How to Deal with Being Single and Feeling Lonely

It’s easy to get emotional when you see couples giving each other cuddles if you’re single. But in return, this is also a great time to nurture family and friends relationships, pursue hobbies, strive for career goals, and get to know yourself better! If you are struggling with feelings of loneliness, work on building confidence in social settings. It can be difficult at first, but just try to step out, make new friends, and let your relationships grow naturally.

Table of Contents

Build a positive attitude

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Get to know the benefits of being single. Pairing up with someone doesn’t make you better or more successful, so don’t think you’re inferior until you’ve found your other half. Instead, think about the positive aspects of being single. You are free to choose where to live, choose what you want to do, and you don’t have to worry about the stress and troubles that almost every couple encounters. ^{[1] X Research Source}

Single life also allows you to focus on personal and career goals. How many married people wish they could freely pursue their own goals without giving in to each other.

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Reach out to loved ones when you feel lonely. Call an old friend and make an appointment to chat, ask someone you love out for coffee or lunch, or invite a few people over to your house for a game night. Couples aren’t the only relationships that make you feel happy. In fact, being single is a great opportunity for you to nurture relationships that will follow you for the rest of your life. ^{[2] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source}

If you want to release your feelings, honestly confide in your loved ones. Talking about loneliness can be difficult at first, but you will find it more comforting to talk to a loved one or friend.
Leverage technology to stay in touch with the people you love. When you can’t meet people in person, talk to them by phone, email, social media, or video chat. ^{[3] X Trusted Sources American Psychpogical Association Go to Source}

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Add a touch of fun to your home. If your home has gloomy colors, create a cheerful, lively living space to repel the feeling of loneliness. Try giving the room a fresh look with a bright paint color, such as a bright sky blue or a vibrant green. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

Flowers and plants will bring life to the house.
Open window blinds and replace thick, dark curtains with translucent curtains. Light that floods your home can help you feel more connected to the outside world.
Clean up clutter. A more organized home can put you in a better mood. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

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Exercise for at least 30 minutes every day. Regular physical activity helps people improve their physical and mental health. Choose activities that get you out of the house. Try walking around the neighborhood, enjoying nature, swimming or taking a yoga class, indoor cycling or martial arts. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

Going for a walk in the neighborhood is also a great way to get to know where you live, and a fitness class is a great opportunity to make new friends. ^{[7] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source}

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Choose a new pastime. Learning something new can be a fun experience, and through it you can hone new skills. When you join a club or enroll in a class, you also have the opportunity to meet people with similar interests as you. ^{[8] X Harvard Medical Schop Trusted Source Go to Source}

For example, you might pursue a hobby of cooking, gardening, or crafting. Turn your pastimes into social activities by joining clubs or signing up for classes on your favorite topics.
Search online for classes or related clubs, businesses or organizations to find opportunities to socialize. For example, if you’re passionate about gardening, find out if your local gardening center offers gardening classes.

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Give yourself rewards that get you out of the house. Shopping for new clothes, getting a new haircut or getting a massage are all great ways to pamper yourself. Just finding new shops, restaurants, and public places is an opportunity for you to interact with others. ^{[9] X Research Source}

Step out and treat yourself to a movie, play or concert. These activities are not exclusive to dating couples; you can fully enjoy alone.
Visit the place you’ve always dreamed of going. The best part is that you won’t have to give in to someone or deal with their quirks, like wanting to stop at a tourist destination that you don’t like or don’t want to fly.

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Raise a pet. If a lonely home makes you bored every time you return, a four-legged friend can give you unconditional love and help you feel less lonely. Plus, pets can help improve your overall health, such as lower blood pressure, and encourage you to be more active. ^{[10] X Trusted Source Centers for Disease Contrp and Prevention Go to source}

Pets can also create opportunities for you to socialize more. For example, your dog can be a great conversation starter, and you also have to be out of the house more to walk your dog.

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Remember that we all feel lonely at times. Don’t idealize love or assume that dating and marriage are panacea. Falling in love isn’t always easy, and even those in love can be lonely. ^{[11] X Research Source}

Feeling lonely is part of being human, and in some ways a good thing. It urges people to connect with each other, which is why loneliness is also part of the foundation of all relationships.

Build confidence in social communication

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Redirect negative and critical thoughts. If thoughts like “I’m not good enough” or “Looks like I have a problem,” tell yourself, “Stop it! These thoughts are not good, and I have the ability to change that thinking.” The first step to being confident in social situations is to change the thinking patterns that cause insecurity. ^{[12] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to source}

The habit of self-reproaching too harshly often stems from a distorted way of thinking. Stop torturing yourself, stay objective, and fight distorted thoughts.
Don’t dwell on past relationships or think of them as “failures”. Accept the fact that you cannot change the past. Stand up and seize opportunities to improve yourself to become a happier and more successful person.

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Let yourself be weak. You don’t have to be perfect to build platonic or romantic relationships. In fact, people stick together because they are open and honest about the vulnerable aspects of themselves. Accept your imperfections, work on what you can change, and be tolerant of yourself. ^{[13] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source}

Don’t be afraid of rejection. If your potential relationship doesn’t work out, don’t think it’s your fault, or that something is wrong. Sometimes people don’t have harmony, misunderstanding or are simply unhappy. ^{[14] X Research Source}

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Take risks in a healthy social environment. You may feel anxious and at risk, but you must meet and interact with other people to manage your feelings of loneliness. Get out there and connect with new people. Take it one step at a time, and then a little bit each day, and you’ll be more comfortable being yourself. ^{[15] X Research Source}

Challenge yourself to do new things, talk to new people, and engage in unfamiliar situations. Accept it if your co-workers ask you out after work. Start a conversation with the person standing next to you or the cashier when standing in line at the supermarket.

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Make up stories by asking questions. If you feel nervous about awkward silences or don’t know what to say, just ask. Almost everyone likes to talk about themselves, so asking questions is a great way to keep the conversation flowing. ^{[16] X Research Source}

You might ask, “What do you do for a living?” or “Have you seen any good movies recently?”
If you’re at a party, you might ask, “How do you know the host?”
While waiting for class, you can ask the friend sitting next to you, “How did you feel about the surprise test yesterday? It makes me cringe!”

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Gradually build confidence in social settings. Set reasonable goals and practice building confidence in communication step by step. For example, you can start with a smile and still greet your neighbor as you walk down the street. ^{[17] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source}

Next time you see a neighbor, introduce yourself and take a minute to chat. You can talk about things happening in the neighborhood, say their dog is cute, or compliment their garden.
Once the two of you get to know each other better, you can invite them out for tea or coffee.

Meet new friends

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Join a new social group. Find out if there is a reading club at your local library or book cafe. If you are particularly interested in certain issues or love working for the benefit of society, go online to find local clubs or organizations that work for that purpose. ^{[18] X Research Sources}

If you have religious beliefs, you might consider joining a place of worship, or joining a meditation or prayer group.

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Do volunteer work for charity purposes. Volunteering will keep you busy and boost your self-esteem. Moreover, when you volunteer for a noble cause, you also have the opportunity to interact with people who have the same mindset as you. ^{[19] X Research Source}

For example, you could work at an animal shelter if you love animals, raise awareness of a disease that has affected a loved one, or promote a cause. value that you admire.

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Join an online community. In addition to online dating, the internet also provides you with many ways to connect with other people. You can play online games with chat features, exchange on forums about topics of interest to you, and meet people through social networks. ^{[20] X Research Source}

Opportunities to interact with people online can help you develop social skills if you feel shy about socializing in real life. It’s just that you need to remember to stay safe online, and avoid sharing personal information.

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Let relationships form naturally. Don’t rush into pure emotional or romantic relationships. Just let your connection with your partner develop naturally and don’t assume you have to push everything. Be patient and give relationships time to build a solid foundation. ^{[21] X Research Source}

It’s better to be alone than to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t really love you. Love will come to you at the most unexpected times, so be patient and optimistic.

Dating

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Create an online dating profile. Try to be yourself when you fill out your profile. Talk about positive things like hobbies or things you love instead of listing things you don’t like or bragging about how talented you are. Read everything you write out loud and make sure it sounds like you’re having a conversation, without frills or bragging. ^{[22] X Research Source}

Set realistic expectations, take it slow, and listen to your intuition. If you get along well with someone via email or text, switch to a phone conversation and plan a date. While you shouldn’t push everything, you need to cultivate a connection with someone instead of spending weeks on end just texting.
Do not rush to assume that someone is your “other half”, or think that you have met your soulmate, especially before your first date. It’s very easy to idealize someone before we actually meet them, and you should let your feelings develop without prejudice. ^{[23] X Research Sources}

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Build your confidence to have the courage to ask someone out. In addition to online dating sites, you can also meet your date in places like the supermarket, a club or class, a party or at the gym. The thought of asking someone out can be stressful, but practicing to feel more comfortable in basic social situations will help you overcome shyness. ^{[24] X Research Source}

Practice talking to people when you’re out and about, trying to talk to people you like or don’t. To start a conversation, you can mention the weather, ask for advice, or compliment them.
You can practice thinking confidently with positive monologues. Instead of thinking, “I’m shy so I can’t ask anyone out,” tell yourself, “I’m shy sometimes, but I’ll get through it.”

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Stay calm and natural when you ask someone out on a date. Once you’re more comfortable with people, challenge yourself to ask someone out on a date. Start a conversation to get to know each other, and if the conversation goes well, ask them if they’d like to go out for coffee sometime. ^{[25] X Research Sources}

Let’s say you see someone in a coffee shop holding a book by an author you also love. You can say things like, “Oh, I’ve liked Nabokov for a long time,” or “I didn’t know people still read paper books!”
During a conversation, you can ask questions like “How many of his books have you read? Which book do you like? Which author do you like the most?
If you feel like you’re on the same page, continue the conversation. Take it easy and treat it as inviting a friend out. Say something like, “I have to go to work, but I would love to talk to you. Do you want me to have coffee sometime this week and continue the story?”

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Start with a short meeting, like going out for coffee. The first date should be low-pressure, not lengthy, and be able to feel for each other. A conversation over a cup of coffee or a cocktail can help dispel the initial shyness without being as formal or overwhelming as dinner. ^{[26] X Research Sources}

Set reasonable expectations, and try not to assume someone isn’t right for you just because they’re not perfect. If you already know for sure that the other person is not right for you from the start, a coffee date won’t take up too much of your time and money.

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Make a second date and the next one to continue the conversation. If the first date goes well, you can ask if they’d like to go out to dinner, go to the park, go on a picnic, or go to the zoo. Getting to know each other at this stage is important, so choose activities that don’t get in the way of talking. ^{[27] X Research Source}

Avoid dating ideas like going to the movies or going to buzzing bars. In addition, this time you should be alone together, so you also need to avoid activities with a lot of friends. Plan your date with activities that balance your interests and your partner’s.

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Be open-minded and optimistic instead of setting far-fetched expectations. When you meet a “right” person, it is easy to dream about the future. However, instead of writing a script for your relationship when it’s just getting started, enjoy each moment that unfolds naturally. ^{[28] X Research Sources}

Not every romantic relationship leads to marriage or a long-term commitment. Casual dates are fun, and it will help you better understand your partner’s needs.
Enjoy, and don’t pressure yourself with rigid expectations. Remind yourself that love will come at the most unexpected times, and that there are many things in life that you cannot control.

Advice

Stop following the media or paint negative images of single life. If images of couples on social media keep bothering you, cut back on your screen time. Don’t believe TV shows, movies, or other media that portray being single as the most unhappiness in the world. ^{[29] X Research Sources}
Play with friends who love you and build self-esteem. Avoid people who are always looking to criticize you.

Warning

If you feel depressed, lose interest in daily activities, or feel hopeless about participating in social situations, a therapist can help. Ask your GP to refer you to a mental health professional near you. ^{[30] X Trusted Source National Institute of Mental Health Go to Source}

Steps