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Finding out about your sexual orientation can be difficult, confusing, or exciting – and it can be a combination of all three. Feeling attracted to women doesn’t change the core of who you are, but it does say a lot about your gender perception, and it’s normal to explore it, even though it may feel intimidating at first. scared. The journey to sexual orientation requires a lot of support from friends and family, or discovering yourself before connecting with others. Either way, kindness, selflessness, and curiosity will help you accept yourself as you are.
Steps
Awareness and recognition of your sexual orientation
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Remember that you can define your own sexual orientation. In exploring sexual identity, always remember that sexual orientation is a spectrum. That means you can like both men and women, only like women, or like only certain people. Sexual orientation can also change. This can be confusing or even scary, but it’s actually completely normal. Whatever color range your sexual orientation falls into, it is in its rightful place.
- Remember that there is no “right” way to live as a lesbian, straight, bisexual, or all other sexual identity. Gender perception is determined by who you are, not by stereotypes or social expectations.
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Explore your emotions with patience and curiosity. Digging deeper into your sexuality can be a little intimidating, especially if it’s something you’ve been hiding from for a while. Remind yourself that you’re safe – just because you’re thinking about your feelings doesn’t mean you have to act or tell anyone, if you’re not ready. Simply start by thinking about your feelings towards other girls and romantic relationships, recognizing and accepting those feelings with honesty and selflessness. [1] X Research Source
- Try to regulate this process in your head. Exploring sexual orientation is a good thing, and can be emotionally stimulating.
- Try not to judge yourself. Take a step back and really look into your feelings, and be kind and open to any emotions that arise.
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Accept and face any fears or insecurities about your sexual orientation. If you feel uncomfortable, afraid, or even rejected from emotions, think about why these feelings might be true. Recognizing and accepting, or even dealing with, any negative feelings about sexual orientation will teach you a lot about yourself. Instead of fighting negative emotions, accept them as part of your journey and remind yourself that they can’t be stronger than you. [2] X Research Source
- For example, if you feel shame or guilt, think about where their roots come from, be it a belief in love between a man and a woman in the family or the media.
- Little by little, start questioning the reasons behind your negative feelings. You may find that, for example, just because we are taught that something is normal or right, doesn’t mean they have control over who we are.
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Believe in who you are, no matter how difficult it is. Your sexual orientation can be seen as a core part of who you are, and discovering or questioning it leaves you fearful and confused about who you are or where you belong. Accepting yourself can be hard right now, but it’s the best you can do. Loving yourself and being confident in yourself will make it easier to accept your sexual orientation and even reveal it to others, when you’re ready.
- If you feel conflicted, confused, or scared, lean on the things that make you happy. Remind yourself of who you are and what you hold dear, and remember that being a lesbian doesn’t change that.
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Consider seeing a therapist to vent and get expert advice. A therapist, especially someone who specializes in LGBT issues, can offer great advice when you have problems with your sexual orientation. Therapists will also keep patient information confidential by law, which means you can talk to them about your sexual orientation without fear they’ll tell anyone else.
- The therapist will be required to report abuse or things that could harm you or others, like suicidal thoughts.
Seeking support
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Search for LGBT groups online or in the community. If you don’t think friends or family will be supportive, or you’re not ready to open up to them, it’s perfectly normal to seek community support elsewhere. Finding people who are going through the same things as you can help you feel less alone and part of a community. [3] X Research Sources
- Search online and offline for legitimate groups, affiliated with organizations and therapists. If you’re not comfortable enough to speak up, just join the conversation and listen. When it’s your turn to share your story, take the opportunity.
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Talk to a close friend or family member you trust. Opening up to friends and family can be a big, scary step, and you don’t have to do it right away unless you’re ready, and keep your mind steady. If there’s someone in your life you can trust, talking to them about your sexual orientation can help you stay strong and less alone. They can provide support when you need it, and sometimes even give advice. [4] X Research Sources
- Pay attention to friends and family members who seem open and accepting. They may mention having LGBT friends or talk about their sexual orientation.
- Talk to them when you’re alone, something like, “I’m not ready to tell anyone about this, but I think I’m gay.”
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Read or watch lesbian shows to feel part of the community. If you find it impossible to connect with everyone, be it friends or support groups, that’s okay. Accessing media, like TV shows, movies, and books is an easy, low-risk way to begin your journey to find a community and place you belong. Seeing people like you in the media also boosts your confidence. [5] X Research Sources
- Try watching shows with iconic lesbian characters, like Glee and Orange is the New Black, or movies like Imagine Me and You, and Carp. Books include Nancy Garden’s Annie On My Mind, or Maureen Johnson’s Bermudez Triangle.
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Go public at a time you see fit, when you’re ready. Going public is a big step, and should only be taken when you decide it’s the right thing for you. Being open and honest with yourself can be comforting, but it’s okay if you want to keep your sexual orientation private for fear of bullying, harassment, or being treated differently. Take some time to think, and decide if this is what you want to do. [6] X Research Source
- Start by talking to people you know who will support you. This helps you create a support system when you want to be open to others.
- If you’re not sure how someone would respond, try mentioning a few lesbian movies or shows, or talking about LGBT issues, like the US Supreme Court’s approval of same-sex marriage. . Watch to see if they respect or disapprove of the above.
- Explain how you feel by saying, “I thought about this a long time ago, and realized I like other girls.”
- Let them ask questions afterwards.
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Avoid discussions with people who seem unsupportive or distrustful. You don’t have to talk to every person in your life about your sexual orientation, there are some situations where you shouldn’t approach. Follow your intuition and instincts, and don’t feel obligated to let someone know about you, no matter how close you are to that person. This is for your comfort and safety. Please consider not going public with the following people: [7] X Research Sources
- Seems to hate homosexuals. They may say negative things about the LGBT community or related issues on the news, or call gay people with disparaging words.
- People who threaten to harm you if they know you are gay.
- People who support you financially and physically. For example, if you are still living with your parents and are afraid that they will react badly, don’t open up to them until you can move out.
- People who can influence you with negative reactions. Think about how you would feel if someone reacted negatively. If you don’t think you can handle your feelings, then don’t come out with that person.
Explore relationships
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Realize that you may need more time to pursue a relationship. If you’ve just come to terms with your sexual orientation, you may not be ready for a relationship – and that’s completely normal. Learn to accept your gender identity first, then connect with others. You will feel more sure of yourself and ready to make connections, which is what makes relationships bear fruit.
- Don’t feel pressured by other people’s experiences or relationships. Only you know when you’re ready to date.
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Reach out to people you know or go online if you’re ready to date. Dating apps and websites are great resources if you don’t know how to meet other girls yet. Look for platforms that are designed for LGBT people or are popular in the community. Once you’re comfortable with it, you can ask people you know to help you find dates or people you can connect with. [8] X Research Sources
- Talking to friends and family can be awkward, but they know you better than anyone! They will know who is right for you or not, even better than any dating app or website.
- Try dating apps and sites like Lesly, Plenty of Fish, and Fem. [9] X Research Source
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Get to know a person before asking them out. Take your time before arranging a date with someone you like. You’ll need to make sure they like women, too, but more than that is whether there’s a genuine connection between the two of you. Talk about her passions, dreams and aspirations, and what she likes to do in her free time. [10] X Research Source
- Feel if you feel a flash of something special, or just simply enjoy being with her. When you’re ready, ask her if she wants to go out to dinner, see a movie, or do something fun together.
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Accept how open the person is to their sexual orientation. The girl you meet and date may have a different life from yours, especially when it comes to accepting and being open about sexual orientation. You might notice this through non-verbal gestures, like she doesn’t want to hold hands in public, or the two of you will have a conversation about the issue. Be patient and accept the other person’s point of view.
- You might say, “I don’t know if you’ve gone public with your friends and family. I’ve made it public and if you haven’t, that’s okay.”
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Let intimacy develop naturally. You may be in a hurry to get intimate with another girl, the idea may sound cheeky, or a combination of the two! Try to be patient and calm as you begin to have physical intimacy with your partner – you may not be ready, she may not be, or both of you are unsure.
- If you do decide to get close, talk openly about how you like it and ask the person what she likes as well.
- Remember to use safe sex methods, like female condoms or diaphragms.
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Remember that gay dating is like any other relationship. The nature of dating doesn’t change with your sexual orientation. Dating is two people getting to know each other, flirting, and having fun whether you’re dating someone of the same or opposite sex. If you are polite, learn to listen instead of just talk, try and enjoy, you will make the date better for both of you.
- You don’t have to change who you are or what you do after you identify yourself as a lesbian. Be yourself, dating or not.
Advice
- Be kind to yourself. You deserve to be loved and happy, whatever your sexual orientation.
X
This article is co-authored by a team of editors and trained researchers who confirm the accuracy and completeness of the article.
The wikiHow Content Management team carefully monitors the work of editors to ensure that every article is up to a high standard of quality.
This article has been viewed 2,083 times.
Finding out about your sexual orientation can be difficult, confusing, or exciting – and it can be a combination of all three. Feeling attracted to women doesn’t change the core of who you are, but it does say a lot about your gender perception, and it’s normal to explore it, even though it may feel intimidating at first. scared. The journey to sexual orientation requires a lot of support from friends and family, or discovering yourself before connecting with others. Either way, kindness, selflessness, and curiosity will help you accept yourself as you are.
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