How to start a conversation with a girl at a bar

Bars are great places to meet people because most people go there want to socialize and have fun together. Getting to know someone in a crowded environment can be a bit of a challenge, but it’s totally doable! If you meet a girl you want to get to know better, approach her in a casual and friendly way. Then, look for clues around you that you can use to start a conversation with her.

Table of Contents

Make eye contact before approaching the girl.

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Don’t stare at her, but try to catch her eye. It will be a bit sudden if you suddenly appear in front of her. Have fun with your friends, hit the dance floor or sit at the bar with a drink. You just need to make eye contact with her every now and then. When the girl catches your eye, look her in the eye for a few seconds, smile, and look away. ^{[1] X Research Source}

As you try to make eye contact with her, notice if she notices someone with her. This could be a sign that she likes them and may not be easy to talk to with strangers.
If she smiles back when she looks at you, that’s a great sign that you should step forward and say hi to her!

Greet her group of friends.

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Introduce yourself to everyone. Smile and say something general to the group, such as “Hi everyone, my name is Hoang!” The girl you like will know your name, plus you will give the impression of being an open and friendly person. This will be a plus because if you leave a bad impression on her friends, your chances of seeing her again are gone. ^{[2] X Research Source}

You can also say something like, “I saw that you guys had a lot of fun, so I wanted to come say hi. My name is Duy!”
You don’t have to talk to every single person in the group, especially a large group of people – but at least smile and say hello as a whole.

Leaning closer to her when talking.

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The music in the bar is usually quite loud. This doesn’t mean you can’t talk to a girl, but you’ll have to get closer to her than usual if you want her to hear you clearly. But it’s actually a good thing – background noise can create a sense of intimacy if both are interested. ^{[3] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source}

However, be careful to respect her personal space. Tilt your head towards her ear, but keep your body distance and absolutely do not touch her, unless she seems comfortable talking to you.
If she leans over to you when talking or puts her hand on your arm while talking, it’s a clear sign that she likes you!

Refers to something happening around.

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Keep the atmosphere natural and positive. Don’t bother coming up with “witty” flirtations that probably won’t help either. You’ll sound natural and confident when you talk about something going on in the bar. If you can, try to think of a comment that you can develop into a conversation.

Try saying something like, “Everyone here is having a great time tonight. Do you often come here?” You can also say, “Oh, I love this song! Do you want to go out dancing?”
You can also create a sense of belonging in the group by asking a question like “How did you know each other?”
Avoid saying anything negative – you won’t leave a good impression if you start with something like “The beer is terrible here” or “The music is too loud.”

Praise her.

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Try to make the compliment as unique as it is for her. What characteristics of her attracted you? Is it her enchanting smile, her energetic freshness, or her style of dress? Let her know that! That way, she’ll feel you recognize something special about her. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

You can also say she’s pretty, but it’s better if you can come up with something more profound, like “Your outfit is so stylish!” or “You seem to be very popular!” Avoid compliments about a girl’s body – this can make her uncomfortable.

Offer to offer her a drink.

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It is best to do this at the bar. If she’s holding a drink, you can say, “Hi. Would you like another margarita?” If she’s not drinking, she’ll probably gladly accept.If she refuses, just say “It’s okay!” and keep talking ^{[5] X Research Sources}

If she accepts the invitation, take her to the bar and pay for her drink or add it to your bill. Don’t insist on bringing her a drink – this may seem polite, but most women prefer to get drinks straight from the bartender.

Ask about her upcoming plans.

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Tim understood what she was planning. This will open the door for you to discover more about her without intruding on her privacy. If you’re going out for the weekend, say something like, “Are you going to the live show tomorrow?” If it’s a weekday, you can say, “Do you have to work tomorrow?”

This is a discreet way to find out if she has a boyfriend. For example, if you ask her what her plans are for the weekend, she might say, “I’m going out with my boyfriend all day Saturday.” On the other hand, if she says, “I don’t have any plans yet,” you might have a chance to ask her out.

Develop the first conversation.

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Continue the story by talking about what you both have in common. For example, she likes music that you also like – you can talk about artists or their upcoming concerts in the city. Or, if the two of you are drinking the same beer, you can talk about some of your favorite brews. Let things happen naturally. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

Try to think of meaningful questions to show that you really care about what she has to say. For example, if she says she’s from another city, you could ask, “What did you like best about being there?”
Don’t just ask one question after another – it’ll be like you’re interrogating her. Instead, you should ask a question, wait for her to answer, then share a little about yourself and then return to what she just said.

Pay attention to what she says.

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Show that you are a good listener. The vibration will quickly dissipate if she feels you’re just listening through the speakers and not really paying attention. Yes, a noisy bar is not the perfect place to show that you follow her every word, sometimes you even have to ask or repeat her words. Try to remember what she told you.

For example, if you know she went to business school, then you can bring this up by asking, “So what do you want to do after you get your master’s in business administration?”

Exchange phone numbers if all goes well.

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That way, you can stay in touch with her. If it seems like you two have a lot in common and have feelings for each other, pull out your phone and say something like, “Can I have your number? When are we going to have lunch together?” After that, you can either walk together and chat a bit more, or you two can go back to your group of friends, depending on what feels most natural to you in the situation at the time.

If the conversation turns bland, it doesn’t matter! It’s always helpful to get out and socialize with people, even if you haven’t found the right person to talk to yet. Keep trying – the more you practice, the more comfortable and confident you will feel!

Advice

If the girl you’re talking to seems bored, doesn’t make eye contact with you, pulls out her phone, or just responds curtly, she’s probably not interested in talking. You can say something like “Nice to meet you!” and withdraw. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

Steps