How to Quit Selfishness

We humans are selfish at times. Although encouraged by many social factors, selfishness only hurts people and sometimes brings no benefit to anyone. ^{[1] X Research Sources} Selfish people can eventually lose friendships or loved ones, because a relationship with a selfish person is often difficult to maintain, no matter how attractive and interesting that person may be. to what taste. A truly selfish person will not think that he is selfish at all. Many people think that selfishness and pride are good, and that only fools put others before themselves. If you are worried that you are being too selfish and want to be more grateful and humble, there are many things you can do.

Table of Contents

Change your perspective

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Practice putting yourself last. If you’re a selfish person, you’re probably always looking for a way to be number one and first. You will have to change this as soon as possible if you want to enjoy a joyful and unselfish life. ^{[2] X Research Source} The next time you do something, whether it’s waiting in line for a buffet or getting on the bus, stop and let others take it first, whether it’s food or seats. or comfort. Don’t always think only for yourself and everything must come first; Remember that everyone else is just as special as you are, and everyone deserves what they want.

Try to put yourself last in at least three situations this week. See how comfortable you feel when you don’t have to constantly calculate what benefits you’ll get.
Of course, once you have a balance you shouldn’t always put yourself last, or you could end up in a situation where others take advantage of you. But it’s good practice if you’re still used to putting yourself first.
If you can’t put yourself last even once, you probably have a problem you don’t know about.

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Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Time spent in someone else’s shoes can change your life forever. Of course, this is difficult for you to do in practice, but you can try to think about the people around you and imagine how they would feel in a given situation. ^{[3] X Research Resources} Before you act, think about how your mother, your friends, your boss, or anyone you meet randomly on the street, and you may find that life is not simple. as simple as you think. The more you practice empathy and think about what other people are going through, the sooner you will let go of your selfishness.

For example, before you attempt to scold the waitress for bringing the wrong dish, think about how she feels. Maybe she’s tired of standing for ten hours straight, dark with too many tables to serve, or she’s depressed about something; Do you absolutely have to scare her just to get what you want?

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Remember that you are not more important than anyone. Selfish people always think that they are the center of the universe, and that the whole world revolves around them. Then you need to give up that way of thinking like a bad habit. Whether you’re Madonna or some celebrity, you should consider yourself nothing more than anyone else, regardless of whether you have more money, more beauty, or more talent than the person next to you.

Practice humility and simplicity. This universe is so vast and wonderful, of which you are only a very small part. Don’t think that for some reason you deserve preferential treatment over others just because you are “you.”

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Don’t let your past determine your future. Yes, maybe your friends, co-workers and neighbors see you as the most selfish person on earth. Maybe you find it hard to break that mindset or get people to see you as someone different from what they imagined. Come on, let go of that thought, learn to step forward and be a new person. Sure, those who know you might be surprised to find that you’re thinking about others or that you’ve stopped obsessing about yourself; this will give you even more reason to keep trying to be more selfless.

Others may question your motives when you try to do something for someone else. This will encourage you to be even less selfish. Don’t give up and assume that selfishness is your nature and cannot be changed.

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Ask yourself what you want and what you need. Selfish people keep repeating the mantra “I want, I want, I want…” and always think in their heads that everything in this world is theirs and they deserve everything they have. want. Stop and ask yourself if you really need those five sweaters, or do you absolutely have to go to the movies or eat out when you’re out with your partner. If you think deeper, you will find that most of the things that you think are essential in life are actually not very important in life.

You will feel more comfortable simplifying your life and getting rid of the things you think you need. If you buy just one new sweater instead of five, you’ll only have to worry about losing one sweater.
This is a great skill when you are learning to compromise. You may find it easier to yield to others if you realize that what you are craving is nothing more than an instant lust.
Remember that selfishness can also manifest in not wanting to spend time with others. Some people may be generous in material things but stingy in their time.

Caring for everyone

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Help your friends in a disinterested way. If you do something for a friend only to have them repay you with something else, this is also selfish. Help people just because they are in need, or because you feel good about doing good. If you want to let go of your selfishness, look for opportunities to help your friends just because they are in need, without any underlying motive. You probably don’t want to come across as someone who only helps people when they need something from them; This is no better than not helping anyone at all.

Listen to your friends and be aware of their circumstances. Many people desperately need help but are afraid to ask for help.

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Take the time to really listen. Selfish people are notorious for not listening. They are so busy talking about their difficulties, problems, and obstacles that there is no time to listen to what others have to say. If you’re the type of person who just picks up the phone and hangs out for half an hour and then says goodbye, then it’s true that you’re not taking the time to listen to what the other person is saying to you. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

Every conversation should have equal speaking and listening time. If you have a habit of dominating the conversation alone, next time you will have to practice listening skills when you talk.
Selfish people are often more focused on themselves than on others, and that’s why they don’t really take the time to listen.

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Show interest in people. Listening to others is a great way to show interest. In addition, you can ask questions, from their opinions on local news to their childhood stories. You don’t have to ask for details to show interest and show them that you really care about their thoughts or problems. When people talk, don’t just nod and wait for your turn, but take it slow and ask questions if they’re talking about something they’re passionate about.

You can show interest without suffocating them. The next time you talk to someone, aim to talk 20% less and ask a few more questions than usual to see how you feel.

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Spend time volunteering. Volunteering can take you out of your world to see how many people out there are less fortunate than you. You may still think you lacked a lot of things before you volunteered at charity kitchens or taught adults to read. While you shouldn’t give charity just to feel good, you should take the time to make meaningful connections with others and see the outside world.

You may find yourself becoming “addicted” to giving to charity. Soon you will stop thinking about what you don’t have because you are busy making plans to help others.

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Pet. If you’re the type to kill your last dozen goldfish, it’s definitely not a good idea to keep a pet; On the other hand, a pet in the house will give you the feeling that there is a living being in need of your protection, and you have the ability to protect other creatures. Go to the animal shelter and choose a cute kitten or puppy to keep you company. You’ll find that you won’t have time for selfish thoughts when you’re busy walking your dog, feeding your pet, or spending time cuddling your new pet.

Dogs will demand a lot of responsibility from you. Taking on responsibilities – especially when serving others – will certainly help you to stop being selfish.

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Help people you know in times of need. When your friends, relatives, even neighbors are having a hard time, you should be there for them. Maybe a coworker just passed away, or your neighbor has been sick for months. Take a moment to bring them a home-cooked meal, call or send a gift, and ask what you can do to help them.

People can be hesitant to ask for help even when it’s obvious they need it. It’s up to you to guess when you can help without interfering in their private affairs.

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Learn to share. Selfish people have never shared with anyone since the day they got their first toy as a child. Then, it’s time to remove the selfish gene from your body. Practice sharing what you have, whether it’s breaking half a loaf of bread for a friend or letting her rummage through your closet to borrow a nice dress for the first date. Pick something you love so much that you can’t imagine sharing it with others and giving it to your friend. At first you will find it scary to give away such possessions, but it is a way for you to gradually become less selfish.

Food is also a big deal. Selfish people hate sharing food. While everyone needs to have enough to feed themselves, ask yourself if you really need that much, or if you won’t lose anything by sharing it with friends or roommates. .

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Join a team. Being part of a group is a great way to reduce your selfishness, whether you’re on a project at work, a debate team at school, or part of a community soccer team. As you join a team and learn to balance the interests of individual members with the interests of the team as a whole, you will realize how important it is to cut down on selfish behaviors.

You’ll be even less selfish as a team leader. You will then find that the interests of the group are often more important than the interests of the individual, and that compromise is necessary for everyone’s satisfaction.

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Stop talking about yourself. Selfish people have a habit of rambling about their needs, their efforts, and their desires. The next time you talk to your friends, summarize how much time you spent talking about yourself. If you find that you only talk about yourself instead of everything around you, and the person you’re talking to has almost nothing to say, then you need to change that behavior.

It’s okay to ask for advice, talk about what’s happened to you, and talk about what you want to the extent that it makes sense, but it doesn’t do much good if you’re known to see nothing but yourself. yourself when interacting with people. Besides, if everyone knew that you were only talking about yourself, no one would want to play with you anymore.

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Give people small gifts. Give your lover, relative, friend or neighbor a small gift to show your appreciation and gratitude. Selfish people never give money or give anything, and are generally not grateful to anyone. You need to stop thinking that if you don’t work for yourself, you won’t do anything either. Even if it’s not yet their birthday and there are no special events coming up for your friend, a small gift for that friend will put a smile on their face. In fact, unexpected gifts often make people even happier than anticipated gifts.

Try to give someone a small gift each month to show how much you love them. And it really makes you feel better, too!
If your budget doesn’t allow it, you can also spend your time helping someone.

Attentive to everyone

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Learn to compromise. If you want to let go of selfishness, you will have to learn to compromise. This means that you have to put feeling happy before getting what you want, that other people want what you want, and that you don’t always get what you want. You probably don’t want to have a reputation for being so stubborn that they would never think of approaching you in a difficult situation. Learn to listen to people, weigh the pros and cons, and see situations from the other person’s perspective. ^{[6] X Research Source}

Don’t be bound to do what you want blindly. Focus on understanding the situation from both sides.
Ask yourself, “Who wants that more than who?” Do you really need it that much, or do you insist on getting it just out of stubbornness?
Listen to the other person and see from their perspective before reacting.

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Thanks everyone. Selfish people often think that they have the right to be prioritized, deserve to be pampered without question. If someone does something nice for you, whether it’s complimenting you or giving you a ride to class, be grateful and thank them for their kindness instead of taking it for granted. Don’t assume everyone has to be kind or understanding; you should be grateful to receive that.

Selfish people often assume that they always “deserve” the best treatment. It’s time for you to stop and think about all the people who truly make your life better.

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Stop controlling. Selfish people assume they have to pick all the movies, plan all the vacations, and that every work or school related project has to come their way. Well, it’s time for you to take a step back and let people decide some things. Yes, it can be a little intimidating at first to go to a Thai restaurant instead of the Italian restaurant you usually like to go to, and you probably don’t like letting your friend decide a lot of things in the final report; but you have to trust that other people know what they are doing, and let them do as they please.

Giving up control also helps you to be less stressed and happier. Think about how much easier your life would be if you weren’t obsessed with the idea that everything has to go your way bit by bit.
Sometimes things will be easier and less stressful if you give in to someone else’s schedule.

Advice

It will take time to change yourself, but realizing that you have a behavior problem is also a big step.
Give others a hug when needed. Don’t hold back your emotions or stop the tears just because of your ego.
Try to stop judging others and learn to empathize with them.
Encourage everyone, because everyone needs encouragement.
Don’t hate yourself because you think you can’t change. You can do it.
Don’t expect that you will change completely overnight.
Avoid using the word “I”.
If there’s only one cake left at the party and someone wants it, give it to them or offer to split it in half.
At Christmas, make a donation to those less fortunate.
Try not to give “opinions” unless someone asks for your opinion or when the whole group is speaking, or you are asked for constructive criticism.
Make sure you don’t go to the extreme of “dependence”, aka codependency. Taking care of others is good, but you also need to make time for yourself.

Warning

Don’t be harsh with others just because you’re stressed.
Don’t take credit for helping others. The purpose of charity is to do the right thing, not to gain fame.

Steps

Change your perspective

Caring for everyone

Attentive to everyone

Advice

Warning

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