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This article was co-written by Tasha Rube, LMSW. Tasha Rube is a licensed social worker in Missouri. She received her MSW degree from the University of Missouri in 2014.
There are 8 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 82,196 times.
It’s hard to please everyone all the time. No matter what you do, and no matter how hard you try, there will always be someone who doesn’t like you. Sometimes you can do something to make other people like you more, but there are also times when you can’t do anything but learn to deal with it. You can learn to accept being hated as a normal part of life. So work on improving yourself and become more confident so you don’t have to be upset because someone doesn’t like you.
Steps
Keep a positive attitude
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Realize that your feelings are normal. If being hated or rejected hurts you, make sure you’re not being overly sensitive or imaginative. It hurts to be unloved, even if you clearly don’t like someone who hates you!
- It’s completely normal to feel angry, anxious, jealous, or sad if you experience social rejection. Feelings of rejection can even lead to physical symptoms such as an inability to sleep and a weak immune response or potential illness. [1] X Trusted Sources American Psychpogical Association Go to Source
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Understand the problem. Sure there are some people who don’t like you, but there are others who like you too. Figuring out which opinions of others influence you, and learning to ignore the rest is a lifelong challenge for many people.
- Ask yourself: Who hates you? Is it a single person, a few people, or a group of people? What have you done to deserve hate? Is there a misunderstanding or rumor that makes people dislike you?
- Once you’ve figured out who hates you and why, you can ask yourself, “Does their opinion of you matter?” If they’re the unimportant person in your life, realize that everyone has a few people who obviously don’t like them, and that someone’s opinion of you doesn’t matter to you. They are not the center of your life or a factor in your happiness.
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Seek acceptance elsewhere. If someone hates you, one way to deal with the problem is to make sure you have a support system that accepts and loves you. Having a few people dislike you won’t be a big deal. [2] X Trusted Sources American Psychpogical Association Go to Source
- In fact, the brain produces opioids in response to social interactions. Therefore, it’s a good idea to have a few people you can lean on in the face of the pain of rejection from people who don’t like you. [3] X Trusted Sources American Psychpogical Association Go to Source
- If you’re having a hard time making friends, check out the helpful wikiHow article on How to Make Friends for tips on meeting and making new friends.
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Regulate anger . It is normal to get angry when you are hated for no reason or for some reason beyond your control. However, scolding does not make the situation better. In fact, it often makes matters worse.
- Aggressors are often seen as having a threatening personality, which can even aggravate social rejection. [4] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source
- Try to re-direct feelings of anger by breathing deeply, focusing on your surroundings, and channeling your energy into other activities like yoga, jogging, or weight training.
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Maintain your integrity. If someone hates you, don’t let them influence you and change who you are. Defend your integrity by responding with respect, honesty, and patience. [5] X Research Sources
- Having compassion for others is important. Remember that there are a million reasons why someone doesn’t like you no matter what you do! Perhaps you remind them of someone who hurt them in the past.
- In fact, social scientists have found that some people tend to be “somebody haters”. If the person who doesn’t like you also seems to have a negative attitude towards others, it’s just because they have a negative personality. [6] X Research Source
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Get help if you don’t feel better. It’s also normal to be sad and hurt if someone hates or rejects you. But sometimes these feelings increase instead of feeling more comfortable over time. Some people experience rejection leading to depression or even suicide.
- It’s important to have someone you can trust and turn to for help when you start to feel overwhelmed or ruined by being unloved. Talk to a close friend, family member, pastor, or counselor if necessary.
- In Vietnam, you can call 1900599930 to contact the Psychological Crisis Prevention Center (PCP). You can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline in the United States at 1 (800) 273-8255 day or night. You don’t have to feel suicidal to talk to a counselor. They help anyone who is going through a crisis. If you do not live in the United States, contact your local authorities.
Improve yourself
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Build confidence . The best way to protect yourself against those who hate you is to love yourself. When you believe in yourself, that confidence shines through and others notice. Confidence comes from knowing that you are good enough (self-esteem) and that you can do it (competence).
- Take notes to identify things about yourself that you are confident about along with what makes you shy or insecure. You can start by making a list of all your strengths and weaknesses. Consider all sorts of things, like laughing, cooking, following a schedule, keeping promises, dancing, etc. You can group them into categories like “social”, “emotional”, “physical”, “cognitive”, or other groups that are important to you.
- Focus on improving your negative thinking and “monologues” (what you say to yourself in your mind), especially in areas where you feel you’re not good at. When you find yourself doubting your abilities or thinking negatively, reorient yourself. Instead of thinking, “I suck at math,” think of a friend who’s good at detailing and problem-solving, and say to yourself, “I can fix this problem with math!” [7] X Research Sources
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Identify the root cause of why you are hated. The word “hated/disliked” is not specific. If you think of someone or something as “hate/dislike”, you may actually feel emotions such as a contradiction between love and hate, disgust, distrust, fear, hurt, resentment hatred, jealousy, or a combination of these emotions or just negative emotions.
- If your goal is to reduce the negative feelings someone has for you, you must determine why they don’t like you. Then you can perfect some aspect that corresponds to them. For example, if someone hates you because you often break commitments, you can work harder to be persistent and keep your word.
- Figuring out exactly why you’re being hated can also reveal an obvious truth: sometimes people don’t like you for reasons that have nothing to do with you. That’s completely unfair, but really normal. A person doesn’t like you because you remind them of someone, because they are negative, or because they are jealous of you or many other things! Sometimes realizing that the reason someone hates you is fake, unreasonable, or simply related to you can help you accept the fact that you are hated.
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Ask someone you trust for help. If people don’t like you at school, work, church, home, or somewhere else, but you can’t figure out why on your own, you should consider asking someone you trust to help you figure it out. determine the reason.
- Someone likes you but being honest with you is the best! Let them know that you’re trying to understand why other people don’t like you, and that you need feedback from someone who knows you well.
- A trusted friend can help you see many reasons (or just a few) why other people hate you. And then they help you focus on accepting the situation yourself.
Facing Hostility
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Determine when it’s time to confront them. If someone doesn’t like you, sometimes you can just ignore it and move on with life. However, there are times when a person’s negative emotions can affect your grades, your job, or your ability to meet and get to know other people. In those cases, it may be time to confront someone who doesn’t like you:
- If someone is discriminating against you or behaving unfairly, and they are in a higher position than you (like a teacher, boss, or parent), you may decide that it’s time to talk to someone. it or take legal action.
- If someone is spreading rumors, damaging your reputation, or making your life difficult, you need to talk to them to find out if there is a way to convince them to stop.
- If someone is sabotaging your relationships, you need to confront them as well as the people they interfered with. For example, if your father-in-law doesn’t like you, he can make other people hate you, possibly even your husband.
- If someone who hates you is abusing you in some way, including physical, sexual, emotional or psychological, get help right away. It’s normal for people to dislike you, but it’s never normal for that dislike to turn into abuse or abuse.
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Ask the person the question. It’s embarrassing, but sometimes the only way to know what’s going on or why someone is having a problem with you is to have an open dialogue with them. If you can’t figure out why you’re being hated and you’re trying to ask your friends for help, consider confronting them directly.
- Try to create a conversation using a sentence that starts with the subject “I”. Sentences that begin with the subject “I” focus on the speaker’s feelings instead of guessing to know what other people are thinking. Using sentences that begin with “I” helps avoid putting the conversation on the defensive. [8] X Research Source That means instead of saying “Why don’t you like me?”, focus on your own feelings and say “I feel like there’s tension between us. Yes. anything that I did or what I can do to improve the situation?”
- Listen to what the other person has to say, and try to understand the problem from their point of view. Don’t try to be defensive. Think about whether there is any merit in their claim and why they feel that way. Then think about whether you should try to improve yourself or change their behavior, or if their problem is absurd and not worth the effort.
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Apologize and correct. If you’ve done something to hurt or offend someone, and that’s why they hate you, the best course of action is to try to fix it. There are three factors that make a sincere and effective apology: [9] X Research Source
- Suppose you regret what happened. You need to clearly say “I’m sorry”. Make sure you don’t say “I’m sorry you felt offended”, or “I’m sorry you felt that way”, or anything else that blames the other person for misinterpreting your intentions. . Instead, be humble and admit the fact that you hurt them. [10] X Research Source
- Actively correct mistakes. Psychologists call this a “compensation offer”, [11] X Research Source and sometimes it literally talks about compensation (for example, if you damage someone’s car, you have to fix it. fix it or replace!). But there are times when compensating means changing your behavior in the future, spending more time together, working harder at work or around the house, or other ways such as recognizing your procrastination. and improve behavior in the relationship.
- Let the person know that you are aware of what you did wrong. Besides apologizing, you need to say that you violated social standards or expectations. For example, say, “I know you shouldn’t do that as a husband,” or “I wasn’t a good friend when I did.” [12] X Research Source
- Remember that apologizing helps you as well as correcting the wrong. If you are at fault, apologizing can help you understand and even reduce stress and anxiety levels. [13] X Research Source Remember that apologizing only helps when you’re at fault and if you really want to apologize.
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Notify people of higher status. If you are not at fault and the person is making your life difficult or treating you unfairly, you may need to talk to someone in authority to help you. They can be superiors, parents, teachers or principals.
- In some cases, like discrimination at work because your boss doesn’t like you, you may want to consider hiring a lawyer. While it’s not against the law for your boss to hate you, it can become illegal if the reason for the hate is not because of your personality but because you belong to a protected minority (e.g. you are women, gay men, or people of a certain color), or they treat you unfairly because they don’t like you. [14] X Research Source
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Learn to let go. At the end of the day, if you’ve done all you can and still get hate, allow yourself to see the problem as normal. Ultimately, you have to decide not to let your haters influence you or discourage you. Being hated is completely normal.
- Remember that even the cutest and most famous celebrity in the world is disliked by some!
Advice
- It takes time to make friends; You shouldn’t assume that other people don’t like you just because you’re having trouble connecting with someone. Read the wikiHow article on How to Make Friends for advice on making friends and don’t give up!
Warning
- If you are going through a crisis, please contact the authorities in your country for advice. In Vietnam, you can call 1900599930 to contact the Psychological Crisis Prevention Center (PCP). In the United States, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Remember that everyone feels like they hate them at times, and you can get over this.
X
This article was co-written by Tasha Rube, LMSW. Tasha Rube is a licensed social worker in Missouri. She received her MSW degree from the University of Missouri in 2014.
There are 8 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 82,196 times.
It’s hard to please everyone all the time. No matter what you do, and no matter how hard you try, there will always be someone who doesn’t like you. Sometimes you can do something to make other people like you more, but there are also times when you can’t do anything but learn to deal with it. You can learn to accept being hated as a normal part of life. So work on improving yourself and become more confident so you don’t have to be upset because someone doesn’t like you.
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