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This article was co-written by Amber Rosenberg, PCC. Amber Rosenberg is a life and career coach based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She has over 20 years of coaching experience and has worked for corporations, technology companies and nonprofits. Amber works for the Coach Training Institute and is a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
This article has been viewed 22,391 times.
Difficult people are everywhere. That person could also be you. Many people go through times where they don’t behave to their best. If you want to stay in a relationship with a difficult person, you need to develop a few coping and negotiation strategies.
Steps
Approaching Difficult People
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Choose your tactics wisely. When dealing with difficult people, you should decide when it is most worthwhile to make the effort to discuss the issue. [1] X Research Source Not every battle is necessary. The sooner you realize this, the happier your life will become. Ideally, you and the difficult person can put aside differences and compromise. Sometimes this will not be possible.
- Ask yourself if the situation you are facing is causing you so much pain that you need to deal with it.
- Consider your relationship with that person. If the difficult person is your boss or another powerful person, you need to work on accepting something you don’t like (unless it’s abusive behavior). [2] X Research Source If the person is your friend or relative, you might think about whether ignoring the situation encourages bad behavior or simply saves you time. time and avoid creating grief for you.
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Pause for a moment. Take a deep breath before reacting to focus your thoughts and calm yourself down. If the conflict is over email or text, you should avoid texting the other person when you’re upset. Take a moment to minimize your stress levels. Then you’ll be able to approach that person more sensibly. [3] X Research Sources
- If possible, discuss the issue in a neutral setting or in a specific location where activity is taking place. For example, you can chat with the person while walking. This method will help limit negative face-to-face interactions. [4] X Research Sources
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State your needs in an assertive manner. Don’t allow that person the opportunity to manipulate or distort your words. [5] X Research Source Try to use statements that start with “I” instead of accusations that start with “you”. For example:
- “I know that you are frustrated by my tardiness. I will feel the same way. But unfortunately, this morning, the subway system was down and people were trapped in the station. I’m sorry to have kept you waiting!”
- Don’t say: “It’s unreasonable for you to expect that I’ll be on time when the subway system is down. If you’re really interested, you might have checked my train schedule.”
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Maintain a polite attitude. No matter what the other person’s reaction is, you should stay calm. Avoid cursing. Take a breath before answering. The important thing is that you should not lower yourself to that person’s level. At the same time, the calmer you are, the easier it is for the other person to perceive and reflect on their behavior. [6] X Research Sources
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Follow the truth. You should keep the story short and clear and not indulge in too many details or emotions. Chances are the person won’t understand your point and you don’t have to try to convince them. You should speak the truth and not feel like you need to defend yourself. [7] X Research Sources
- Avoid trigger themes. [8] X Research Source For example, if you often argue about vacations with your sister-in-law, you shouldn’t discuss it! Let someone else be the mediator in leading this topic.
- Should not be conservative. [9] X Research Sources You may want to argue your point of view, but for difficult people, it’s best to ignore these arguments. Don’t waste time trying to prove you’re right. Instead, you should remain neutral in the situation.
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Limit interactions. Although, hopefully you’ll be able to deal with the difficult person, if not, limit your time with the person. If you need to interact, you should try to keep things short by asking for permission to leave or engaging a third person in the conversation. Stay positive as much as possible and remember to calm down afterwards. [10] X Research Source
- Accept that the person may never be the friend, colleague, or sibling you expect. [11] X Research Source
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Chat with allies. If things don’t work out and you need to work to resolve the issue, you can talk to a potential mediator. Maybe your boss will help improve the situation. If there is conflict in your family, you should find a bargaining power that everyone knows. You should only share and complain to people you trust.
Change of Mind
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Realize that difficult people are everywhere. No matter where you live or work, you will encounter people who seem like they were born to hurt others. The important thing is that you need to learn how to deal with these people. Because it can be difficult for you to avoid them, identifying a few different types of difficult people can help you decide the best method for interacting with them. These include: [12] X Research Sources
- People with a “hostile” attitude tend to react violently. They love to criticize, like to argue, and have trouble accepting that they are wrong. They are often powerful people or cyber bullies.
- People who are “rejection sensitive” often seek out insults. In other words, they are easily offended. They often use written means (email, text messages) to express their displeasure.
- The “excitable” type is another. They may show anxiety and pessimism and are often critical of others.
- People who are “self-first” often put their own interests first. They don’t like compromise and are also extremely sensitive to personal insults.
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Increase your frustration tolerance. The person’s behavior may be out of your control, but it’s up to you to decide how you react and whether you should care about them. One way to do this is through increasing your tolerance for frustration, including challenging inappropriate beliefs that can cause you to become stressed, angry, or lose your temper.
- When interacting with difficult people, you may think, “I can’t stand this person anymore!”. Before you react based on this inappropriate thought, you should take a deep breath and question its validity.
- The truth is you can put up with that person. You’re not going to die or go crazy just because your mother-in-law is in a hurry to get ready for New Year’s Eve, or because your boss is yelling. You are a strong human being and you know you can endure this. Your choice lies in how you see things: whether you stay stressed until your blood pressure rises, or whether you should take a deep breath and give your mother-in-law a carrot Could she be busy with something?
- When you find yourself using words such as “must,” “can’t,” “should,” “must do,” “always,” or “never,” take a few minutes to reflect. evaluate that thought.
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Check your behavior. If people are constantly attacking you, it’s probably because you’re attracting the wrong person’s attention. For example, if you are overly negative, pessimists will surround you. You should find friends with a positive attitude.
- What is your role when you have had a negative experience in the past? How do you act in response to that behavior? For example, your friend Lan is constantly bullying you. Do you react or not? Do you stand up for yourself?
- Being aware of your own strengths and weaknesses can be quite helpful. This way, when you face difficult people in the future, you’ll be better equipped to deal with them.
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Be careful in seeing others. One of your friends might look tough, but she’s probably going through a tough time. Instead of judging the other person’s behavior right away, show empathy by stepping back and looking at how you would feel in that person’s shoes. If you are quite sensitive to differences in personality, you will be able to deal with many different contradictions.
- Practice an attitude of acceptance by breathing deeply and looking at the person with as sympathetic eyes as possible. Say to yourself, “I realize you’re suffering. I accept that you’re worried and scared, even I don’t understand why. I accept that you’re worrying me too. settle”. [13] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source
- When you accept the “nature” of things, recognize and acknowledge that the person is quite difficult, you will be able to release the tension built up by resistance or a feeling of wanting to fight. [14] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source
- Visualize reasons for showing sympathy for their behavior. [15] X Source of Research You probably won’t understand why a certain client would get mad at you for no apparent reason. Instead of being angry with yourself, you should think that the person may be suffering from severe, chronic pain that makes the person very irritable. It doesn’t matter if this excuse is true or even realistic – it will help you stay calm and unaffected by negativity. [16] X Research Source
Advice
- Never swear. Swearing only makes the other person angrier and shows that you have lost control.
- Always remember to stay calm and if you feel that you are growing angry, turn away.
X
This article was co-written by Amber Rosenberg, PCC. Amber Rosenberg is a life and career coach based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She has over 20 years of coaching experience and has worked for corporations, technology companies and nonprofits. Amber works for the Coach Training Institute and is a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
This article has been viewed 22,391 times.
Difficult people are everywhere. That person could also be you. Many people go through times where they don’t behave to their best. If you want to stay in a relationship with a difficult person, you need to develop a few coping and negotiation strategies.
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