10 topics to talk to your lover’s parents

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When you enter into a romantic relationship, it becomes an important milestone to get to know your partner’s parents. Meeting your lover’s parents not only helps foster a deeper connection between you and them but also shows your commitment and respect towards your partner’s family. However, engaging in meaningful conversations with your lover’s parents can sometimes be a nerve-wracking task. To help you navigate these encounters smoothly, this guide presents ten insightful topics that you can discuss with your lover’s parents to build rapport and create a positive impression. From family traditions and backgrounds to hobbies and shared interests, explore these conversation starters and let the bonds between you and your partner’s parents strengthen and flourish.

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This article was co-written by Erika Kaplan. Erika Kaplan is a relationship consultant and matchmaker for Three Day Rule, an exclusive matchmaking agency in nine US cities. With over six years of experience, Erika specializes in helping singles find their other half through dating and love counseling. Erika graduated from Penn State with a bachelor’s degree in public relations. She worked for Rpling Stone, Us Weekly and Men’s Journal before quitting publishing to pursue her passion for human connection. Erika has appeared in magazines and television channels such as Lifetime, Philadelphia Inquirer, CBS, Thrillist, Elite Daily, Men’s Health, Fast Company and Refinery29.

There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.

This article has been viewed 44,361 times.

Almost everyone is nervous when they meet their lover’s parents for the first time. Surely you want to make them feel good but are confused about what to say? Whether you have a whole week to prepare or are scrambling to find topics to talk about on your way there, we have a way to help. If you’re nervous about a date, read the following suggestions for conversation topics that can make a good impression in the eyes of your partner’s family.

Table of Contents

Steps

Talk about the advantages of a lover

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Mention your lover’s strengths to imply that his parents raised him very well. Show that you’re proud of your partner’s accomplishments and happy that he’s been nice to you. When they see you appreciate your son, they will appreciate you even more! ^{[1] X Research Source}

• Share a moment when he did something you admired: “I consider myself lucky to have known Kien. His personality is very caring. Yesterday, I saw him helping a little girl fix a bicycle.”
• Talking about the success of her boyfriend: “I am very happy that Mr. Tung was promoted. He works very well and diligently.”

Reminiscing about the lover’s childhood

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Ask about your boyfriend when he was a kid. This topic is both easy and fun, especially when you don’t know what to talk about. Parents often love to talk about their children, and even tell you some funny memories. ^{[2] X Research Source}

• “Maybe when he was in high school, Trung was the comedian of the class, right? What do the teachers say about him?”
• “What was Hung like when he was a child?”

Ask to see his family photo album

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Read the stories behind the photos. You can learn a lot about your lover’s family history or childhood by asking around a photo. Remember that your comments should be light-hearted, and understand that a photo can be a memory of a dear person or place in the family. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

• Point out the similarities: “This is Khanh’s grandfather, right? Khanh’s eyes are the same as his.”
• Ask about the location of the photo shoot: “Where was this photo taken at home? Beautiful view.”

Ask about vacations or family activities

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Keep the conversation going by asking questions about past, present, and future travels. If his family hasn’t been to any particular place yet, you can ask them where they like to go on vacations. You can even ask about family traditions or regional trips if his parents don’t travel far. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

• Ask about family traditions: “Did Duong tell you that we go on a picnic every Sunday at home? Where do you usually go?”
• Ask about the old trips: “How did you go on backpacking in the past?”
• Find out about future plans: “If you have the opportunity to travel in the future, where would you like to go?”

Ask about where his parents grew up

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Start with a simple question to learn about their hometown. You can then ask more questions like what they liked to do back home, why they moved here, or decided to stay (if they’ve always been in the same place). Everyone loves to talk about themselves, and you’ll learn more about the family that raised the person you’re dating. If possible, do your research first and ask them about their hometown features. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

• If you’re not familiar with the area, ask: “What was your favorite thing there as a child?”
• If you know something about the place, ask more specific questions like “Ah, there’s a big football field there, isn’t it? Have you ever been there to see it?”

Ask them to recommend a book, a movie, or a piece of music.

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Find out what his parents’ interests are and see if you have something in common with them. Talking about the media is a great way to start a conversation if you don’t know much about his family. When his parents tell you about their preferences, ask a few questions to show that you value their opinion and to keep the conversation going. You can even share up to a book, a movie, or a band that almost sounds like what they’re talking about. ^{[6] X Research Source}

• “Have you read any good books recently?”
• “Do you like to watch movies?”
• “What music do you like to listen to the most?”

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Make connections through common interests

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Ask your partner in advance about his parents’ concerns. These interests can be interests, skills, knowledge, etc. If you have something in common, prepare some in-depth questions about the topic. Remember that you need to be yourself, so don’t pretend to like something just to spread the word. They also want to get to know you for who you really are. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

• “Mr. Minh said that you like gardening, right? I am planning to plant a herb garden. Do you have any advice for me?”
• “I also want to study to be a doctor. What do you like most about this profession?

Mentioning other members of his family

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Show your boyfriend’s parents that you want to learn about his family. Whether or not you’ve met your boyfriend’s siblings, you can still ask about them or ask how they’re doing. If he has a pet at home, you can ask them where to pick it up, what its name means, and ask for adorable photos of it. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

• “Hui’s sister is studying nursing, isn’t she? Does he like the school he’s attending?”
• “I have never met Mr. Long’s brother. How is he?”
• “Mimi is so smart. Do you have a picture of him when he was a puppy?”

Say compliments and thank you

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If you’re not sure what to say, try this. Pick a nice feature of the family home, a unique decor or a delicious dish and express sincere admiration or thanks. You will win the sympathy of your lover’s family with ingenuity and can use that object to start a conversation. Ask an open-ended question about the thing after saying the compliment. ^{[9] X Research Source}

• Compliment the layout: “This living room is so bright and comfortable. Where did you buy this sofa set?
• Referring to the meal: “The meal was delicious. I thank you. Where did you learn to cook this dish?”

Avoid controversial topics

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Avoid touching family problems, religious and political topics. If someone brings up a controversial topic that you disagree with, consider whether it’s worth reacting. If it’s a matter of great concern to you, you can express your opinion respectfully and clearly. If you’re afraid to disagree, hold on until you’ve gotten closer to his family. ^{[10] X Research Source}

• Express disagreements graciously by saying something like “I think a little differently,” which is softer than “I disagree.” ^{[11] X Trusted Source Harvard Business Review Go to Source}
• Laugh or say “I don’t know!” ^{[12] X Research Source}

Avoid complaining or criticizing

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Regardless of whether you are asked about movies or work, you should keep a positive attitude. If someone asks you about something you don’t like, try to steer the conversation in a different direction. It’s okay to be disgruntled about something or to disagree a little, but be tactful and keep it in moderation so as not to sound rude. ^{[13] X Research Source}

• You can redirect the conversation by asking about another person’s life, such as, “It’s not my favorite subject, but I also learned a lot. What subject did you find the most difficult in college?
• If you really want to give an opinion, try to reduce the criticism, “Oh, I didn’t like that movie very much, but the soundtrack is really good.”

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This article was co-written by Erika Kaplan. Erika Kaplan is a relationship consultant and matchmaker for Three Day Rule, an exclusive matchmaking agency in nine US cities. With over six years of experience, Erika specializes in helping singles find their other half through dating and love counseling. Erika graduated from Penn State with a bachelor’s degree in public relations. She worked for Rpling Stone, Us Weekly and Men’s Journal before quitting publishing to pursue her passion for human connection. Erika has appeared in magazines and television channels such as Lifetime, Philadelphia Inquirer, CBS, Thrillist, Elite Daily, Men’s Health, Fast Company and Refinery29.

There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.

This article has been viewed 44,361 times.

Almost everyone is nervous when they meet their lover’s parents for the first time. Surely you want to make them feel good but are confused about what to say? Whether you have a whole week to prepare or are scrambling to find topics to talk about on your way there, we have a way to help. If you’re nervous about a date, read the following suggestions for conversation topics that can make a good impression in the eyes of your partner’s family.

In conclusion, having open and meaningful conversations with your lover’s parents is a crucial step in building a strong and healthy relationship with them. Discussing these ten topics provides an opportunity to establish a genuine connection, demonstrate your interest in their lives, and showcase your maturity and compatibility with their family. By initiating conversations about their hobbies, values, aspirations, and experiences, you can forge a deeper bond with your lover’s parents, foster trust and understanding, and create a positive foundation for a harmonious and long-lasting relationship with them. Remember, effective communication and genuine interest will go a long way in navigating your journey as a couple and gaining the approval and acceptance of your partner’s loved ones.

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