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This article was co-written by Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS. Dr. Asa Don Brown is a clinical psychologist with over 25 years of experience. He specializes in supporting families, children and couples, treating issues of all types of psychological disorders, trauma and abuse. Besides, he also has expertise in negotiation and information gathering. Dr. Brown is a speaker and author of three books, and writes for many journals, scientific journals and popular publications. He holds a bachelor’s degree in Theology and Religion with a minor in Marketing, and a bachelor’s degree in Marriage and Family Counseling from Great Falls University. Dr. Brown also holds a PhD in Psychology with a specialization in Clinical Psychology from Capella University. He is a fellow of the American Academy of Experts on Traumatic Stress and a diplomat for the National Crisis Management Center. Dr. Brown continues to serve on many psychology and scientific boards.
This article has been viewed 18,757 times.
Inverse psychology is when you get a person to say or do something by asking them to do the opposite. This can work in advertising and can also be useful in dealing with certain types of people. However, you should be very careful about when and how to use reverse psychology. This can be seen as a form of manipulating others. When it becomes a habit, it can really destroy relationships. You should only use this psychological method occasionally, and only in non-serious situations.
Steps
Change your mind with reverse psychology
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Start by making a choice. Make this choice ingrained in the other person’s mind. It could be something the other person would normally refuse, and at first, they might even laugh at it. However, you need to make sure the other person is aware of the options available. [1] X Research Source
- For example, let’s say you’re considering choosing between two parties that take place on a Friday night. Your friend loves movies, and his or her group of friends is hosting a movie night. You’re more into board games, and another group of friends is hosting a game night.
- Make that friend realize the choice you want. You could say something like, “Did you know Huong and Bao are going to have a board game? Bored of that shit!”
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Use clever ways to make your selections appealing. Find some ways to make the choices you make seem interesting. Share some interesting information so that the other person finds it interesting. [2] X Research Source
- In the example above, you might mention the games that will be played that evening. You can also play cards with your friends a few days before the event to show them how much fun the games are.
- You can even make your friends at the event seem more attractive. Tell us about the happy memories you have while playing with Huong and Bao. Mention their strengths. For example, you might say, “The Bao House has a great variety of wines!”
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Use nonverbal cues. For example, you can play a mobile version of a board game in front of your friends. You can invite Bao and Huong to have coffee with each other before the event, so the other friend will remember how interesting Bao and Huong are.
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Reject the very choice you want. When the other person is interested, you should counter a little. This will push the other person closer to what you want. That person already somewhat likes your choice. If you object to this choice now, a naturally stubborn person will want to make it even more. [3] X Research Sources
- Going back to the example above, let’s wait until Friday night. You could say, “We can go to Bao and Huong, or go to the movies with the other group. What do you think? I think Bao and Huong’s place is a bit boring.”
- At this point, the other person might want to go to Bao and Huong. However, if they are still hesitant, be more specific. Let’s say: “Next time, you can go to Bao and Huong’s place”.
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Get the other person to decide. To close the deal, you can now urge the other person to decide. The main idea is that you have to make the person think that this is their decision. Politely ask what they want to do and wait for an answer. Chances are they’ll make the right choice for you. [4] X Research Sources
- In the example above, say: “We can go to Bao and Huong or go to the movies with the other group. What do you think? I will obey you.”
- By making this friend think this is their decision, they will assume that they are asserting their autonomy. You made Bao and Huong’s event so interesting. You’ve also shown your indecision, which a reverse engineer would really resist. If you are lucky, your friend will choose to go to Bao and Huong.
Identify situations where reverse psychology works
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Identify the personality types that respond best to reverse psychology. Not everyone responds well to reverse psychology. Easygoing people will often respond better to straightforward requests. If the person you know has a stubborn nature, reverse psychology may be right for them. [5] X Research Sources
- Think about the interactions you’ve had with this person. Are they the type to go along with everything or to resist? If you know someone who is an independent thinker and likes to go against the status quo, it’s possible that reverse psychology will affect them more than easy-going people.
- You should also keep this in mind if you plan to use reverse psychology with children. For a stubborn child, reverse psychology will be more effective than for an easygoing child.
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Try to use reverse psychology in a fun way, especially with children. Inverse psychology should be a gentle, and even fun, method. This is especially true when this method is applied to young children. Think of this as a way to make someone think they’re smarter than you. [6] X Research Sources
- For example, let’s say you’re trying to get your son to go to bed on time. You can tell your child to wait until you’ve finished brushing his teeth before making his bed, and explain that he’s still young and will need a lot of help. Later, you may find that he’s done the job himself when he walks into the room because he wants to show his self-discipline.
- For adults, use reverse psychology in a similar way. Let the person think that they have the power to decide the situation. You can choose from two movies: a foreign film with subtitles and a light comedy. You really want to watch foreign movies, so you can say, “I don’t know if I can afford to pay attention to read the subtitles.” At this point, your friend may insist on watching foreign movies because he wants to show off his superhuman attention span.
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Consider what the other person wants. Before using reverse psychology, think about what the other person wants in a given situation. In some cases, you may need to resort to a more sophisticated method of reverse psychology. If someone wants to do something so much that it overwhelms their need to resist, conventional inverse psychology can backfire. For example, your friend wants to go to a concert alone in an unsafe area. You might think this is a lousy idea, but conventional inverse psychology won’t work. If you say: “You are right. You should go. You only live once!”, this friend may agree with you completely, because he really wants to go to that concert. [7] X Research Sources
- Try contradicting yourself in these situations instead of opposing the existing option. Going back to the example above, you could say to this person, “I can’t force you to do something you don’t want to. I’m sure that area is extremely dangerous, but only you know what’s best for you.”
- You are encouraging this person to think for themselves. If this person has a hostile nature, instead of thinking for himself, he will follow your advice. There is a high probability that he will decide not to attend concerts anymore.
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Think about the end goal. Make sure you always think of your end goal. From time to time, remind yourself of what you want the other person to do. Sometimes disagreements can arise when you use reverse psychology. It’s easy to forget what you want when you argue. Try to stick to your goals and keep in mind the results you want.
Avoid the abuse of reverse psychology
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Do not abuse reverse psychology. Inverse psychology can be very effective in certain situations. Be aware, however, that this is a sophisticated form of manipulation. The habit of using this method will bring great harm to relationships. [8] X Research Sources
- Use reverse psychology in less serious situations. For example, you can use this method when choosing a movie to watch with your partner. Don’t use it every time you see a movie, because you should give the other person a chance to choose between activities that will entertain both of you.
- These little situations can build up over time, leading to dissatisfaction in the relationship. For example, your partner may get tired of not being able to make their own decisions and start getting angry at you.
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Stay calm when using reverse psychology. Inverse psychology can be confusing, especially when you use it with children. Stubborn kids and people in general can take a while to act on your thoughts. You need to stay calm and keep a calm demeanor. [9] X Research Source
- If your child gets angry when you’re using reverse psychology, stay calm. Allow the child to continue to resent. When you are patient, your child will eventually calm down and become more obedient.
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Avoid using reverse psychology in serious situations. There are certain situations where reverse psychology has the potential to backfire, and the consequences can be very serious. You should avoid using reverse psychology when the health and safety of others are at stake. [10] X Research Source
- For example, suppose your friend has a chronic fear of doctors. He has a questionable mole on his shoulder, but he doesn’t want to go to the doctor.
- Don’t say, “You’re right. Don’t go to the doctor.” This person’s fear of the doctor may overwhelm his desire to resist, and as such, you may be encouraging a dangerous behavior.
Warning
- Sometimes, especially with smart or stubborn people, using reverse psychology can be completely counterproductive because they know all too well what you’re up to. Be careful in choosing the subjects to apply this method to, or things could get worse!
- This is not the healthiest way to communicate because you are taking advantage of (and encouraging) misplaced rebellion. As for children, they will often grow up and forget, but most adults will realize how foolish they have been and will respond with a nonviolent form of communication instead.
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This article was co-written by Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS. Dr. Asa Don Brown is a clinical psychologist with over 25 years of experience. He specializes in supporting families, children and couples, treating issues of all types of psychological disorders, trauma and abuse. Besides, he also has expertise in negotiation and information gathering. Dr. Brown is a speaker and author of three books, and writes for many journals, scientific journals and popular publications. He holds a bachelor’s degree in Theology and Religion with a minor in Marketing, and a bachelor’s degree in Marriage and Family Counseling from Great Falls University. Dr. Brown also holds a PhD in Psychology with a specialization in Clinical Psychology from Capella University. He is a fellow of the American Academy of Experts on Traumatic Stress and a diplomat for the National Crisis Management Center. Dr. Brown continues to serve on many psychology and scientific boards.
This article has been viewed 18,757 times.
Inverse psychology is when you get a person to say or do something by asking them to do the opposite. This can work in advertising and can also be useful in dealing with certain types of people. However, you should be very careful about when and how to use reverse psychology. This can be seen as a form of manipulating others. When it becomes a habit, it can really destroy relationships. You should only use this psychological method occasionally, and only in non-serious situations.
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