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This article was co-written by Liana Georgoulis, PsyD. Liana Georgoulis is a licensed clinical psychologist with over 10 years of experience, currently the clinical chair of Coast Psychpogical Services in Los Angeles. She received her Doctor of Psychology degree from Pepperdine University in 2009. Her clinic offers cognitive behavioral therapy and other evidence-based therapies for adolescents, adults, and couples. .
There are 18 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
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Confronting a psychopath can be scary, but there are ways you don’t fall victim to them. Psychopathy is an antisocial personality disorder, and is often defined by traits such as lack of empathy, defiance of rules, and impulsive behavior. If you cannot avoid contact with a psychopath, choose to face it calmly. Don’t get emotionally involved with them, because your distress shows they can control you. Call for help if you feel in danger, and learn to recognize the signs of emotional and physical abuse.
Steps
End your relationship with a psychopath
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Call emergency services if you are in a dangerous situation. Call for help if the person threatens to harm you, themselves, or others. Don’t take the threat lightly, even if they don’t have a history of physical abuse. [1] X Trusted Source National Institute of Mental Health Go to source
- Not all people with oppositional disorder are violent, but aggression and defiance may be involved.
- Suicide threats can be a tactic to manipulate your emotions. If you believe the person intends and will injure themselves, call for help from emergency services.
- If you suspect they are threatening suicide to control you or have repeated this self-harm, stay within your boundaries. Tell them you can’t be held accountable for their actions and won’t let them control you. [2] X Trusted Source National Domestic Vipence Hotline Go to source
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Remember that you cannot be held responsible for their actions. Psychopaths are experts at manipulating, deceiving, and blaming others. Your situation does not reflect whether you are naive or easy prey. Instead of blaming yourself, understand that they are the one who treated you badly and that you are not responsible for the behavior. [3] X Research Sources
- You should remember that psychopaths often look very friendly and gracious at first. For the first few weeks they can be very attractive, but then you will notice the warning signs. For example, they may disappear for days, and when you question them, they overreact, threaten violence, and say that whatever they do has nothing to do with you.
- Also, remember that you are not alone. A person with psychopathic tendencies often disregards the health of others and treats them like objects. Remind yourself that you’re not the only one who’s been treated this way.
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Trust your instincts if you suspect the relationship is unhealthy. Listen to your gut if you feel like every time you’re around this person, you feel reticent as if you’re approaching the edge. If the thought of meeting this person scares you, it’s time to leave. [4] X Research Sources
- You may be hesitant because you still like the person when they act nice. However, ask yourself if the person is only being nice when they want you to do something for them. For example, what if they ask you to take you somewhere and you do not agree? If they get angry then, chances are they’re just pretending to be sweet to take advantage of you.
- Remember that psychopaths do not necessarily cause terror. They may often blame you, lie, take advantage, be suddenly aggressive, or don’t care about your physical and mental health, listen to your intuition when the subject shows these signs. that present.
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Learn to set and protect personal boundaries. Psychopaths are notorious for intruding and testing personal boundaries, especially when those are not clearly established. Once you have overcome this relationship, you should learn to make friends and protect them. Take some time to consider your feelings and set boundaries to protect yourself from emotionally manipulative and abusive behaviors.
- For example, you can redecorate your home so that the surrounding environment is no longer associated with your manipulator. You can also set limits such as not living together or sharing a bank account with a new lover until you go through some therapy. [5] X Research Sources
- Remember that you always have the right to refuse. You don’t have to explain, and no one can force you to change your mind.
- Making sure to set boundaries can protect the future of your physical, emotional, and financial well-being.
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Cut off all contact after breaking up. The best way to deal with psychopaths is to separate yourself from them in all situations. Break up, and don’t contact them anymore. It may sound cruel, but ending a relationship like this is the best way to protect your physical and mental health. [6] X Research Sources
- Don’t go to their social media pages, suppress the urge to call or text, and don’t allow yourself to regret your decision to break up. If this person is the cause of all emotional, verbal, or financial abuse in your life, then they should be removed from your life.
- Breaking up isn’t easy, but be strong and don’t feel guilty. Know that you’re not abandoning them, you’re just protecting yourself.
- Remember that you are not their counselor or therapist, and you cannot force them to change. A person with ODD cannot be changed without professional intervention, but most people with symptoms of the disorder refuse treatment. [7] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source
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Have a safety precaution plan if you believe the person could become violent. If you’re concerned that ending the relationship could lead to violent behavior, consider breaking up by phone or email. If you live with that person, ask a trusted relative or friend to help you get out of there safely. [8] X Trusted Source US Office on Women’s Health Go to source
- Remember important phone numbers and, if possible, buy a backup phone that the other person cannot reach. Before you leave, pack up all your important paperwork and, if it’s safe, transfer all your money and savings to a new account.
- Get a spare car key and hide them in a safe place.
- Arrange accommodation with friends or family members. If you don’t have a trusted friend or relative living with you locally, you can get a ride at a domestic violence center.
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Apply for a restraining order if you are concerned for your safety. Go to your local courthouse, tell them you want to apply for an urgent protective order, and ask them for instructions on filling out the form. Call or visit the court’s website directly if you need to make an appointment. [9] X Research Source
- Ask a trusted friend or family member to accompany you for emotional support.
- You do not need an attorney to request a protection order, nor do you have to pay any filing fees.
- Give them the home and business address of your abuser, as well as other evidence such as prescriptions, photos, or police reports.
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Rely on the support system. Breaking up is hard work, and trying to get out of a toxic relationship is even more stressful. Family and friends can help you through this, so open up to them and spend time together. Psychopaths often isolate their subjects, but those who love you will always keep you objective and affirm to you that you are doing the right thing. [10] X Research Source
- You can also find support groups designed to assist victims of emotional or physical abuse.
Dealing with Psychopaths at Work and School
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Don’t listen to their excuses and explanations. Psychopaths lie, manipulate, and twist stories without guilt just to get what they want and avoid responsibility. Don’t be so quick to believe what they say on the surface. [11] X Research Source
- Think back to why that person is telling, gossiping, or explaining this and that. Check their stories when you can. You can bring in a friend or colleague to ask, or check out what they have to say online. If you don’t get a chance to check, then listen to your gut.
- Let’s say they tell you that a coworker is talking bad about you behind your back. Ask yourself: “What was their motivation for telling that story? What will they get? How to check this information? Do they care about their own interests or just want to cause conflict?”.
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Be suspicious if they flatter you. Any compliments, especially those with wings, should be taken into consideration. One of the defining characteristics of a psychopath is the ability to communicate well, charming and witty like everyone else. Often, being approachable on the surface is a strategy to get what they want. [12] X Research Source
- Do your best to see the motive behind their grace and sweetness. Remember what they were like when they weren’t using that attraction to achieve their goals. Ask yourself, “What will they gain from me by trying so hard to please me?”.
- For example, don’t pay attention to their compliments if they later want to borrow money or ask you to do something. You can say “Sorry, I have my own rules when it comes to lending money to friends, family, or co-workers”, or “Sorry, I have a lot of work to do and can’t take on more of this project for you.” .
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Don’t get into an argument with them. Make it clear from the start that you don’t want to be involved with them when pressured or threatened by them. Psychopaths always want to control the mind and body of others, and they use seduction, intimidation, manipulation, and violence to maintain that power. Arguing with them only makes the situation tense, and shows that they can influence you. [13] X Research Source
- If you believe you are in danger, talk to your teacher or school counselor if you are of school age. For issues at work, raise concerns with human resources, or if your company doesn’t have one, raise them with your manager.
- If you are a teacher and are facing such a student, do not rush to intervene in behavior that violates school rules. First clarify that the student is in violation, notify them of the consequences, and contact higher-level support for obvious violations. [14] X Research Source
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Try to approach them calmly and patiently. If contact with a psychopath cannot be avoided, do your best to stay calm. Your miserable look will let them know they can influence you. Instead, talk politely, keeping the mood under control, no matter how outrageous they may be. [15] X Research Source
- For example, if they do something wrong but blame you, don’t scream, “Liar! You’re the one who caused it.”
- Instead, stay calm: “I understand you think I’m wrong.” If an authority figure such as a manager or teacher is present, act rationally, and present evidence that it is not your fault.
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Talk to someone in authority if you feel the situation is getting more and more overwhelming. If you can’t work or interact with the person anymore, see if you can move to another department. You can find another job if needed. If you are still in school, ask a teacher, counselor, or a trusted adult for help. [16] X Research Source
- While the best thing you can do is avoid the troublesome person, that doesn’t always work. The job may require you to work closely with the person, or they will find a way to meet you at work or school on their own.
- With help from an authority figure or transferring schools, changing jobs are big options, but may be necessary if you become the subject of psychological, verbal, or physical abuse.
Identify the signs of a psychopath
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Think about whether the person respects the rules or not. A key criterion for determining antisocial personality disorder is an attitude that defies laws, regulations, and social principles. A psychopath understands the concept of rules and laws, but they believe that they are outside the boundaries of right and wrong in society. [17] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to source
- Remember that if a person steals a candy bar or runs a red light, it doesn’t mean they are psychopaths. There is a difference between breaking the common law and the unrepentant, consistent, unrepentant disregard for the norm.
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Arrogant and thinks he is superior to others. The disregard for laws and social norms stems from thinking that they are more privileged than others. People with antisocial personality disorder believe that they are above all social norms, and that they justify any behavior as long as they get what they want. They don’t feel guilty about breaking the law or manipulating others. [18] X Research Sources
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Take note of any impulsive, irresponsible behavior. Without a concept of following the rules, people with oppositional personality disorder tend to act recklessly. Often entangled in drug and alcohol abuse. A psychopath rarely thinks twice before making a decision, and often responds with “I did it because I feel like it”. [19] X Research Source
- Remember, a night of getting drunk or driving around doesn’t make a person psychopathic. Antisocial personality disorder is a very complex group of behavioral patterns. Only a mental health professional trained in abnormal psychology and experienced with psychopaths can make an accurate diagnosis.
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Recognize the signs of gaslighting and emotional manipulation. Gaslighting is the manipulative process by which a friend or lover convinces you that your thoughts and opinions are wrong. Signs include questioning yourself, constantly finding yourself the one to apologize, always admitting when you’re wrong, and often having to make excuses for that lover or friend. [20] X Trusted Source National Domestic Vipence Hotline Go to source
- You may have a hunch that things are not going well or that you are disconnected from the reality around you. If you believe you are the victim of some form of mental or emotional manipulation, seek the help of a trusted loved one or mental health professional to help you regain objective awareness.
- A psychopath will manipulate other people’s emotions to get what they want, maintain control, because they like it or to play the victim. [21] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source
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Increase vigilance in dangerous situations. Vulnerable circumstances include situations where the psychopath’s potential target is lonely, seeking pleasure, or companionship. For example, the location could be an international airport, a singles pub, a dating website or app. [22] X Research Source
- Being vigilant doesn’t mean paranoid that danger is lurking in every social situation, but heeding the cues and listening to instincts. If someone makes you feel bad, leave and go to a safe, bright, crowded location.
- Let a friend know the location before going on a date with someone. Don’t give out information to strangers, and don’t lend them money or give them access to valuables.
- As the relationship progresses, see the first time they lie, break a promise, or shirk responsibility as a misunderstanding. Be suspicious when it happens a second time and cut off ties if it happens a third time . [23] X Research source
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Understand that psychopathy is a disorder, not a condition of moral judgment. If a person has antisocial personality disorder, their behavior can be difficult to accept, and contact with them can be unpleasant. However, oppositional personality disorder or psychopathy cannot be judged as “evil” or “cruel”. Instead, there are psychological terms to describe mental disorders. [24] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to source
- It’s important to distinguish between psychological terms and moral judgment, but remember you have the right to refuse to contact the person who mistreats or abuses you.
- Mental health conditions are not an excuse for human behavior. The extent to which someone with antisocial personality disorder can control their behavior is still a complex and controversial topic, but you don’t have to suffer if you’re treated badly.
Advice
- Dealing with a friend or loved one with a serious mental illness is not easy. A counselor can help you understand their illness and provide strategies for avoiding harmful situations. [25] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- Not everyone with antisocial personality disorder behaves violently. However, anger outbursts and defiant actions are one of the defining characteristics, do not take any threats of violence, emotional or verbal abuse lightly. [26] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source
- About 3% of the population may have antisocial personality disorder, and it occurs in all economies and societies. Psychopaths, as opposed to antisocial, are better able to function and have fewer unusual violent outbursts. [27] X Research Source
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This article was co-written by Liana Georgoulis, PsyD. Liana Georgoulis is a licensed clinical psychologist with over 10 years of experience, currently the clinical chair of Coast Psychpogical Services in Los Angeles. She received her Doctor of Psychology degree from Pepperdine University in 2009. Her clinic offers cognitive behavioral therapy and other evidence-based therapies for adolescents, adults, and couples. .
There are 18 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 3,789 times.
Confronting a psychopath can be scary, but there are ways you don’t fall victim to them. Psychopathy is an antisocial personality disorder, and is often defined by traits such as lack of empathy, defiance of rules, and impulsive behavior. If you cannot avoid contact with a psychopath, choose to face it calmly. Don’t get emotionally involved with them, because your distress shows they can control you. Call for help if you feel in danger, and learn to recognize the signs of emotional and physical abuse.
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