How to Build Self-Control

Building self-control can be challenging. However, this can make a positive change in your life as well as help you control your impulsiveness. Being in control of yourself and your actions can help you take charge of your life more easily, feel more confident about who you really are, and boost your self-esteem.

Table of Contents

Build self-control in an instant

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Recognize impulsive thinking patterns. Finding strategies that can help you resist temptation for a moment will really help you build self-control. Start by making a list of a series of actions that you want to take control of yourself, as well as some of the circumstances that triggered the action. ^{[1] X Research Source “Self-Contrp, Willpower, and the Problem of Diminished Motivation.” Connor, Thomas. Philosophical Studies. Apr2014, Vp. 168 Issue 3, p783-796. 14p}^{[2] X Research Source “Why Didn’t I Think of That? Self-Regulation through Selective Information Processing.” Trudel, Remi; Murray, Kyle B. Journal of Marketing Research (JMR). Aug2011, Vp. 48 Issue 4, p701-712. 12p.} By recognizing which moments prompt you to act rashly, you’ll be better equipped to create the delay between the urge and the action.

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Set a time limit for hasty thoughts. That means you should give yourself time in your thinking as this will help re-evaluate your behavior from a more informed perspective. Moreover, you can also learn how to create procrastination in action, instead of doing anything on impulse.

For example, if spending money or shopping is one of the areas where you want to build self-control, take 24 hours to think before you buy anything. You can list the things that you want to buy in a small notebook. Within 24 hours, you should double-check that list and decide again whether you really want or need the item.

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Try belly breathing. This method is easy to do if you are trying to give up smoking or curb binge eating habits. If you have a craving for a cigarette or a food craving, instead of satisfying that craving right away, you should set a timer on your phone for 5 minutes, then focus on belly breathing. Remind yourself that cravings/smoke is just craving and it really isn’t necessary. During 5 minutes of belly breathing, imagine your cravings/smoke slowly disappearing each time you exhale. Make a note of how you feel and whether you still want to eat or smoke freely. ^{[3] X Research Source “Revisiting the Restorative Effects of Positive Mood: An Expectancy-Based Approach to Self-Contrp Restoration.” Egan, Patrick M.; Clarkson, Joshua J.; Hirt, Edward R. Journal of Experimental Social Psychpogy. Mar2015, Vp. 57, p87-99. 13p.}

Close your eyes and slowly breathe through your nose. Continue filling your lungs with air, expanding your chest and lower abdomen. Finally, exhale slowly and naturally – either through your mouth or through your nose. ^{[4] X Harvard Medical Schop Trusted Source Go to Source}

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Find healthy distractions. You may have trouble dodging a strong urge if you just sit and focus on it. Instead, recognize that urge and try to distract yourself with something else. This will help distract your mind from impulses or desires. From there, you’ll have more time to decide if you really want to act like that.

Sometimes it helps to keep your hands busy, such as hooking a shirt, knitting a shirt, folding origami, or even texting with friends.

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Real action. In addition to a momentary distraction, try actively to replace the behavior you want to control with practical action. By giving yourself more time to slow down your mind, you can make clearer and more confident decisions. ^{[5] X Research Source “Revisiting the Restorative Effects of Positive Mood: An Expectancy-Based Approach to Self-Contrp Restoration.” Egan, Patrick M.; Clarkson, Joshua J.; Hirt, Edward R. Journal of Experimental Social Psychpogy. Mar2015, Vp. 57, p87-99. 13p.}

For example, if you are trying to stop wasting money, you can walk to some space with lots of greenery, since this is where you don’t even get a chance to shop. Or in case you want to control overeating, consider strengthening your gym routine whenever the urge to eat more comes.

Building long-term autonomy

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Make a list of habits or actions that you want to control. If people around you give some hints about your habits, pay attention to them more closely. Remember, real change must come from within. So don’t forget to listen to your intuition, appreciate how you feel, and value the feedback you get from the people in your life. You should also promise yourself that you’ll work on changing and building self-control to actually change your behavior. ^{[6] X Research Source “Self-Contrp, Willpower, and the Problem of Diminished Motivation.” Connor, Thomas. Philosophical Studies. Apr2014, Vp. 168 Issue 3, p783-796. 14p}

Some examples include stopping smoking, eating well, work habits, productivity, saying no to alcohol, controlling anger, limiting shopping or spending money…

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Choose the typical behavior you want to control most from that list. There are so many areas in life where we can apply reasonable conduct and self-control. Therefore, always remember to relax yourself and take things slow. Check the list and choose any behavior that you want to control yourself. Changing habits takes time, while building self-control takes effort. Embrace your strengths and set realistic goals that are achievable. ^{[7] X Research Source “Revisiting the Restorative Effects of Positive Mood: An Expectancy-Based Approach to Self-Contrp Restoration.” Egan, Patrick M.; Clarkson, Joshua J.; Hirt, Edward R. Journal of Experimental Social Psychpogy. Mar2015, Vp. 57, p87-99. 13p.}

When choosing to do something, don’t forget that only you can control your own behavior. For example, don’t choose something like “create a good relationship with my parents” because that requires effort on your part as well. A better goal should be “improve my communication habits with my parents” because it revolves around your actions.
Be realistic about the types of changes you can make, and they should also fit your life, your time, and your abilities. If you’re greedy and want to try to change things right away, there’s a high risk that you’re destroying your efforts and giving them up.

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Behavioral research. Learn how others have built self-control under similar circumstances. Ask friends or relatives who have made similar changes in their lives. Find out online about the specific action you’re trying to change. ^{[8] X Research Source “Why Didn’t I Think of That? Self-Regulation through Selective Information Processing.” Trudel, Remi; Murray, Kyle B. Journal of Marketing Research (JMR). Aug2011, Vp. 48 Issue 4, p701-712. 12p.}

For example, if binge eating is a behavior that you decide to change, check out some books on uncontrolled eating (or binge drinking), and gather as many effective methods as possible. be as effective as possible on how to build self-control around eating. Practice journaling about your eating habits, and remember to note or track as many helpful strategies as you can. This will give you more options to discover which strategies really work for you.

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Create an honest summary of yourself. Journaling can help you personalize your own experience in making change. Raising awareness of the triggers that can cause impulsivity and lack of self-control will help you recognize your own behavior. Meanwhile, cultivating awareness around impulsive action will help you gain more control over yourself and help you make informed decisions in building self-control. This includes what’s right for you, while self-control should start with being aware of why you feel rushed at times. ^{[9] X Research Source “Why Didn’t I Think of That? Self-Regulation through Selective Information Processing.” Trudel, Remi; Murray, Kyle B. Journal of Marketing Research (JMR). Aug2011, Vp. 48 Issue 4, p701-712. 12p.}

Going back to the binge eating example, notice how you feel when you eat so uncontrollably. Do you often eat and drink when stressed? Or you can also binge drink to celebrate certain events. Have you noticed that you don’t eat in moderation when you’re worried or sad?

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Set realistic goals. Part of the failure to develop self-control is because you feel frustrated when you can’t change immediately or get rid of bad habits quickly. Help yourself succeed in achieving your goals by setting realistic goals and slowly changing your behavior rather than giving up on them right away. ^{[10] X Research Source “Why Didn’t I Think of That? Self-Regulation through Selective Information Processing.” Trudel, Remi; Murray, Kyle B. Journal of Marketing Research (JMR). Aug2011, Vp. 48 Issue 4, p701-712. 12p.}

For example, if you’re trying to build self-control around binge eating, don’t try to switch to just fruits and vegetables right away, because that’s a drastic change – not yet. even that change will not be sustainable.

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Mark your progress. Always keep in mind that the key here is progress, not perfection. Create your own special calendar to record your efforts. If one day you feel that you are losing control, mark them off on your calendar, and write in a journal about what happened before that could be the cause of your impatience. The more aware you are of yourself and your habits, the easier it will be to see challenging times approaching.

For example, the holidays can be a stressful time for you, and you find yourself eating more due to the pressure of everything you have to do. Next year, you will learn that the holiday season is a time when it is difficult for you to control yourself. At this point, you can prepare yourself to avoid this situation by increasing your learning of strategies while teaching yourself about the harmful effects of overeating.

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Motivate yourself. Maintain a clear reason why you want to control your behavior and remind yourself of it regularly. Try to find your inner motivation and record it in a diary. You can also make a list of reasons on a piece of paper, or set up a reminder program on your phone. ^{[11] X Research Source “Self-Contrp Moderates Decision-Making Behavior When Minimizing Losses versus Maximizing Gains.” Pang, Bo; Otto, A. Ross; Worthy, Darrell A. Journal of Behavioral Decision Making. Apr2015, Vp. 28 Issue 2, p176-187. 12p.}

For example, if you are trying to increase your self-control in giving up smoking, write about the price of cigarettes, their health effects, the bad smell from smoking, and take care of your teeth,… Besides, don’t forget to list all the advantages of quitting smoking, such as having more money to do other things, owning bright white teeth better, easier to breathe, or any other reason you think will motivate you to break this bad habit.

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Turn energy into positive action. Focus on a variety of positive behaviors to replace the behavior you’re trying to build self-control with. Try to think of this process as a journey to find what works for you. Don’t be discouraged if the response strategy doesn’t fully resonate. Instead, switch to a better strategy. Taking care of yourself will help reinforce the fact that you are actively working to change and practice better self-control. ^{[12] X Research Source “Revisiting the Restorative Effects of Positive Mood: An Expectancy-Based Approach to Self-Contrp Restoration.” Egan, Patrick M.; Clarkson, Joshua J.; Hirt, Edward R. Journal of Experimental Social Psychpogy. Mar2015, Vp. 57, p87-99. 13p.}

For example, if you tend to binge eat when you’re stressed, start figuring out more ways to manage stress than just managing your eating. Discover more relaxation methods and alternative strategies, like belly breathing, yoga, physical training, meditation, martial arts, or tai chi.

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Develop new hobbies. Indulging in a hobby you’ve just discovered, like cars, quizzes, motorcycles, sports, or painting – among many others – is great entertainment as you forge practice self-control. Part of changing behavior is replacing it with something that’s healthier and doesn’t lead to impulsiveness or impulsiveness.

There are many online resources you can go to to get started, like Pinterest or a social networking group where you can meet other people with similar interests.

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Build yourself. Actively encourage yourself to make the change you want in your life. A positive outlook on life actually affects your ability to practice self-control. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you feel you haven’t reached your goal. Continue to focus your focus on giving your best and don’t dwell on perceived failure. Just try again. ^{[13] X Research Source “Yes, But Are They Happy? Effects of Trait Self-Contrp on Affective Well-Being and Life Satisfaction.” Hofmann, Wilhelm; Luhmann, Maike; Fisher, Rachel R; Vohs, Kathleen D.; Baumeister, Roy F. Journal of Personality. Aug2014, Vp. 82 Issue 4, p265-277. 13p.}

You can use journaling to correct negative statements if you find yourself giving in to impulses instead of achieving your goals. For example, your goal is to stop spending money freely, but in reality you still spend uncontrollably. Now, look at your goals differently and remind yourself that you really had a bad day. Take some time to jot down what you can do differently next time, like taking a yoga class. Be proud of your realization and be willing to try again.

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Use the help system around you. Let friends and family know that you’re trying to change your behavior. Ask enthusiastic and kind people if you can call or text them if you need help. Part of believing in yourself and making a change is allowing others to support you. While increasing self-confidence is key to building self-control, letting others encourage, cheer, motivate, and listen when you need it will help strengthen your self-esteem. your decision, from which it will be easier for you to make a change.

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Self-awarded. Make sure you give yourself the right praise for your efforts to build self-control and make change. Rewarding yourself with self-control can help increase positive action to replace impulsive action. ^{[14] X Research Source “Self-Contrp and Impulsiveness in Adult Humans: Comparison of Qualitatively Different Consumable Reinforcers Using a New Methodpogy.” Forzano, L.; Michels, J.; Sorama, M.; Etopio, A.; English, E. Psychpogical Record. Dec2014, Vp. 64 Issue 4, p719-730. 12p.}

For example, if you give up smoking, you can completely save money on cigarettes, and spend that money pampering yourself with a day of spa or massage. Or if you’re trying to stop eating out, don’t forget to treat yourself to a small gift, like buying a new shirt.

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Know when you should seek help. While building self-control is a wonderful and ambitious aspect of changing your life and taking more responsibility for yourself and your own choices, there are many situations in which You will need help more than your will. Here are a few suggestions for when you should seek professional help and support:

If you are struggling with alcohol and certain other alcohol addiction
If you engage in risky sexual behavior or sex addiction.
If you are frequently in abusive or dangerous relationships.
If you are trying to control your anger or rage, and have hurt yourself or someone in the past.

Advice

You will never see an immediate change. Therefore, be patient and stay calm.
Don’t forget to get enough sleep. It will keep you in good health and mental well-being, as well as allowing you to take a break from the stress of thinking about your behavior.
Think of light punishments for yourself. For example, if you often bite your nails, then every time you find yourself in the habit, do housework or help others, or you can even chew gum to help your mind forget. one bad habit and adapt to another better.
Do not forcefully punish yourself if you make a mistake. No one is perfect. Anyone can make mistakes.
Believe in yourself that you will do the right thing. You’re not a failure even if it looks like you screwed up. It should be understood that there are many ways better than what you see, which means at least you learned something at the last moment. So it’s not a failure at all.

Warning

Recognize when friends and family are encouraging you to do negative things. Sometimes, we are being led to bad habits by the people around us. And the important thing here is that you should take a step back and know when to say something like, “Hey, I’m not getting into that right now.” If they insist on you, ask them, “Do you know that it’s hurting me?” see if their attitude improves.
Never let your craving for self-control get you hooked. For example, if the food is unhealthy, don’t eat it. Self-control should not become another addiction.

Steps

Build self-control in an instant

Building long-term autonomy

Advice

Warning

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