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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 7 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 6,056 times.
Living with someone who is overly critical is not easy, whether they are your parents, roommates, or lovers. If the atmosphere in your home doesn’t make you feel relaxed, you won’t be able to function. Critics often don’t feel happy with themselves. You need to understand that criticism is rarely personal. You should look for strategies to deal with the problem at hand. Deal with the situation in a calm, respectful manner. Then step forward. You should focus on maintaining your own joy and positivity regardless of life circumstances.
Steps
Coping with the situation in front of you
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Do not personalize negativity. You should remember that it’s not all about you. If someone is negative or critical, they will probably complain about everyone. When being criticized, you should stay calm and not take it personally.
- Consider the source of the criticism. Is the person you live with generally very critical? Does the person complain about work, school, and other friends? If they do, they simply possess negative views. Criticism only reflects their worldview. It is not an objective assessment of your personality. [1] X Research Source
- You should remember that you are valuable. The criticism will probably be quite right. Everyone needs to improve in some area of themselves. However, shortcomings and defects do not shape your personality. Maybe your roommate is right to point out that you always forget to throw away the carton of milk. But that person is more focused on your flaws than on other qualities. [2] X Research Source
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Resist the urge to argue. Arguing with someone who is overly critical is not a good idea. If someone possesses this quality, they will not want to resolve conflicts. They simply want to complain. Even if this will be quite difficult, you should try to overcome the urge to argue.
- Use empathetic listening when others are criticizing. You just need to repeat the other person’s words. This will show that you’re listening without forcing yourself to give in to their unreasonable demands. This technique would be better than engaging in controversy. For example, you might say something like, “So you don’t feel it’s fair that I forgot to wash my bowl last night, do you?” [3] X Research Sources
- Critical people often try to force you to join them. If you respond sympathetically, they will continue to increase their criticism. Instead of arguing, you should calmly voice your opinion. You can say, “I’m sorry to upset you, but I really forgot. I’ll go wash the dishes now and try to remember in the future.” If the person loves to criticize, they will continue to scold you. Don’t challenge them. Just continue to present your opinion. Gradually, they will feel discouraged and withdraw. [4] X Research Sources
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Try to ignore. Sometimes, the best way to deal with overly critical people is to learn to ignore them. For people who like to criticize, complaining and criticizing is their way of life. You should learn to ignore.
- Criticism often thrives on conflict and drama. The more you react to them, the more disparaging they will be. Therefore, you should only respond with a one-word answer. When dealing with criticism, you can use words like “Um,” “Yes,” or “Yeah.” [5] X Research Sources
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Sympathetic. Critical people are often dissatisfied with themselves. They possess unreasonably high expectations of their own achievements and of personal conduct. If you live with people who constantly criticize you, you should sympathize with them.
- Understand that you only have to deal with that person in the present moment. But they will have to face themselves every now and then. Chances are that your roommate, relative, lover, or crush criticizes you for their own sense of inadequacy. [6] X Research Sources
- When someone criticizes you, you should consider that person’s point of view. There can be quite a few reasons why they become overly critical. For example, you are a college student living with your family. Perhaps your father will often scold you about your study habits. You should consider his point of view. Maybe he didn’t get the chance to go to school. He feels insecure in your presence because you have achieved something he never had a chance to achieve. Criticism is not a personal matter. It is a reflection of your father’s sadness. Sometimes, simply empathizing with others can ease your frustrations with them. [7] X Research Sources
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Every now and then, give up. If you’re living with an overly critical person, sometimes it’s best to let go of the little things. If your crush gets mad at you when you don’t fold your clothes in a particular way, you should do it his or her way. This isn’t a huge concession, but it will help ease the tension. [8] X Research Sources
- Even if someone is being unreasonably critical, it’s possible that their complaint is well-founded. As mentioned above, everyone has bad habits. It can be quite frustrating if your roommate keeps whining about you getting the bathroom floor wet after taking a shower. However, others may slip and fall. Instead of getting angry, you should use a towel to wipe the water off the floor when you’re done showering.
Referring to the situation
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Protect your rights. You won’t be able to withstand criticism forever. At some point, criticism will no longer be acceptable. It’s one thing for a roommate to criticize you for not taking out the trash. However, many critical people volunteer to provide advice on your personal and professional life. In this case, you should protect your own interests.
- Be firm, but at the same time be kind. You should not be aggressive or disrespectful. This action may escalate the situation and cause controversy rather than forming a solution. [9] X Research Source
- Just state your concerns in simple, specific words. For example, your roommate is criticizing your relationship with your lover. You could say, “I really appreciate that you care about the time Mai and I spend together. It’s good to know that you care enough for me to talk about this. However, I think the Our relationship is pretty stable. For now, I’m very happy and don’t need advice. If things change in the future, I’ll let you know.” [10] X Research Source
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Evaluate the nature of criticism. Although it can be difficult, sometimes it is helpful to try to assess criticism objectively. If you’re trying to get the person’s point of view clear, you can present the problem in a more effective way.
- First, you should consider what the person is criticizing. Is it in your control? If so, perhaps you should make an effort to change. You should wash the dishes after using them. However, people who like to criticize tend to pry people for things they can’t change. If you often laugh while watching comedies, this action is a trait of your personality, not a conscious choice. So the criticism may not be fair. [11] X Research Source
- How is criticism presented? If you live with other people, you need to communicate with them. When you do something that annoys the people you live with, they have the right to express how they feel. However, how they criticize you is what matters. If they scream, use obscene words, or become difficult, this is unreasonable action. [12] X Research Source
- Why is this person criticizing you? Do you think your roommate really wants you to change, or are they just whining? [13] X Research Source
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Provide honest feedback. One way to deal with critical people is to give them feedback. They probably won’t understand how to be helpful, but they won’t sound critical or arrogant.
- Perhaps the critical person has the right feedback or advice. However, the way they present this advice may not be appropriate. If you have to deal with them every day, you should try to make them aware of what is helpful and vice versa. Eventually, they will learn to communicate better with you. [14] X Research Source
- For example, your roommate is reprimanding you excessively for the way you clean the house. That day, you finished cleaning the house. You know you’ll forget about this advice when you need to get chores done in the future. You should say something like, “I understand you want me to change the way I mop. But next time, can you tell me before I clean? I’m afraid I’ll forget next week.” [15] X Research Source
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Use sentences that begin with the subject “I” (yourself). It is possible that the critical person has hurt your feelings. Negative and demanding people often make everyone around them uncomfortable. When expressing your frustration, you should use a statement that begins with the subject “I”. This type of sentence will help emphasize personal feelings rather than blame. You’d rather express how you feel about something than make an objective judgment about the situation. [16] X Research Source
- A sentence that begins with the subject I consists of three parts. You start with the phrase “I feel” and state how you feel. Then you explain the behavior that formed that emotion. Finally, explain why you feel that way. This method will help you avoid blaming the other party. You’re not saying they were wrong, but instead, you’re emphasizing the impact their actions have had on you. [17] X Research Source
- For example, your boyfriend criticizes you for taking too long in the shower. You shouldn’t say “It’s annoying that you’re always snooping on my shower time. I don’t bother you when you use the bathroom. You’re so rude.” When you say something like this, even though your opinion is reasonable, your boyfriend will feel blamed or unfairly judged. [18] X Research Sources
- Instead, you should express your feelings using “I” statements. In the example above, you could say something like, “I feel disrespected when you yell at me for taking a long shower, because I feel like I always respect your privacy when you use it. use the bathroom”. [19] X Research Source
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Ready to compromise. Even if you feel you’re right, living with other people means you have to compromise. You should find a way to compromise with the critical person.
- Accept the right criticism. Everyone has a bad habit that annoys a roommate, relative, or lover. If you do something wrong, even a small thing, you should make an effort to change it. [20] X Research Source
- Try to learn to let go of some of your resentments. Understand the person’s point of view, and from time to time, you should give in to their request. [21] X Research Source
Step forward
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Make a mirror. One of the best ways to deal with a critic is to cultivate your own positivity. Avoid allowing the person to make you feel negative. You should show them how to become a happier and more positive person. [22] X Research Source
- If someone criticizes everything you do, you should respond to that person in the opposite direction. This action will help them know that they cannot draw others into their negativity. If your partner is yelling at you because you disagree with their political views, respond with, “Isn’t it great that we live in a country where we have the right to voice our opinions?” own opinion?”. [23] X Research Sources
- Avoid appeasing negative people. Negative people like to complain and constantly talk about their problems. They will refuse to listen to any possible solutions. In this case, you should stop communicating with them. You are not helping them by allowing them to keep complaining about their problems. You can say something like “I don’t know what to tell you, but I’m sure you’ll find a solution”. Then smile and withdraw from the conversation. [24] X Research Source
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Maintain your own happiness. Taking responsibility for your own happiness is very important. Even if you are living with negative people, you need to make an effort to enjoy life. Try to remain cheerful no matter the situation. [25] X Research Sources
- Have a positive attitude about life. This can be difficult, especially if you are faced with a lot of negativity. In general, however, people feel happier when they accept their circumstances, good or bad. You should tell yourself, “It’s not easy living with this person, but this is life. I’m still myself and can still enjoy everything.” [26] X Research Source
- Take time for yourself if needed. You can be out of the house for a few hours. Hanging out with friends on a Saturday night. You should surround yourself with positive and joyful moments and people. This will help you maintain your level of happiness even if you have to live with someone who is overly critical. [27] X Research Source
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End the relationship if necessary. If the criticism becomes quite severe, you need to ask yourself if the relationship is worth it. This is especially true if it is a romantic relationship. It will be difficult for you to feel positive and happy with the person you love if you are constantly receiving criticism every day. If, after you’ve worked hard to discuss the issue and compromise, nothing has changed, it may be time to move on. You should evaluate your relationship and consider whether it is important enough for you to salvage. [28] X Research Sources
Advice
- Please be patient. Some people who like to be overly critical often have difficulty with certain conditions such as perfectionism. It will be difficult for them to let go of their sense of control and accept the shortcomings of others. Even if the person is willing to change, it will take some time for them to accept it.
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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 7 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 6,056 times.
Living with someone who is overly critical is not easy, whether they are your parents, roommates, or lovers. If the atmosphere in your home doesn’t make you feel relaxed, you won’t be able to function. Critics often don’t feel happy with themselves. You need to understand that criticism is rarely personal. You should look for strategies to deal with the problem at hand. Deal with the situation in a calm, respectful manner. Then step forward. You should focus on maintaining your own joy and positivity regardless of life circumstances.
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