An Important, Definitive Ranking of the Hottest Disney Princes

An Important, Definitive Ranking of the Hottest Disney Princes

Prince Naveen’s jawline is just something more people need to appreciate, ok?

Whether you grew up a Disney fan or only played that one Aladdin SEGA game during sleepovers, the Disney princes likely hold a place in your heart. But have you ever sat around your office and contemplated the eerie hotness of Bambi’s Dad? We have, more than once, (and so, it seems, have Emma Watson and Dan Stevens) which is why in the name of “service journalism” the ELLE.com staff got together and rated the animated men of Disney like they were sexy restaurants in a Zagat Guide. Yes, even the Three Caballeros.

Li Shang

Staffers uniformly rated Li Shang their number one, with such rave reviews as “YUP” and “DANG.” One admitted that this “character contributed to my sexual awakening.” It’s easy to see why, with his muscular physique, tasteful man-bun, and eventual acceptance of Mulan’s badassery, making him among the least misogynist of a group for whom that bar is set pretty low.

Aladdin

Though he is on the younger side, fans encourage you to “look at those pecs.” This “damn fine” prince may wind up rich, but his street smarts are the real draw. While some “don’t understand why he was constantly wearing only a vest,” others don’t take points off for his sartorial choices. After all, “he can’t afford more than half a shirt.”

Prince Naveen

Sights of this prince (before he turns into a frog) prompted the questions “Do Disney characters have phone numbers or Slack?” His “Jaw. Line.” is enough to make you swoon, and his Mumford & Sons look is actually accurate for the time period, so way hotter than some hipster trying to pull it off now. All in all, “Fire emojis.”

Prince Philip

Though he’s a bit old-fashioned, Philip gets points for his “cape-wearing abilities.” He’s the type of man that would make one staffer “pretend like I thought he was an asshole but be secretly sad he never hit on me.” That may be because of his patriarchal vibe, but many “would be happy to be a …feather in his cap.”

King Triton

“KING OF THE SEA. AND MY HEART.” raves one fan of this controversial pick. While the film presents Prince Eric as the obvious vessel for one’s affections, Triton’s luxurious hair, protruding abs, and seat of power entice. Some will never get over “literally the most huge nipples,” but King Triton isn’t here for the haters.

Tarzan

Tarzan won’t give you much intellectual stimulation, but he is “literally zero percent body fat. 100% hottie.” Some compare his angular face to Adrien Brody, and while his hair may be “problematic,” he earns praise for being able to commune with animals. If nothing else, just focus on his “OMG ABS.”

Prince Eric

A milquetoast prince pick, Prince Eric “is the nice guy from work who wears great shirts.” He “doesn’t seem very bright,” but staffers “still would” for the most part. Then again, “Prince Eric literally values a woman for being beautiful and silent,” so he’s not the most progressive of the bunch.

The Beast

The Beast raises a lot of questions about the nature of attraction. If the timeline of the film is to be believed, the Beast was cursed into this form when he was a child, punished for not letting a strange witch into his house (which seems like a smart move if you’re a child home alone). Because of that, staffers believe “a wealthy child who couldn’t be bothered to learn how to read until he was a full lion is going to have some real issues in adulthood.” Still, better than the boring white dude he turns into.

Roger and/or Pongo

“I want to miserably live my life alongside these two forever.” This grumpy pair has no time for petty concerns, and would rather spend their time focusing on what they believe are life’s true purposes: family and writing catchy songs. Their passions are noble, but may drive you crazy.

The Prince

Snow White’s beau “looks like a three-year-old seeing snow for the first time,” though that may just be 1937’s animation techniques talking. He shows little personality or fashion sense, and we’re left believing that Snow White would have had much more fun if she spent her life with the dwarfs. However, his femme looks do appeal to some. “Any man who looks this much like Liza Minnelli makes my heart do jazz hands.”

John Smith

One word: “Nah.” This colonizer not only pushes euro-centric societal standards on a native population, but “blond guys and long hair don’t mix unless they’re Australian and/or a surfer.” His “He-Man” looks don’t appeal, and though he learns an important lesson about the color of the wind, we’d rather he do it back in Europe.

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