How to Help a Boyfriend with Depression

Helping a loved one through depression can be challenging. When that person is your boyfriend, you will feel your own pain too. Maybe your boyfriend will get angry and take it out on you often. He doesn’t even care about you. Over time, you feel abandoned or blamed for your boyfriend’s depression. Learn how to help your boyfriend through this difficult time and at the same time don’t forget to take care of yourself.

Table of Contents

Talk to each other sincerely

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Identify his symptoms. Men experience depression differently than women. If you find your boyfriend has most or all of the following symptoms, he may be depressed. ^{[1] X Trusted Source National Institute of Mental Health Go to source}

Always in a state of fatigue
No longer interested in the things that used to be loved
Irritability or anger
Difficulty concentrating
Concerned
Overeating or not eager to eat
Experiencing pain or digestive problems
Difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much
Failure to fulfill responsibilities in school, work or family
Having thoughts of suicide

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Express your concerns. Maybe your boyfriend hasn’t been paying attention to his mood lately, but after a few weeks of observing, you can be sure that your lover is suffering from depression. In this case, take the initiative to raise the issue in good faith and encourage him to share his feelings.

Here are some suggestions to help you start a conversation: “I’ve been worried about you for the past few weeks” or “I’ve noticed some differences in your behavior lately and I’d like to talk to you.” about it.” ^{[2] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source}
If you notice a sense of tension between the two of you, avoid bringing up the issue of depression. He may see your words as accusations and withdraw.

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Use sentences in the first person to avoid blame. When depressed, men are often quick-tempered or not afraid to argue. ^{[3] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to the source} He will exhibit these traits no matter what you do. However, if you approach him lovingly and without judgment, he’ll probably be willing to listen.

What you say can turn into blame or judgment on your boyfriend if you are not careful with your wording. Saying “You’ve been mean and irritable lately” will make him defend himself.
Use a sentence in the first person – mainly focusing on your feelings, such as “I’m worried you might be depressed because you seem to be having trouble sleeping. Moreover, he also did not meet his friends. I want us to talk about solutions that can make you feel better.”

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Listen to and appreciate his feelings. ^{[4] X Research Sources} If your boyfriend isn’t afraid to talk to you about what he’s going through, you should know that he mustered up the courage to do so. Help him open up by reassuring him that he can feel safe sharing his feelings with you. When he speaks, your job is to listen attentively and nod or respond with empathy. After he shares, you’ll summarize what he said and repeat it back so he knows you’ve been listening.

For example, you could say, “It sounds like you’re in a state of anxiety that can’t be relieved. Thank you for talking to me. I’m sad to hear you’re going through this, but I’ll do what I can to help.”

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Ask questions regarding his safety. If your boyfriend is depressed, he may think about hurting himself. ^{[5] X Research Source} Even if he doesn’t have suicidal thoughts, he can also commit some dangerous behaviors such as speeding and recklessly driving in traffic or using drugs or drinking a lot alcohol to forget the current situation. Express your concerns for your partner’s safety and health. You can ask the following questions: ^{[6] X Research Sources}

Are you thinking about hurting yourself?
Have you ever thought about suicide before?
What are you going to do to end your life?
What methods do you use to hurt yourself?

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Seek help for someone who is contemplating suicide. If your boyfriend’s answers indicate that he’s planning to leave his life (with a specific plan and implementation), you need to find someone who can help him. If you are in the United States, call the suicide prevention hotline at 1-800-273-TALK. ^{[7] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source}

You can call 911 or your local emergency services if you believe your boyfriend is in danger of hurting you.
Have someone remove things that can be used as weapons. Also, make sure someone is with him at all times.

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Show your willingness to support him. People with depression often find it difficult to ask for help, even when they really need it. Reach out to your lover by asking how you can help, what you can do to help him relieve his stress, and how you can help him with some errands or take him away. somewhere no. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

Maybe he doesn’t know how you should help either. In this case, by asking, “What can I do for you right now?”, he can let you know how he needs help.

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Help him figure out how to get over his depression. ^{[9] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source} When your boyfriend accepts that he’s depressed, you’ll encourage him to attend therapy. Depression, like many other illnesses, is treatable. With the right professional support, your partner will soon improve his mood and behavior. Help him find a psychologist or therapist, and if he’s interested, you can go to therapy sessions with him.

Support your boyfriend in his recovery

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Suggest that you both participate in some kind of physical activity. In addition to medication or therapy, exercise is also effective in improving the mood of people with depression. Being active produces mood-altering chemicals called endorphins, which will help your partner feel better about themselves. In addition, he no longer focuses on negative thoughts and emotions that affect his mood. ^{[10] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source}

Pick an activity together that you and your partner can do together and contribute to improving your health. Some suggestions include taking a fitness class, doing a home exercise program, going for a run in the park, or participating in team sports.

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Make sure your boyfriend eats healthy foods. Researchers believe there is a link between diet and depression. That’s not to say that your lover’s late-night eating habits are bringing him down, but perpetuating this unhealthy habit can keep him stuck in a negative emotional state. ^{[11] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source}

Help your boyfriend stock up on heart- and brain-healthy foods like fruits, vegetables, fish, and just a little meat and dairy to help with depression.

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Help him find ways to manage stress. ^{[12] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source} You can help your boyfriend reduce the stress load in his daily life by introducing him to some healthy stress management techniques. First, you would encourage him to write down all the stresses or worries in his life. Next, the two of you will work together to think of ways to reduce or eliminate stressors. The rest is to list convenient solutions that your boyfriend can apply in his daily life to relax and reduce stress. ^{[13] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source}

Practical activities that can help him manage stress include deep breathing, going for a walk in a tree-lined area, listening to music, meditating, journaling or watching a funny movie or video.

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Encourage your boyfriend to use a mood diary. Mood charting can help your partner connect with their emotions and pay more attention to their own feelings on a daily basis. People with depression can track their sleeping and eating habits to find patterns of behavior that lead to a negative emotional state. Your partner can also write down their thoughts and feelings each day to identify emotional fluctuations. ^{[14] X Research Source}

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Help him connect with others. When depressed, men and women often withdraw. However, maintaining social interactions can help people with depression reduce feelings of loneliness and overcome depression. ^{[15] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to the source} Find activities you and your boyfriend can do with other people that give him the opportunity to meet new people. Or, you’ll talk to his friends and encourage them to meet up more often.

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Avoid tolerating your boyfriend. The lover must work to overcome the depression in his own way. There will be times when you worry that you are allowing him to remain depressed. If you’re putting in so much effort that your boyfriend has lost the ability to “stand on his own” to get over himself, stop.

Support but do not condone. ^{[16] X Research Source} Gently encourage your boyfriend to be more active, engage in social activities, or get outside for some fresh air without threatening or neglecting him. Your boyfriend wants you to show love and empathy, but he doesn’t need you to take on the responsibility of healing him.

Take care of yourself

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Don’t think your boyfriend’s depression has anything to do with you. Depression is a complex medical condition and you can’t control your partner’s emotions. Of course you will feel helpless or miserable to see him struggling with his condition. However, you should not take it as a sign of inferiority in yourself or that you are not a great girlfriend.

Try to stay focused on your daily schedule and make sure you stay on top of your responsibilities at work, school, or family.
Also, set boundaries for what you can and can’t do for him. You’ll feel guilty, but the truth is, it’s not your duty to make him feel better. Trying to do too much can be bad for your health and well-being. ^{[17] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source}

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Admit that you can’t “fix” him, but you can support him. No matter how much you love and care for your boyfriend, you alone cannot help him. ^{[18] X Research Source} Believing you can “fix” him will get you into other trouble and even upset your boyfriend if you see him as a project to change.

You just need to always be there, willing to help and support your boyfriend when needed. Your lover has to work through his depression on his own.

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Find a support group. Your boyfriend’s depression is like an important battle that leaves him with no energy for romance. Supporting him during this time can make you forget your own feelings. This is an obstacle for both of you and you need support, too. ^{[19] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source} Join a support group, keep in touch with positive friends, and talk to a counselor when needed.

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Take care of yourself every day. It’s easy to spend a lot of time taking care of your boyfriend and forget about taking care of yourself. Don’t skip your favorite activities like reading, spending time with friends, or soaking in a hot tub. ^{[20] X Research Sources}

Don’t feel guilty when you take time for yourself. Remember that you cannot help him if you neglect yourself.

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Understand the limits of a healthy relationship. Although you want to help your partner as much as you can, sometimes depression can get in the way of maintaining a relationship. If your boyfriend can’t empathize with you in a healthy way, the relationship could hit a dead end. This doesn’t mean that people with depression can’t maintain good relationships – many people with depression can still do this. However, depression can cause serious problems for a relationship. Remember:

A boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is not a marriage. As a boyfriend or girlfriend, you have the right to end the relationship if things don’t go as planned. You’re not a bad person if you choose to end a relationship with someone who can’t love you, and especially when the relationship doesn’t make you any better.
It’s important to know what you want out of a relationship and to think about whether you’re getting what you need.
Putting oneself and one’s own needs first is not selfish. No one has control over the needs of an independent adult. You have to take care of yourself before you care about others.
Sometimes depression can cause someone to lose the ability to maintain a romantic relationship. This may not reflect your role as a lover and you are not a bad person either. Loving someone doesn’t mean you can get through a relatively serious mental illness with them.
Depression is not an excuse for abusive, manipulative or abusive behavior. People with depression often have negative behaviors. However, if the partner loses control over their behavior, they still have to take responsibility for their actions. In fact, you should also separate yourself from the relationship to protect yourself.
You are not responsible for controlling your partner’s reaction to the breakup. The fear of a breakup can cause someone with depression to do dangerous things, including suicide. However, you cannot control his actions. If you’re afraid your ex might hurt him and others, get help. Don’t let yourself get stuck in a relationship you don’t dare leave.

Advice

Show him that you are strong and independent enough to not have to depend on him. If he’s worried about how you would feel without his attention, he’ll find it difficult to be honest with you and focus on improving the situation.
Please be patient. Hopefully your lover will feel better soon and that your relationship will be renewed with mutual attachment and trust. After all, maybe he’ll love you even more for what you’ve done for him.

Warning

If he wants to be alone for a while, you should respect that need. However, ask family and friends to keep an eye on him if you’re afraid that he might hurt himself.
Notice if depression is frequent or just present in your partner. Maybe he needs medical help. Also, this situation will make him overly dependent on you, which is unhealthy. If your depression becomes more severe (suicidal thoughts, etc.), it’s time to seek help from others.
In some cases, he will think you’re hiding or that he doesn’t trust you. Don’t be so quick to blame yourself. Bring this up as his depression gradually improves. You will let your lover know his accusations of hurting you (use first person sentences when expressing) and you want him to stop doing this in the future. Behave in the same way when he’s rude to you while he’s depressed.

Steps

Talk to each other sincerely

Support your boyfriend in his recovery

Take care of yourself

Advice

Warning

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