Why does your girlfriend look at your phone and how to fix it

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This article was co-written by Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS. Dr. Asa Don Brown is a clinical psychologist with over 25 years of experience. He specializes in supporting families, children and couples, treating issues of all types of psychological disorders, trauma and abuse. Besides, he also has expertise in negotiation and information gathering. Dr. Brown is a speaker and author of three books, and writes for many journals, scientific journals and popular publications. He holds a bachelor’s degree in Theology and Religion with a minor in Marketing, and a bachelor’s degree in Marriage and Family Counseling from Great Falls University. Dr. Brown also holds a PhD in Psychology with a specialization in Clinical Psychology from Capella University. He is a fellow of the American Academy of Experts on Traumatic Stress and a diplomat for the National Crisis Management Center. Dr. Brown continues to serve on many psychology and scientific boards.

There are 8 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.

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You’ve just spotted your girlfriend checking your phone, and now you probably have a lot of questions running through your head. Maybe you’re sitting there wondering if your girlfriend can do that, or maybe you’re just angry. Privacy is important, and her intrusive behavior is unacceptable. Don’t worry, we’re here to answer it for you. This article has all the answers to the most frequently asked questions to help you figure out why she’s stalking you.

Table of Contents

Why does my girlfriend check my phone?

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Maybe she’s worried that you’re cheating. Most people peek into their partner’s phone to find evidence of infidelity. She may be especially worried if you’ve been unfaithful in the past or if she’s been cheated on by an ex. Talk to your girlfriend to find out how she’s feeling about your relationship and reassure her so she won’t worry. ^{[1] X Research Source}

You might say, “Why are you checking my phone? What did I do to make you not believe me?” or “I feel like there’s something different between the two of us these days. Is something bothering you?”
If you’ve cheated in the past, she’s worried for a reason. Tell your girlfriend, “I know I hurt you once, but that’s in the past. We can’t make progress if you don’t trust me at least a little bit. Tell me what I have to do now to make you feel at ease.”
It’s actually quite common to check the phone of a spouse or lover. A 2012 study found that two out of three people admitted to secretly checking their partner’s phone. ^{[2] X Research Source}

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Maybe she’s trying to control you. Being around a controlling person can be scary, you may not even have the freedom to do what you want. Sometimes, your girlfriend intentionally checks your phone to prevent you from having a separate life from her. Look at your girlfriend’s other behaviors to see if she’s controlling. Pay attention to the following warning signs: ^{[3] X Research source}

She separates you from friends and family.
She often criticizes you.
She uses tricks to intimidate and make you feel guilty.
She accuses you of things you didn’t do.
She doesn’t give you alone time.
She messes with you but then plays the victim.

Is it acceptable for her to check my phone?

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Only if you allow her. Stealth checking your phone is never acceptable behavior. If she does, she doesn’t respect you and invades your privacy. Don’t overlook for this onion. Talk to her about how you feel, because relationships are based on trust. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

Say something like, “I know you checked my phone last night. He feels disrespected and very sad. It was wrong for me to do that.”
You can also start the conversation with something like, “Only reading your text will tell you what’s in it. So you have invaded my privacy. If I also read your messages, how would you feel?”

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In some regions, it is illegal to peek into a phone. In the US, you have the right to privacy, so she can’t check your phone without your permission. In addition, stealing or guessing the password is also considered hacking the phone. You can warn your girlfriend that peeking at your phone is not only morally wrong, it’s also illegal. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

You might say, “You may not think this is a big deal, but what you did was against the law. You’re hacking into my phone, that’s unacceptable.”

Should couples have access to each other’s phones?

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No, because everyone needs their own space. ^{[6] X Trusted Source New York State Government Go to the source} Don’t fall into the trap of thinking you need to share everything with your partner. You should create a healthy relationship, which means maintaining boundaries. Keep your password private and ask your girlfriend to do the same. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

You can say, “You and I need to trust each other for our relationship to work. I won’t check your phone, and you shouldn’t check mine either.”
Say this is your boundary. For example, “I want to keep my phone to myself, and I expect you to respect that. If you don’t believe me, maybe I need some time to think about our relationship.”

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Even if they share passwords, couples are unlikely to build trust. Many people have the misconception that sharing passwords and viewing a spouse’s or lover’s phone provides transparency and trust. However, experts say this is not true. Constantly peeking at your phone creates an atmosphere of suspicion. You should focus on building mutual trust without spying. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

When you peek at your phone, in your head you think the other person might be doing something wrong. This will gradually make you more and more suspicious.
If your partner wants you to give her your password, say, “I’m always honest and tell you everything, and I love you too. But I’m not comfortable when you check my phone. This hurts our relationship.”
If you’ve made the mistake of cheating on her in the past, say, “I know you’re afraid I’ll cheat on you again, but I feel like my relationship is going to go backwards if I let you check my phone.” Older brother.”

Should I let my girlfriend read my texts?

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No, this is generally not good for your relationship. In fact, showing your girlfriend your texts can be counterproductive. Don’t let your girlfriend see your texts, even if she asks to see them. If your girlfriend keeps pushing you, it means she doesn’t respect your boundaries. ^{[9] X Research Source}

If she asks to see your texts, say, “I take your relationship very seriously and I want you to feel safe, but I think we consider each other’s texts a good idea. I didn’t do anything wrong and I need you to believe me.”

What should I do to stop my girlfriend from checking my phone?

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Let’s talk about the potential problem that led to her phone theft. Your girlfriend may be haunted by past problems. Ask your girlfriend why she wants to check your phone. Then you should reassure her that you are committed to the relationship and that she can trust you. Hopefully this will relieve her of the need to do so. ^{[11] X Research Source}

Start by asking her, “Why do you want to see my phone?” “What do you think you’ll find on my phone?” or “Are you worried about our relationship?”
Give her peace of mind by saying something like “I love you so much and want to live happily with you. I don’t have to worry about this.”
If your girlfriend has been betrayed in the past, she will often worry excessively that it will happen again. Talk to your girlfriend about her concerns and what worries her. Then, avoid things where she might misunderstand that you’re cheating. For example, your girlfriend might be worried if you text her for a long time. If so, you can let your girlfriend know that you won’t be using your phone for a while and why.

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Change your phone password to make it harder for your girlfriend to open. Choose a password that is hard for her to guess. When you open your phone, be careful not to let her glance. This may prevent her from accessing your phone, but it won’t fix any potential distrust issues. ^{[12] X Research Source}

Don’t use important dates or numbers that your girlfriend may know.
You can enable face or fingerprint recognition if your phone has these features. Note, however, that this may not work if your girlfriend lives with or stays overnight with you, as she may be waiting for you to fall asleep and then reach for your phone.

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Turn off desktop notifications so your girlfriend doesn’t see text previews. The notifications might make her want to peek. Sometimes she can even see the entire message in the notification. ^{[13] X Research Source} Go to your phone’s settings and tap “Notifications”. From there, you can toggle the notification button so it only shows up when your phone is on, or you can turn it off altogether. ^{[14] X Research Source}

If you like, you can turn off notifications for certain apps only. Tap the name of the app in the “Notifications” section of the settings. At the top of the screen, you’ll see a switch to turn off notifications. Tap the switch to switch it to “off.” ^{[15] X Research Source}

Advice

Be open and honest with your girlfriend, but you can still keep some privacy, no matter how long the two of you have been together. ^{[16] X Research Source}
Set privacy limits with your partner so you don’t have to check your phone in the future. For example, the two of you can make an appointment that you can both keep separate passwords on your phone and social media. ^{[17] X Research Source}

Warning

Don’t sacrifice your privacy to please your girlfriend. Checking messages and social media is considered abusive online. ^{[18] X Research Sources}

Steps