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This article was co-written by Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT. Ken Breniman is a clinical social worker, yoga therapist, and autobiologist based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Ken has over 15 years of experience providing clinical support services and community workshops, using a combination of psychotherapy with therapeutic yoga. He specializes in teaching eclectic and non-denominational yoga, suffering therapy, complex trauma recovery, and developing mindful dying skills. He holds an MSW from the University of Washington and a master’s degree in autobiology from the Marian University of Fond du Lac. He is certified by the International Association of Yoga Therapists after completing 500 hours of training at Yoga Tree in San Francisco and at Ananda Seva Mission in Santa Rosa, CA.
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 95,724 times.
Losing a sibling is a sad and heartbreaking experience. If someone you know has just gone through this loss, you should find out what you can do to comfort and support that person when they need it. By talking, gesturing, and understanding the course of the grieving process, you can provide your friend or loved one with the help they need to survive and recover from the loss of their loved one. siblings.
Steps
Take action to help someone who is grieving
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Offer to run errands for them. Unfortunately, the hustle and bustle of everyday life continues when you’ve just lost a loved one. You can help them by taking care of their daily needs. Ask if you can go to the market on their behalf, buy flowers for the funeral, or anything else. Simple gestures like this will help you comfort and support others in difficult times.
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Prepare food. Bringing ready-to-eat food to someone who is grieving is the safest course of action. It will show your care and desire to ease your pain by allowing the person to focus their energy on the family instead of thinking about what they will cook for dinner.
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Help with organization. If the person has to do certain things for a funeral, for relatives, or to provide transportation for people, you should help them do them. [1] X Research Resources These tasks can be quite burdensome when the person is trying to cope with his or her loss. While you won’t be able to do everything for the person, such as talking to the funeral director or providing accommodation for his or her relative, any help you can provide will help. ease their burden.
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Help the person stop thinking. [2] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source Occasionally, a person will want to pause to think about what happened to their sibling. You can take them to the movies, go on a picnic, or do any other fun activity together. It doesn’t have to be expensive or elaborate; Good manners and company are the most important things.
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Always there when they need it. Your friend or loved one will need full support after a loss, but their grief will take time and effort to process. If you want to provide comfort to the best of your ability, you need to understand that it can take months or years to deal with the loss. You should offer to help the person at first, and continue to offer in the future. Often, many people will start to reduce their help after a while. If you really want to help that person, you should take care of their need and pain until it disappears. [3] X Research Sources
Talking to someone who is grieving
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Ask if you can help. Avoid assuming that you know the factors that can make the person feel better. They probably already know what you can do to help them, and it’s not wrong to ask questions about it. This will show that you are available to them during the grieving process of losing a sibling. [4] X Research Sources
- For example, you could say, “I’m really sorry for your loss. Is there anything I can do to help you now?”.
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Listen. You should let the person know that you will always be there when they need someone to talk to. Sharing feelings will help them process their sibling’s death. If the person wants to express a range of painful feelings, be as empathetic as possible.
- The person may want to talk about their relationship with their siblings while they were still alive. This is a pretty good way to remember the deceased.
- Avoid revealing too much of your own feelings and experiences. Perhaps you’ve experienced a similar loss, but you shouldn’t burden the person with your past. The person may be looking for an opportunity to release his or her emotions.
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Acknowledge the loss. Being upfront shows that you care and don’t hesitate to discuss the situation. [5] X Trusted Source American Cancer Society Go to the source You don’t need to go into detail, especially if the person can’t yet tell you openly, but by confirming the event is happening. out, you are showing them your willingness to join them at this difficult time.
- For example, you could say, “I’ve heard about your loss. I’m so sorry.”
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Help the person understand that their pain is completely justified. Losing a sibling can be quite a powerful experience. It is perfectly appropriate to react with extreme sadness and grief. Helping the person understand that having a strong emotional reaction is “normal” and “understandable” will be a great way to support them. [6] X Research Sources
- For example, say, “You can totally feel sad right now. I understand. I’ll feel the same way.”
- You can also let them know if they have specific feelings of pain (like guilt) because they are a sibling of the person who died. These are natural emotions, even if they can lead to misguided thinking.
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Ask the person’s relatives and friends to help them. Unfortunately, sometimes, the loss of a sibling is often overwhelmed by the loss of a child. Occasionally, the parent will become the “center of attention” after the event occurs. A surviving sibling will often be seen as the “forgotten one”. [7] X Research Resources If you think your friend or loved one is being looked down upon, you should talk to their sibling, parent, or friend about providing support.
- For example, you could say, “I’m worried about [person’s name]. I think [she or he] is grieving the loss and needs help.”
- You should be more aware of the pain of others. Avoid discussing this topic in front of grieving loved ones if you are an outsider. It would be better to chat with the other person’s other close friends.
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Politely ask the person to see a counselor if appropriate. Grief is normal, but sometimes this loss can lead to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, if the loss is related to trauma. [8] X Trusted Source National Institute of Mental Health Go to the source If the person looks like he’s really having a hard time coping with a loss, you should tell them that talking to a mental health professional is a good idea. God will help them.
- For example, you could say something like, “You must be very close to your siblings. Have you ever thought about talking to a professional that could help you understand what you’re going through? or not?”.
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Don’t say well-meaning but useless sayings. When you’re trying to comfort the person but don’t know what to do, you may end up with a popular saying. However, saying well-intentioned but “empty” or “patterned” can make the person feel worse. Instead of consoling them, this type of statement will only downplay the immediate pain and try to promote acceptance to the wrong extent. For example, you need to avoid some of the following statements:
- “You’ll be fine soon.”
- “Time heals all wounds”.
- “At least you still have other relatives.”
- “Everything happens for a reason.”
Understanding grief
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Identify the five stages of grief. There are five stages following a loss that the grieving person goes through. [9] X Research Resources You should keep every step in mind so that you can determine where your friend is at and try to help them through each specific stage. It’s important to remember that everyone is different and that some people will not go through the grief phase in the correct order and may return to a stage that was gone before acceptance was achieved.
- Denial is the first stage. Denying the truth about the loss is a common response. The person will look like he didn’t even notice the death of his or her brother or sister. Maybe they still can’t accept it.
- Next comes anger. Once the truth of the loss has been received, feeling angry is a natural experience. The person will be angry at his or her deceased sibling, at himself, or at someone else.
- The third stage is negotiation. This action takes place as a desire to change the situation, for example wishing that they had done something different.
- Grief is the fourth step. At this stage, people will begin to mourn their loss and say goodbye to the deceased. This is an important step in the grieving process.
- Acceptance is the final step. After every step of resistance to loss, acceptance is the stage where people finally come to a decision. It won’t be fun, but it will be calmer than in the previous steps.
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Pay attention to the specific problem of losing a sibling. Grieving the loss of a loved one is bad enough, but the loss of a sibling often creates specific feelings of grief. For example, the person may feel bad about his or her treatment of the deceased in the past. The person may also have a feeling of “torment” because they are still alive. When talking to your friend or loved one and helping them with some tasks, you should keep this in mind. If you notice that the person is feeling the same way, you should reassure them that it is not their fault. [10] X Research Source
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Give them time. Grief has no specific timeline, and time doesn’t necessarily heal all wounds. [11] X Research Sources You can expect the person to feel better over time, but they may never fully recover. People react differently to loss. You should avoid pushing someone forward. Allow them to grieve and recover at their own pace. If you feel like you’re losing patience, it’s better to step back and let someone else help your friend than take all your feelings out on them.
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Remember that the person who is grieving may need some space. They are completely allowed to be alone. Perhaps they want to devote all their time and energy to thinking about the deceased and processing any emotions they are having. If your friend or loved one says they need some space, try to empathize with them. Tell them you’ll be there if they need someone to talk to or be with. [12] X Research Source
Advice
- If the person wants to cry, let them cry in front of you. Don’t try to cheer them up, just be there for them.
Warning
- If you think the person wants to commit suicide, you shouldn’t leave them alone. You should contact their family and tell them everything. You can also offer to phone the psychologist so he or she can talk.
- Don’t try to compare the loss of a loved one in your family with the loss of someone else. You probably mean well, but this action won’t do you any good.
- You also have to remember to take care of your needs. If you feel confused, you should reach out to someone in your support system.
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This article was co-written by Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT. Ken Breniman is a clinical social worker, yoga therapist, and autobiologist based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Ken has over 15 years of experience providing clinical support services and community workshops, using a combination of psychotherapy with therapeutic yoga. He specializes in teaching eclectic and non-denominational yoga, suffering therapy, complex trauma recovery, and developing mindful dying skills. He holds an MSW from the University of Washington and a master’s degree in autobiology from the Marian University of Fond du Lac. He is certified by the International Association of Yoga Therapists after completing 500 hours of training at Yoga Tree in San Francisco and at Ananda Seva Mission in Santa Rosa, CA.
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 95,724 times.
Losing a sibling is a sad and heartbreaking experience. If someone you know has just gone through this loss, you should find out what you can do to comfort and support that person when they need it. By talking, gesturing, and understanding the course of the grieving process, you can provide your friend or loved one with the help they need to survive and recover from the loss of their loved one. siblings.
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