How to Become Confident

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This article was co-written by Nicpette Tura, MA. Nicpette Tura is a mental & physical health expert, founder of The Illuminated Body, a physical, mental and emotional wellness counseling service in the San Francisco Bay Area. Nicpette is a 500-hour yoga teacher with expertise in Psychology & Mindfulness, a National Institute of Sports Medicine certified Restorative Exercise Specialist, and a balanced lifestyle expert. She holds a bachelor’s degree in sociology from the University of California, Berkeley, and a master’s degree in sociology from SJSU .

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Confidence is a small but complex thing. It is very easy to depend on the will of others to feel good about ourselves, which should be decided by ourselves. The good news here is that you are driving the train with confidence, and it is leaving the station to begin its journey.

Table of Contents

Have a confident look

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Look confident. If you know that you look like a confident and capable person, over time you will also start to feel like a winner. You should wear what makes you feel your best – not how you feel confident. Try the following tips:

Take some time each day to take care of your personal hygiene and present yourself well. Take a daily shower, brush your teeth, floss, and take care of your skin and hair.
Dress to feel confident. You don’t have to buy a whole new wardrobe to feel better about wearing it. As long as you have a clean, comfortable and pleasant feeling, confidence will come to you! Don’t forget that you look more confident when you like what you’re wearing!
Be careful, don’t put your confidence in appearances. Try wearing clothes you don’t feel confident in for a day and build confidence regardless of how you look.
After all, you don’t wear a formal suit to deliver pizza, do you? If you think you’re good-looking, you probably are.

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Perfect posture. Our appearance communicates a lot to those around us, so you need to show people that you are confident and assertive. Bring your shoulders back, keeping your spine straight and your chin up. Take firm steps without dragging your legs, and remember to sit with your back straight. When you appear confident, you will also make the world around you believe that you are.

Not only can you fool others – you can also fool yourself. Recent studies show that body posture guides your brain in a certain way – so maintaining a confident posture will actually make you feel confident. What’s more, confident body language also helps lower stress levels. ^{[1] X Research Source}

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Smiling . Always be ready to smile – you will be surprised to find that even a very slight smile can ease many stressful situations in communication and help people feel more comfortable. In fact, research has shown that smiling helps reduce stress hormones in the brain. Do you think you want to approach a scowling person? Of course not!

If you’re worried about your smile appearing fake, just laugh it off. Fake smiles are easy to spot. On the contrary, if you’re really happy to see the other person – or happy to have the opportunity to practice new skills that show confidence – show them your pearly white teeth!

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Eye contact. Even if it’s just a small change, eye contact can have a magical effect on how people perceive you. Don’t be afraid to catch someone’s eye. Not only does this show that you’re approachable, but it also shows that you respect the other person, acknowledge their presence, and enjoy the conversation. You don’t want to be rude or disrespectful, do you?

Eyes are a unique human feature. Eyes are the window to the soul, it shows our care as well as our emotions. By making eye contact, you’ll interact better and appear more confident. It will make you seem more likeable and trustworthy, and the person you’ll talk to will feel more appreciated. ^{[2] X Research Resources} If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for someone else!

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Use friendly body language. Would you like to approach and say hello to someone crouched in the corner of the room pretending to be playing a game on their phone? Probably not. If you want to attract people to you, you have to make people feel that you are approachable!

Maintain an open posture. When you sit with your legs crossed and arms crossed, you are telling the world that you are not interested in welcoming anyone. So does the expression on your face and hands – if it’s obvious you’re busy with something (busy looking at your phone or thinking), people will definitely notice it.
Don’t worry about your body language. As you start to feel confident, your posture will naturally begin to improve as well. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

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Maintain eye contact. Once you understand what eye contact is, it’s time to practice. Did you know that other people are just as shy about making eye contact as you are? Try this: look someone in the eye and see who can see longer. Do they look away before you? Have you seen?! They are no more comfortable than you!

wikiHow discourages you from staring at people. Staring at someone until they feel your gaze and cower in embarrassment won’t do any good. The purpose of this is for you to understand that other people are just as nervous when you look at them as you are nervous when they look at you. If you catch someone’s eye, just smile. Then you will be at ease.

Think confidently

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Find out your talents and strengths and write them down. No matter how depressed you feel, you should try to motivate yourself and remember what you are good at. When you focus on your good qualities, you will be less concerned about your shortcomings and increase your sense of self-worth. Think about your good looks, friendships, talents, and most of all, your personality.

Remember the compliments others have given you. What have they complimented you on that you didn’t realize or acknowledge? Maybe they’re impressed with your smile, or they admire you for your ability to stay calm and focused in the face of stressful situations.
Review your results. It can be something that is recognized by everyone, such as getting the first place in your class, or something that only you know, like when you quietly helped someone overcome a problem. in life. Think about how great your achievements are. So you did the right thing!
Think about the good qualities you are cultivating. No one is perfect in this world, but if you strive to be a person of integrity and kindness, give credit to your efforts. The fact that you have a self-improvement mindset shows that you are humble and have a good heart, and those are positive qualities.
- Now write down everything you can think of so that you can revisit it later when you feel down. Each time you remember, add to your list of things you are proud to have done.

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Think about the obstacles on your way to confidence. Take a piece of paper and write down everything that you think is preventing you from becoming a confident person, such as poor grades, introversion, few friends, etc. Now ask yourself: Is that justifiable or reasonable? Or is that just your own assumption? You know, the answer will be “no” and “yes” respectively. How does one thing determine your worth? Impossible!

Take an example: You didn’t score well on a math test last month, and so you lose confidence in the next one. But ask yourself: If you studied hard, talked to the teacher and prepared well for the test, would the results be better?! HAVE. It is just an incident and does not represent who you are. You have absolutely NO reason to lack confidence.

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Remember that everyone struggles to have confidence. There are people who are very good at hiding, but almost all of us have struggled with feelings of insecurity at times. You are not the only one going through this! Even if you think someone is confident all the time, it’s not unheard of when they lose confidence. Confidence is rarely a common thing.

Here’s the news for you: Most people are so preoccupied with expressing themselves that they don’t have time to judge you all the time. Have you ever noticed how people like to talk about trivial things? 99% of people focus on themselves. So you can breathe a sigh of relief and understand that you don’t have to be perfect all the time.
Stop comparing yourself to others. Life is not a competition, and competition will only tire you out. You don’t have to strive to be the smartest, most beautiful, most famous person to have a happy life. If you have a strong competitive spirit that cannot be ignored, try to emulate yourself and strive to keep moving forward.

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Think of confidence building as a process rather than just a single goal. Confidence is not a finish line that you only reach once; it’s a process that doesn’t always move forward. There will be times when you feel like you’re back from the starting line. Take a deep breath, remember that you have overcome the obstacles and determined not to give up. In the most difficult moments, you should encourage yourself, no matter what you have failed to do.

Even if you’re confident, there’s still a chance you don’t realize it. Was there a day when you realized you were smart, witty, resourceful, or punctual? Perhaps not yet. So, if you don’t see any immediate changes, understand that it’s just because you’re looking at the picture from too close. You only see the tree but not the whole forest, that kind of thing. You understand.

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Remember that you were born with confidence. When you came to this world as a mother, you didn’t care who heard your cry or how soft your head was. You used to be like that. Society has held you accountable and makes you feel like you have to meet a certain standard. This is called learning . Do you know what people say about what they learn? They can be forgotten .

Regain the confidence you had when you were born. Your confidence is still there, only buried by years of exposure to the accolades, threats, and judgments you receive. Get everyone out of your picture. They don’t matter. They have nothing to do with you. “You are a good person. “You” exists beyond all comments.

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Get out of your thoughts. Your lack of confidence doesn’t come from the outside world, so you have to get out of your thoughts. If you find yourself having an inner dialogue in your head, stop . The world is spinning around you – rotate with it. The only moment that exists is the present moment. Why don’t you want to be a part of it?

Too much of this world exists outside of your thinking (assuming reality is what it seems). If you keep thinking about how you feel or how you look, you will stray out of reality. Learn to stop thinking about the past or the future. Focus on what is happening in front of you – you will find something interesting.

Practice confidence

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Appreciate your interests. If you’ve always wanted to be good at a sport or hobby, now is the time! Improving your skills reinforces the fact that you have talent, and in turn your confidence will soar. Learn to play an instrument or a foreign language, pick up an art form like painting, start building projects – anything that interests you.

Don’t get discouraged if you don’t have a great performance right away. Don’t forget that learning is a process, and that you learn to achieve small gains and have fun and relax, not to be the best.
Pick a hobby that you can join in the group. When you find people who share your thoughts and interests, it’s easier to make friends and build confidence. Look in the community for groups you can join or find similarities with friends with similar interests.

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Talk to strangers. After all, confidence is not just a mood but a habit. We are all like that. So, to have confidence, you have to practice. One of these things is talking to people you don’t know. It can be scary at first, but over time you’ll get used to it and it won’t be awkward anymore.

Don’t worry that you’re scaring people, unless you’re a member of the Ku Klux Klan, as aggressive, smelly and ugly as Quasimodo. If someone greeted you, smiled, and asked you to suggest where they should have their coffee, how would you feel? You must be happy too, right? Everyone wants to be a hero, wants to chat with other people, and wants to act impromptu from time to time. ^{[4] X Research Source} You can make their gloomy day brighter.
Don’t you have a chance? What about the coffee guy behind the counter? What about the cashier girl at the convenience store near your house? What about strangers walking on the street?

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Don’t always apologize. Being able to say sorry is a good trait (which a lot of people struggle with). However, you should consider apologizing only when necessary. It’s polite to apologize for saying something wrong or bothering others, but apologizing when you’ve done nothing wrong can make you feel inferior and you should feel guilty. Before opening your mouth to speak, take a second to determine if the situation really needs your apology.

Find other solutions. You can express sympathy or guilt without having to say sorry. For example, if you’re worried you’ve upset someone, you might say, “I hope this isn’t causing too much trouble” instead of mechanically saying “I’m sorry.”
Apologizing out of necessity will make it seem like you don’t believe in yourself. This doesn’t make sense, because you’re not inferior to anyone. Why apologize when you did nothing wrong? And in the end do you really know the error? Apologies lose their value if they are uttered too much. Apologizing for everything also means that you are not sorry at all. Think of saying sorry like saying love. You need to be careful when saying these words.

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Accept compliments wisely. Don’t just roll your eyes and shrug – accept them! You deserve those compliments! Look into the eyes of the person who just complimented you, smile, and say thank you. Showing appreciation when someone compliments you doesn’t mean you’re not humble; It shows that you are polite and believe in your own worth.

Praise that person. If you still feel shy about being complimented, try complimenting the person back. This can help give you a sense of reciprocity, and you won’t sound overly proud.

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Build confidence by helping others. When you say compliments or do an unexpected good deed to someone, you bring joy to the other person and feel more satisfied with yourself. When you bring positive energy, people will come to you and spread good feelings.

There are many people who are not good at accepting compliments. Chances are that if you compliment someone, they’ll respond to you with a compliment as well. Give a sincere compliment, or you will get a suspicious attitude – “I like your shirt very much. Is it a Chinese product? may not get a positive response.

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Stop hanging out with people who put you down. It’s hard to be confident when you’re in a group of people who make you feel like you’re being scrutinized all the time. Maybe your nature is outgoing, cheerful, confident, but in front of these people, you suddenly turn into a poor abandoned puppy. You need to give them up like giving up a bad habit. And do it now!

Surround yourself with people who make you feel like the best version of yourself you can be. Only by being with these people will you be able to grow as you desire (and can!).

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Let’s slow down. Many people are afraid of crowds. And more people are afraid of public speaking. If you are one of them, deceleration is essential. When we’re worried, we often rush to get things over with quickly. Don’t be like that! People will see signs of stress in you, and by doing so you’re also signaling to yourself that you’re nervous!

First thing: breathe . When we breathe fast and gasp, we are signaling to our bodies of a fight-or-flight situation. Take care of this situation and you will automatically calm down. Humans aren’t inherently complicated, fortunately.
Second thing: Slow down. Think of yourself as a six-year-old hyperactive from eating too many sweets – just like you are now. Act in harmony with the breath. Great. Everything was calm again.

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Believe in success. Many things in life are self-fulfilling prophecies. When we think we will fail, it means we haven’t really tried. When we think we’re not good enough, we’re often not doing well enough. If you believe in success, chances are you will. Pessimism can destroy your energy. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

You’re probably thinking, “I’m not a prophet! Believing in success doesn’t seem to make much sense – didn’t you say a second ago to take that into account?!” Well yes, but think about it: you usually expect failure, so why not expect success? Both are possible scenarios, and usually their likelihood is equal.
Focus on what you want rather than what you don’t.

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Accept the risk. Sometimes the only way to overcome difficulty is to experience it. To achieve good things in life, you will have to deal with experiences that force you to learn. You can’t be excellent all at once. If you keep doing it the way you’ve always done it, you’ll never get better at anything. You must seize the opportunity to grow.

Failure is inevitable. It happens all the time, but it doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that you get up. Everyone goes through obstacles, but not everyone gets up and moves on. The very act of not giving up will help you build confidence, and to do this you must first experience failure.
Step out of your comfort zone to learn from your experiences and develop confidence.

Advice

Go against your inner voice. In situations where you feel a lack of confidence, understand that your inner voice is telling you negative things. You need to fight it to be positive in those moments.
Every day, make a mental list of all of your strengths and silently thank each one of them.
Set goals for yourself instead of expectations.
Speak positively. When you realize you’re saying negative things about yourself, immediately replace it with a positive one.
The only person who understands you is yourself. Love yourself, and others may follow.
Be grateful for what you have. Many times the source of insecurity and lack of confidence is the feeling of lack of something, such as love, luck, money, etc. By being aware and grateful for what you have, you can repel feelings of unfulfilled and unfulfilled. The inner peace you find will work wonders for your confidence.
Don’t be perfectionist. No one and nothing is perfect. High standards also have their place, but everyday life is full of pitfalls and flaws. Accept and learn from the experience and move on.
Send yourself positive messages. Try to believe that someone sent you those messages; This tip will instantly give you confidence.
Live each day like it’s your last. Who knows when it will end? Who cares what other people think when you think positively and feel satisfied?
Every time you pass a mirror or your reflection, silently compliment yourself. Keep doing this until you see the compliment come true.
Wake up early in the morning, look in the mirror and tell yourself how much you’ve done in life and now you won’t let anything or anyone bring you down.
Sometimes people say insulting things just because they’re jealous of you! Smile and enjoy life.

Warning

Conceit is completely different from confidence. Conceit is not good, but confidence is good. You need to distinguish boundaries.
Don’t spend your life building confidence. You need to do things that make you happy. You will find confidence in happiness.
Being confident doesn’t mean being perfect. Perfectionists are more critical of themselves than confident. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

Steps

Have a confident look

Think confidently

Practice confidence

Advice

Warning

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