How to Understand Men

Have you heard “Men are from Mars and women are from Venus”? Even if you haven’t heard it, you probably feel like you and the men you know are from two different planets. Not understanding your boyfriend can tire you out and lead to emotional turmoil. While every guy is different, there are a few things you need to keep in mind when trying to understand the men in your life and build stronger relationships with them.

Table of Contents

Men hide their true feelings with anger.

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Sometimes men will turn emotions seen as “weak” into anger or rage. In fact, men also feel sad, hurt or even embarrassed, but they don’t know how to show it. If you notice that he’s always angry, try to find out how stressed he is or how he’s feeling. ^{[1] X Research Source}

Anger is a commonly “accepted” emotion for men. They feel that expressing other emotions causes them to be seen as “feminine” or “not strong enough”.
Most men don’t intentionally hide their feelings; on the contrary, this action of theirs is made up of pressure and expectations in communication.

Men often have difficulty expressing their feelings.

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This can cause discomfort during the conversation. However, men are often taught not to talk about their feelings, so it’s not easy for them to express their feelings through words. Instead, they prefer a conversation that has a clear purpose or purpose. Problems need to be slove. ^{[2] X Research Source}

For example, when you want to discuss your relationship with your boyfriend, he may find it difficult to speak his mind. This may sound hard to accept, but it’s probably because he’s not used to expressing his feelings.
It’s possible he’ll show his feelings differently, though. If he gives you flowers or cooks your favorite food, that’s also his way of showing affection indirectly.

Allen Wagner, MFT, MA

Marriage and family therapist

Allen Wagner is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles, California. He received his Master’s degree in Psychology from Pepperdine University in 2004. He specializes in working with individuals and couples on methods of improving relationships. Along with his wife, Talia Wagner, he is the author of Married Roommates.

Allen Wagner, MFT, MA
Marriage and family therapist

Accept and cheer when you notice the person trying to improve their communication skills. Marriage and family counselor Allen Wagner says, “When the person tries something new, like complimenting you, and you blow their mind in the first place because it’s a compliment that’s only worth two points and you expect a 10 point compliment. This will bring all their efforts to zero. However, if you appreciate it, and say something like “Thank you so much for complimenting me”, they’ll be happy and want to keep doing this.”

Dealing with emotions is difficult for men.

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Most men don’t know how to deal with their feelings. Maybe he feels it’s easier to write down his thoughts and feelings and show you or text you. If he finds it extremely difficult to recognize his emotions, seeing a mental health professional may be the way to help him. ^{[3] X Trusted Source Mind Go to Source}

Mindfulness practices, such as meditation and yoga, will help him deal with his emotions in a healthy way. You can do these activities with him so he doesn’t feel alone.
If you and your boyfriend have trouble expressing your feelings, try scheduling a weekly chat to focus on issues in your relationship.
Maybe he needs a lot of time to process his emotions. If he needs space or more time, you should respect his wishes.

Men avoid difficult emotions.

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Negative emotions, such as sadness, anger, and pain, are often not easy to deal with. Some men will choose to avoid friends and family instead of talking about their feelings. If you notice this in him, you can inquire about the situation, but he may need more time to work things out on his own. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

Maybe he’ll bury his head in work, drink a lot, spend a lot of time outside, or act recklessly.
The best thing you can do is let him know that you’re there when he’s ready to confide.
This usually happens after some event, such as the loss of a loved one.

They express emotions related to “masculine” things.

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Men are usually excited about sports or video games. The reason is because society accepts that they feel happy and excited about football or basketball. You even see them hug or high five with friends, when normally they are somewhat quiet. This is a completely normal thing! ^{[5] X Research Sources}

Men enjoy having someone to share their feelings with, especially positive ones. You should encourage him to show excitement and joy whenever possible.
Join him if you want! You can watch sports with him or play video games with him.

Most men find it difficult to ask for help.

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You may need to ask for help before they ask. This includes helping with housework, finding something, or scheduling an appointment. If you notice that he’s struggling, be proactive when you can. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

You could say, “Do you need me to help you find the keys? I think I saw it on the table yesterday.” Or, “Have you called the doctor yet? I’ll help you find the doctor’s phone number if you need it.”
Men also find it difficult to get help, even when they really need it. You can continue to offer your help gently but firmly so they know you’re there when they need it.

He will try to solve all your problems.

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Most men are expected to be problem solvers, and he probably thinks you expect this too. Because of that, it’s probably frustrating when you just want someone to listen to you talk about a bad day or annoying co-worker. Let him know exactly your expectations before starting the conversation. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

For example, you could say, “I wanted to tell you this, but I don’t need advice. I just want to talk to someone.”
Trying to solve everyone’s problems is exhausting, so it’s not good for him either!

Most men don’t think about sex very often.

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This is a “rumor” rooted in toxic masculinity. Of course, every guy is different, and you shouldn’t assume that all men are always trying to get in bed with you (or someone else). ^{[8] X Research Sources}

Although statistics show that men actually have a higher sex drive than women, this is not necessarily true for all. Every guy is different, and his sex drive can be higher, lower, or equal to yours.
Stress, mental health issues, and feelings of fatigue can all cause a decrease in a man’s sex drive.

Young guys are often not ready to commit in love.

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The reason may be because he is not ready to reveal his secrets. While not all men are afraid of commitment, it is more common in younger men. They need time to mature and accept to face their deepest emotions. ^{[9] X Research Source}

His fear of commitment can make you unhappy, especially if he doesn’t want to commit to you. If you expect a serious relationship and he doesn’t, you’d better start a new one.
Older men also have a fear of commitment, but it’s not common.

In the past, men were not expected to help with housework.

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This has changed now, but a few people still need a reminder. If you’re doing a lot of housework, talk to your partner about how to assign responsibilities fairly. ^{[10] X Harvard Business Review Trusted Source Go to Source}

He should also help you with “mental things” like remembering special events, keeping track of your family’s needs, and making shopping lists.
Here’s how to avoid feeling angry in the future.

Advice

Not all men are created equal, and all of these “principles” don’t always apply to them.

Steps