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This article was co-written by Allen Wagner, MFT, MA. Allen Wagner is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles, California. He received his Master’s degree in Psychology from Pepperdine University in 2004. He specializes in working with individuals and couples on methods of improving relationships. Along with his wife, Talia Wagner, he is the author of Married Roommates.
There are 8 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 12,765 times.
In a relationship, sometimes you need a mental break. Married life can be stressful, and sometimes it’s better to ignore bad habits or negative moods. You can apply many ways to ignore your husband when necessary. However, keep in mind that being cold to your husband in the long run will ruin your marriage. If there is an underlying problem that upsets you, identify the problem instead of pretending not to know it.
Steps
Ignore your husband in a healthy way
- A bad mood often makes someone want to argue. For example, when your husband is having a bad day at work, he may overreact to your petty unintentional actions. If you know he’s in a bad mood, don’t take it as your problem if he’s causing trouble. [1] X Research Source
- If your husband gets angry and tries to argue, the best response is to ignore him. Ignoring the provocation seems like you’ve given up. However, it is actually more effective. An angry person will not listen to any reason or reason and will not calm down even when you try to apologize or defend yourself. If your partner tries to provoke you into a fight, simply respond briefly with “Yes” or “OK” until he gives up and leaves. [2] X Research Source
- This is not a long term solution. In a moment of urgency, ignoring your husband’s anger can be an effective way to deal with it, but it’s not something you should do all the time. Sometimes, people get angry and upset with their loved ones because they had an unlucky day or were in a bad mood. However, when this happens frequently, it becomes a serious problem. If your husband is moody, the two of you should talk about it calmly.
- If you and your partner argue late at night, tell your partner that you’re going to bed. Try to ignore anything he does to irritate you. You can try relaxation techniques, such as knuckle cracking, deep breathing, and counting exercises. These ways will help you ignore the situation and fall asleep faster.
- When arguing in the middle of the night, you will often say harsh words. Your brain goes numb when you’re tired, making it difficult for you to convey your frustrations to your partner. The later the night, the more irritable you are. In the morning, you will have a more positive outlook and be better prepared for problem analysis and reconciliation. [3] X Research Sources
- Unfortunately, some bad habits cannot be changed. Perhaps your husband often forgets to throw away the empty box of orange juice, even though you have reminded him a thousand times. In this case, it’s best to complete the task yourself. Accepting your husband’s bad habits will make it easier to ignore them. [4] X Research Sources
- You can also negotiate to win a part in some cases. For example, your husband never remembers to put his used towels in the basket after he showers, but he’ll probably stop throwing towels on the bedroom floor. [5] X Research Sources
- Ignore behaviors that make you uncomfortable. Don’t see it as your problem. A bad habit, such as not turning off the light when leaving the room is simply his own bad habit. This has nothing to do with how much he loves or respects you.
- When your husband is in the room, acknowledge his presence in some serious way. If you’re ignoring your husband, even though you’re usually more comfortable at home, try to behave politely as if you were at a party. You can nod when the other person talks, smile when appropriate, but do not participate in the chat or any discussion. [7] X Research Sources
- You can also avoid sharing a room with your husband. For example, you can go to the bedroom if he’s in the living room. You can tell him you’re leaving for a short and serious reason. For example, say something like, “If you don’t mind, I’ll go upstairs.”
- You should be frank with your husband if you’re upset about something and need some alone time for a few days. If you’re so angry that you don’t want to talk, write or email your feelings. Don’t suddenly ignore him without warning.
Identify deeper problems
- Did you do something different in your marriage? Are you not around as often as you used to be? Do you sometimes look down on your husband’s role? Do you have behaviors that make your husband uncomfortable to tease? [10] X Research Source
- Is there a deeper problem that bothers you? If you’re under pressure or distressed about something, even if it’s not related to your marriage, it can still manifest in some subtle ways. For example, if you are under work pressure, you will be more irritable. You probably don’t want to hear your husband talk about his gym session. If there’s something in your life that’s bothering you, talk to your husband about what’s bothering you. Then make an effort to change the situation to become a happier person.
- Choose a location that doesn’t have many distractions. For example, do not discuss about husband and wife in a crowded restaurant. Instead, sit down and chat in the living room with the TV off.
- Avoid outside time pressure. For example, if you have a meeting with the Parents and Teachers Association at 7 o’clock, don’t discuss your marriage at 6 o’clock. Choose to talk on a weekday or weekend evening when neither of you have any plans or dates.
- Sentences that begin with “I/Em” should focus on how you feel about the situation. You are responsible for your own emotions. This will minimize criticism. You are not acknowledging any objective facts about the marriage. You are just expressing your feelings about the situation.
- The sentence pattern that begins with “I/You” has 3 parts. You will start by saying “I/You feel”, then express how you feel, and explain why you feel the way you do.
- When discussing marriage, don’t say something like, “It’s mindless for you to talk curtly to me after a bad day at work.” Instead, say sentences that begin with “I/You”. Say something like, “I feel hurt when you see me as a place to vent after a bad day at work because I don’t want to be in a relationship where it’s okay to yell at each other.”
Avoid the pitfalls
- If your husband can’t control his anger, this is a good reason for discussion. With that said, perhaps it would be better to ignore the anger for now. However, if your husband has a habit of yelling at him every time he gets angry, you need to have a serious conversation. [13] X Research Source
- Addiction can destroy a relationship. If your husband is addicted to drugs or alcohol, you should advise him to seek treatment. Do not ignore this issue. [14] X Research Source
- Unless you have an open marriage, don’t ignore the affair. If infidelity is suspected, confront your husband. [15] X Research Source
- Even the little things, like going shopping or taking out the trash, deserve a “thank you” and a kiss. Most people are very happy when someone shows them gratitude or affection.
- You often forget to appreciate someone if you’ve been with them for a long time. Try to remind yourself from time to time how you should react if your husband is a stranger. Don’t be afraid to say “Thank you” if a stranger opens the door for you or gives you a seat on the bus. Always remember to thank your husband. [17] X Research Source
This article was co-written by Allen Wagner, MFT, MA. Allen Wagner is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles, California. He received his Master’s degree in Psychology from Pepperdine University in 2004. He specializes in working with individuals and couples on methods of improving relationships. Along with his wife, Talia Wagner, he is the author of Married Roommates.
There are 8 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 12,765 times.
In a relationship, sometimes you need a mental break. Married life can be stressful, and sometimes it’s better to ignore bad habits or negative moods. You can apply many ways to ignore your husband when necessary. However, keep in mind that being cold to your husband in the long run will ruin your marriage. If there is an underlying problem that upsets you, identify the problem instead of pretending not to know it.
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