How to Break Up with Your Boyfriend When You Still Love Him

Breaking up with someone you love is difficult, but with the right attitude and high confidence, you can put out the flames of love. After all, you need to put your health, happiness and future first. If that future doesn’t hold your man, it’s time to end things with him, even if you still have feelings for him.

Table of Contents

Make the right decision

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Ask why you want to break up with him. Breaking up with someone is hard work, and nothing is harder than when you still have feelings for him. However, sometimes relationships are disrupted, become distant and very difficult to maintain because of obstacles of time and geographical distance. You can love someone and still feel the need to move on to a new stage in life. If you’re considering a breakup, ask some questions about yourself and your current relationship. If you answered no to most of the questions below, it may be time to move on:

Do you just want to break up because of current circumstances, like a recent argument or money problems? Or because of long-standing problems?
Have you been wondering about breaking up or have been sure about this decision for a few weeks now?
If your lover asked you for a second chance, would you agree?
In the last 6 months have you met your lover? ^{[1] X Research Source}

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Write down a list of the reasons you want to break up. It’s certainly not easy, but if you can write down those reasons, you’ll be much more likely to convince yourself to get over it. Don’t worry about hurting others — this paper is yours and only for you. Brainstorm why you need to end things and consider the following reasons:

You can’t give him the love he deserves. You need to move because of a new job, want to spend more time with your family, or can’t meet his needs. If you really love him but can’t/don’t want to be with him, it’s time to break up.
You fell in love with someone else. Unfortunately, you cannot choose who you love. If you already have deep feelings for someone else, you need to end it all with your current man before moving on.
You find yourself unable to spend the rest of your life with him. This is especially important if he seems to be planning a future with you. End things now instead of hoping you’ll change your mind — this won’t happen.
You are not happy. If the sad times outweigh the happy times and that relationship weighs on your mind every day, it’s time to move on. This is not a temporary phase, but a relationship that has already begun to falter. ^{[2] X Research Source}

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Review these reasons a week later. Read over the reasons why you need to break up with your partner to see if they still hold true. Did you write down the reasons too hastily or still feel they make sense after a week. If you’re still sure about the decision to break up, it’s the right one.

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Think of an independent lifestyle, not the temporary pain of a breakup. Many people try to stay in a relationship for too long because they fear the emotional pain caused by loneliness. You need to understand that life will get better later, but the immediate pain makes the breakup seem unbearable. However, sometimes you have to remove the bandage, and this will be easier if you tell yourself the following important things:

You won’t be alone forever. Being alone doesn’t mean you’ll never find love again, even if you feel like there isn’t another “perfect” man left.
Independence makes you stronger. Living alone is hard work, but it causes you to grow in unexpected ways and this is necessary in life. You don’t have to have him to be strong and happy. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

Break up with lover

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Call your boyfriend and ask him to meet you somewhere quiet. You should find a quiet place where the two of you can talk openly and honestly. Let him know you need to talk about your relationship, but don’t try to explain it at length on the phone. As a general courtesy, you should let him know a little to prepare himself.

Avoid saying goodbye to your boyfriend on a date. You should schedule a private meeting to talk about this instead of taking advantage of a fun date night. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

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Talk straight about breaking up after you’ve said hello. Avoid talking in a roundabout way as this will only irritate you and make the situation more stressful. You may also lose courage and change your mind. Breaking up took 30 seconds to muster up courage, but in the end it was only 30 seconds.

Breathe deeply and count to three in your head. When you count to “no”, it’s time to say goodbye.

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Speak directly to the matter, without ambiguity. When you want to break up with your lover, make it clear that you want to break up. Don’t let him guess or give you a chance to speak up. If you’ve made up your mind, it’s time to get to the point. Let him know that you still love him and want to be friends, but you can’t continue the relationship. The guide below has some good phrases to start talking about breaking up in specific situations, but the general idea is to use simple and direct language:

“I’m ready to end our relationship.”
“It’s time for us to date someone else.”
“I think we should break up.” ^{[7] X Research Sources}

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Avoid getting angry, pointing fingers or blaming each other. Breaking up alone was difficult, let alone arguing or arguing. You may have a long list of reasons for breaking up with him, but that doesn’t mean you need to point out all of their flaws and problems in the relationship. That only adds salt to the wound, and can lead to arguments or arguments that are both more exhausting (“What do you mean when you say I don’t help you — I always help you!” or ” It’s not my fault, it’s your fault for moving!”). That said, he’ll probably ask you why he’s breaking up with you, and it’s best to prepare a calm, honest, but non-judgmental answer.

“I realize we’re growing apart. We’ve come a long way together and I cherish that time, but I need to go my own way.”
“I feel like we don’t treat each other with respect anymore. Part of it is my fault. But we need to move on to meet people who are willing to treat us better.”

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Stick with your decision no matter what he says. If he’s still in love with you, he’ll probably ask for a second chance, come up with a way to fix things (like break up for the time being), or convince you to change your mind. But once you’ve made up your mind, you need to be firm. Remember that what he says now won’t change the relationship, or the problems that made you decide to break up.

“I understand, but I think we need to go our separate ways.”
“I don’t want to temporarily break up and leave things in the dark. We need to break up.”

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Leave when you have said all that needs to be said. To make him less shocked, you should give him a small hug before you leave. Don’t linger to see how he reacts – you should avoid getting tangled up in mixed emotions after the breakup. This will hurt both of you, but there’s no easy way to make it perfect. You won’t be able to enjoy your breakup, no matter how long you stay or what you say. The best way is to walk away politely. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

Forget that person after breaking up

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Remind yourself of the reasons for the breakup every time you miss him. Breaking up with a lover is not an easy task. However, you should know that the reasons for breaking up are true and that it’s not your fault – it’s his. Convince yourself that you did the right thing. Even though you have completed your mission, you may still feel pain and anger. Recovery will depend on how much you love him, but don’t worry – you’ll feel better soon.

Missing your partner won’t change any of your problems, and that’s no reason to get back together. The big issues that caused you to break up will persist when the situation calms down.

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Avoid contact with that person altogether. When you break up with the person you love, it will definitely hurt. You will suddenly miss him, feel guilty and want to ask him for advice on what to do next. But you have to resist the urge to text, call, or meet. You can make further plans and rearrange your life, but only if you really have the determination. Resist the urge to talk to him and find a way to deal with your emotional problems on your own. This is difficult but you can do it if you are patient. ^{[9] X Research Source}

You guys may be normal friends someday, but that’s for the future. You need to completely forget about the feelings of love, and the only way is to stop seeing each other.
Putting away pictures and objects that might bring back sad memories is one way to begin the healing process after a breakup.

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Try doing something new. Breaking up with your lover hurts, but with it comes a sense of freedom. You won’t have to make decisions for both, but only for yourself. You will suddenly find that you have a lot of free time, activities and events that were difficult to participate in when you have a lover are now very easy. Don’t waste time trying to rekindle the feelings you had when you were in love — go out and do something new. Enjoy the freedom and explore the world alone. ^{[10] X Research Source}

Live a life for you. Spend more time taking care of yourself.

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Look to friends and family for help. Having a large network of friends and family will help you remember that you are not alone even without a boyfriend. Spend time with other loved ones to help you heal the wound in your heart.

When you feel like calling or texting your ex-boyfriend, call your friends. Briefly let them know that you are trying to break old habits by chatting to forget about your problems.
Most people will be happy to help you, but that doesn’t mean they want to hear about your boyfriend all day long. Avoid mentioning him, you should move on to other topics instead. ^{[11] X Research Source}

Advice

Trust your feelings. Even if you can’t think of a good reason to break up, your emotions will help you find happiness.

Warning

If you’re afraid your boyfriend will turn violent, say goodbye in public and let a friend know about your plans.

Steps

Make the right decision

Break up with lover

Forget that person after breaking up

Advice

Warning

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