13 ways to keep your heart from fluttering even when dating

You do not intend to find love? Maybe you’re just trying, but don’t want to be emotionally tied yet, or in the meantime you need to focus on your goals. You can still date or have a friend-cum-partner (FWB) relationship. We will help you not to let random love affairs turn into real love and protect your fragile heart from breaking. If you want to know how to keep your heart from fluttering with someone, read on.

Table of Contents

Honestly express your intentions

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Tell your partner that you’re just dating for fun and not looking for a real relationship. Sometimes people agree to meet you because they hope you want something more. You probably don’t want to inadvertently give the other person hope that you’ll develop feelings for them. Talk to your partner about the emotional side before anything happens to make sure you’re both on the same page. ^{[1] X Research Source} Let’s say:

“I would love to hang out with you, but I’m not looking for a real relationship. Do you agree that we meet randomly for fun?”
“I feel there is harmony between the two of us. I don’t want any serious strings attached, but I’m open to a friendship-cum-partner relationship.”

Set ground rules

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Talk about your boundaries before having sex. It’s tempting to rush the day into the funniest part, but wait – let’s hit the pause button for a second. Both of you need to be on the same page to enjoy the fun without anyone getting hurt. Let’s talk about topics before “doing it”: ^{[2] X Research Source}

Can the two of you meet other people?
Do you two go out on a date?
How often do you two meet?
What frequency do you two talk to?
Do you two sleep at each other’s house?
Do you two cuddle outside the bedroom?
Do the two of you tell each other if you have a physical relationship with another person?
How will the two of you end up having sex?

Limit texting and calling

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Check in with each other once or twice a week, but don’t talk for long. Be a little discreet so as not to get too close to each other. Keep your emotional distance by sharing only a few things about yourself and only talking about dating or making love plans. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

If you’re dating for fun, you should only text them once or twice a week. It’s best to just sex text or plan when to hang out to avoid developing feelings for them.
If you have a friend/partner type friend, you can text them with the same frequency as with other friends.
To be on the safe side, ignore the “Good morning” and “Good night” messages. Texts like these that make you feel like you’re in a relationship can make your heart start to flutter.

Stay away from each other on social networks

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Don’t friend or follow them on social media. You may be curious about the person you’re meeting, but your online interactions can make your relationship feel real. Soon the two will be on social media to follow each other and post pictures together. Protect your heart by staying away from their newsletter. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

If you have an FWB, you should consider unfollowing each other while you’re back and forth. Do what you feel is right, because you are the one who knows you best.

Only see them once or twice a week

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Stretch out the dates so that the two sides are not too close. If the two of you spend a lot of time together, the bond will deepen and there is a risk of developing feelings. Let’s create some distance between the two sides to prevent romantic feelings.

You can make an appointment in advance or just meet randomly when you have time, but don’t see each other more than 1-2 times per week.

Only going out at night

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Avoid daytime dates, because that is the slope that will bring you down into a romantic relationship. Before you wake up, you are already immersed in emotions. Go on a date night only to maintain a normal FWB relationship. In general, meetings are less likely to be mixed with feelings if the two of you are only meeting for sex. ^{[5] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source}

If the other person is your best friend, it may be difficult to completely avoid them during the day. Try to hang out with them with a group of friends so you don’t have time to stick together.

Say you don’t want to give gifts or make romantic gestures

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Agree that neither party will give each other gifts such as flowers or chocolate candies. You may be tempted to exchange gifts with the other person on occasions like Valentine’s Day, Christmas, or birthdays. Sure, it’s fun when people surprise each other with special gifts, but unfortunately, love is so easily born this way. Protect yourself by “banning” gift giving. ^{[6] X Research Source}

Try not to follow dates when you just want to “have fun” with someone. If you do, you can start to feel like you’re in a real relationship.

Avoid cuddling or being affectionate in public

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Let’s give each other space. Two people can hug, greet and say goodbye, but don’t walk hand in hand or cuddle on the sofa. It is best not to touch each other when not making love. ^{[7] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to the source} Otherwise, you could accidentally fall in love.

Two people can cuddle right before the “fight” as a prelude. If you like it, enjoy it.

Accept that they behave like a friend instead of a lover

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Lower your expectations of interactions with them. It’s completely normal to feel a craving for the attention of the person you’re hanging out with. However, try not to be jealous because the two of you have nothing to do with each other. It can be hard, but don’t get mad if they don’t call or text you at the right time. ^{[8] X Research Sources} If the other person doesn’t have time for you, focus on someone else who pleases you.

When it comes to casual dating for fun, two people can act like lovers when out, but don’t expect them to give you the experience of a real relationship.

Prioritize your other plans

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Focus on what’s really important to you right now. Keep looking for what’s real if that’s what you want. ^{[9] X Research Resources} Also, go out and have fun with your friends, pursuing your goals and interests. Never cancel plans to see that person.

If you already have other plans, tell them you can’t hang out with them. Say “Sorry, I had a date with my friend on Friday” or “Saturday is not convenient for me. Sunday okay?”

Take them to places you don’t normally go

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Try going to a new rendezvous so you don’t form a habit. Familiar rendezvous will make you feel like you’re in love. Instead, make a list of things you’ve always wanted to try. Here are a few ideas to get you started: ^{[10] X Research Resources}

Go bowling
Come try a new restaurant
Cook a dish with a recipe you’ve never tried
Take a walk in the park that you’ve never been to
Bungee jump
Watch a new movie
Visit a nearby city

Do not recommend them to friends and family

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Save the introduction for someone you have serious intentions with. If you want to bring that person to major events in your life, even if you don’t want to be attached to them, that makes sense. However, when you introduce the other person to your family, people will assume that you are in a serious relationship. Similarly, your friends may misunderstand if you introduce your “partner” to them. Keep your dating life to yourself until you’re ready for something more than “fun”. ^{[11] X Research Source}

If you have FWB, you probably have many friends in common with them. If you’re both hanging out with a group of friends, that’s fine, but taking them home to meet their parents is a bad idea.

Dating with many people at the same time

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Tell your partner that you’re not committed to each other and have the right to date other people. When you meet many people at the same time, it will be difficult for you to get close to them. Plus, you won’t have to wait anxiously for their phone or text message when you’re dating multiple people. ^{[12] X Research Source} Try to date at least two people when you want everything to stop at just being a loveless partner.

Let your partner know you’re seeing other people, especially if you’re having sex. You don’t need to give them every detail, but you should let them decide whether or not they agree to share a sex partner.

Advice

Don’t be afraid to lose your friendship. Most people remained friends after the end of the FWB era. ^{[13] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source}
Both need to be tested for STDs to have safe sex. ^{[14] X Research Source}
Stay away from the other person if you think you are starting to rekindle feelings for them. Spend time focusing on someone new so you don’t fall in love. ^{[15] X Research Source}

Steps