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This article was co-written by Allison Broennimann, PhD. Allison Broennimann is a private practice clinical psychologist in the San Francisco Bay Area who specializes in psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in providing psychotherapeutic solutions to treat anxiety, depression, emotional problems, grief, behavioral problems, stress Trauma and life transitions. As part of her psychotherapy service, she integrates intensive psychotherapy with cognitive rehabilitation for people recovering from traumatic brain injury. Broennimann holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and a master of science and doctorate in clinical psychology from the University of Palo Alto. She is licensed by the California Psychological Board and is a member of the American Psychological Association.
There are 21 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 28,140 times.
Not everyone can open up about their feelings in front of others. However, withdrawing from friends or other people as well as new experiences can prevent you from developing yourself. Learn how to open your heart so that you can improve your mental health and social life, and to live a fuller, more meaningful life.
Steps
Learn how to share appropriately
- When sharing with others, you should consider how close and comfortable you are to that person. Start small – only talk about small problems with strangers or people you only know socially. And if opening up is new to you, you can also start by sharing little things with close friends, gradually you will be able to talk about your divorce.
- Remember that sharing personal information will help strengthen relationships but will not help you establish them. [1] X Trusted Source Harvard Business Review Go to the source This means you can’t force yourself to form a close bond with someone you don’t know well through the act of sharing something intimate with them – in fact, this will backfire, as sharing information too soon can be uncomfortable for the other person. You should wait until you have formed a trust with the person before deciding to open up to them.
- Is the person patient or indifferent? When you share a problem with that person, do they listen with empathy, or do they say things like “It’s no big deal. I don’t understand why you’re so worried. Stop whining, face it. let’s go with it!”
- Does the person allow others to express their feelings or often interrupts? [2] X Research Source Do they make eye contact, nod, and ask questions? Or are they just staring at their phones, picking at their fingernails, and starting to talk about themselves?
- If that person doesn’t appear to be a sympathetic, sincere listener, you should look to other people you know in your life. If you really want to open up to your father but he’s turning you off, you’d better find a close friend.
- If you’re having a hard time finding the motivation to do this, remember that having social support reduces stress and is generally good for you. [3] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- If it’s hard for you to open up to close friends or family, try talking in front of a mirror. If you are having negative thoughts about yourself, such as “No one will want to listen to what I have to say”, you can change your mindset to eliminate the negative aspect by telling yourself in front of the mirror that “Other people might want to hear about my problem, I won’t know for sure if I don’t try.” [4] X Research Sources
- If you’re having trouble opening up to anyone you’re talking to, you can ask them to talk about themselves first and start there. You may find it easier to open up after the other person does this first.
- One way to become comfortable with feelings of vulnerability is to separate actions from consequences. You can control what you say and who you open up to, but you cannot control their reactions or actions. Once you realize that you are not responsible for the behavior or reactions of others, it becomes easier to open up.
- Try to spend about 5-10 minutes a day journaling. Don’t worry about writing meaningful sentences, about handwriting, or fear that you’ll write silly or trivial things. [8] X Research Source You just need to persevere in journaling to express your feelings every day.
Connect with people
- You should remember to listen carefully to what the other person is saying to you, as it may give you a hint to continue the conversation. [11] X Research Source For example, if the person says “I’d choose an Americano”, you might mention another coffee shop you know that makes this drink very well and ask if Has that person ever been there?
- Being open-minded can also make you feel more confident and powerful, and help you open up to action. [13] X Research Source
- Part of that open body language is smiling. Smiling is a highly social emotion and you will appear more approachable when you always have a smile on your face. [14] X Research Source[15] X Research Source
- Then, answer each open-ended question honestly, in turn, instead of using old-fashioned sentences like “Good” or “Okay.”
- Or, you can ask, “What good thing happened to you lately?” or “What activities in the city do you think are worth participating?”.
- Asking about personal matters is not always appropriate; However, in many cases, other people will enjoy it when you express your concern and listen to them.
- If you can’t find common ground using this conversation technique, try talking about something this person might be interested in in the future. The open-ended approach will bring interest to the conversation.
- Remember that you need to have an accepting attitude towards others that you also want to receive when you open up and show vulnerability.
- Do not copy their actions immediately in the same social situation as this will backfire; For example, you might make the person feel uncomfortable if they think you’re mimicking or making fun of them. [20] X Research Source
Be open to new experiences
- Even so, you should do it sensibly; otherwise, it can backfire and you will continue to become distant. Remember that you don’t want to accept so many new things at once that you feel confused.
- As a first step, you can speed things up by saying “yes” to a few things you normally refuse, then saying “yes” to more things as you get used to being busy.
- Avoid answering questions with “I don’t know” because it will make you look like you’re not interested in the conversation and don’t want to think about it. [21] X Research Sources Instead, if someone asks you a question and you can’t answer it right away, you can say, “This is great. I’ll have to think for a bit, but I will definitely answer you”.
- If you can’t think of anything you want to do, you can make a list of the 10 best places to eat or visit in your area. Complete this list and consider your feelings.
- Another way to discover something you’ll enjoy doing in the future is to rethink an activity you used to enjoy. Or, you can search the city for attractions to see if any spark your excitement.
- You should also look for things that appeal to you in the neighboring provinces and plan a little adventure.
- Many places offer guidebooks, which you can find in stores or online; They can be a pretty good resource for planning your own openness-building adventure.
- Also, remember that you should open up to others in class, as this can be a great way to meet new friends or find a lover.
- Immerse yourself in nature and experience a sense of awe at its grandeur. Feeling amazed can make you think less about yourself, and in turn, can help you to be less shy and more open. [24] X Research Source
- Or you can tell your partner that you want to be more open to new experiences and ask him/her to help you with this. Let’s make a financial plan and save money for an adventure together. This can make your life and relationships more interesting and help you open up more, not to mention a vacation that will also help reduce stress. [25] X Research Sources
This article was co-written by Allison Broennimann, PhD. Allison Broennimann is a private practice clinical psychologist in the San Francisco Bay Area who specializes in psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in providing psychotherapeutic solutions to treat anxiety, depression, emotional problems, grief, behavioral problems, stress Trauma and life transitions. As part of her psychotherapy service, she integrates intensive psychotherapy with cognitive rehabilitation for people recovering from traumatic brain injury. Broennimann holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and a master of science and doctorate in clinical psychology from the University of Palo Alto. She is licensed by the California Psychological Board and is a member of the American Psychological Association.
There are 21 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 28,140 times.
Not everyone can open up about their feelings in front of others. However, withdrawing from friends or other people as well as new experiences can prevent you from developing yourself. Learn how to open your heart so that you can improve your mental health and social life, and to live a fuller, more meaningful life.
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