Help a girl who is feeling insecure (10 things to say)

We all feel insecure at times, but there are people who feel insecure all the time. If you’re dating a girl who feels insecure or you have a loved one like that, you probably don’t know how to comfort them at the time. Fortunately, there are a few ways you can help others feel more secure and let them know you love and care for them very much.

Table of Contents

Talk about her concerns.

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Don’t ignore their feelings and try to live as normal. If you find your loved one or loved one insecure, sit down with them and talk about it. She will feel better if she can speak her mind without fear of judgment. ^{[1] X Trusted Source Child Mind Institute Go to Source}

If she never said her insecurities, she would think about it even more.

Encourage her to express her feelings.

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Talk about your girlfriend’s feelings when she’s insecure. Maybe she’s afraid that you’re going to break up with her, or maybe she’s worried that she’s not worthy of you. If she’s insecure about her appearance, her concern is probably not meeting common aesthetic standards. ^{[2] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source}

You can encourage her to talk about her feelings by saying, “I want to know what you’re thinking. Can you tell me what you’re going through?”

Empathize with what she feels.

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Let your girlfriend know that her feelings are reasonable. Even if you don’t have much to do with those feelings or you don’t understand your girlfriend’s background, you can still advise her that everyone is entitled to have feelings. If she realizes her feelings are justified, she will open up more to you in the future. ^{[3] X Trusted Source Child Mind Institute Go to Source}

You could say, “I know you’re having a lot of negative thoughts. It’s definitely hard to deal with that.”

Don’t comment every time your girlfriend talks negatively.

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Insecure people often seek validation from others. If you hear your girlfriend criticizing her looks or complaining that no one likes her, try not to get involved in the conversation. Don’t encourage her to talk about it, but don’t say she looks good either. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

If you catch her saying negative things about herself, say, “That’s great. Why do I feel this way?” to start the conversation.
If you want, you can gently negate the negative things she says about herself. However, be prepared for resistance because she believes she is right and you are wrong.

Recall your girlfriend’s good qualities.

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What do you love about her? Tell her that she means a lot to you by complimenting her good qualities. If she is insecure about her body, avoid mentioning things related to her appearance. You can say: ^{[5] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to source}

“You always know how to make me laugh.”
“I’m a good friend.”
“You are so talented!”
“I can learn any skill easily.”

Give a reason to fight your girlfriend’s insecurities.

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Insecurities often arise based on half-right and half-false things, or misconceptions. If possible, try to counter her negative thoughts with questions like, “Is that true?” or “Why do you think that?” If you can rationally explain things, she will notice the flaws in her thinking. ^{[6] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source}

You could also say, “Did I ever say something that made you think that way?” or “Give me proof that what you say is true.”

Show confidence in your own words.

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Be a positive role model for her to follow. Don’t talk badly about yourself, instead be confident when you talk about your body or your relationships. If she sees you doing this, she will begin to gain more confidence and peace of mind in life. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

For example, if a friend doesn’t text you back, you could say, “He’s probably busy. It has nothing to do with me.”
If you’ve been gaining weight recently, say, “I’ve gained some weight but I’m still handsome!”

Don’t tell her she’s insecure.

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This will only make her insecurities worse. Sometimes it’s frustrating to live with an insecure person, but saying that you find her insecure can make her vulnerable. Avoid attacking her with the word “insecurity,” even if it describes how she feels. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

Some insecure people also feel insecure when others see them as insecure. You’d better help your girlfriend improve her mood and build her confidence.

Say you love her.

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This is especially important if you’re dating her. Say that you will always love her no matter what, and that no one can separate the two of you. The more confident she feels in her relationship with you, the better she will be able to manage her insecurities. ^{[9] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source}

This is also important if you are the parent of an insecure child. Remind your child that no matter how she feels, you will always be there to help.

Encourage her to see a mental health professional.

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Feelings of insecurity can be harmful to a relationship. If you’re dating someone who is insecure or has a loved one with self-esteem issues, a therapist can help them work through those feelings. Let them know it’s okay to feel insecure, but they’ll feel much better if they know how to deal with them in a healthy way. ^{[10] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source}

Some people shy away from talking to a mental health professional, which doesn’t matter. If you’ve worked with a mental health professional, let them know about your experience and its benefits.

Advice

Helping others deal with insecurities is hard work. You also need to take time to take care of yourself.

Steps