. ^{[3] X Research Sources}
Remember that family hate doesn’t speak to your worth.

Express feelings in a diary.

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Writing down your feelings on paper can help you understand them better. You can experience many emotions when you are rejected by your family, there is grief, there is anger, even shock. Buy a diary or notebook and write in it what you are feeling. Just set aside a few minutes a day to write. Hopefully you will understand your feelings better when expressing them on paper. ^{[4] X Trusted Source University of Rochester Medical Center Go to Source}

Use a diary to regain your confidence when your loved one hates you. The estrangement of the family really hurts. So that this doesn’t affect your perception of self-worth, keep a journal of all of your strengths to review whenever you feel down. ^{[5] X Research Sources}
The habit of journaling can also help you identify factors that influence your emotions. Reread old diary entries and take note of the days when you felt heartbroken. See what these days have in common and make changes you can to avoid them. ^{[6] X Trusted Source University of Rochester Medical Center Go to Source}

Repeat positive statements over and over when you feel down.

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Tell yourself you will overcome this challenge! Saying motivational affirmations can be an easy but quite effective way to get through difficult moments in life. You can use statements like “I am worthy of love and respect,” “I am beautiful and talented,” and “I am strong and can overcome anything.” Even if you struggle to believe it at first, saying such statements out loud or in your head can encourage you to see yourself and your situation in a more optimistic light. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

You can also say other positive affirmations like “I am capable of great things,” “I deserve to be treated well,” and “I love myself.”

Limit negative thoughts as much as possible.

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Don’t let thoughts like “I’m a lousy person” linger in your head. It’s hard not to blame yourself for being hated by your family, but don’t let those thoughts overwhelm you anyway. Every time you catch yourself putting yourself down, correct yourself with more optimistic thoughts. If you think, “I will never have a happy life,” replace that thought with something positive, such as “Even though it is hard, I know I will find happiness in the future! ^{[8] X Research Sources}

Negative thoughts can prevent you from finding happiness, because then you will no longer notice the good things in life. ^{[9] X Research Source}

Turn rejection into something positive.

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Not staying home at the moment is probably better for you. This is especially true if you have experienced emotional or physical abuse. These behaviors can have long-term consequences, and forgiving or reconnecting with your abuser can be dangerous. If you grew up in an abusive or toxic household, remind yourself that you are safer when they are not in your life. See their estrangement as an opportunity to surround yourself with people who make you feel safe, respected, and loved. ^{[10] X Research Source}

If you’ve been abused in any way, call the domestic violence hotline on 1800 1768 or the national child protection hotline 111. In the US, sites like https://www .thehotline.org/ and https://www.rainn.org/ can provide support to people experiencing abuse.

Focus on taking care of yourself.

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Take care of yourself to bounce back from trauma. Choose nutritious and healthy foods. Get enough sleep (7-10 hours a night) to feel refreshed and ready for a new day. ^{[11] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to the source of} Exercise to relieve stress and stay fit and healthy. Find new hobbies to enrich your life, such as playing an instrument or joining a book club. These activities will help you feel like your life is on the right track, even as you deal with the pain of being rejected by your family. ^{[12] X Research Source}

Don’t turn to stimulants or alcohol for relief. These things won’t help in the long run and can make you feel even worse than before.

Find close relationships elsewhere.

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People don’t have to be related by blood to be called family. You can cultivate close friendships and find healthy, loving relationships with your other half in life. Choose friends and lovers who can make you feel safe, cared for, and loved! Live among people who make you feel good about yourself. ^{[13] X Research Source}

Bring your friends over to the cinema if you’ve enjoyed movie nights with your family in the past. Invite people to your home for an intimate meal. You can even go on vacation with a group of close friends!
To make new friends, try volunteering in your community, joining a book club, or connecting with people online.

Talk to someone you trust.

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Call a friend or go to their house to chat. Talk to them about what you’re going through and ask for advice or just to vent. A good friend can give you words of encouragement and remind you that there are other people who love and care about you. ^{[14] X Research Source}

If you still need emotional relief after talking to a friend or don’t know who to talk to, seek counseling. A therapist or counselor can give you coping strategies.

Set boundaries if your family member continues to abuse you.

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Your family members may still contact you from time to time. If they treat you badly, say you don’t approve of their behavior. If they put you down, tell them how you feel. You can say, “You’re hurting me by telling me that” or “I can’t keep talking to mom if she keeps treating me like that.” If they don’t change their behavior, it may be time to limit your contact with them to protect yourself. ^{[15] X Research Source}

If they make you feel unsafe or they don’t respect your boundaries, you have every right to cut contact with them. Although it can be painful, staying away is the best decision for your safety and mental health. ^{[16] X Research Source}
You don’t have to make a decision right away. If you’re not sure how you’re feeling, take the time to set boundaries to help you be as safe and happy as possible. ^{[17] X Research Source}

Go to a counselor or therapist for emotional processing.

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A psychologist can provide specific strategies to help you recover. They can also give you an outside perspective, something a close friend might not see. Try going to psychological counseling websites to find a therapist or counselor. Choose someone who specializes in handling family disputes so they can help you effectively. ^{[18] X Research Sources}

Sometimes it takes some time to find the right psychologist. Don’t be discouraged if the first one doesn’t fit. Try to find another professional who is better able to help you!

Steps