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This article was co-written by Leah Morris. Leah Morris is a life and relationship transition coach and owner of Life Remade, a holistic personal coaching service. With over three years as a coach, she specializes in guiding clients through short-term and long-term transitions. Leah holds a bachelor’s degree in organizational communication from California State University, Chico and is certified as a transformational life coach by the Southwest Institute of Restorative Arts.
There are 14 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 50,702 times.
Being alone can sometimes be difficult for us. Whether you’re single, living alone, or simply finding it difficult to adjust to being “single,” staying happy when no one is around can be challenging. This is because we often expect others to help us fill in the gaps. However, you can still be happy alone by becoming independent, building a positive outlook, and increasing self-awareness.
Steps
Become independent
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Develop independence. People, especially extroverts (who like to socialize and get energy from others), sometimes need others to help them feel happy or satisfied. However, in order to become happy alone, we need to first rely on ourselves and reduce our dependence on others to be happy. If you’re an extrovert, handling things alone will help you practice developing your communication skills with strangers instead of just meeting close friends. Fortunately, you can continue your extroverted habits even when no one is around.
- Focus on developing your confidence by working out alongside doing activities you can do alone and giving you the opportunity to discover new things. For example, if you’ve always wanted to learn how to play an instrument, this is a good time to start. Online tutorials will help you get started with the learning process.
- Try to handle the job alone. Before you ask for help or want someone to go with you, try “doing it yourself”. For example, if you usually like to go shopping with your partner, don’t be afraid to try going it alone. You may feel uncomfortable at first, but over time this discomfort will gradually disappear and you will feel better.
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Discover things that interest you. Get to know your interests and experience them on your own. You can try doing things you’ve never done before to find something you like. If you are an extrovert, you will find it difficult because of the need to be around a lot of people, especially when doing things you enjoy. However, as you spend more time alone doing what you enjoy, it gradually becomes easier.
- Get busy. There are many activities to help you satisfy your desire to explore, such as: art, dancing, writing, reading, playing musical instruments, hiking, camping, pet care, travel and cooking . Use your planner to get things done for the week and add a few other activities if you have time to spare.
- Choose activities that bring togetherness even when you’re alone. Extroverts will enjoy interactive activities when they are alone, such as texting, chatting on the phone, or participating in social networking sites. This way, you will feel happier and more connected to others when no one is around.
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Experience a new hobby. Perhaps you are used to spending a lot of time with other people. However, don’t worry, you will easily adapt to being with yourself. You can use your alone time to explore some new activity that you’ve always wanted. [1] X Research Source
- Maybe you’ve always wanted to try yoga but were afraid to sign up for a class. Why don’t you try buying a DVD or downloading some yoga videos? You can still experience a peaceful state without the presence of others.
- Try gardening. This is an individual activity that offers attractive rewards. Not only will you gain new experiences, but you will also get beautiful flowers and fresh vegetables as a result.
- Embark on an art and craft project. You can try mosaics, watercolors, or relax with adult coloring books.
- You can also plan or do something for your loved ones. This way, alone time gives you a chance to focus and nurture relationships.
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Adapt to being alone. There are many ways to help you understand yourself better. For example, spend some time thinking about your greatest wish. As you spend more time alone in activities, you will gradually feel more comfortable in the absence of others. Facing your fear of being alone will help you feel less afraid and get used to it. [2] X Research Source Get used to being alone for short periods of time and gradually increase the duration.
- Beginners can try activities like walking, dining, and shopping alone.
- Avoid drinking alcohol or using drugs to cope with being alone. [3] X Research Sources
- Being alone and being alone are two completely different states. [4] X Research Source You can be alone without feeling lonely.
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Enjoy your “private world”. Maybe you just moved into your first apartment alone. Whether you miss your family, roommates, or ex, you’ll eventually get used to living alone. The important thing that you should remember is that a private space will bring a lot of convenience to your life. [5] X Research Sources
- Are you tired of your roommate constantly eating all your food? Now you can comfortably sip everything you bought and prepared.
- You used to feel annoyed when your ex kept throwing shoes around the house. When you live alone, you will have a neat and tidy house as you like.
- Or, you often feel cold and used to live with people who hated raising the temperature of the air conditioner. This nuisance will end when you have your own place. No one can stop you from adjusting the temperature of your air conditioner according to your needs for comfort.
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Reassure yourself. Self-assurance is the number one coping skill you should adopt as you learn to cope with single life. If negative emotions (anger, sadness, loneliness) arise, you need to know how to soothe yourself. [6] X Research Source Extroverts feel better when they reassure themselves because being alone can make energetic people uncomfortable.
- Praise yourself. Instead of waiting for others to praise us, we need to learn to praise ourselves. For example, if you feel like you’re not doing a good job at work or at school, try telling yourself what a friend would say, such as “Are you telling the truth? You did a great job!”. Perhaps extroverts will depend on other people’s approval, but they will feel better when they know how to motivate themselves.
- Tell yourself you’ll be fine being alone! You’ll also be fine when you’re out alone.
- Focus on the positive qualities and things that you like about yourself. Recognize your weaknesses but don’t let them bring you down.
- Write down your feelings. The process of getting your feelings out on paper will help you feel better and help clear things up.
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Appreciate yourself. Take time to celebrate your good qualities and reflect on your good points. You can even write these down in a gratitude journal. [7] X Research Sources
- For example, you could say, “I did a good job with the assignment given by the company. I am a useful member of the group.”
- Or, you can just look in the mirror and say, “I have kind eyes.”
Build a positive perspective
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Think fun things. This sounds silly, but it’s so practical! Introverts (gets energy from being alone) and people who feel nervous about social situations can enjoy being alone by thinking about the positive things in relationships and work alone. Research shows that people who feel lonely often have negative thoughts because they expect negative outcomes in social relationships and think they have done all they can to maintain the connection. [8] X Research Source Changing your mind is a way to reduce feelings of loneliness and increase your satisfaction when you are alone.
- Think of the positive things you get from being alone. For example, you can feel free to do what you want and focus on yourself.
- Sadness or loneliness is a type of thinking. You should think about the wonderful things you have accomplished in your life and the many other things that you can continue to achieve. [9] X Research Source
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Say positive things to yourself. If you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts like “No one wants to be around me,” turn that thought into something more practical like, “The person who loves me wants to spend time with me, just sometimes.” They’re busy.”
- Write down the things that you are grateful for in life, such as: family, friends, food, house, relationships, etc.
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Love and accept yourself. This is an important factor contributing to a happy life when you are alone. [10] X Research Source See yourself as a friend and focus on cherishing the positive aspects of yourself.
- If you are an introvert, you should tell yourself that this personality of yours is completely normal and acceptable! If you feel nervous about social situations, accept your feelings and avoid putting pressure on yourself; It’s not unusual for people to feel nervous from time to time in certain social situations.
- List the things that you like about yourself, your talents, and what other people seem to like about you. Put this list in a safe place so you can see it if you feel lonely when you’re alone. Don’t forget to ask friends and family to add something else to the list. You can also make a list of your accomplishments and positive reviews.
- Don’t compare yourself to others to avoid feeling frustrated, jealous, and self-deprecating. This happens because we tend to see the good in others and idealize those things.
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Nurture relationships. Cultivating healthy relationships can help you overcome your fear of being alone and have a more positive outlook. [11] X Research Source If you feel secure in your relationships, you’ll also feel less sad without your loved ones around. Introverts and people with social anxiety often seek deep connection (rather than having many friends or acquaintances); so it’s often important to maintain strong and supportive (rather than abusive or negative) relationships.
- Try to build relationships based on quality standards instead of quantity. When you’re spending time with others, focus on talking and bonding instead of just watching TV in silence.
- Allow people who respect you and behave the way you want into your life. Avoid people who make you feel insecure, threatened, or abandoned. Seek help when you are worried about ending those relationships.
- When you’re alone, think about good memories with your loved one. You can also write about a happy experience and reminisce about it.
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Participate in positive activities. You need to know which activities are likely to improve your mood. If you don’t know where to start, try a new activity and see if you feel better alone. Introverts often know what they like to do when no one is around, but uplifting activities (like exercise) can also help.
- Find out what your loved ones enjoy and try it out on your own. However, don’t worry if you’re not interested in what your friends and loved ones enjoy.
- Write down things that motivate you. Here are a few suggestions for you: stay close to nature, listen to positive songs, explore new lands, soak in a soapy bath, go shopping, and read an inspirational story.
- Play game. Try Sudoku or other brain training games. As such, you will have the opportunity to entertain and challenge yourself.
- Play as a tourist. Why don’t you try to explore your city in a different way? When you are alone, you can go at your favorite pace, freely explore the shops and eat when you need to.
- Find a free music show in the neighborhood. Many community groups and music schools often perform for free (or for a low fee). Try the experience and immerse yourself in the music.
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Practice mindfulness. Using mindfulness to reduce stress can help you feel less alone. [12] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Going to the Source Mindfulness is a state of “here and now”, or living in the present moment, appreciating what’s going on without dwelling on the past or worry about the future.
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Step out of your comfort zone. Take advantage of your alone time to experience new things. Stepping out of your comfort zone is a great way to feel energized and make life more enjoyable. Don’t be afraid to try things you don’t normally do! [13] X Research Source
- Perhaps you’ve always wanted to learn to ride a horse, but you’re afraid of the horse’s size. Now is the time to boldly sign up for a beginner’s riding class.
- Is your dream to become a writer? Start a blog on any topic – like learning to ride a horse or sharing new recipes you’ve just experimented with.
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Do exercise. Research shows that people who live alone are less likely to choose proactive coping strategies. [14] X Research Source However, forms of proactive coping like exercise produce endorphins in the brain that help you feel more positive and happy. Introverts or people with social anxiety should exercise in public to feel more comfortable in a social setting (such as jogging at the beach, weightlifting at the gym).
- Try fun forms of exercise so you don’t feel overwhelmed. Some other forms of exercise include walking, aerobic dancing, yoga, gardening, hiking, climbing, cycling, playing sports (there are many that you can do on your own), jogging, swimming, skateboarding and martial arts.
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Change the scene. The truth is that you can feel lonely when you’re home alone for long periods of time. By changing locations, your thinking will be refreshed. Try making a small change or a big difference from the usual. [15] X Research Source
- If you work from home, you may feel isolated at times. Try working at a coffee shop one afternoon, or going to the library. The presence of strangers can alter your mood.
- Traveling. If you’ve been under a lot of stress lately, you may need to go to the coffee shop more often. Plan a trip.
- Solo travel is no longer strange to many people. You can go on a “dusty” tour, or sign up for a group tour. This is when you come up with ideas for destinations.
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Set goals. Research shows that people who feel lonely or feel isolated lose meaning and purpose in life. [16] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source People can become sensitive to being isolated or not feeling the meaning of life. As human beings, we need meaning to realize the value in our own existence; This requires us to have goals.
- Goals can include many aspects: career, family, religion, spiritual development, supporting people in need, giving food and clothes to difficult situations, creating change in society , assist others in healing, etc.
- Start by listing your personal values (such as the ones above). Next, you will define the goal or purpose of each value. For example, if one of your values is to develop a spiritual life, perhaps your goal would be to influence others in a positive and spiritually valuable way. In this case, you can join a spiritual community and share insights related to your beliefs.
- Start your day by looking at your list of values along with your goals, and figure out how to get what you want. You can also take small actions like smiling at strangers to get closer to your goal.
Increase self-awareness
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Get to know yourself. Increasing your self-awareness can increase your enjoyment of being alone. As you learn more about yourself and know who you are, you will no longer have trouble making fun of yourself. To increase self-awareness, you first need to pay attention to yourself, your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
- Take time to talk to yourself to know how you feel. You can ask questions like “How do I feel? What am I reacting to? What do I want to do?”
- You can also ask people close to you what they see and think about your outstanding qualities.
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Write diary. Writing your thoughts and feelings on paper is a way to help you learn more about yourself through talking to yourself. You can also practice gratitude by recording your thoughts in a gratitude journal. All you need to do is take a little time out of your day to write down the things you’re grateful for. Better yet, make it a habit. [17] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source
- You could write, “I really appreciate being able to reach my brother over the phone.”
- It can also be something as simple as “I am grateful that there is a good bakery in the neighborhood”.
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Find out how difficult it is for you to be alone. Personality can be a factor in your troubles; For example, some people have higher levels of extroversion than others. Extroversion means you get more energy from being around other people, and introversion means you get energy from being alone.
- Loneliness can stem from feelings of grief and loss, trauma, or problems with how you see yourself.
- Feelings of loneliness due to age are also common.
- Research shows that people who feel lonely are also more likely to experience additional conditions such as anxiety, anger, pessimism, emotional discomfort and insecurity. [18] X Research Sources
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Consider treatment. Feeling lonely can be a symptom of a more serious condition like depression. If the feeling of loneliness is growing or you can’t stand being alone, finding special support can help. Psychotherapy is an effective way to help you understand yourself better. In addition, this solution also supports you in facing life alone.
- Contact your health insurance company to find psychologists, therapists, and psychiatrists (when medication is needed) that are covered by your insurance.
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This article was co-written by Leah Morris. Leah Morris is a life and relationship transition coach and owner of Life Remade, a holistic personal coaching service. With over three years as a coach, she specializes in guiding clients through short-term and long-term transitions. Leah holds a bachelor’s degree in organizational communication from California State University, Chico and is certified as a transformational life coach by the Southwest Institute of Restorative Arts.
There are 14 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 50,702 times.
Being alone can sometimes be difficult for us. Whether you’re single, living alone, or simply finding it difficult to adjust to being “single,” staying happy when no one is around can be challenging. This is because we often expect others to help us fill in the gaps. However, you can still be happy alone by becoming independent, building a positive outlook, and increasing self-awareness.
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