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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 8 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 43,559 times.
Being a good friend isn’t easy, but by taking the time to nurture lasting friendships, all your efforts will pay off. Good friendships bring strength and happiness that social media or being famous cannot create. Every sincere friendship is formed based on trust and contribution from both sides. So whether you want to build a new good friendship or improve an existing one, there are many ways to help you become a good friend in the eyes of others.
Steps
Always reliable
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Keep promise. Never promise to do something you can’t – or at least don’t make it a habit. If something unexpected happens after you promise to go out with a friend, explain why. If you can’t go to your friends, you should give them a gift and say sorry. Nobody’s perfect, so it’s okay for you to not keep your promise at one time, but don’t make it a habit. If you regularly do not keep your promises, you will become an unreliable person. When you have promised to do something important for a friend, keep the promise so as not to lose the friendship. [1] X Research Source
- When making a serious promise, you should look your friend in the eye and speak slowly to show your sincerity instead of just saying what you think you should say. Don’t break your promise, because it hurts your friends and jeopardizes them!
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Become a solid foundation. This is one of the important qualities of a good friend. Your friends will need your support, especially during difficult times. No one wants to be friends with someone who doesn’t really care about them. It’s hard to rely on someone who is not sincere and trustworthy. We all know people with good intentions but not serious will often say “Okay, I will…” but never do. If you are, be aware that you are destroying your friends’ trust; one day, they will no longer believe what you say. [2] X Research Source
- If you’re not sure what you can do, don’t rush to agree and then break your word. Instead, you need to honestly say that you’re not sure you can.
- You should give your friends a sense of dependability, even during difficult times. If you’re only there for good times, you’ll be no different from a half-time friend.
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Sorry when you make a mistake. If you want to be trusted by your friends, you can’t act like you’re perfect. If you know you’re wrong, admit it instead of denying it. While your friends won’t be happy about your mistake, they won’t mind the way you maturely and honestly admit your mistake instead of just pretending nothing was wrong, or worse yet, blaming it on you. others. [3] X Research Sources
- You should sincerely apologize. Let your friends feel the sincerity of your words instead of thinking you don’t care about their feelings. You should also make your thoughts clear by taking the time to explain to your friends about the misunderstanding or how sorry you are and your desire to mend the relationship.
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Allow yourself to be honest and express your feelings. If you want to be a good friend and want to be trusted by others, be honest about your feelings, about how your friend behaves, and about how you feel about the relationship. If you are honest with your feelings and allow yourself to express your feelings, this will help you open up to your friends and get them to do the same for you. If your friends hurt you, say it out loud; If you feel unhappy, don’t be afraid to share it with your friends. [4] X Research Sources
- Being honest is different from being blunt to the point of hurting your friends. If you think your friend has a problem with alcohol, discuss it openly with them. However, if you think your friend looks weird in her new dress, you’d better say nothing.
- Real life. Connect with someone you truly appreciate if you want to build lasting, lasting friendships. Spend time with people with whom you can be yourself. If you act dishonestly, the friendship won’t last long. You need to be honest with your feelings even if you think your friends won’t agree.
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Respectfully disagree with your friend’s point of view. When your friends share something that you find hard to hear or disagree with, feel free to speak your mind! Let your friends know what you think and why. Just make sure you still show respect when sharing your personal views.
- If you start to feel angry, take a moment to pay attention to your feelings and the reactions going on in your body. It’s completely normal to feel angry, but if you can keep yourself calm first, it’s easier to respond with respect.
- Try to approach the issue with an open mind and a desire to better understand your friend’s point of view.
- Have the courage to speak your mind frankly. It’s not easy to oppose friends, especially when they say or do something hateful or selfish. [5] X Research Sources
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Do not take advantage of others. If your friends suspect that you are taking advantage of them, they will immediately steer clear of you. Good friendships don’t come from hoping that fame or other people’s relationships will benefit you. If you’re friends with someone just because you want to be part of a group, this isn’t friendship, it’s exploitation – and over time, your intentions will also be revealed.
- If you already have a reputation for taking advantage of others, your new friends won’t be as eager to befriend you anymore.
- Friendship consists of give and take. It’s nice to have someone come to drive you to school every day, but don’t forget to do it in return for your friend’s kindness.
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Loyal. If your friends tell you something personal, you shouldn’t tell others – like how you would expect your friends to do the same for you. Don’t talk behind your friends’ backs and don’t gossip about the private things they’ve confided in you. Never say things that you cannot say in front of the person. Be loyal to your true friends and be willing to side with them when new friends or anyone make up stories about them. [6] X Research Sources
- Part of loyalty is understanding the importance of lasting and lasting friendships. Don’t forget about friendship just so you can spend time with your new lover or interesting person you just met. This will make your friends feel left out.
- If you’ve been known for bragging or gossiping, your friends will quickly find out and they won’t be comfortable revealing private things to you in the future – or even avoiding you.
- Don’t let others speak ill of your friends. Treat bad comments as rumors until you hear the story from your friends. If someone says something that shocks you and doesn’t seem like what your friends usually say or do, you can respond by saying “I know him and that doesn’t sound right. let me discuss and find out his views on this matter. In the meantime, it’s better for you guys not to spread the story around.”
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Respect. Good friends show respect for each other by being open and supportive of each other. If your friend has some values and beliefs that are different from yours, you should respect their choices and be open to hearing them. If you want to gain the trust of your friends, you have to make them feel comfortable expressing thoughts you disagree with or exchanging a new point of view with you. If that friend thinks you’re going to snuff out any of their interesting or original ideas, your friendship will lose its value.
- Sometimes friends will say things that are boring, uncomfortable, or annoying, but if you respect your friends, you will give them space to express their views without worrying about being judged.
- In times of disagreement, you still need to show respect when expressing your opinion and be open to differences.
Always support friends
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Altruistic. While you can’t always be selfless, being selfless is an important part of being a good friend. Help your friends when you can, as long as things are done in a balanced way. When you respond to your friend’s kindness with genuine concern, your friendship will stay strong. If you have earned a reputation for being selfish and only being there for your friends when they need their help, others will know that you don’t care about them.
- Help your friends sincerely, not because you want something in return.
- There’s a difference between being selfless at the right time and letting others oppress you. If you feel like you’re always helping your friends and not being reciprocated, you may have a problem.
- Don’t take advantage of generosity or disregard others’ welcome. When your friends treat you well, reciprocate it quickly. Pay debt on time. Know how to say goodbye at the right time when going to a friend’s house.
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Listenable. Don’t monopolize the conversation; Instead, you need to take the time to truly understand and support your friends when they talk to you. This may sound simple, but remember to spend as much time listening as you spend talking about yourself. If you monopolize every conversation with your emotions, your friends won’t get anything out of this friendship. Listening strengthens friendships and lets your friends know that you care. [7] X Research Sources
- If you’re just waiting for your friends to finish talking so you can say what you want to say, this shows that you’re not listening at all.
- Try to strike a balance where everyone gets a chance to tell their story. Although some people may be quieter, if your friend feels that they are speechless around you it can be difficult to maintain a healthy friendship that is built on both sides.
- If you accidentally cut them off, say, “Oh, I’m sorry, just keep going”.
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Help your friends face difficulties. To be the person who always helps your friends, you have to be smart enough to recognize when your friends are in trouble. If you feel that your friends are getting into trouble that they have almost no control over, such as using drugs, living a wild life, or always getting drunk at a party, help them get through it by: frankly point out the problem.
- Don’t assume that friends can solve problems on their own; Maybe it’s time to speak up to get them out of their trouble. If you notice a problem, speak up even if it’s hard to say.
- Let your friends know that you are a strong shoulder they can lean on during tough times. If friends no longer feel so alone, they will easily deal with their problems.
- If your friend just wants to talk about their problem, this is a good start, but you should also help them find practical solutions to the problem.
- For example, if a friend admits that they are suffering from anorexia and only promises to eat more, you can advise them to take some more serious solutions to the problem, such as going to See a nutritionist. However, keep in mind that you also need to set limits. You can’t replace your friends with all their problems.
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Be with friends in times of crisis. Come visit when friends are hospitalized. If a friend’s pet is lost, you should help them find it. Be ready to pick up your friends when they need to hitchhike. Help your friends take notes when they can’t come to class. Send cards and gifts to friends while away. If a friend’s loved one has just passed away, you should come and offer condolences. Let your friends know they can count on you at any time.
- Just make sure your friends aren’t in a crisis all the time, no matter what. You should be there to help your friend in times of trouble, but that’s not the foundation of a relationship.
- Being there for friends during a crisis is also a way to provide emotional support. Care for your friends enough that they can confide in you and cry in front of you. At this point, you should give them a tissue and listen attentively. You don’t have to speak if you don’t know how, just calm down and reassure them.
- If your friend is in crisis, don’t say, “It’s going to be okay” when it’s not. You’ll find it hard to stop yourself from saying these things, but the wrong reassurance can make things worse. Instead, let your friends know that you will always be there for them. You need to be honest, but remain optimistic and positive.
- If your friends start talking about suicide or hurting someone, you should tell the other person right away. This is at odds with “respecting privacy”, but even if your friends beg you not to tell anyone else, you still have to. You can ask your friends to see a psychologist. Talk to your parents and the friend’s parents or their spouse (unless these people are the cause of the problem) before telling anyone else.
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Give thorough advice. To be a good friend, you should be able to look at your friend’s situation from their point of view and give your opinion without forcing your friend to follow your opinion. Don’t judge your friends; You only need to give advice when they need it.
- Avoid giving superfluous advice. Let you vent to them when needed, and be happy to offer advice if your friends need it. Always ask before you think you should give advice.
- In some cases, you need to show toughness to help your friend get through a dangerous situation. Be careful – you don’t have to preach or overwhelm your friends. Just let them know what you think of the situation with factual information and suggest what you would do in a similar situation.
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Give your friends space when they need it. Being supportive of your friends also means understanding that your friends won’t always want to be with you. You need to learn to keep your distance and give your friends space. Know when friends want to be alone or want to see other friends. Friendship doesn’t mean being dependent or clingy. If you’re clingy and always want to know what your friends are up to when they’re not around, you’re going to become possessive and this is not appreciated.
- Don’t be jealous when friends have many friends. Every relationship is special and different; That doesn’t mean your friends don’t appreciate your presence.
- Allowing each person time to meet other friends will create a separate space, bring a new feeling to help you bond and appreciate each other more.
Nurturing lasting friendships
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Learn to forgive. If you want a lasting friendship, you should forgive your friends and let everything go. If you continue to hold onto the discomfort that leads to irritation and anger, it will be difficult for you to let go of the past. Understand that no one is perfect and if your friend is truly sorry and hasn’t made a big mistake, you shouldn’t think about the past anymore. [8] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- If your friend has done something that you can’t forgive and can’t let go of, you’re better off leaving the relationship than trying to salvage something that’s not intact. However, this is usually very rare.
- If you’re angry with your friends but don’t tell them why, you won’t be able to forgive them if you don’t talk about it.
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Accept your friends for who they really are. To maintain a friendship, you shouldn’t try to change your friends or get your friends to see things your way. Appreciate what makes your friends (and yourself) unique! If you’re conservative and your friends are open-minded, accept that instead of trying to argue the difference. You should appreciate your friend’s new perspective instead of wanting your friend to see everything from yours.
- The more time you spend with someone, the more you will no longer idealize them and accept them for who they really are. This is what really makes a good friend – caring deeply for each other even when knowing each other’s flaws.
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Go beyond the bounds of duty. A normal friend will wait while you do your homework. And a great friend will stay up all night to help you. Remember that if you are a good friend, other people want to be your good friend too. Be aware when you need to cross the line to help your friends. This will make the friendship stronger and your friends will reciprocate your kindness.
- If your friends really need you but keep saying “It’s okay, you don’t have to…”, you should accept the truth and understand that your friends really need you.
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Stay in touch no matter what. Over time, we often become distant. Maybe you and a certain friend live in two different places and can’t see each other as often. Sometimes communication also fades over the years. If you still care about your friends, stay in touch with them. They will be happy to talk to you. For some reason, the two were once friends, and maybe it’s for this reason that the two will continue to stick together.
- Don’t let geographical distance affect the strong bond of friendship. True friendships will continue to grow even when separated.
- Try to call a friend every month or make a Skype appointment even if the two of you are in different time zones. If keeping in touch with friends becomes a habit, the friendship will continue to be strong.
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Let friendships grow. If you want to be a good friend, you have to understand that friendships in high school, college, or work are different. Sure, by the age of 14 you can spend all your time with your best friend, but by the time you’ve gone to two different colleges or have a boyfriend, the time to talk will dwindle. It doesn’t mean that the friendship is no longer as strong as before, just that each person’s life has changed and the friendship has also turned to a different stage over the years.
- Don’t try to keep your friendship the same as it was 10 years ago. Everything will change but cannot stand still.
- If your friends are married and have children or are in a serious relationship, but you are not, respect this fact. Even if your friends care about you, they won’t be able to call you 24/7 like they used to.
- Appreciate the changes friendship has brought over the years and learn to grow with the relationship.
- Friends must also treat you well.
Advice
- You don’t need to spend a lot of time and money to be a good friend. The most meaningful gifts are usually handmade and come from a sincere heart. A call has the same meaning as a visit.
- Don’t constantly text or call your friends. They will get annoyed and not want to pick up the phone when you call to talk about something really important.
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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 8 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 43,559 times.
Being a good friend isn’t easy, but by taking the time to nurture lasting friendships, all your efforts will pay off. Good friendships bring strength and happiness that social media or being famous cannot create. Every sincere friendship is formed based on trust and contribution from both sides. So whether you want to build a new good friendship or improve an existing one, there are many ways to help you become a good friend in the eyes of others.
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