How to Make Siblings Keep Silent

Present the problem. If you continue to argue with your sibling, you will need to make the matter clear. Let’s start by stating the obvious truth. You need to say what upsets you and why. State your point of view and give them a chance to respond. After they’ve rambled on for a while, you can say, “I don’t like the way you talk to me right now” or “I feel like you’re dominating this conversation.” You should stay as calm as possible. Becoming rebellious and trying to yell at someone will only increase tension. ^[7]

Use sentences that begin with “I”. When talking about a problem, you should use sentences that begin with “I”. Those are sentences to present facts based on feelings instead of facts. This will help in confrontation as they will realize that you are expressing yourself and your feelings instead of trying to criticize the issue.

• Start with “I feel”. After saying “I feel” you will describe your feelings and explain why the behavior made you feel that way. Using sentences that start with “I” helps when arguing because they will feel less criticized. You are not making an overarching criticism of the incident or blaming anyone. Instead, you simply state how the event makes you feel.
• For example, don’t say, “You’re so thoughtless to teach me life and look down on me for not doing my homework.” Let’s repeat this sentence by starting with “I”. Say, “I get annoyed when you scold me for my homework because it makes me more stressed out.”

End the conversation when necessary. Sometimes, even when you talk as respectfully as possible, siblings won’t stop rambling. They may even become hostile, regardless of your best efforts to solve the problem. If they keep teaching you life and don’t respect you, it’s best to end the conversation. Say, “I don’t think I’ve solved anything and I’m upset right now.” Then leave. ^[8]

Write down your thoughts. The problem will be more serious if your sibling constantly criticizes and annoys you. An effective way to deal with this type of problem is to sit down and have a discussion. Before you do, take a moment to write down your feelings so you can accurately express them in conversation.

• List recent times when the two of you have argued and/or when you did not stop rambling. Make a long list, then cross out the little things.
• Focus on the big issues, like when a sibling gives you a headache, or gets in the way of your important date by rambling.
• Also, think about your purpose in talking to your siblings. What do you hope to gain from the conversation? What would you like your brother or sister to give up after the discussion? What would you like your sibling to change from the conversation? ^[9]

Try to understand your point of view. Besides writing down your point of view, consider their point of view before you talk. Why are they messing with you? What caused them to behave that way? Have you been too much? When it comes to arguments, it’s rare that one person’s flaws create problems. Try to understand why you sometimes misbehave with your siblings and what you can do to change the situation. ^[10]

Facing siblings. Sit next to them in a comfortable place. You need to make sure they know you’re about to say something serious.

• Turn off the TV, and make sure you’re not using your phone or computer. Technology can be distracting and make you forget what needs to be said.
• Use a comfortable place, such as a bedroom, or living room. These places will come in handy because there are comfortable seats, and it helps to ease the conversation.
• Choose a conversation time that works for both of you. Don’t make an appointment to talk if your sibling only has an hour before work. You should choose an unlimited time, such as right after dinner on a weekday.

Take turns talking. It is important to respect each other when talking. Take turns expressing your feelings. Do not interrupt when you are speaking. If they interrupt you, politely interject, “Sorry, but I’m not done yet.”

• Do not interrupt when you are speaking. Even if they say something you don’t agree with or hurt you, respect them and let them express themselves freely. ^[11]
• Do not belittle or speak ill of. You need to remain as respectful as possible to deal with the situation. Calling each other by name can ruin a positive conversation. ^[12]

Compromise. The purpose of the conversation is to solve the problem between you and the sibling. You need to be willing to compromise and see things from their point of view. Once the two of you have expressed yourself, work on solving the problem together. You can find areas where the two of you can change a bit. Let’s say you often quarrel because your sibling doesn’t like you spending time in your room. You can agree to give them space after school and before bed. They may agree to be willing to spend time with you on weekends or before dinner and let you play in their bed.

• Respect the difference. Since conflicts sometimes arise due to personal differences, learn to respect your individuality. Let’s stop arguing about a few specific topics. You can also view disagreement as an opportunity to learn other people’s opinions. Take a sincere interest in their purpose and reason.