How to deal with an unconscious roommate

Do you have a roommate who often eats your own food, borrows your things without asking for an hour, or leaves dirty dishes in the sink for up to a week? Living with a roommate who doesn’t mean it can be frustrating, but don’t worry – by talking honestly, openly with them, you’ll find a way to get your place back to normal. home. This article will give you everything you need to know about talking to roommates and solving problems with them.

Table of Contents

Talk to your roommate soon instead of waiting

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Deal with the problem now so it doesn’t smolder for too long. Ignoring things right now may seem easier, but it’s better to face the problem now. Ask your roommate to sit down and talk or make an appointment with them a few days in advance. ^{[1] X Research Source}

Try to find a quiet and comfortable time to chat with your roommate. An evening when the two of you relax together may be appropriate, but if the other person is stressed or busy, you can postpone it for another time.

Explain the problem but don’t blame them

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The conversation will be more effective if you don’t criticize the other person. Be gentle about things that bother you, but try not to attack or berate your roommate. That way, both of them can talk openly and honestly instead of arguing. ^{[2] X Research Source}

Try using statements about yourself to put the focus on yourself. For example, you could say, “When the house is noisy at night, I feel stressed because I can’t sleep.”
“Many days the kitchen is so messy that it makes me angry because there is no place to cook.”

Listen to your roommate

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Give roommates time to talk so they don’t feel attacked. After you’ve raised your issue, stop and listen to your roommate’s point of view. Try not to interrupt and acknowledge their feelings in the situation so they feel heard. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

If your roommate is “ruffled” to get defensive or angry, try saying something like, “I know you’re upset, but I’d love to change to feel more comfortable in the house.”
You can also say, “I understand what you mean, but I still want to talk to you to figure out a solution.”

Let’s find a solution together

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It’s easier for your roommate to comply if you both set the same rules. After both of you have come up with ideas, both think together about what could be changed in the home. Be open-minded and willing to compromise so that both parties are satisfied. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

“Instead of having a party every weekend, we can limit it to once a month. Thus there is reasonable?”
“Perhaps we should make a chore chart to make sure everything is in order. How do you think?”
“You can borrow my stuff, but you should have told me first. Next time if you want to use my stuff, you have to ask first!”

Set ground rules

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The ground rules will clearly define what is acceptable in the home (or not). No matter how long you’ve lived in the same house, it’s never too late to set some rules in the house. When discussing with roommates, you should set rules that both of you can follow so that the shared home is always a safe and comfortable place. ^{[5] X Research Sources} Your rules could be:

Whoever makes a mess must clean up.
Do not give the door key to anyone who does not live in the house.
If you want to eat the other person’s food, you must ask first.
If you come home late, you should be quiet when entering the house.

Set a cleaning schedule for the house

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House cleaning schedule will help keep the house neat and clean. If you find it difficult to tell your roommate to clean up their mess, consider creating a cleaning assignment and posting it in a common area of the house. Specify who has to clean which areas and when. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

You should also discuss who wants to take the job. If you hate cleaning but your roommate doesn’t mind, they can take the mopping and you scrub the tub.
If the other person hesitates, remind them that the roster helps them too. “I know scheduling the cleanup seems childish, but that way we’ll remember whose turn it is to wash the dishes without having to fight.”

Discuss the time when guests come to the house to play

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Set boundaries so you don’t feel like you have to suffer in your own home. Maybe you don’t mind when your roommate invites guests over, but you want them to talk quietly. Or, it’s okay if your roommate invites guests in from time to time, but not every day. Talk to them about guests coming to your home and you must follow the rules yourself. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

“You can invite your friends over, but remember to keep your voice low when I’m trying to sleep.”
“I know it’s fun for you to have a boyfriend over, but can you guys stay at his house a few days a week?”

Set a “light off” interval

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Set a quiet time to help you both sleep better. If your roommate is often noisy while you’re resting, perhaps this rule will help. Set a reasonable amount of time for everyone to keep the volume down. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

“We all agree to keep quiet after 11 p.m. on weekdays, okay?”
“Maybe we should just play in our room until midnight. That way they both have enough time to sleep.”

Write an agreement with your roommate

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Put the agreement on paper so that you both get it right. Moreover, this will also help clarify the regulations to avoid confusion. Once you’ve agreed on the ground rules, write them down and post them in a common area so you can both review them as needed. ^{[9] X Research Source}

The agreement also prevents a later denial. Your roommate won’t be able to say “I don’t agree” if there’s a piece of paper in the living room that proves otherwise.

Check back often with roommates

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Pay attention to whether your roommates are comfortable with the rules to make sure they stay happy. After you’ve both worked on the new rules for a while, check with your roommate to see if they agree. Also, if your roommate crosses your boundaries or forgets a rule, talk to them. ^{[10] X Research Source}

“I just looked at the house cleaning schedule. I know you’re busy this week, but can you wash the dishes early since it’s already your turn?”
“I saw you borrow my hair dryer this morning. In the future, if you want to borrow it, can you ask me first like we discussed?”
“What do you think about the rule ‘don’t invite guests to the house on weeknights’? Does it still work?”

Get out of the house if possible

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If home is not a comfortable refuge, look elsewhere. Unfortunately, many roommates aren’t perfect, and you may feel like you have to find a quieter place. Try going to the library, going to a friend’s house, or going outside when something is bothering you at home. ^{[11] X Research Source}

Remember that roommates are only temporary! You won’t be stuck in this situation forever.

Find a new place to live if nothing changes

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Find a new place to escape from your unconscious roommate. If you’ve talked to your roommate a few times and tried to come up with solutions to no avail, they probably won’t change anytime soon. You should try to find other places to move to at the end of your lease to be comfortable and happy at home. ^{[12] X Research Source}

Steps