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This article was co-written by Joshua Pompey. Joshua Pompey is a relationship consultant with over 10 years of experience advising clients in the online dating world. Joshua has been running his relationship consulting firm since 2009 with a 99% success rate. His work has been featured on CNBC, Good Morning America, Wired and Refinery29 and he is considered the best online relationship consultant in the world.
There are 13 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 109,532 times.
When a guy who’s been loving you is suddenly aloof and distant, perhaps your natural reaction is to wonder why. While there are tons of tips on how to tell if your guy has lost interest in you, we’ve found the most effective. The first and most important thing is to notice major changes in communication between two people. Once you’ve identified the communication changes, consider his actions, then deal with the problem by talking to him, seeking advice from others, and focusing on self.
Steps
Notice changes in communication
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Watch for signs of reduced communication. This is one of the first signs that your guy is no longer enthusiastic about you. Usually, you can be sure that he will contact you if he wants to talk. When a guy who used to call or text you suddenly stops doing so, you should take note.
- His aloof and less talkative demeanor could be a sign that his passion isn’t what it used to be. However, this could also signify changes in his personal life – maybe your lover is too busy or has issues to deal with at home.
- The best way is always to meet and ask directly instead of assuming that he no longer loves you.
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Notice if your conversations are often shorter than before. This is often accompanied by less communication. If you start to notice that every time two people talk, the conversation is fleeting, then you need to be mindful of this point.
- For example, if two people used to chat for hours on the phone and now only say ten minutes each call, then this could signal that he’s losing interest. Maybe your boyfriend purposely cut the conversation short by ignoring your texts or calls for a long time before answering, or saying he can’t continue talking without giving a reason.
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Notice the changes in his voice when talking to you. This is a clear clue that he doesn’t care much about you anymore. Usually men will talk to their loved one with a softer and more loving voice than when talking to other people. When there is a change in affection, his voice will become less affectionate and begin to sound normal. [1] X Research Source
- He may even raise his voice or say mean things to you. This is a clear sign that he doesn’t love you. You don’t deserve to be around someone who treats you badly, speaks to you in a harsh voice, or speaks harshly. If he starts to criticize your appearance, your gestures, and the things you do, end the conversation immediately.
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Listen to what he has to say. In your conversations, does he ask about the important things in your life, or does he just focus on himself? A guy who is interested in you will try to dig deeper into the conversation and get to know the real you. When your boyfriend talks, notice if he’s trying to keep the conversation superficial or cutting it short. [2] X Research Source
- He may be intentionally leaving clues for you to know if he’s interested in you or not. You should pay close attention to what he says as well as the way he says it.
- Does he often joke with you? His lack of humor is a sign that he’s unhappy — possibly depressed — or simply not interested.
- You should also notice if he often talks about trivia or goes into deeper topics. If he avoids important topics or doesn’t want to talk about his feelings, then he probably doesn’t care about you.
- If he starts talking about his relationships with other people, especially in an affectionate manner, that means he’s implying that he only sees you as a friend.
Observe the change in his actions
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Notice when he breaks the plan. When your boyfriend keeps missing your planned activities but doesn’t think to reschedule, you should take it as a sign that he doesn’t want to hang out. Maybe he won’t even ask you out, and that’s a red flag.
- If you notice that you’re the only one who suggests doing this or that or making plans for two, stop and see if he starts trying to plan. He’ll make plans and try to hang out with you if he’s still interested in you.
- Maybe he makes general excuses when he breaks the plan, like busy with other things but doesn’t specify what. You should notice if he never gives you a clear answer to explain why he can’t go out with you. He may deliberately ignore the reason why he doesn’t follow through with his plan and just explain something like, “I have work to do with someone else” or “I can’t tonight” without mentioning it. specific reason.
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Observe his behavior towards others. It can be difficult for you to tell if the guy is behaving differently to you, or how he treats you the same way he treats his friends. Watch how he interacts with his normal friends and wonder if he treats you the same way. [3] X Research Sources
- If his attitude toward you is the same as that of any friend, he may just like you but not romantically. If his heart flutters for you, he will treat you differently than his friends.
- Some guys are flirtatious, others are just flirting with girls they really have a crush on, so you should try to figure out which type your guy is.
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Notice his body language. A person’s emotions can be expressed through his or her body language. When people are lethargic or uncomfortable in a certain situation, they will try to back away from the other subtly and avoid physical contact. You can pay attention to his body language to see if he is awkward or apathetic when interacting with you. [4] X Research Sources
- Maybe he’s deliberately pulling away from you, crossing his arms over his chest, or turning his face away when he’s talking to you. He may also try to avoid physical contact like avoiding your hug or pulling away when you touch his arm. If so, then he probably doesn’t like you.
- If he rarely looks at you while talking, he probably doesn’t care about what you have to say. [5] X Research Sources Some guys are pretty shy though – if so then this just shows nervousness or timidity, it’s not because he’s not interested.
- Some gestures that show he’s indifferent to you are: feet and body away from you, rubbing his neck, crossing his arms, looking at the floor, or turning his body in another direction. [6] X Research Sources
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See if he stops all physical contact with you. Touch creates attraction and physical closeness in any relationship. Notice the change in frequency and pattern of physical contact between the two of you. [7] X Research Sources
- For example, you two often hug each other every time you see each other. But if he doesn’t like you anymore, he probably won’t hug you or pull away when you’re about to hug him.
- Even if the two of you still have physical contact, the pattern of contact can change if he loses interest. Maybe instead of hugging you, he just patted your hand, a non-romantic gesture of men towards friends.
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See if he’s paying attention. When a guy is infatuated with someone, they will try to remember important things like hobbies, schedules or events related to the person they love. He will stop paying attention and not remember these things if he no longer has special feelings for you. [8] X Research Sources
- For example, if he forgot your birthday even though you told him a few weeks ago, he’s probably not interested in you anymore.
- If he keeps forgetting things you say, like you have an interview coming up or your family is moving to the city, it could mean that he no longer cares about the important things in your life. [9] X Research Source
- Maybe he’s no longer making meaningful gestures and bringing you pleasant surprises like before, such as a bouquet of flowers or a surprise gift.
Deal with the problem
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Let him contact you first. If you start to notice that he’s not communicating with you as much as he used to, you should take a step back in finding him. If you’re always the one texting, calling, or trying to sort out your plans and he doesn’t do the same things, it’s obvious that the guy isn’t eager to see you. [10] X Research Source
- Do this for a week and see if he starts to change. Don’t contact him first to see if he’ll start a conversation first. Either he notices that you stop talking and will come to you, or else he won’t look for you, and that shows that he’s not interested in you.
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Find advice. Maybe you and the guy you like have mutual friends. If possible, ask his friends if they know if he already likes someone else or still likes you.
- On the other hand, see if he asks for your opinion about his relationships with other people. It’s a clear sign that he’s interested in other people and only sees you as a friend. If he starts asking you questions like, “How do I get that girl’s attention?” or “How should you plan your date with her?” It’s obvious that he’s not in love with you.
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Ask him. This is the best way to know if he still likes you. Judging a guy by his communication, behavior, or attitude can help you gauge his feelings, but you’ll never know for sure until you talk to him.
- This can be scary and stressful for you. No one wants to feel rejected, moreover this is a vulnerable situation you put yourself in. However, it is possible that you misread his signals or failed to pick up what he thought was clear. [11] X Research Source
- You can mention the problem directly or indirectly. For example, ask, “Do you still want to hang out with me, or do you just want us to be friends?” By asking like this, you’re getting straight to the point and giving him a chance to express his feelings.
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Take care of yourself. This is extremely important, because the feeling of losing the guy you love is not going to be pleasant. Whether that guy is your boyfriend, someone you have a crush on, or an ex, you need to take care of yourself and treat yourself well. [12] X Research Source
- Do things that make you happy. Hang out with friends, cook a delicious meal, go outside for a walk, draw a picture or watch a new movie.
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Keep your pride. Accept that he may not like you anymore with dignity and tolerance. Keep your distance from him and try not to vent your anger or frustration with your mutual friends. [13] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- It’s natural to feel grief when you lose a relationship and plans for the future. After mourning for a broken relationship, get up and move on by focusing on the positive aspects of your life.
- Let’s look at the bigger picture. This is certainly not easy, but there are many other great guys in this world who are also looking for their other half.
Advice
- Guys’ feelings change for many reasons. That doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. However, it does say that you need to start rethinking your own needs and make sure you can retreat with your head held high.
- Love yourself and know that you are a wonderful person. Never let someone who no longer cares about you make you feel insecure.
Warning
- Don’t think too much about “should” things. Those things didn’t happen, so focus on current and upcoming events.
- Try not to keep bitter feelings in your heart. Resentment will hold you back and won’t change what happened.
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This article was co-written by Joshua Pompey. Joshua Pompey is a relationship consultant with over 10 years of experience advising clients in the online dating world. Joshua has been running his relationship consulting firm since 2009 with a 99% success rate. His work has been featured on CNBC, Good Morning America, Wired and Refinery29 and he is considered the best online relationship consultant in the world.
There are 13 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 109,532 times.
When a guy who’s been loving you is suddenly aloof and distant, perhaps your natural reaction is to wonder why. While there are tons of tips on how to tell if your guy has lost interest in you, we’ve found the most effective. The first and most important thing is to notice major changes in communication between two people. Once you’ve identified the communication changes, consider his actions, then deal with the problem by talking to him, seeking advice from others, and focusing on self.
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