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This article was co-written by Rachel Eddins, M.Ed., LPC-S. Rachel Eddins is a licensed counselor and CEO of Eddins Counseling Group. With over 20 years of experience, she specializes in assisting clients with eating disorders, anxiety and depression, relationship conflicts and career obstacles. Rachel holds a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from the University of Texas at Austin and a master’s degree in Counseling Psychology from the University of Houston. She is certified in Group Psychotherapy by the American Association for Group Psychotherapy and certified in Intuitive Eating Pros as Intuitive Eating Pros. She is also recognized by the National Association for Career Development as a career counselor.
There are 19 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 17,578 times.
Under normal circumstances, breaking up is inherently difficult, but if your ex-partner threatens to hurt himself or to commit suicide, ending the relationship seems impossible. More importantly, you need to know that if someone threatens to commit suicide after a breakup, they are mentally terrorizing you. [1] X Research Source Your partner’s intimidation will make you feel guilty, scared, or angry, but you can (and should) end it all. There are a few ways to reduce the risk of them harming themselves when you break up, starting with having an honest conversation with your partner. During the breakup, always put the safety of both of you first, and don’t forget to take care of your mental health.
Steps
Talk to the other party
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Emphasize that you care about the other person. Tell the person that they are still important to you, even if you’re breaking up. Let them know that you don’t want him/her to hurt himself. [2] X Research Source
- Say something like, “I still care about you, sorry this was so difficult for you.” You can also say, “It broke my heart when you said you’d hurt yourself. Even if it doesn’t work out, you’re still a wonderful girl to me.”
- They may not believe what you say. Let them know you’re happy to help, but don’t pressure yourself by doing something you’re not comfortable with.
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Limit quarrels. Do not challenge or fight with your boyfriend/girlfriend when they threaten to commit suicide. If they feel you don’t take it seriously, they can do it to prove you wrong. [3] X Research Sources
- For example, you should avoid saying things like, “I wouldn’t dare” or “I just said that to make you feel bad, right?” Instead, you could say, “I’m so upset that you think that way.”
- You can also limit arguments by using “I” sentence structures, such as: “I’m so tired of this relationship” instead of “You don’t make me happy.” me”, the way of saying blame will easily make the opponent feel defensive. [4] X Research Sources
- Speak in a soft voice with a low tone of voice. Maintain open body language with your arms and legs relaxed at your sides. When you raise your voice and use intimidating body language (such as crossing your arms or clenching your fists), arguments are more likely to arise.
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Maintain limits. Let your boyfriend/girlfriend know that you won’t change your mind. Recall why you want to break up. Be as kind as you can, but don’t sound vague. [5] X Research Sources
- You could say, “You’re such a good person and you’ve given me so much, but I can’t trade my long-term goals for this relationship.”
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Remind your partner that their choices are not yours. Tell your ex that you can’t control whether or not they commit suicide. Don’t let them push the blame on you. [6] X Research Sources
- For example, when your soon-to-be says, “If you’re no longer in this world, it’s my fault,” you might reply, “I don’t want you to have any fate, but it’s a choice. Your choice, not mine. What you do is out of my control.”
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Tell your boyfriend/girlfriend that they are not alone in this feeling. Remind your partner of their good qualities, talents, and interests. Let the person know that they don’t need anyone else to define or complete themselves. [7] X Research Sources
- For example, you could say, “I know it’s hard to think about right now, but you’re worth so much more than just a piece in our relationship. He is about to enter the veterinary profession and will do a lot of good things in life. Then you can be happier with other people.”
- Remind him/her that other people care about them too. Then, name the people who can be with them during this time.
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Find a place to help that person. Provide a hotline number so your partner can call and get help. Encourage them to talk to a psychologist or counselor by helping them find contact information for mental health services in their area. [8] X Research Sources
- The Vietnam Center for Psychological Crisis Prevention has a hotline 1900599830 – Call center Young people. If you are in the US, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. This is a free, confidential and 24-hour hotline. [9] X Trusted Source National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Go to Source
- tamsubantre.org is an online alternative to the above hotline number. Consultants are always available to assist from 9am – 12am on Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings. [10] X Research Source
- Wikipedia has lists of suicide prevention hotlines in many countries. [11] X Research Source
Make sure both are safe
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Take their threats seriously. Don’t ignore your partner’s warnings or assume that he/she is intimidating. That’s also the case, but safety comes first. Assuming that they really think so then you need to act accordingly. [12] X Research Source
- If the other person is making vague suicide threats, offer to take them to the emergency room or call the Youth Talk hotline at 1900599830.
- Call the person’s friends or relatives to be with them. [13] X Trusted Source National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Go to Source
- Do not leave them alone, but the appropriate supervisor is not you, of course. Don’t let him/her think that suicide threats are the only way to get your attention.
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Call 112 or 113 in an emergency. If you think your ex is in danger, harming yourself or someone else, call the police right away. Don’t worry you might confuse the situation – safety comes first. [14] X Research Source
- Try to locate the person before calling the police. Don’t let them know you’re calling for help. This will help the police to reach him/her in time.
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Alert the person’s family or friends. If you’re worried about your ex’s safety, you need to make sure someone looks after your partner after you say goodbye. Contact 1-2 relatives, friends or his/her roommate and let them know your concern. Ask them to stay home more often so they can be more supportive of your ex after you break up. [15] X Research Source
- Say, “Hey, I think you’re pretty shocked, but tonight I’m going to break up with Thao. She said she was going to commit suicide so I was worried. Can you come stay with her for a few days after I leave?”
- Do not leave until someone else arrives, this will ensure their safety.
- Remember to choose someone you know to have a close relationship with your ex-spouse.
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Go to a safe place if you feel in danger. Sometimes a threat of self-harm is a sign that the person has a big problem with violence. If you feel threatened at any point during the breakup, leave immediately. You can make things clear to each other and end over the phone if necessary. [16] X Research Source
- If your partner has a history of violence, break up with them over the phone or in public.
- Put your own safety first in a dangerous situation, even if you fear for others.
Face your feelings
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Remind yourself of good reasons to break up. If you’re feeling wavering, remember that it’s not good to stay in an unhealthy relationship. You will only feel stuck and inhibited if you keep going. The person who tried to manipulate you by threatening to commit suicide will also find other ways to continue doing it to you. [17] X Research Source
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Avoid taking responsibility for yourself for anything your partner does. This person is driving you into a mental state by threatening to commit suicide if you break up, but you are not at fault for their actions. Remind yourself that the person is an individual. You cannot control or decide for them. [18] X Trusted Source National Domestic Vipence Hotline Go to source
- If you’re struggling with guilt after a breakup, talk to a psychologist.
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End the breakup process. After ending the relationship, move on and don’t look back. Don’t get back with your ex no matter how much you miss them. Both need time and space to grieve over a past relationship, and the longer the breakup lasts, the harder it will be for the wound to heal. [19] X Research Source
- You should remove your ex from your social media profiles.
- Ask mutual friends not to talk about your ex in front of you.
- If you need to contact your ex, you should choose a way to avoid meeting, such as texting or emailing.
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Rely on family and friends. After a breakup, you’re not alone. Friends and family are always ready to help and support you. When you’re feeling down, you can ask if they’d be willing to talk. If you think back, your friends or loved ones will remind you that breaking up is the best option. [20] X Research Source
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This article was co-written by Rachel Eddins, M.Ed., LPC-S. Rachel Eddins is a licensed counselor and CEO of Eddins Counseling Group. With over 20 years of experience, she specializes in assisting clients with eating disorders, anxiety and depression, relationship conflicts and career obstacles. Rachel holds a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from the University of Texas at Austin and a master’s degree in Counseling Psychology from the University of Houston. She is certified in Group Psychotherapy by the American Association for Group Psychotherapy and certified in Intuitive Eating Pros as Intuitive Eating Pros. She is also recognized by the National Association for Career Development as a career counselor.
There are 19 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 17,578 times.
Under normal circumstances, breaking up is inherently difficult, but if your ex-partner threatens to hurt himself or to commit suicide, ending the relationship seems impossible. More importantly, you need to know that if someone threatens to commit suicide after a breakup, they are mentally terrorizing you. [1] X Research Source Your partner’s intimidation will make you feel guilty, scared, or angry, but you can (and should) end it all. There are a few ways to reduce the risk of them harming themselves when you break up, starting with having an honest conversation with your partner. During the breakup, always put the safety of both of you first, and don’t forget to take care of your mental health.
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