How to Stop Grieving About a Boyfriend Who Only Loves Sex

Letting go of someone who used to be with you for sex is not easy. It’s also hard to accept that your feelings for that person are not reciprocated. To forget a guy, you should start by limiting contact. Stop calling, texting and emailing. Manage your emotions. Allow yourself to suffer, but remember that it’s not your fault if the person doesn’t want to continue the type of relationship you’ve built. Maybe you just want something different. Finally, keep yourself busy. New hobbies and goals will help keep you from falling back into negative circumstances.

Table of Contents

Limit contact

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Stop contacting him. If the person is clearly only coming to you for sex, you shouldn’t continue with them. If a relationship could have progressed further into love, it should have been by now. Once you realize that you are not getting what you want from the situation, stop contacting this person immediately. ^{[1] X Research Source}

Do not meet him at social events, do not text or call him. If you feel the urge to approach him, do something for yourself or hang out with another friend. You need to make a deal with a friend of yours that whenever you feel the urge to contact him, you will contact this friend instead.
In some cases, stopping contact with someone is impossible. For example, if you go to work or school with your best friend, you will want to see him. If that’s the case, keep the interaction short and to the point, not to turn into a short conversation.

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Ignore midnight texts and phone calls. If a guy is just flirting with you for sex, he might text or call you late in the night. For example, you might get a text at 1 a.m. asking if you’re awake. This is a sign that he wants to come to you for sex. Do not reply to these messages. This only prolongs the situation and causes you more pain. Start by ignoring these forms of communication. ^{[2] X Research Source}

If he continues to send these types of texts after you ignore them for a while, text him something like, “I don’t want to continue this relationship anymore. Please don’t bother texting me.”
When someone is used to a certain behavior and is always satisfied when asked and suddenly this doesn’t work, they will persist for a while before giving up. Be steadfast. They will eventually give up.

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Cut off contact on social networks. It’s not easy to cut off a connection on social media. Usually, we keep in touch with our exes via Facebook and Twitter; However, research shows that following someone online will only make your pain worse. Block or remove him from his social media profiles or, at least, unfollow him. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

Sometimes you’ll feel tempted to check your ex-boyfriend’s social media; However, doing so will not make you feel better, so try not to get carried away by that urge. Every time you feel the urge to click on his profile, remind yourself that this will only make you feel worse and need to work harder to get rid of him.
There will probably be a couple of times when you make a mistake related to checking your ex’s profile page. If this happens, don’t criticize yourself. Remember, no one is perfect.
Consider reducing your social media interactions until you feel better. This will help you focus on other activities and practice self-care.
Another option is to just remove these apps from the phone, only allowing a more inconvenient option than using a computer.

Manage your own emotions

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Allow yourself to contemplate your feelings. No one likes feeling upset after being rejected; However, it is not possible to return to normalcy after grief without experiencing some negative feelings. As soon as you stop communicating with him, allow yourself to feel your feelings instead of denying or trying to bury them. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

Remember that feeling sad is normal in life. People will probably advise you to have fun again or forget it before you’re ready.
Short-term sadness is also completely normal. Try turning off the TV and staying away from other distractions. Take a few minutes each day to simply contemplate your feelings, both positive and negative. This allows you to heal the pain. Trying to keep a journal or talk to a trusted friend can help you balance these feelings. Respecting your feelings is important — this will help you recover faster.

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Think realistically about the nature of this relationship. You won’t be able to give up on a guy unless you accept the truth about your relationship. If you’re still holding on to the hope that he’s having a lot of sex, you’re just trying to prolong the painful period. Accept the fact that you are being viewed as a sex tool, no matter how painful it is, and this is not the person who will provide you with a proper romantic relationship. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

After being rejected, people often have unrealistic thoughts about the importance of the relationship. You’ll find yourself telling yourself that things would have been easier if he hadn’t turned you down. Remind yourself that nothing is perfect.
What if the two of you came together because of love? There will be torments and struggles, and you will most likely still break up. The truth is, he doesn’t care about anything but sex, and even if that’s true, he still doesn’t make a good mate.

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Realize that this is not your fault. After being rejected, it’s easy to get lost in thinking about what you did “wrong”. You might be thinking things like, “Why wouldn’t he want to be with me? Is there something that’s not right about me?” Try to ignore such thoughts. The truth is that there are many reasons why a person does not find empathy in love with another person. They have nothing to do with you. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

There are many reasons (most of which are not personal) why a guy might not have feelings for you. Maybe he used to like and be attracted to you, but feels that you’re on a different path from him in life. Maybe he’s not in the right position to manage a relationship. Or maybe he simply likes other types of women in the true sense of the word, not random dates.
Whatever the reason, personally they have nothing to do with you. Maybe you’ve turned down many people before, and that doesn’t mean they’re bad. They are simply not the right role model for you.
It’s better to think of this as a life experience — not something absolute. It’s easier to get over regrets if you assume they all have a purpose.

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Write down his bad points. Sometimes it really helps if you remember what you don’t like about your partner as you work through the pain of emotional rejection. Even remembering to include the minor flaws is enough to remind you that neither this relationship nor him is perfect. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

Thinking about everything about him makes you feel uneasy. Maybe he talks too much about himself. Maybe he responds to your texts briefly and curtly, or maybe the two of you don’t have a common interest in books or movies.
You can also focus on the little things. Maybe you hate his hairstyle or hate the fact that he never cuts his toenails.
Write these down and reread them often. You can stick these on the mirror or anywhere you can see them often. This will help you to stop idealizing the relationship.

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Express your feelings in neutral words. When you start to feel angry or upset, write down that feeling. You don’t want to keep your feelings of resentment inside. It’s perfectly normal to think about the things that make you feel sad, but don’t let these feelings turn into painful thoughts. These ways of thinking should translate into a neutral assessment of the situation. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

For example, you might think, “He’s such an idiot. Only I can be nice to him.” Rephrase that thinking in neutral terms for a more realistic assessment of the situation. For example, “Obviously what we want is different and we’re on a parallel path”.

Keep yourself busy

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Write down your feelings. Keeping yourself busy will become easier once you get the negative emotions out of your mind. Prepare a pen and paper, then write down how you feel each day. After the emotion wears off, focus your energy elsewhere. ^{[9] X Research Source}

Make a list of the things he’s done that let you down. For example, write “He never holds my hand in public” and “He doesn’t want to introduce me as his girlfriend”.
Once done, put this list aside and try to focus your energy elsewhere.

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Find something to do. After the breakup, you will find yourself constantly thinking about what happened and why. It really helps if you have a new goal. This helps you stay busy and avoid thinking about him. ^{[10] X Research Source}

It is important to strike a balance between activity/distraction and rest/reflection. Thinking too much about it can make you depressed, but running away from the truth will make it difficult for you to heal.
Think about the things you’ve always wanted to do. For example, have you always wanted to start running? Try developing an exercise routine that steers you toward running.
People are often obsessed with their ex. Sometimes, the simplest way to overcome a phobia is to replace it with another phobia.

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Live for the present. Try to think about the present instead of dwelling on what happened in the past. At any given time, keep in mind what you are feeling and experiencing in the present moment. ^{[11] X Research Source}

Try to enjoy the little things every day, even if it’s as simple as eating a hearty lunch.
If you find yourself thinking about your ex-boyfriend, stop immediately and think in another direction, such as, “It’s just the past. Now I’ll focus on what I’m doing and how I’m feeling in the present. .”
You can use grounding techniques to break out of your cycle of thinking about him and bring you back to reality. Look around and name 5 things you see. 5 colors. 5 textures. Close your eyes and notice what you are hearing or smelling.

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Take care of yourself. Taking care of yourself is important, especially after someone has hurt you. Do not neglect the usual habits such as eating right, exercising regularly and taking care of yourself. ^{[12] X Research Source}

Maintain good personal hygiene habits. Even if you feel like you just want to stay in bed all day, get up, shower, and brush your teeth.
Continue your exercise routine as much as you can. If you feel down, reduce the intensity of your exercise. For example, go for a light walk instead of jogging.
Eat sensibly. Junk foods look tempting when you’re sad, but they won’t make you feel any better.

Steps

Limit contact

Manage your own emotions

Keep yourself busy

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